The Marriage Contract

by Kim Hartfield

  The taxi pulled up to the address she’d given me, and I called her as soon as I got out.

  “Poppy? Are you at the airport?” she asked.

  “Actually, I’m right outside your place.”

  “What? I was going to pick you up. You told me you’d be here at seven. I was going to rent a car specially.”

  “Leah,” I said firmly, looking up at her building. “I’m right outside. Are you going to let me in?”

  I heard the dial tone, and I smiled to myself as I waited for her to come downstairs. I’d actually given her the wrong arrival time on purpose, not wanting to put her out more when she’d already paid for my flight.

  Now it occurred to me that we wouldn’t have any time outside her apartment before we’d be alone. If we wanted to pick up right where we’d left off, we could, and the thought sent a shiver down my spine.

  Yeah, there was some chemistry there. I just had to figure out what to do with it.

  I heard Leah’s footsteps in the hall before I saw her through the glass door. My heart skipped a beat, and I laughed at myself for having such a cliché reaction, then realized I was having that reaction to my best friend. Before I could really process that thought, she’d opened the door and was sweeping me into her arms.

  “I missed you,” she said, holding me tightly. Her hair was in my face, her scent in my nose, and the combination sent a flutter through my core. “It feels like it’s been a million years.”

  “I know, right?” I pulled back slightly and looked at her, noticing every detail of her face. Her round cheeks, her pert nose, the brown wisps at her hairline. She looked like the new Leah I was falling for, not like the old one I’d never looked at that way.

  This would’ve been the ideal moment to kiss her again. Just lay one on her without overthinking it and get it over with. We only had so much time this weekend, and I didn’t want to waste any time getting comfortable with each other.

  But before I could act, she was taking my duffel bag and walking to the elevator, and the moment was gone. Had she not wanted to kiss me, or had she not felt the attraction between us? I’d been drawn to her like a magnet, but maybe she hadn’t felt the same.

  It was better this way, I told myself. I wanted to be sure of my feelings for her before anything more happened. Our friendship might be able to survive one kiss, if we decided we were better off as friends. I didn’t know if it could survive anything more than that, especially if she’d had feelings for me for a while.

  Once we were upstairs, she made me some tea and asked about my flight. She even remembered my issues with flying – I shouldn’t have been surprised, given how thoughtful she always was.

  I fidgeted on her couch, looking around her apartment. It was on the smaller side and minimally decorated, but otherwise a nice place. I knew rent was crazy in this city, so it was pretty impressive that she had her own place at all. I assumed she didn’t have time for interior design.

  “What’ve you been up to today?” I asked, watching my teabag slowly change the water’s color.

  “Not a lot,” she said. “Coding, delegating, and getting ready for your visit.”

  When I looked at her, she was smiling at me, and a wave of heat rushed over me. It would’ve been the perfect time to ask if she wanted to talk about that kiss… but before I could work up the nerve to open my mouth, she was speaking again.

  “I’ve planned out a lot for this weekend,” she said. “Some tourist stuff, since it’s your first time here. We’ll go out tomorrow night with a couple of my friends, get you hanging out with some genuine San Fran locals. There are a few new restaurants that’ve been getting a lot of hype. And I have a radio interview on Sunday that I can’t reschedule, but I figured it could be interesting for you to come watch.”

  I’d kind of thought we’d spend the weekend relaxing and hanging out – okay, part of me had hoped we’d spend the whole time in bed – but if this was what she wanted, that was fine. “Who’s your interview with?” I asked.

  “Late Night Talk Time.”

  My jaw dropped. “No way! You know I’m a huge fan? I listen to that every night – it helps me fall asleep. What’s Ken Lawrence like?”

  “I haven’t met him yet,” she laughed.

  “But you’re going to! You’re an actual celebrity now, you know. That’s huge!”

  “It’s not a big deal.”

  “You only say that because you’re on TV all the time, anyway.” I clutched my mug, wondering why such a successful woman wanted to spend any time with me at all.

