Hard and Fast

by Kathy Lyons

  Silly kid’s stuff, but I ached for it. And looking at Gia’s family, I realized there would have been lots of reading time or blanket snuggles with them. Or maybe not, since Gia hadn’t been brought into the family until she was ten. But the way they looked at each other now told me that they’d found a way, even as pre-teens. It didn’t matter what the biology was, they were a family, and I was desperately happy for her, as well as deeply jealous. There was a warmth between them that wasn’t in my own family, even before my mother’s illness.

  “Should I break your knees now? Or wait until after the series?”

  I turned to see Gia’s younger sister standing before me. Her eyes were hard and her stance cocky. She had her fists on her hips, and her chin lifted in challenge. And where I first thought there was humor in her question, I wasn’t so sure now, looking at the dark curl to her lips.

  “Um, hi, Bailey. I’m Connor—”

  “I know who you are.” She jerked her chin around, her expression full of attitude. “I’d break your face, but that’d ruin the party.”

  “Is there a reason you’re trying to go all badass on me?”

  She stepped forward and got straight in my face. “You’ve got no right saying she’s less than you—”

  “What?”

  “Me, I’ve stolen cars. My brothers over there? They ran drugs when they were little. Different gangs, same way to survive. All of us here have done shit, but not Gia. She’s better than gold. But you don’t see any of that, just because you can catch a ball—”

  “Now hold on—”

  “You made her cry, asshole.”

  She paused, but I didn’t have a response. And when she saw she’d silenced me, she went in for the kill.

  “You called her a liar and said you don’t respect her.” She suddenly straightened. “She’s done more to help others than you could ever imagine. When was the last time you helped with a fundraiser or spent time with foster kids? What have you done for a charity? Have you ever fought for a cause that wasn’t tied to your career?” She arched a brow at me and said haughtily, “You aren’t worth the dirt on her shoes.”

  Then she spun on her heel and walked away.

  I stood there staring, feeling my face heat and my stomach knot. I wanted to grab her back and defend myself, but I couldn’t. The truth was, I put all my time into training, and any charity I helped was one where Gia set up the appearances. God, I was a first-class dick, and I felt my whole body flush with shame.

  I didn’t look down on Gia or any of the people in this room. I didn’t feel superior. And I sure as hell knew that they’d been through a much worse childhood than I had. Many were still in it. But I didn’t trust them with my secrets, either. And now, just standing among them made me feel vulnerable.

  Suddenly the lights on the diamond were turned on. A cheer went up, and families hurried outside. I could have ducked out right then. I wanted to, but Cassie suddenly tugged on my elbow.

  “Come on. The guys are going to teach the kids some skills.”

  “What?”

  “Just come on.”

  She dragged me down to the field with everyone else. None of the Bobcats were dressed for baseball, but we could all toss a ball around with eager children. And hell, the dads wanted in on the fun, too. I was about to show a couple of girls the proper way to field a ball when Bailey’s voice cut through the crowd.

  “Hey, Connor! How’s that batting practice going? Care to show us what you’ve learned? Maybe we can give you a few pointers.”

  She was taunting me, and since I knew I deserved her scorn, I didn’t tell her where to stuff her pointers. So I smiled back at her and gestured to the warm-up strip. It was a long section the same distance between the mound and home plate, surrounded by netting. Someone could pitch, someone else could bat, and the ball was well contained. “Why don’t you show me how it’s done?”

  “It’s not my game, but maybe my brothers can.” Then she handed a bat to one of her brothers. I’d never met the man before, but from the angry glint in his eye, he’d heard plenty about me. Then Gia came onto the field while carrying a toddler who was watching everything with big brown eyes.

  I could have stayed watching Gia all day. Hell, she drew my eyes even when I was playing a major league baseball game. But her brother grabbed my attention with four words.

  “I protect my sister.”

  My attention jerked back to him as he took a few practice swings. There wasn’t anything overtly threatening in his motions, but I’d said those words to other people. I’d used that same tone of voice when warning them away from Cassie. And when I looked into his eyes, I saw that same banked fury that I’d had, a clear threat to anyone who even thought about messing with someone he loved.

  I might have bristled, but I couldn’t. Bailey’s words still haunted me. You made her cry. Gia had been crying because of me, and guilt ate at my gut. And then her brother turned to where his brother was pitching and readied himself to swing.

  Whack.

  It was a good solid hit. There’d been power in the pitch, precision in the swing. Not major league skill, but that hadn’t been the point. Both men were letting me know what they were made of.

  Pitch.

  Whack.

  Power. Precision. And fury. All aimed at me.

  And I couldn’t even claim that I’d never hurt Gia. That I’d rather die than upset her in any way. Because, of course, I had. And her family was defending her in a way I could respect, a way that I’d used myself a time or two.

  Which meant what exactly?

  I turned away, looking for an escape. I wasn’t going to get into it with Gia’s siblings. So the best thing for me to do was slip away and let the party go on as planned. Except as I turned, there she was.

  Gia.

  She stood with arms folded and her eyes narrowed in anger. Oddly though, she wasn’t looking at me, but at her brothers.

