Tempted

by Brenda Ford

  “You don’t think that he was stalking you, do you?” Nikki pants as if she is in the middle of some kind of murder mystery rather than real life. “That would be crazy. Maybe he saw you and followed you…”

  “I don’t think it was like that, honestly,” I say. “He isn’t really like that… or at least he wasn’t when me and him were together in high school. I suppose I can’t be one hundred percent sure now. But I really do feel like I know him. I do feel like there is a lot of the same person still in there, even if he looks very different.”

  “How does he look now?” Nikki sounds far too excited. “I saw a picture of him in high school so I can compare now. I might be better judge of who he has become because I’m not all mixed up in feelings.”

  Huh, I guess I did show her a picture of my ex when we were together before I went to see him. I don’t know what I was thinking when I did that, I certainly didn’t think that I would have to compare. Luckily, at some point in the day when we had stepped off of his bike for a talk, I did snap a picture of the both of us. Just a little selfie to remind myself of the wonderful afternoon that we shared in case it never happens again.

  “Woah.” Nikki sounds more shocked than I expected. She sounds kind of horrified if I’m honest. “He looks scary these days. Weren’t you a little freaked out being around him? Those muscles, those tattoos…” She shudders, seemingly not as entranced by him as I am. “He looks like a criminal or something.”

  I don’t like her saying that to me, it freaks me out. Especially when that is what I’m worried about when it comes to him. Artie definitely wasn’t forth coming when it comes to what he’s doing with his life now and that scares me. I don’t know much about the criminal world, but I am scared that he’s in it. Maybe he has been ever since high school. Perhaps he went more off the rails than I ever could have imagined, and that’s why he didn’t come back for me. Because he sunk under the under belly of the world and couldn’t come back out.

  But if he has been in that for a decade then is there a way out now?

  “He… well, I don’t think that he is a criminal, Nikki,” I try. “I think he’s just on hard times.”

  “Hmm, that worries me, Rose,” Nikki tells me honestly. “You don’t want to end up with some broken man just because it’s hard to forget your first love. Everyone struggles to forget the first person that they loved, but that’s because you were young then, you didn’t know any better. That doesn’t make him right for you now.” Nikki cocks her head to one side knowingly. “Because I can see in that picture that you feel like you might be head over heels for him all over again. You have been swept back up in to a bad situation.”

  “I know,” I groan. “And you’re right, I did. We did sleep together.” I figure that I might as well be honest. “I just couldn’t seem to help myself. It was like old times. It doesn’t even matter how scary he looks these days, he is still the same person inside, and I can’t help falling for that person over and over again.” I offer my friend a one shouldered helpless shrug. “And it isn’t even like I can think that we split up for a reason because we didn’t really. Nothing bad happened between us, he just lost his friend and lost his way.”

  “Hmm.” Nikki doesn’t look convinced. “I would just warn you to be careful. I can’t change your mind or anything like that. You are an adult who will do what is best for you… just be careful, okay?”

  I nod slowly, taking her advice on board. She’s right, I do need to stop myself from getting carried away in romantic notion that might not even become a reality, but that doesn’t mean I can just switch my feelings off.

  “I will be careful,” I promise my friend. “And anyway, it isn’t like it matters.” I gulp down the thick ball of emotion that lodges in the back of my throat. “He doesn’t live anywhere near me. It was just a one-time thing because we were in the same place at the same time. It happens, it doesn’t mean it will keep happening.”

  I don’t need to tell Nikki that me and Artie have been messaging one another nonstop ever since I left his side and that I am definitely planning to see him again. That is the sort of thing that can wait until I am surer about what’s going on myself, because right now I have no idea. I know that I like him still and that I want him to be a part of my life in the future, even if I don’t know how that will happen exactly, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it will pan out as I need it to. It could just be a fleeting thing in which we realize that we aren’t compatible, in which case no one needs to worry about me at all. I can handle myself totally.

  I bring my computer to life while still in my day dream about Artie. I need to fill in all of my data today from the sales meetings that I have been to before I am out on the road once more, back to selling. But I have the weekend off and on Friday I won’t be too far away from Artie. Since he did tell me to come and see him again and he seemed very serious about the idea of me doing so, I think that it might be fun for me to go and spend some more time with him while I am not at work. I know that’s what I want anyway.

  With a secret smile on my face and a definite sense of taboo around me, I book the train tickets to go and see him and then I fire off a text to Artie to let him know. I don’t think that it’s the best idea right now to surprise him. Not when everything is so fresh, and I don’t know much about his life.

  Predictably though he is very happy for me to come and see him. I don’t know if he totally expected me to come and see him, so this is a nice surprise for the both of us, and possibly a step in the right direction. God, I can’t stop myself from being tempted by the notion of what could be. Not even what could have been because although we had our futures laid out for us before, that didn’t happen so there is no need to focus on that. Instead, I keep thinking about what could be. Me and Artie finally back together after all of these years.

  When this fantasy comes out in my mind, I don’t even worry about the practical issues that we could face. Long distance and our lives don’t even feature. I just think about kissing him all over again.

