Lost Omega

by Caitlin Ricci

  Marcus wrapped his arm around her and kissed her shoulder. “You did what you thought was right. You did your best.”

  Sam nodded and gave him a smile, but there was a hollowness in it. “I know I did. But I was also impatient, and angry. Not at her, never at her. But I thought she should be different, I suppose. I thought she would bounce back and things would be okay again. I didn’t think things through. I didn’t see how much she was hurting, and how much she was dealing with, until she was ready to give up. So just don’t do that to Isaiah, okay?”

  “I’ll do my best.” It was all he could do.

  She nodded and they sat in silence together.

  * * * *

  Isaiah wasn’t sure what he was expected to be doing, but he was pretty sure that drinking lemonade on Marcus’s porch while also raiding his bookshelf for anything interesting wasn’t it. Still, he’d had a good afternoon. One of the best in recent memory, actually. He didn’t recognize any of the authors that Marcus had, and he had plenty, but he found a short book and started reading it.

  When he was done, the sun was starting to go down, and a few of the cabins closest to him had their lights on. No one apparently liked curtains, though, because he could see right into their homes, and he saw families eating dinner and children smiling. He ignored those happy people and thought about getting another book, but he wasn’t in the mood to read. Not anymore. He was getting restless. This life of infinite food and no expectations was great and all, but he felt so unbalanced and uncertain.

  He went for a walk, though he had no idea where he was going and absolutely no clue of what was around him.

  There were cabins, and plenty of them, and a few people who looked at him curiously as he passed. He must really stand out to attract that kind of attention. But then there was Josh, coming out of his cabin with a plastic container. “Hey,” he called.

  Isaiah looked from him to the container. “Hi.”

  “It’s an apple crisp. I thought you might like some.”

  He handed it over, and Isaiah took it. Isaiah didn’t need more food, but he appreciated the gift all the same. “Thanks.” He looked around, and caught glimpses of people in their homes, but no one was out like they were. “Are they scared of me or something?”

  Josh looked with him. “Naw, not really anyway. They’re curious. Most of us have never actually lived with an omega. We’ve all been around them, at one time or another, but you’re the first who might actually stay with us. There just aren’t that many omegas around. There’s plenty of betas who are low enough that they act like omegas, but they aren’t actually omegas. Not like you are.”

  Everyone was making it out to be some big thing, but Isaiah still didn’t even understand what it meant. “So, say I am an omega, or even a werewolf, which I don’t actually believe by the way, but say I was... What does that actually all mean?”

  Josh looked confused by the question. He rocked back on his heels for a moment before answering him. “That you’re in the pack, but not tied to it. It means that you can go against Marcus, or any other alpha, that you want to. If we’ve got a problem, we’ll come to you, and you can tell Marcus what we need. He’s a great alpha, but he’s busy, and he needs someone who can come to him with everything and tell him what’s going on. Someone who will listen to him, and whom he will listen to, and will get things done.”

  Isaiah didn’t want anything to do with a leader they were all afraid of. “Why are you all scared to go to him yourselves with these issues?”

  Josh looked surprised by his question, but he really shouldn’t have been. “We’re not scared. It’s like...I dunno. Like the president, I guess? Like you want to go to him with everything, but you’re intimidated, too. So you come to someone more approachable, someone who isn’t burdened by everything in the pack already. Someone who doesn’t shut up if Marcus snaps at them or get scared when he growls. Someone just like you.”

  Isaiah didn’t know if Josh had any idea what he was talking about, but he remembered when Marcus had tried to give him an order, and how surprised he’d looked when Isaiah hadn’t done anything about Marcus’s order. “Maybe...” he hedged.

  Josh shrugged. “Yeah. Maybe. Except I know I’m right. Just like I know you’re a werewolf. I know the smell of humans, and you’re not one of them. I’m sure this is all weird for you, but you’re definitely a werewolf, and if Marcus thinks you’re an omega, then you’re definitely one of those too. He would know. I could tell you to do something and you’d just ignore me. He could tell you to do something and you could just ignore him. But if he tells me to do something, then it’s really hard for me to struggle against that command. That’s why it sucks to have a bad alpha, and why it can make all the wolves under them absolutely miserable.”