  The closest one casually hit the bat against his sneaker. “Hey, Gia—”

  “Stuff it. I know what you’re doing.”

  The one who’d been pitching jogged forward. “But Gia—”

  She held up her hand to stop him, then turned around to glare at her sister. “We’ll talk about this later.”

  I touched her arm. “They were just showing me their swing.” She shook her head, but I kept blundering on. “Don’t be angry. I respect their message.”

  Her gaze turned blistering, but she didn’t speak. No, that was left to her sister who drawled, “Oh, so you respect us now. Because they can swing a bat?”

  That wasn’t what I meant, and I shot the girl a hard glare. But that was nothing compared to what Gia did. She stepped around me to go nose to nose with her sister.

  “I told you about him in confidence,” she growled.

  “And—”

  “Shut up. Shut up now!” Then Gia glanced back at me, guilt in her expression. “Connor, I can explain.”

  Explain what? That I’d hurt her, and she’d talked to her sister about it? That her brothers were sticking up for her, as every brother should? I was struggling with how to respond when Gia released a heavy sigh.

  “Will you please talk to me? In private?” she asked.

  What else could I say? I was the one who’d hurt her. I’d happily give her whatever she needed now.

  “Sure,” I said. And then we headed for the locker room.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Gia

  There were people in the locker room, other foster care kids I’d grown up with who’d made good. I introduced them to Connor, but all the while, my mind was screaming that I was losing him. That he hated publicity events and if I didn’t get him out of there soon, I’d lose whatever small chance we still had. This wasn’t really a publicity event, and I sure as hell didn’t know why I so desperately wanted him around, but I did. I’d never thought of my emotions as especially logical. Besides, the secret I shared with Cassie was killing me, and the man was denser than a brick in
picking up my hints. Cassie had sworn to me that she’d tell her brother about what was going on, but the two were alike in their ability to keep their mouths shut about anything important.

  Smiling warmly at my friends, I made a quick excuse and dragged Connor toward my office, but then I heard voices down the hallway. Hell, my family was everywhere. How ridiculous was it that in a place the size of the ballpark, I couldn’t find a room to have a private word.

  Then I spotted the sauna and dragged him in there.

  Thankfully it wasn’t on, and the cedar wood smelled good. It was almost enough to cover the scent of male sweat. But honestly, I liked that, too, especially when I nuzzled Connor. Only that wasn’t going to happen, because we’d broken up. Or we would have if we’d ever really been together.

  Ugh. My brain was working overtime, and it really needed to stop. “Look, I’m sorry about Bailey. She gets overprotective.”

  Connor leaned back against the door, his expression inscrutable. Of course. “It’s a brother’s job to protect his sister. Your brothers—”

  “Were being Neanderthals, but this has Bailey all over it.” I swallowed. God, this part was hard to confess, but I’d resolved to watch my words more closely. To be more honest about everything because Connor had that part right. There wasn’t enough honesty in the world, and so I needed to walk a straighter line. “I know I was supposed to keep everything between us private, but she and I share a bedroom. Plus she’s scary smart and determined—”

  “Sounds like her sister.”

  I had to choke off my words for a second to process his. Had he just given me a compliment? “Anyway, she got me to talk. About, you know, what you said. And now she’s pissed.”

  “With good reason.”

  There was another short silence as I tried to figure out his words. And then I took a breath to quell the surge of hope inside me. Had he just admitted that he’d been an ass? Maybe, but first things first.

  “I didn’t mean to tell her any big secrets.”

  He frowned at me. “Did you tell her about Cassie? Or Sophia?”

  I shook my head. “I mean, she knows that they’re your sisters, but none of the details.”

  He pushed off the door. “Then we’re good.”

  “We are?”

  He lifted his hands in a helpless gesture. “Look, do I like that my romantic business could end up on the internet? No—”

  “She’d never!”

  “But that’s not the secret I’m worried about. Does it bother me that you were upset? Yes. But I’m happy that you have a sister and two very large brothers who will stick up for you.”

  Yeah. I was, too. “So you’re not upset about Bailey?”

  “No.”

  “Then…we’re good?”

  He didn’t answer at first. And when I looked into his eyes, his expression hurt enough to make me want to weep. He looked like a little boy outside in the snow, his face pressed up against a window. There was loneliness there and a desperate need. Seeing his pain twisted up my insides like nothing else. “I want you.”

  “I want you, too,” I said. “But you don’t respect me.”

  “That was the wrong word. I think you’re an incredible woman from a family of incredible people. Were your brothers really in gangs?”

  I laughed. “Well, if you can call eight-year-old kids gang members. It was really their older brothers who were involved, but social services intervened before things got bad.” I flushed with pride. “And now instead of stealing cars, Trevor’s becoming a mechanical engineer and Jackson wants to be a pharmacist. But Bailey’s the really smart one. She’s going to be a surgeon someday. I think it’s because we’ve watched way too much Grey’s Anatomy, but if anyone can do it, it’ll be her.”

  He took a step closer, his eyes that dark mysterious gray I loved. “And today’s your birthday.”

  “Adoption Day. That’s when I was really born.”

