Halfway to Forever

by Karen Kingsbury

  “Apparently the mother was a drug addict. She stayed clean through the pregnancy, but took an overdose of drugs early one morning last week. On Thursday morning she showed up at Los Robles Medical Center, barely alive. Her baby was on her lap and—”

  “Dear God, it can’t be …” Hannah’s hand flew to her mouth and she hung her head, her mind spinning. It was a dream; it had to be. The baby, the one she’d loved through the most defining moment of his life, couldn’t possibly be the one Mrs. Parsons was talking about.

  Could it?

  “I’m … I’m not sure I follow you, Mrs. Bronzan.”

  “Thursday morning? At Los Robles Medical Center?”

  “Yes. His mother died in the emergency room. He’s been in foster care ever since. I’ve checked out his background, and he has no one. Late Friday afternoon, the judge made him a ward of the court and cleared him for adoption.”

  Matt leaned back, searching Hannah’s face for clues. She held up a single finger and closed her eyes. She had to hear it for herself before she could tell Matt. “He … he was wet. He needed a diaper and a blanket and a bottle.”

  Mrs. Parsons paused. “Who?”

  “The baby. I was there that day. I held him while his mother died in the next room. I prayed for him and sang to him and told him everything would be okay. I wanted to take him home and never let him have another day like that again in his life.”

  There was a long pause, and when the social worker spoke, Hannah could hear the tears in her voice. “Then I guess God really does answer prayers. Yours and Milly Wheeler’s.”

  Hannah moved her chair beside Matt’s and rested her forehead on his shoulder as her tears soaked through his shirt. “What did Milly Wheeler pray?”

  Mrs. Parsons cleared her throat. “She prayed her son would grow up to love the Lord and one day tell people about His miracles.” She paused. “And what did you pray, Mrs. Bronzan?”

  “That God would make his home a safe one … that his mother would love him all …all the days of her life.” She brushed her face against Matt’s. “That he would know the touch of a father’s hand and the peace of Christ’s salvation.”

  There was silence for a moment, and Hannah knew they were both soaking in the impossibility of what had happened. The social worker broke the silence first. “Does this mean you’re interested?” Her tone was light and happy, and clearly she was sure of Hannah’s answer before it was spoken.

  Hannah locked eyes with Matt and remembered what he’d told her four days ago over dinner. Whatever child God blessed them with would be fine. She smiled through her tears and spoke her answer clearly. “Yes, Mrs. Parsons. We’re interested. How soon can you bring him home?”

  They worked out the details, and at the end of the conversation Mrs. Parsons told Hannah the baby’s name. When Hannah hung up, she was at a loss for words. Matt searched her face and chuckled, his eyes brimming with tears. “Why do I have the feeling our life just changed?”

  “Remember how I said we had to hurry? Because we needed to meet a baby?”

  Matt nodded and wove his fingers between hers.

  “Well, we do. But not Jade and Tanner’s baby.” She kissed him, pulling back only enough to study his eyes. “Our baby, Matt. The little boy I prayed for, remember?”

  “The one whose mother died …”

  “Yes.” She struggled to find her voice. “He’s ours, Matt. And get this … his name is Kody Matthew.” She uttered a single laugh and ran her fingers through her hair. “Can you believe it? I feel like I’m dreaming, but it’s true! Mrs. Parsons is bringing him home this afternoon. I prayed that he’d have a safe home, that he’d know his mother’s love and his father’s touch—and the whole time I was praying for—” Her breath caught on a sob.

  Matt wrapped her into a hug and held her close. “You were praying for us.”

  In the hallways of Hannah’s heart, she could still hear Grace’s little-girl laughter, the laughter of a child they would never know again, a child they would miss forever. But in that moment, she knew again the truths she learned four years ago. Nighttime might be long and dark, but eventually morning would come, because that was God’s way. His mercies were new every morning.

  Just when it seemed like the darkness would last forever, morning would come. Hannah and Matt were living proof of that. In the end, even the bleakest night would always pass away.

  Just like God said it would.

  Twenty-Six

  Hannah and Matt had less than eight hours to prepare a nursery.