  Isaiah didn’t even want to think about just how wrong a pack could go in that situation. It seemed like just asking for trouble. “Why would anyone even have that power to begin with?”

  “It’s handy in emergencies,” Josh said, as if that explained everything, but Isaiah’s expression must have given away how wrong he thought Josh really was about that, because he added on, “Say there’s a fire in one of the cabins. Say you need to get everyone up in a hurry so that we can get to safety. We don’t have fire alarms. We don’t have a central loudspeaker kind of thing. We have smoke detectors, but I’m not going to hear someone in the cabins way across from me if their smoke detector goes off. I sleep way too deeply for that. And running around to each and every house would take too long and people could get seriously hurt before anyone gets to them to warn them. But if Marcus knows about it, then he can send the call to everyone and we’d all wake up in a hurry. He can get us up and get us moving and we can be safe. The only person who wouldn’t get that call is you, because you’re an omega and you’re immune to him.”

  “So I’d be the one to die in the fire?” Isaiah tried to make his tone light and joking, but he was feeling anything but.

  “Or maybe you’d already know, because since you’d be one of the most vulnerable of us, someone would make sure to tell you first.” Josh stepped back. “But, anyway, I know that’s a lot to process and I’m not trying to overwhelm you. Enjoy the apple crisp. I hope you like sweets. I wasn’t sure what to make you, but I wanted to make you something as a welcome to the pack kind of gift, so I hope it’s okay.”

  Josh was right, it was a lot for Isaiah to take in. But at least he’d gotten the sweets part right. “Yeah. I like desserts.”

  Josh smiled. “Good. Marcus might even have some ice cream or something. I’m gonna head over to the cabin I’m working on today. We’re putting in the drywall, which is always fun, because it means that the plumbing and electrical is done and it’s almost time for the floors.”

  “Perhaps I could help some time,” Isaiah offered. He didn’t know where his place was, but if he was going to be staying there, if he was going to be sleeping there and eating their food, then he should pitch in somehow.

  “Sure. Talk to Marcus. Maybe I’ll see you at the cabin tomorrow.” Josh shrugged, then headed off between the cabins.

  Everything seemed to be about going to talk to Marcus, and going to help Marcus, and Isaiah got that. He was important to these people. But Isaiah really didn’t know him, and he wasn’t really comfortable with seeking someone out for something so casual. If he really needed help, then sure, he knew better than to push through something if he really couldn’t do it on his own.

  The problem, though, was that he’d been on his own for so long that there wasn’t a whole lot that he couldn’t just do for himself. He’d had to handle his life without help for so long that he wasn’t even sure how to ask someone for help when it wasn’t something dire. This wasn’t like the time he’d broken his arm getting away from some guys and had gone to the hospital to get the cast put on. He’d lied about his name then, not that it had really mattered. What were they going to do, sue him for not being able to pay his bill? He did
n’t even have five bucks, much less the few thousand that hospital had wanted to charge him.

  He went back to Marcus’s cabin, found a spoon and the last of some vanilla ice cream buried in the back of the tiny freezer behind some muffins, and settled onto the porch to think.

  * * * *

  It was nearly dark when Marcus came home. He was sweaty, tired, and covered in drywall dust, but it had been a good day getting the latest cabins ready. Some would be for expanding families and teens ready to leave their parents and start out on their own, but there was one that Marcus liked for Isaiah. There were some old blackberry canes growing nearby it that had once been planted intentionally but had taken over everything else in the area in recent years. They were thornless, and incredibly sweet.

  He wasn’t surprised to see Isaiah with a bowl of apple crisp that smelled exactly like Josh’s recipe. There was also a loaf of bread and a bag of cookies on the railing near him. Marcus was glad the pack had tried to keep Isaiah fed.