  He nodded. “Happy Adoption Day.”

  “Thank you. And thanks for coming. It’s good for you to get some one-on-one time with Cassie. I mean, it’s important that you two talk because—”

  My words stopped as he touched my cheek. God, the feel of his calloused fingers turned me to jelly. I knew his heat, and I knew where this was going—a kiss that would make my toes curl and my logic short circuit. I could see the need and the question in his eyes, and damned if my whole body wasn’t straining forward. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted a birthday kiss to end all kisses, and all the hot sexy times that would come with it.

  But my brain was screaming about how nothing had changed between us. He still thought I was a lying sack of shit. And yeah, he hadn’t said those words, but that’s what I’d heard.

  So I held up my hand. “If you respect me—”

  “I do.”

  “Then what did you really mean to say before?”

  He sighed, and I could feel the defeat expand outward, filling the sauna until it was hard to breathe. And I knew now that he’d meant exactly what he’d said—he didn’t respect me or my career.

  “Now who’s the liar?” I taunted.

  I went to move past him, but he gripped my arm.

  “I said that you confuse me. That I want you so much, I can’t think. I like your family, and I respect what they’ve done with their lives, you included.”

  Well, as long as we were being truthful, I might as well put it all on the line. “But do you think you could love me?”

  It was an incredibly hard question to voice aloud. Because once I asked it, I had to face it myself. Could I love him? Was it already too late? Was I already in love?

  I didn’t have an answer. Especially when he responded without words. In less than a second, he jerked me tight to his body and pressed his mouth to mine. My body had been primed. It wanted him like it wanted to breathe. So while my mind was busy grappling with the question of love, my body was already trying to make babies.

  He plunged his tongue into my mouth, and I wrapped mine around his. His hands slid to my bottom, and while my legs were trying to climb his, he gripped me tight against his groin. I felt him hot and hard against my belly, and then he lifted me off the floor. My hands gripped his shoulders, pulling myself against him.

  I was busy kissing him as he moved me toward one of the cedar seats. Then a second later, he tipped me sideways, pushed up my skirt, and was tugging at my panties. It was sudden, and my heart was slamming against my ribs, but God I wanted this.

  I’d kept myself away from him for weeks. I’d acted painfully professional around him, while inside, I just wanted to wrap myself in his arms. I’d sneaked peeks at him at practice, watched around corners as he talked to the coaches. And at night, I’d replayed our times together. I wanted him to want me. I thought I’d finally found a guy worth my heart, only to discover that he didn’t respect mine.

  It had been hell, but it wouldn’t help to spread my legs for him now. That would be like answering a question about love with sex. The two weren’t the same. And yet, I couldn’t get the words out fast enough. My body was all about letting him do whatever he wanted. His mouth was on my sex before I could convince myself this was a bad idea. His tongue was stroking my clit while my mind was fighting to remember that this was just a distraction.

  And when my first orgasm ripped through me, I lost all sense of decency. I spread my legs and offered myself to him like a banquet, growling, “You better have a condom.”

  He did. And I helped him put it on. Then I levered myself up onto him and helped him thrust inside.

  Deep. Hard. His penis was thick and made to fill me. I kissed him while he thrust into me. And when I could feel his breath grow ragged, I held on tight and whispered into his ear.

  “Fuck me, Connor. Please God, fuck me.”

  And so he did.

  Hard. Fast.

  Orgasms for two.

  He pressed my mouth to his shoulder to muffle my scream. And when I finally looked back at his face, his expression
was divine—head tilted back, mouth curved in a smile, and eyes closed in bliss.

  Bliss.

  Pleasure.

  None of it was love.

  So when I finally regained my strength, I maneuvered myself backward. He slipped out of me and opened his eyes. I watched him come back to himself. We both heard people laughing as they walked past the sauna, and I watched his cheeks flood with heat. Mine, too, I realized, as we cleaned up and fixed our clothing.

  He didn’t say a word, but I couldn’t let either of us get away with that. I’d asked a question, and neither of us had answered.

  “This wasn’t love, Connor. You know that right?”

  He looked at me and nodded. Nothing more. Just a slow, deep nod.

  “So what are you trying to say to me, Connor? Are you saying you can’t love me? That I’m not worth anything more than—”

  “No!”

  His response was explosive. He took a step forward until he towered over where I was sitting on the bench. I had to arch my back to look at him, but I didn’t back down. Sure, my body was still humming from his proximity. Part of me remembered that he hadn’t done his customary, “Just once more, please,” and really hoped that this was it.

  But it wasn’t. He just stared at me with that intense expression. Fierce, but that wasn’t the emotion I was looking for. And so I stayed still and matched him, stare for stare. Then he asked the question I’d been dreading, the one I couldn’t answer anymore than he seemed able to.

  “Do you love me?”

  I shook my head. “No.” Truth, but not the whole truth. “Maybe I’m close.”

  He swallowed. “Maybe I’m close, too.”

  I arched a brow. “Really?”

  “Yeah.” But there wasn’t joy in his tone. Not the kind I wanted. Not the scampering butterflies of happiness that were trying to burst through my chest.