  But before they could do anything, they needed to go to the hospital. Jenny had called immediately after Mrs. Parsons to say that Jade and Madison were both doing well. Hannah kept the phone call short and exchanged a knowing glance with Matt. This was not the time to tell her about her new brother.

  They arrived at the hospital half an hour later and found Jenny and Ty in the waiting room watching television. Jenny grinned at them. “Nice of you guys to show up.”

  Hannah was bursting with the chance to talk to Jenny, but she played along. “You know how I am in the kitchen …”

  Jenny laughed and stood to hug them. “Tanner says the baby’s beautiful. Looks just like Jade.”

  “You haven’t seen her?”

  Jenny tapped Ty’s tennis shoe with her own. “Ty has, lucky guy. Got to wear a gown and a mask and scrub up like he hasn’t done for a year or more.”

  Ty chuckled, and Hannah thought he looked tired. He’d probably been more worried about Jade than anyone knew. Hannah smiled at him. “What’s she look like?”

  “She’s so tiny.”

  Matt patted Ty’s back. “She’ll grow. How’s your mom?”

  “Good. I got to see her, too. She told me she feels a lot better now that Madison’s out.”

  They all laughed, and when the room grew quiet, Hannah motioned to Jenny. “Can we talk to you a minute? Out in the hallway?”

  The slightest sense of alarm filled Jenny’s eyes. “Everything okay?”

  “Yes.” Hannah glanced at Matt. “We want to tell you about a phone call that came this morning.”

  Jenny’s expression went blank, but she followed them to a quiet place in the hallway. “What phone call?”

  “Mrs. Parsons called …”

  The expectancy in Hannah’s voice caused a knowing look to cross Jenny’s face. “No, Mom. No more sisters. I told you, it’s too hard.”

  “Hold on.” Matt placed his hand on Jenny’s shoulder. Hannah’s insides melted at the compassion in his eyes. “Not a sister … a brother. A baby brother.”

  “What? You’re serious?” Jenny’s face went pale. “I’m going to have a brother?”

  Hannah reached for Jenny and pulled her close so the three of them were huddled together, much as they’d been that awful morning when they said good-bye to Grace. “Remember the baby I told you about, the little boy at the hospital whose mother died?”

  “You prayed for him and held him while the doctors tried to save her.”

  “Right. Mrs. Parsons ran the check on him, and he’s legally free for adoption. Today! She’s bringing him home this afternoon.”

  Jenny looked from Hannah to Matt and back to Hannah again. She let loose the sweetest ripple of laughter. “Wow, I don’t know what to say. You guys and the Eastmans having babies on the same day? Isn’t that kind of like a miracle?”

  Hannah laughed. “I hadn’t thought of that.” She looked at Matt. “We need to tell Tanner.”

  At that moment they spotted him trudging down the hallway, still wearing the scrubs he’d worn for the delivery. He saw them and waved, his face taken up with an enormous smile. Relief washed over Hannah. A smile that size could only mean one thing: Jade and the baby were doing well.

  Hannah crooked her arm around Tanner’s neck and hugged him. “Jenny told us she’s beautiful. Looks just like Jade.”

  Tanner nodded and shifted to hug Matt as well. “They’re both fine.” The smile remained, but from this clo
se, Hannah could see the concern in his eyes. “Jade’s tired. Ever since the baby was born, all she wants to do is sleep.”

  “That’s normal.” Hannah squeezed Tanner’s hand. “Having babies is hard work.”

  Tanner relaxed a bit. “She got through the surgery without any seizures. The doctors were worried about that.”

  “Fantastic.” Matt looked at Hannah and winked. “Looks like October 7 will be a day we’ll all remember.”

  Tanner looked from Hannah to Matt and finally to Jenny. He grinned at her as he elbowed Matt. “What’re your parents up to now?”

  Jenny ran her fingers through her bangs and shook her head. “You’ll have to ask them about this one.”

  Hannah giggled. She knew how overwhelmed Jenny must feel. The day had been nothing but a series of life-changing announcements. The sum of them was draining, and she and Matt still had to set up a nursery.

  “I give up.” Tanner scratched his head. “Someone tell me what’s going on.”