  “Maybe so, but my best interview yet was the Career Day at your school.” She stood up abruptly, brushing my shoulder with her hand as she walked by me. “C’mon, I’ll show you your room.”

  *

  San Francisco turned out to be a lively, beautiful city, even if my mind was revolving more around Leah than the tree-lined streets. We walked for a few hours, stopping here and there to get food or sit in a park. The tourist sites she’d promised to take me to were closed by now, but she said we’d get up early so she could take me first thing in the morning.

  Our conversation flowed like it had when we were teens. We weren’t talking every moment – there were a few comfortable silences – but it felt like I’d been reconnected with the other half of myself, like speaking out loud was only expressing the thoughts we’d already shared.

  And if that was true, she must’ve been thinking about our kiss, too. About how it’d felt, and even more about what it meant. She must’ve known it was the only thing on my mind – and yet for those hours, neither of us mentioned it.

  I had to just do it, I told myself as we wandered through narrow streets in the Pacific Height district. I had to gather my courage and bite the bullet.

  Leah, are we going to talk about our relationship?

  Leah, I know you didn’t fly me out here just to play tour guide.

  Leah, am I really going to sleep in the guest bedroom tonight?

  I was on the verge of blurting something out when we stopped at a red light. Then she turned to me, shot me a dazzling smile, and started talking about something else entirely.

  Did she know what I’d been about to say? Had she cut me off intentionally? I didn’t see why she would’ve – but then, I didn’t understand much of anything about what we were doing here tonight.

  Not wanting to make her uncomfortable, I decided to go with the flow. She’d have to bring the issue up eventually, so I might as well just let her do it. For now, I’d try to enjoy the views of the Golden Gate Bridge and Fisherman’s Wharf… as best as I could.

  For my part, I snuck glances at her every now and then, taking in the lines and angles of her face – and the curves of her body. I’d always known my best friend was an attractive girl, but now that I’d actually brushed my lips against hers, she looked a thousand times sexier.

  At least throw her a flirtatious comment, I told myself as we turned our steps back toward her place in the evening. See if she flirts back – or doesn’t. It doesn’t have to be some huge conversation.

  But all my courage had abandoned me, and I couldn’t seem to get the words out.

  Maybe I could’ve flirted back if she had – but she wasn’t, and I didn’t know why.

  Had I misunderstood the part where she had a crush on me? Or had she simply lost interest?

  Fourteen – Leah

  “So, I guess you don’t want another cup of tea.” I hovered by the door of the den, unsure of what to do with myself. It was only ten, and we’d run out of things to do outside. Should we watch a movie or something? Go to bed?

  Poppy laughed and shook her head. “I’m still so full from dinner. That place was amazing.” Sitting on the couch, she spread her hands over her belly.

  I’d taken her to a Nicaraguan place, a cuisine she’d never tried before. “I know, right? I go there all the time.”

  “Want to go back tomorrow?”

  “Maybe on your next visit. There are too many other pl
aces I want to take you to.” Realizing what I’d said, I went quiet. Her next visit? She’d barely arrived for her first one, and I didn’t want to assume anything about what she was doing here.

  Even though she’d kissed me last time, I didn’t know how she felt. Clearly she still liked me as a friend… so was this a friendly visit? Did she think the kiss had been a mistake? Maybe she’d done it on a whim and already forgotten about it. I doubted that last one, but with the way she was acting, it could’ve been a possibility.

  I wished she’d break the ice on the topic. She knew how I felt, whereas I had no idea what was going through her head. She may not have known the length of time I’d been in love with her, or the depth of my feelings, but she was perfectly aware that I liked her. And I couldn’t say the same.

  “So there’s going to be a next visit?” she asked, a smile playing at the edges of her lips.

  I leaned against the doorframe, trying to look casual. “I mean, there could be. If you want to. It’s up to you.”

  “Of course I want to. Who wouldn’t want to hang out and play tourist in San Francisco?”