  “Hey,” he said as he came up. He leaned against the post across from Isaiah. The bowl was empty, but he could smell the apple crisp on Isaiah’s breath.

  Isaiah nodded to him. “Hi.” He looked over at his gifts. “The pack is nice. I met a few people.”

  They’d do formal introductions later. Marcus was happy that some of them had decided to come visit in the meantime. “Good. Do you still think you’re not one of us?”

  Isaiah scrunched his face up. “I know it would make you happy for me to tell you that I’ve had some kind of big epiphany, like I saw some sign that told me I was a werewolf, but I haven’t. I get that you all aren’t human. I’m wrapping my head around that. But I’m not like you. I’m just some guy that you’re making a mistake with, but I’ll let it go as long as you’ll have me here.”

  That wasn’t exactly what Marcus had wanted to hear, but it did give him an idea. “Would you come out with me tonight? I want to show you something.”

  Isaiah’s expression was instantly guarded, and Marcus hadn’t expected that level of distrust from him for such a simple request.

  “I’m not planning on hurting you,” Marcus promised.

  But still Isaiah didn’t relax. “If you want something from me, just say it. You don’t have to try to be romantic or anything. If you want sex in exchange for the food, the place to sleep...I get that. It’s okay. Just be honest with me.”

  They’d gotten way off track. Marcus hadn’t meant that at all. “What I expect from you is simply your presence here in this pack. I want you here. I want you, a werewolf that should never have been left alone a day in his life, to know what it’s like to have a family who loves and adores him again. I want your trust and your companionship, and I want to know that if something’s bothering you that you’ll come to me. I want you not to simply assume the worst out of me or anyone else here. You were hurt, I get that, and I know it’s going to take a lot of time to help you through what you’ve endured, but I promise you that I am here for the long haul with you. You’re my omega. You’re in my pack. I will always protect you and take care of you and want the best for you. Always.” Right now, though, he needed to take a step back. “You’ll have the cabin to yourself tonight.”

  Isaiah looked confused. “Why? If you want me to go, then just say so and I’ll go. No reason that you should have to. It’s your place.”

  But Marcus was already gone. He had a plan, one that involved being a wolf for a few hours and sleeping under the stars tonight, which was really all he’d wanted to show Isaiah in the first place.

  * * * *

  It took Isaiah a long time to get up and try to figure out where Marcus had gone. He couldn’t have gone that far. The place wasn’t huge to begin with. Well, as long as he didn’t go into the woods. Pretty much everywhere that Isaiah looked outside of the cabins and the large lake was just woods. It was unnerving, thinking about what all could be lurking in there. More werewolves?

  But they weren’t really the monsters. He’d met monsters. And they’d all been human, as far as he knew at least. The werewolves had been nothing but kind to him. They’d accepted him and welcomed him. They’d kept him fed, and he was only out at night right then because he was choosing to be.

  He’d brought the loaf of bread, a bottle of water, and a blanket. It wasn’t much, but he hadn’t expected to be out for very long either.

  Isaiah started looking for Marcus at the lake, and it didn’t take him more than ten minutes to find a big wolf stretched out in the grass by a pile of clothes that looked like the ones Marcus had been wearing. Isaiah plopped down nearby and, after a few minutes, lay down too. “I really hope you’re Marcus,” he said, only realizing once he was lying down in the grass that he could be next to an actual wolf and would therefore be in danger. But maybe a real wolf would run away. Isaiah hoped so, anyway.

  “Did you need something?”

  Isaiah looked over to see that Marcus had shifted back and was now lying on his stomach. He yawned and rubbed his hands over his face.

  “Want some bread?” Isaiah offered.

  Marcus smirked. “Sure. Though you’re not supposed to be taking care of me. It’s the other way around.” Still, he reached out, and Isaiah handed him a chunk of the loaf.

  Isaiah frowned when he realized how awkward Marcus was being while trying to eat without getting up. “You don’t have to hide the fact that you’re naked. I’ve seen a naked guy before. Just sit up and eat like a normal person.”