  “Okay.” Matt tried to hide his smile. “Hannah and I are going to be parents.”

  Tanner studied Matt’s face. “Seriously?”

  “Seriously. The social worker called this morning. She has a healthy baby boy for us. Six weeks old. His name is Kody Matthew, and she’s bringing him home tonight.” Matt tousled Jenny’s hair. “So—” he checked his watch—“in six hours, Jenny’s going to have a baby brother.”

  Tanner raised a fist in the air and hooted out loud. “Is God good or what? That’s awesome.” He hugged the three of them, and then he took Matt’s shoulder and looked him straight in the face. “We can draw up the papers next week.”

  Now it was Matt’s turn to be confused. “Papers?”

  Tanner tried to look indignant. “Of course, papers. Madison Jade will need a fine upstanding husband one day, right?”

  “And.?” Clearly Matt didn’t see the connection, but Hannah did and she laughed out loud.

  Tanner anchored his hands on his hips. “If we’re going to arrange the marriage now we’d better draw up papers next week. That way there’ll be no question about it. No dating until she’s twenty-two and out of college, at which point she will be free to marry Mr. Kody Matthew Bronzan. Sounds good to me.”

  They all laughed, and Hannah was glad to see Tanner so happy. When the laughter died, she asked about Jade. “Should we wait and see her tomorrow?”

  “I think she’d like that.” The teasing left Tanner’s eyes and his face was filled with gratitude. “I’ll tell her you were here. It’ll mean the world to her.”

  They said good-bye and made plans for Jenny to meet them at home early that afternoon, before the baby arrived. A neighbor friend of Jade’s would take over with Ty at the hospital and watch him overnight. Then they would all meet at the hospital again tomorrow to visit Jade and see her baby.

  Before they left, Tanner thanked them again for coming. “And give my future son-in-law a big kiss, will you?”

  It was a happy moment, and as Hannah and Matt left the hospital, she prayed that memories of this day would stay with Tanner for weeks to come. Because there was no question about one thing: The hardest days for Jade and Tanner were right around the corner.

  The next twenty-four hours passed in a blur for Tanner.

  Hannah and Matt brought their new baby boy to the hospital and gave Tanner a chance to hold him. It was strange, really. Here he was at the hospital having his own child, but the baby he got to spend more time holding was Matt and Hannah’s.

  The constant twist of events was enough to make him dizzy.

  Jade seemed to know what was going on around her, but she was tired most of the time and that worried Tanner. She passed her congratulations on to the Bronzans, and after Matt and Hannah got a chance to see Madison through the window of the neonatal intensive care unit, they did the same. It was a giddy time—a time when doctors assured them Madison was thriving, given the timing of her birth. She had no lung problems, no cerebral palsy, and no serious dangers. They would keep her in the hospital only as a precaution until she reached five pounds. Then she could go home.

  Jade’s situation was another story.

  Though she had survived the surgery without seizure or signs of trouble, her white count was high. Dr. Layton explained that was because she was fighting an infection somewhere. Maybe at the site of her C-section, maybe in her brain. It was hard to tell.

  Either way, an MRI done late the previous evening showed that the tumor had grown a fraction of an inch in the past week. Enough to cause Dr. Layton to worry. Treatment couldn’t wait any longer, and the doctor detailed the plan they would follow.

  “First of all, we’re keeping Jade in the hospital.” He directed his comments to Tanner, because even now, with so serious a discussion going on, Jade could hardly stay awake. “We’ll start massive chemotherapy and radiation tomorrow and administer treatment for two weeks.” He paused. “I’d hoped for three. But I think it’s more important to get the tumor out. A woman’s hormones change radically after a baby’s delivered. Sometimes that can cause a stable tumor to double in size overnight, which in this case would have grave consequences for Jade. Other times it can cause the tumor to send tentacles into the brain. In which case the tumor would become inoperable.”

  He went on to say that they’d do an MRI each day to monitor the tumor’s behavior throughout the two-week treatment phase. “By then the most we can hope for is that the tumor will have shrunk and stayed intact.”

  Tanner stared at the doctor, speechless. Sometime around the point where Dr. Layton started describing treatment, the floor had shifted. Since then, he’d had the constant feeling that he was falling.