  My heart thudded, and I faked a laugh. “I should have you come when I’m out of town for work. While you enjoy the city, you can water my plants.”

  She tilted her head, looking at me curiously. “Why would I come when you wouldn’t be here, Leah?”

  “Well…”

  “Were you fishing for compliments? Do you want to hear me say I’m here for you, not for the city?”

  I lowered my head. “You made it sound like you were here for the city,” I muttered.

  “I said I was here to hang out, Leah. With you.” She came over to me, standing just a little too close. “I’d hang out in Nofuckingwhere, Alaska, as long as it was with you.”

  “I…” I sucked in a breath, pushed back my hair. “I’ve never been to Alaska.”

  “Bad example, then. I’d hang out with you in rural North Dakota, okay?” Grabbing my hand, she repeated herself. “As long as it was with you.”

  She was holding my hand, but she was doing it platonically – right? She meant she wanted to spend time with me as a friend.

  Or did she? My mind was short-circuiting, because there had been that kiss. The one I’d barely stopped thinking about since it’d happened. But this was Poppy, the girl I’d loved as long as I could remember, and she couldn’t possibly feel the same way.

  Things that great didn’t happen to girls like me. I’d had good luck in my life – my friends, my career. That was enough, I couldn’t ask for anything more. I wouldn’t ask – that would be too greedy, too much.

  Her hand was still on mine, small and soft and warm, and my face heated as I stared down at our interlinked fingers. The warmth swelled through my chest, my core, heating me from the inside. I’d held hands with a lot of women in my life, but they weren’t Poppy, so it wasn’t at all the same.

  “Why did you fly me here, Leah?” she asked. “Would you do that for all your friends?”

  My breath caught in my throat. “Why did you come out here?” I asked, throwing her question back at her. “Would you do that for all your friends?”

  The corners of her eyes tensed, and her brow furrowed ever-so-slightly. “You’re really not going to make this easy for me, are you?”

  “To make what easy?” I whispered.

  I knew I was being intentionally difficult, but I couldn’t help it. I needed to hear her say it – that she liked me, that she wanted me. The kiss and the hand-holding weren’t enough for me to believe it.

  “Fuck, Leah. I just – ” Shaking her head, she stopped herself and kissed me instead.

  The world flipped on its axis, and a wave of dizziness rolled through me. Her lips, her touch, her scent – just for one moment, I wasn’t going to think about what it all meant.

  One of us stepped closer – I couldn’t tell who – and then she was in my arms, her small body pressed right up against mine. This was just as earth-shattering as the kiss in the car, but more so, because now I could touch her shoulders and her hips, feel her chest rising and falling – her breath ragged like mine. Her breasts pushing against me, and her arms wrapped tightly around my back.

  Eventually I thought I should pull away and ask her what we were doing here – but then she sucked my lower lip between hers, running her tongue along it and making me moan. I tried again, but she had her hands on my hips, sliding just under the hemline of my shirt so it was skin against skin. Again, and this time she was the one to break away – but only so she could kiss her way down my neck and nibble my collarbone.

  Seeing I wasn’t going to be able to drag myself away, I surrendered to the feeling – the shock, the contentment, the desire swelling in my core. I went with it as she traced her hands upwards, cupping my breasts, then brought them down to stroke my ass.

  Part of me was in denial this was even happening. The rest just wanted to stay quiet, knowing anything I said or did had the potential to ruin it.

  But when she went to pull off my top, I couldn’t stay quiet anymore. “Poppy, does this mean you like me?”

  She stopped short and stared at me. I waited for her to answer, but all she did was stare.

  “Poppy?”

  “Leah.” She gestured at herself, then at me. “Do you see us? Are you even serious?”

  I took a step away, putting one hand on my forehead. “I just… I don’t…”

  She sank onto the couch again, grabbing my hand to bring me with her. We sat a few inches apart, not touching, but close enough that I could still feel her body heat. “You want to talk?” she asked gently.

  “I think that might be a good idea.” I collapsed into the sofa, facing forward rather than toward her.