  “Sorry.” All of a sudden, Nikki is by my side making me jump. I quickly shut down the screen of the train company so that she can’t see what I’m doing. I do feel guilty sneaking around like this, but it feels like the best thing to do. “I didn’t mean to upset you with all of that stuff about Artie. I just worry for you, that’s all. I know how much he still really affects you because no one else has quite matched up, and I don’t want that to get worse. But I keep thinking about how I handled it and I’m worried that I came across as a bitch.”

  I can’t help but smile at my friend. “Nikki, I told you because I want your honest opinion. I want to know what you think that I should do because you aren’t clouded by the past like I am. Don’t ever worry that you have offended me because I know that you only have my best interests at heart. I appreciate that about you.”

  “Okay.” She grabs me in for a hug and I can really feel her worry there. “I just panicked. I don’t want to come across as someone who thinks that she knows she has all the answers because that isn’t me.”

  “I know, I know. You are just being kind, Nikki, and I appreciate it a lot.”

  This makes me feel even worse because I’m definitely betraying her now by going off to meet Artie without telling her about it, but I have to see this through, I need to know what we could be. It doesn’t feel right to throw away this chance of a life time as it comes around. I’m sure that it will never happen again. Most people don’t get a second chance in life, never mind a third. I don’t want to make a mess of it.

  And if it all erupts and doesn’t work out then at least I will know that it’s for the best. At least I will know that it’s because of us, because we are mis matched and not because of external circumstances. Then I will be able to move on properly. Then I will be able to get my life back on track.

  Chapter 9 – Artie

  We are in the same hotel, but a different room. Not that it matters because I am not invested in any of that
. I don’t care about our surroundings at all, I’m only interested in Rose, the flower who lights up my life. She came back, she really came back to see me again. I didn’t think that would happen, as soon as she left town, even when she was texting me, I didn’t think that she would actually return… but here she is in my arms again.

  If I had a better home, I would have invited her to stay with me, but I don’t. It’s a shit hole studio apartment that is owned by Butch and I don’t want him to know about Rose. Not yet, not until I am ready. He might have always been a good guy to me, but I know that he isn’t always, and I don’t want Rose dragged in to that.

  Anyway, Rose doesn’t seem to mind. She is quite happy being here with me. So much so that she didn’t even want to go out to dinner. I booked us a table, but she ordered in take-out instead so that it can just be me and her which is just fine with me thank you very much. I have been wishing for this ever since she left.

  The kiss deepens as Rose rolls our bodies over to position herself on top of me. She lifts herself up in to a sitting position and smirks at me while she whips her dress up over her head. She isn’t wearing a bra underneath which I already knew because as I ran my hands over her body as we kissed, I could feel her nipples through the thin material, but it’s still a nice surprise to see her incredible body burst free.

  “Fucking hell, you look so good.” I start with my hands on Rose’s hips but slowly move them upwards as I sit up too. I cup her breasts between my fingers and tweak her nipples as we kiss. “You are incredible.”

  Rose tosses her head back and she flicks her hair backwards, leaving her throat exposed for me to nip and lick. Every little whimper that comes out of her mouth, each time she purrs like a fucking pussy cat, I feel myself stiffening even more in my trousers. My God, I have never wanted someone as badly as I do her.

  Her trembling fingers unbutton my shirt, yep I even wore a shirt for the occasion because I wanted to dress up, to look smart and nice to show Rose that I can be better for her, and she strips me down, taking the time to run her hands all over my chest as she does. She seems to really appreciate my body these days which is nice. She seems to like it so much that it isn’t long until her fingers are edging further downwards, creating a very sexy barrier between us. I slide a little backwards on the bed and watch intently as Rose unbuttons my trousers and takes me between her delicate eager fingers. Rose holds on to me, loving my hardness, and she meets my eyes.

  “I love feeling you,” she murmurs. “I love having you in my hand like this. Under my power.”

  And then she starts stroking. Gently at first, softly, as if she is trying to work out what I like, but then she quickly picks up the pace as she sees me becoming slack jawed and amazed by her touch. She pumps her fist up and down my shaft, causing a burning hot bliss to circle like lava inside of my body.

  “Fuck.” She doesn’t take her eyes off mine the entire time which makes the whole experience even sexier and more intimate. Especially when she drags her tongue along her bottom lip as if she wants to taste me.

  Oh God. It seems like my initial instincts are right. Rose slides down the bed and she presses her lips to the tip of my cock sending an immediate shudder all the way through my body. Just that kiss alone is enough to make me flip flop like crazy. I know that I could fall apart at any given moment and nothing has really happened yet…

  Or so I think. But mere seconds later, her lips have parted, and the wet heat of her mouth surrounds me entirely. Fuck, I have to grab on to her hair just to give me something to grip on to, to connect me to the planet. I’m in fucking space already, losing my damn mind. Her tongue swirls around me, drinking every part of me in, every time she lifts and sinks her head to take more of me in. And she really does taste all of me. I hit the back of her throat with every thrust, which is the sexiest thing to ever fucking happen to me.

