Hard and Fast

by Kathy Lyons

  “But you don’t want to love me. Because I lie.”

  “You haven’t really lied,” he admitted. “Not really.”

  Was he trying to convince himself?

  “I’m still a spin doctor,” I said.

  He winced. Yeah, this really was a problem for him. I sighed and scooted backward as far as the bench would allow. He let me go, then rubbed a hand over his face.

  “I want you. Like no one ever before, I want you.” The emphasis on the last word told me he was struggling between wanting me and believing the things he’d always believed. And within those very specific lines, he shouldn’t want me, but he did.

  It was an internal war, one that I didn’t know what to do about. It was his decision. Just like I had to decide if I wanted a man who lived with such rigid beliefs.

  I didn’t know. And while we both stared in frustration at each other, my phone rang.

  The tone was loud, jolting both of us. He stepped back as I scrambled to grab it from where I’d set it down when we first came in. I looked at the caller ID and blanched. It was my mother. I thumbed it on quickly.

  “Hey, Mom!”

  “Gia, where are you? We’re about to cut the cake.”

  “Oh, my. I didn’t realize the time had gone by so quickly. I’m coming right now.”

  “But where—”

  I thumbed it off. Connor had his ear pressed to the door. Then he cracked it open and peeked out before swinging it wide. No one was around, thank God.

  I hesitated a moment. I wanted to say something that would solve this problem, or at least provide us with a direction. I didn’t know if our sauna interlude meant we were back together—kind of—or if we were further apart than before. I had no freaking idea, and one look at his face told me he didn’t know either.

  Which left us just standing there helpless.

  Until my phone rang again. It was my sister this time.

  With a grumble, I maneuvered past Connor and flicked on my phone at the same time.

  “I’m coming!” I snapped.

  “And I’ll be looking to see if your hair and makeup are mussed. And if you’re wearing panties.”

  If I’d been embarrassed before, now I was mortified.

  “Mind your own damn business,” I growled, before breaking into a run, finger-combing my hair all the way back to the party.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Connor

  I felt like a complete and total dick. I knew this whole situation was my fault and yet I had no idea what to do about it. Or how to stop doing it.

  I was hurting Gia, and frankly, I wasn’t helping myself either. Yeah, sex in the sauna was amazing. As was sex in the bathroom, bedroom, or wherever else I could do it with Gia. But after the explosive orgasm and the sweet floating in bliss moments, I was left with a stark feeling of emptiness that gnawed a hole in my gut.

  What the hell was I doing? I wanted her…and I wanted to run in the opposite direction. I wanted to hold her hand when things were exciting, and I just as vehemently wanted to distance myself from any drama whatsoever, even if I was the one creating it.

  I felt completely out of control, and in that madness, I was losing myself. The simple act of catching and throwing a baseball no longer made me happy. The sound of the bat hitting the ball didn’t fill me with joy. Suddenly, she was all I could think about. She was entwined with my pre-game ritual. And her articles about me and my attempts to increase my batting average had bound us together. My career was no longer just about me. I was now worried that I was disappointing her and the fans she’d created for me.

  And that was no way to play baseball.

  There was nothing else to do—I had to distance myself from her and go back to what worked in my life. Go back to the silence of my empty apartment and the completely balanced personal situation where I held Sophia in check while Cassie blossomed. That’s what I needed to do, even if I wanted Gia more than my next breath. Adding an extra person into the mix had destroyed my equilibrium.

  And so that’s what I was going to do. No more walking the halls to smell Gia’s perfume. No more reading the press she generated, and no more hanging out at her birthday party. It was time to leave.

  I went up into the owner’s box, maneuvering through bodies as I searched for Cassie. I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to her. Gia and her siblings were standing around a massive sheet cake, and everyone was singing Happy Birthday. Once again, I was struck by the warmth I saw surrounding her. It was as if Gia was the sun, radiating a love that not only warmed everyone else but was reflected back to her. Her two brothers had wrapped their arms around her and Bailey, and they were either hugging or tweaking them, somehow. It was impossible to say which, but it was probably a combination of both.