  Marcus made a face at him. “Fine.” He sat up, but he did put his shirt over his lap. Isaiah really didn’t care one way or the other. “You okay with this? I’m not going to attempt anything with you at all, even though I’m naked.”

  Isaiah rolled his eyes. “Look, I’m not weird about sex. I know I’ve been taken advantage of. I know I’ve been hurt. At this point all I want is honesty.”

  He wasn’t prepared for Marcus’s low growl, but it didn’t scare him either. “What?”

  Marcus huffed and shoved a huge piece of bread into his mouth, almost as if he was trying to shut himself up. It took him several minutes to get through it. “I don’t like what you’ve been through. It makes me want to go kill people.”

  His anger made Isaiah laugh. And even though Marcus looked surprised by his reaction, he really couldn’t help it. “I’m sorry, but I’ve never really had anyone want to go back and hurt everyone that has ever hurt me. It’s sweet. And a bit extreme. Are all alphas as murderous as you?”

  “I really don’t know. Maybe all the ones who really care.” Marcus shrugged. “Thanks for the snack. Was there a reason you came out tonight?”

  “I wanted to talk to you. I got the feeling that I upset you.”

  Marcus nodded. “You did. I know you’re new here, but whatever bad things you expect, it’s not going to happen from us. And it upsets me that you’ve apparently only ever known people who used you. Werewolves are physical. We’re close. I want to hug you and hold you and touch your hair, but I keep making myself pull back because I don’t want to hurt you. You need to trust us and see what we’re all about, and then maybe you’ll let me treat you like another werewolf.”

  Isaiah reached up and ran his fingers through his hair. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had just touched him, as a friend, and not as someone wanting more. “I want to get there too. I need to.”

  Marcus nodded. “I want to help you with that.”

  “So you really weren’t going to try to get with me tonight?”

  “I wanted to show you the stars,” Marcus said, pointing up.

  Isaiah looked with him. They were just stars to him, though. Maybe brighter, since they weren’t near any cities, not anything major. But then he looked at Marcus, who was still looking up, and he saw the awe and wonder on his face. Because to him, apparently they weren’t only stars. He’d actually wanted to share this with him. “I’m sorry I assumed the worst of you.”

  Marcus didn’t lo
ok back at him. “Don’t be. You’re doing what comes naturally, protecting yourself. And protecting everyone in my pack is what comes naturally to me. Someday soon hopefully those two things will merge, and we can work together.”

  Isaiah nodded. He really wanted that too. “Even if I’m never able to shift and I still don’t think I’m actually a werewolf?”

  “Yep. Even then.”

  He smiled and was glad for that promise most of all.

  * * * *

  Marcus appreciated silence. He enjoyed it. The pack could get noisy at times, and the lake was generally his place of solitude. But he also loved having Isaiah with him there. When Isaiah fell asleep a few hours after joining him at the lake, Marcus let him rest. He sat nearby, keeping watch, and making sure Isaiah didn’t get too cold.

  But when the fall breeze turned into a biting wind and Isaiah began to shiver, Marcus knew he’d had enough. He got dressed then gently shook Isaiah awake. “Come on, it’s time to get you back home.”

  Isaiah mumbled something that Marcus couldn’t make out, but then he was on his feet, and together they walked back to the cabins. Without a word, Marcus led Isaiah to his bedroom and left him there. He wanted to take Isaiah’s shoes off of him. He wanted to help make him comfortable. But they’d had enough misunderstandings for one night, and he didn’t want Isaiah to think that Marcus taking his clothes off of him was something other than wanting him to have a good night’s sleep. He simply laid the blanket over him and stepped back.

  “Goodnight,” Marcus said by the door, which he left open in case Isaiah needed him.

  Isaiah was already asleep though, and Marcus just smiled at him.

  He didn’t hear Isaiah get up for a few hours, and by then he was nearly asleep himself, but he still listened to Isaiah taking off his shoes and getting dressed. Marcus thought that would have been the end of it, except that he heard Isaiah’s soft plodding footsteps coming down the short hallway toward his room.