  “Oh God, that is too much,” I moan as she licks and sucks me. “I’m going to lose myself.”

  I think that Rose wants me to as well. I get the sense that she is more than happy for me to erupt in her mouth, but I already know which way I want tonight to go, and I need to be inside of her. Even though Rose has come back to me, every moment feels precious and I don’t want to lose the chance to savor every second. So, with that in mind, I take Rose’s cheeks gently and I slide her off of me. I half expect her to look offended or to freak out, but she doesn’t. Instead, she climbs astride me, straddling me, and she holds out her hand expectantly to me. I don’t even need to ask her what she wants, I can read her like a book. I take the condom out of my pocket and hand it to her, watching in awe as she expertly tears it open and she rolls it over me.

  “You look so good doing that,” I tell her with a smile. “You really are sexy as hell, “Rose.”

  She doesn’t answer me. Not with words anyway. Instead, she hooks her hands around my neck, and she rises herself on to me, angling me perfectly so that when she slams back down on to me, I fill her up completely. I’m in ecstasy, in heaven already, this is exactly what I was looking for tonight. This is what I need.

  I hug her hard, clinging to her as she rides me, and I bury my face in her hair. She smells delicious, there is something incredible and familiar about her scent which makes me feel happy and at home once more. Rose brings me back to the person who I was always meant to be, and I need to be that person.

  Rose grabs on to me harder as her body begins to convulse and contract around me. She hungrily keeps thrusting, coaxing the orgasm out of herself and me at the same time, and it builds our bond even more. As we come together, I feel more connected to Rose than I ever have another person, even her when we were together before. She is more part of me than ever and I just know that I can’t let her go.

  The orgasm seems to keep on coming. It’s like a never-ending rushing of bliss cascading from my body, and with Rose shuddering with me, I don’t ever want it to end. I could live in this happiness forever.

  Eventually though, just like everything good, the moment comes to an end and we collapse on the bed still sweaty and intertwined with one another, holding on to this precious moment for a little bit longer, and as we do the time comes where it feels like I should be more honest with her than I have been. This was something that I never wanted to share with her, that I thought I could keep from Rose to not affect her opinion of me, but now that feels wrong. I don’t want things to start on a lie. I want to be open and honest.

  “Rose, I am not the best guy anymore,” I tell her sadly as she rolls off of me. “I have fallen in to a bad life style here and I don’t like it. I don’t think I need to give you all of the details unless you want to hear them?” She pauses for only a second before she shakes her head hard. “Well, much as I can blame this on Lee’s death and the fact that sent me off the rails, I also need to accept the responsibility that I chose this as well.” I sigh loudly, realizing the full extent of that. “But I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want to be the person that I have become. I want to be better. You make me want to be the best version of myself.”

  “What do you mean?” This gets Rose’s full attention and she sits up to look at me.

  “Well, I want to be with you, Rose. Properly this time around. Maybe that isn’t something that I should admit so early on in this, but I don’t ever want to play games with you, Rose. I feel like we have already been through too much for that. I want to be honest with you, and that’s how I feel.”

  She looks a little shell shocked, but not like she hates the idea. “You want to be with me, Artie?”

  “Of course, I do.” I smile reassuringly at her. “That’s what I have always wanted. You are the one for me, Rose, and maybe it feels too soon to be saying this right now, but for me it feels perfect. I love you.”

  “You do?” She sits up straighter, her eyes blinking much too fast. “Because I do love you as well. I know that I do, and I always have done, but this is wild. This is… I don’t know what to say about it.”

  “I don’t
want to put pressure on or anything,” I tell her hurriedly. “I just want you to know where my head is at. This isn’t just a game for me, or a fling. This is real and I want to prove to you how real it is. I want us to have something of the life that we could have had if I didn’t mess everything up.”

  She rests her hand on mine looking at me with that same determined expression. She really doesn’t seem to believe that I messed everything up, but I did. I know that I did, and not just with her but with my life as well. Only now this is the first time that I feel like I can drag myself out of it, that I can have something else.

  “I would like to try,” Rose whispers to me. “I’m just a little scared, that’s all.”

  “Me too,” I confess. “I’m scared as well, but I’m more terrified of the idea of not giving it a try, of not knowing what could be. I don’t want to have any more regrets in my life. I already have enough.”

  Rose nods, totally understanding what I’m saying and for the first time since this conversation started, she looks a little excited by the idea. Thank God, because I want her to be as excited about us as I am. This is terrifying, there is no denying that, but it’s thrilling as well. To know that me and her have a chance… well, even if it doesn’t work out, it is the best thing in the world. I really don’t want regrets, not anymore. What I want is to live a life that Lee would be proud of. To show him that I am worth this life, that’s all.

  Chapter 10 – Rose

  I feel like I have a dirty little secret. That I have a boyfriend who my mother wouldn’t approve of but that I am going to rebel and keep seeing anyway. Each text message makes my heart leap, every word that he writes to me is delicious and leaves me wanting to eat more, every secret phone call is absolutely incredible…