  I smiled while I watched, envy carving that hole in my gut larger. I wanted that with my sisters, but Cassie was too fragile for it, and getting that close to Sophia would be like trying to hug a viper. So I watched and wanted, until I gave up. It was time to leave—

  The view suddenly jerked sideways.

  I was knocked off-balance and threw my hand out, trying to grab onto anything to keep myself upright.

  Part of me realized that a kid had been barreling forward, chasing another kid, and he’d clipped my knee. It was a silly thing, something that happened all the time when there were this many children around. But this boy was big, and careless in the way of all pre-teens. And he caught my knee in just the wrong way.

  Unfortunately, there was nothing for me to grab onto.

  I stumbled, trying to recover, but—

  Pain. Pain. Pain!

  Lightning bolts of agony shot through my body.

  A hand caught me on the left, holding me up.

  “Easy man. I got you.”

  Jake. My cousin’s fiancé and the guy I’d punched a couple weeks ago. He was the last person I wanted to help me make a graceful exit, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. And he really was the only thing keeping me upright as pain and panic throbbed through my body.

  “Can you walk?”

  “No. Hop, yes.”

  “Let’s not draw the attention of all those cell phone cameras.”

  Oh hell.

  Jake helped me pivot and head to the door. On the way out, he tugged on Rob’s sleeve. “Find the doc. We’re heading—”

  “Hospital,” I gasped.

  Both men shot me an alarmed look.

  I gave them a weak smile back. This was my knee, and I already knew the drill. I was going to need an MRI, and we didn’t have the equipment here. Rob grabbed my other arm while cursing under his breath.

  “The pennant race starts tomorrow,” he muttered.

  Like I didn’t know it.

  “It’ll be fine,” Jake countered. “The old man is just being dramatic.” He was teasing, trying to lighten the mood, but all three of us knew the truth.

  My pennant dreams were toast. And likely, the rest of my career, too.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Gia

  I saw it happen. Stevie was a big kid with wide elbows and no awareness of anyone else in the world, much less the multi-million-dollar catcher he’d half-tackled. The kid had grown fast and sometimes got so focused he didn’t notice anything else. Like who was in between him and the friend he was chasing. I saw Connor stumble and his face go white, and then stoic. It was the blank expression he used when he was keeping absolutely everything inside. Like excruciating pain.

  Oh my God!

  Rob and Jake got him out. I made up a lame excuse and grabbed the team doc. Cassie was already moving toward the door, her hands shaking. I grabbed her just as she was pulling out her car keys.

  “Not a chance,” I said. “I’m driving you.”

  She agreed with a jerky nod, and we headed to where the ambulance sirens were growing stronger.

  Oh my God!

  We needed to keep this quiet. I glared at Doc’s assistant, the one with his phone pressed to his ear.

&nbs
p; “Tell them to turn off those sirens, now!”

  The kid nodded and spoke into the phone. After far too much time, the lights and the sirens abruptly shut off. But not before more people had joined us at the team doors, Joe DeLuce included. I looked around, searching for Connor. He was braced between Jake and Rob, standing tall as they waited. I started to go to them but was jostled on one side by Heidi. Technically she was Rob’s girlfriend, but she was also a reporter with the Indianapolis Star.

  “Is he okay?” she asked.

  “Of course he’s fine!” I snapped, wondering if I was talking to her or to myself.

  Oh my God!

  Heidi’s startled expression softened as she looked at my face. “Of course he’s fine.” Then she squeezed my arm. “And of course, this is all off the record.”

  I nodded, still gripped in panic. I started to move toward Connor again, but this time, I was stopped by Stevie’s foster father. His look of horror was stark and likely mirrored my own.

  “We’re so sorry,” the man said. “Stevie didn’t see—”

  “It’s fine,” I said. “It was an accident. And besides, he’ll be fine.”