  Tension built in my body, not desire but anxiety. Why was I pausing when what I’d always wanted most was within arm’s reach? I knew the answer – I’d be more hurt if I slept with her and she didn’t want a relationship, than if I didn’t sleep with her at all. It was strange to think about passing up on the opportunity to be with her, but I knew I’d never get past it – and I’d lose her friendship – if she were to break my heart.

  “You told me I was like a sister to you,” I said, still not looking at her. “You said you didn’t want to rip my clothes off.”

  “Well, I think that part’s been disproven.” She gave a nervous laugh. “And I seem to remember saying I didn’t know.”

  “You did kiss me, but… what is this?” I turned to her, not bothering to conceal the vulnerability on my face. “Do you like me, Poppy, or is this just for fun?”

  She opened her mouth, then stopped herself and shook her head. “I was about to be sarcastic again, because I don’t know how you can doubt what I feel about you, but – ”

  “I know you love me as a friend.” A memory tugged at me, and I frowned. “I don’t know if you feel passionate toward me.”

  She blinked slowly. “Didn’t we just find out?”

  I had to admit she had me there. I’d never felt anything like that, and even if she’d only felt a fraction of what I had, that should’ve been more than enough.

  “So you… you want to hook up,” I said, testing her.

  “Yes.”

  My face fell, my heart smashing into shards. She wanted to fool around, because I was the good-time girl who was always up for that. Wasn’t that just karma, really? That the one girl I wanted for more than sex only wanted me for that?

  “Wait, did you mean to only hook up?” she quickly asked. “Because I was talking about right now. I want to hook up tonight, and spend the day on a date tomorrow, and talk all the time when we can’t be together, and come to visit each other as much as humanly possible.”

  “You… do?”

  She sighed at me, her expression a mix of affection and frustration and – and desire. “Yes, Leah,” she said. “I definitely do.”

  I leaned toward her again, my heart pounding as my face approached hers. All of this was too good to be true, an
d yet as far as I could tell, it was completely real. Her lips grazed against mine, softly at first, and then more aggressively. Did I need to pinch myself, or could I trust that the pleasurable sensations flooding my body meant I wasn’t in a dream?

  Her scent floated to me, airy and feminine and perfectly her. I kissed her harder, my tongue slipping into her mouth, and when she went to lift my shirt again, I had no thoughts of stopping her.

  Once the fabric was over my head, I was only in a bra, and Poppy hissed softly as she ran her hands over the cups. “Goddamn, Leah, this… you…”

  I met her eyes. Had I really left her speechless? “What?”

  “You’re just so damn beautiful, and I have no idea how I didn’t see it earlier.”

  I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. If she’d seen it earlier, we could’ve been together years ago. We might’ve never lost touch. Or was that true? Because I was the one who’d drifted away from her, thinking I’d always be in love with her and she’d never want to be with me.

  At least I’d been right about the first part.

  “We’re together now,” I said, grabbing the bottom of her own shirt. “And I have no plans to ever – ever – let you go.”

  She put her arms up, allowing me to pull off her top, and when I threw it to the side, I saw tears in her eyes.

  “Poppy, are you… crying?”

  “I’m okay,” she said with a sniffle. “I just never thought I’d feel this way about someone after my ex. Hearing you say that… seeing your passion…”

  “Do you mean you feel passion toward me?”

  “God, Leah, do you really have to ask?” She kissed me again, sending thrills through my core. I knew what I felt, but I didn’t want to assume anything about her.

  We pressed together, skin against skin, and I lost myself in the sweetness of her lips. When we finally broke apart, both panting, I looked deep into her half-lidded eyes. “Let’s go to my room.”

  She jumped up and ran, grabbing my hand to drag me along with her. We both giggled as we fell onto the bed. I climbed on top of her, unclasping her bra as I pressed my lips to her neck, and then nothing seemed funny anymore. The tears in her eyes were gone, too, and in their place was a dark, yearning desire.