  Why hadn’t the doctor explained these things before? The tumor could double in size? With grave consequences? What was that supposed to mean? Tanner grabbed hold of the nearest chair to steady himself. And what would happen if the tumor grew tentacles.? Tanner was too terrified to ask. He forced himself to slip into lawyer mode, so he could ask questions without allowing his emotions to get in the way. “What are her chances?”

  “If the tumor does what I want it to, I think they’re good. There are risks of course, but we can talk about those later.”

  It was after three o’clock on Tuesday afternoon, and Tanner was exhausted. He’d stayed in a vinyl reclining chair, which the nurses set up adjacent to Jade’s bed. Though he was comfortable enough, Tanner couldn’t bring himself to sleep. Instead he watched the monitors flashing Jade’s vital signs. And when he grew restless, he would visit the neonatal intensive care. They’d told him he could come any hour of the day or night to see Madison, and even though he could only stroke her tiny arm through the holes in the incubator, he wanted to spend as much time with her as possible.

  Now that everyone was gone, Tanner leaned back in the chair and took Jade’s hand in his. Maybe he could grab an hour’s sleep before dinner was delivered. He studied Jade and thought it strange that her stomach was so flat. Overnight she looked as though she’d never carried Madison.

  Something sank in Tanner’s gut as the reason dawned on him. Her lack of excess weight was because of the cancer. She’d barely gained ten pounds. No wonder her stomach was flat. In fact, if anything she looked thinner than before she got pregnant. Too thin.

  He sighed out loud. One more thing to worry about. His eyes closed and he turned his thoughts toward God. How do I get through it, Lord? It feels like we’re walking through a minefield and everywhere we turn there’s danger.

  In response, he pictured the plaque on his desk, and the inscribed words filled his mind: Be still, and know that I am God …

  The words soothed his heart and shone a ray of light through the dark tunnel they were traveling. That was it, really. The answer to life’s most difficult moments. Life was full of craziness, chaos and inexplicable tragedy. Like the tragedy a year ago of the fallen Twin Towers in New York City or the damaged Pentagon in Washington, D.C.

  What sense did life make at a
ll if not for that one single verse.

  He could almost hear the Lord whispering the words directly to his soul.

  Be still, Tanner, My son. Be still, and know that I am God.

  The words calmed him and lulled him to sleep. Two hours later he felt something on his arm and he was instantly awake. “What is it?” He looked around and found Jade studying him from her hospital bed.

  She giggled at him. “Sorry. I didn’t want to wake you.”

  He sat straight up and moved to the edge of the chair, searching her face for signs of weakness or trouble or any one of the myriad of troubles Dr. Layton said might come to pass. “How are you?”

  “Fine.” A smile filled her face. “How’s Maddie?”

  The tension left Tanner’s neck and shoulders. “She’s beautiful. No problems, just a bit small. The doctor said she can go home as soon as she hits five pounds.”

  Jade’s face glowed in response. “God’s so good to us, Tanner.”

  Dr. Layton’s warnings from earlier that morning ran through Tanner’s mind, but he pushed them back. “Yes.” He took Jade’s hand in his and ran his finger over the bruise marks where the IV had been for her C-section. “God is very good.”

  They were quiet for a moment. “I know what you’re thinking.” Jade’s eyes were brighter than they’d been since the surgery, and Tanner was flooded with relief. Maybe Hannah was right. Maybe Jade was only tired because of the delivery, like any other woman.

  “What?”

  “You want to know how I’m feeling, right?”

  Tanner grew serious. “Always.”

  “I feel good, Tanner. I was half-asleep but I heard Dr. Layton. The tumor isn’t going to double overnight … it isn’t going to grow tentacles into my brain. God wouldn’t bring us this far only to let that happen.”

  “But you said yourself sometimes God’s plans aren’t ours.”

  “I know. But right now, right here, I don’t feel like a cancer patient. I feel like a new mother, alive and awake and anxious to hold her baby. Thrilled beyond words to be married to the man of my dreams and certain I’ll be around.” Jade paused as tears glistened in her eyes. “Long enough to see that man walk our little girl down the aisle someday.”