  I should have stayed to reassure him. I should have told him not to talk to the press about how bad they felt for possibly screwing up Connor’s career. Player injuries had to be handled carefully, especially as we headed into the pennant race. I should have done all those things. Instead, I maneuvered myself to Connor’s side, standing right next to Cassie.

  “I’m fine,” he was saying, but I could see that he was lying. His skin was ashen and sweaty, and there was a tight, rapid rhythm to his breath. But worst of all was the underlying panic in his gaze. He hid it—or tried to—when he looked at Cassie. But the moment Doc gently dislodged her, Connor looked at me, and I could see terror in his eyes. It was quiet, but I felt it as surely as a baseball bat to the sternum.

  “Stay with her, please?” he said to me, indicating Cassie.

  “Of course,” I answered, though I didn’t know if he heard me. The ambulance was pulling up. Fortunately, I had no trouble keeping that promise. Neither Cassie nor I wanted to leave Connor’s side, but we weren’t allowed to ride in the ambulance with him. Besides, I also had a job to do. I couldn’t help Connor medically, but I could stop any press from getting out too early.

  So I squeezed Cassie’s arm. “Stay here. I have to get my purse and bring up the car. Swear you won’t go anywhere without me.”

  “I swear,” she answered, her gaze never leaving Connor’s face.

  “Good.” And then I took off at a run. First stop—Heidi.

  “I’m not going to say a word—” she said, but I cut her off.

  “I believe you. But do you think you could keep an eye on social media and stuff, as well as your journalist friends? Don’t stop anyone.” Those words choked me, but I knew it was the only ethical thing to say. “Just give me a heads-up if the news gets out. I’d like to keep it quiet until we know what the damage is.”

  “Sure,” Heidi answered, already pulling out her phone. She was smart and capable, and I was pretty sure I could count on her. And if not, Rob was right there beside her giving me the thumbs-up. That was enough for me to overcome my natural suspicion of all journalists.

  Next stop—Stevie’s foster father, who had been joined by his wife and their boy. Stevie was the first to start talking. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see him. Is it bad? Is he going to die?”

  “He’s going to be just fine,” I said, praying it was true. I squatted down to look the child in the eye. “No one is dying.” I couldn’t blame him for being clumsy, so I tried to distract the kid while emphasizing to his foster father that this needed to be kept quiet.

  “It was just a game—”

  His foster father interrupted with a gentle pat on his shoulder. “We know, Stevie. But we don’t play games inside.”

  “I won’t. Never again. I promise—”

  “That’s good.” I looked into the father’s eye. “Please, can you not talk about this? Not until we know exactly what’s up and can make an official statement.”

  The man winced. “That bad?”

  I held up crossed fingers. “It’s probably nothing.” Then I forced my expression into a happy smile. “Did you get any cake, Stevie? There’s probably some left.”

  The boy brightened immediately, and the family headed back inside. Job number two, done. I went inside, quelling rumors on the way. It took far too long to get some stuff for Connor and my purse, then even longer to find my car and pull it up to where Cassie was wringing her hands. Thank God she’d waited. The girl hopped in before I’d fully stopped the car, and then together, we rushed away to the hospital, praying the entire drive.

  I tried to reassure Cassie. “He’ll be fine. It’s just his knee. It’s not like he has cancer or anything. It’s just a knee.”

  She looked at me, her eyes stark, and her mouth sealed shut. God, stoicism must be a family trait.

  “Yeah, okay, so baseball is his life, but we shouldn’t jump to any conclusions.”

  Silence. Okay. So she was jumping to as many of them as I was. But that wasn’t going to help anyone.

  “Did you call his agent?”

  Cassie shook her head. “He doesn’t like me to get involved.”

  “Right.” Probably because it could bring her into close proximity to Sophia. “I suppose he’ll do that at the hospital, anyway.”

  The girl shook her head. “The paramedic gave him morphine. I don’t think he’s going to call anyone.”

  Not once he was doped up, he wouldn’t.

  A phone rang in the back seat, and I frowned at Cassie. She had her purse, and I had my cell plopped into a dash phone holder. The only thing in the back was…

  Oh shit. Connor’s jacket. I’d grabbed it plus a baseball cap from his locker. It would help him fly under the radar when he was discharged from the hospital. So that meant the phone was probably his.

  “I’ve got it,” Cassie said as she twisted in her seat. A moment later, she looked down at the phone and cursed.

  “What?”

  “It’s Sophia.” She showed me the caller ID. It read said “S***”

  Well, that was telling.

  “Should I answer it?”

  I thought about the agreement Connor had with Sophia regarding Cassie. “No. We’ll let him call her back if he wants to.”

  Cassie nodded and exhaled. It was a controlled breath, loud and clearly her way of blowing out tension.

  “Just how bad is it between you and Sophia?” I knew I shouldn’t ask. Hell, I’d all but promised Connor I wouldn’t pry. But I cared about Cassie, and I really wanted to help if I could.

  “Great, if I never see or talk to her.”

  Apparently, that was Connor’s plan.

  “And have you?” I held my breath, afraid of the answer.

  “Not really. I get emails occasionally, with subject headings like ‘Secret birthday party for Connor’ or ‘Help me sell his calendar.’ I never answer. I know she’s lying.”

  “Really? How?”

  “Because that’s what she does. I mean, she’d be thrilled if I help her sell the calendar. The birthday party would be for publicity, and she’d rope me into doing all the work for it. She’s done it before.”

  “Ouch.”

  “It was harder before.”

  “Before?”

  “Before I started in therapy. She made me think I was crazy, and I’m not.” There was defiance in her tone.

  “Of course, you aren’t.”

  “Now she’s just tugging at me, holding out lures to see if I’ll go for the bait.”

  “Good for you for seeing the truth.”

  She flashed me a grin. “And you know what is even better?”

  I shook my head.

  “I know it’s driving her crazy that she can’t talk to me. The one thing Sophia likes best is an audience. So I just stopped talking to her. Completely.”

  “Good for
you.”

  We were waiting at a stop light. I didn’t want to bring up the other question—the problem that had caused her to contact me a few weeks ago, right after Connor and I had broken up, and then again yesterday. But since we were dealing with disasters, I figured now was as good a time as any.

  “So has your other problem disappeared?”

  “You mean my stalker?”

  I winced. The guy was either a nutcase or someone who was really shy and didn’t know an appropriate way to pick up girls. Either way, it was creepy. Starting seven weeks ago, he’d been leaving her gifts at volleyball games and outside her locker. She’d done the right things, talking to her coach and security, but the problem had escalated three weeks ago. Instead of a letter once every other week, she was getting messages every day. She found notes on her dorm door, and then her coach noticed that an odd-looking stranger in the stands seemed fixated on Cassie.

  That’s when she’d contacted me.

  “Um, yeah. Anything new from him?”

  “No. I think you scared him off.”

  I shook my head. “I didn’t do anything but call campus security.”

  “And they scared him off. Or something. I don’t know, but it’s all been good.”

  Except she’d called me again a few days ago, thinking she’d seen the same weirdo lurking around.

  “You can always call me. Even when you just want to say hello.”

  “I’m neurotic. Even my therapist says so.”

  “I doubt that.”

  She smiled. “Okay, maybe he doesn’t exactly say that. But he does say I’m coping well. And that a little bit of paranoia is probably healthy in this day and age.” Then she blew out another breath. “And before you ask, I haven’t told Connor.”

  I knew that already, because the man hadn’t come storming into my office demanding why I hadn’t broken his sister’s confidence.

  “But I will. As soon as I can.”

  “Good. Because he’ll think I’ve been lying to him—”

  “It wasn’t a lie! You’ve been keeping your promise to me.”