The Crush

by Ward , Penelope

  He closed his eyes as his breathing quickened.

  When he opened his eyes, he stared at me intensely. The heat of his body was palpable. I inched closer and could feel his breath on my lips.

  “Please tell me I’m not the only one feeling this,” I said.

  To my surprise, he whispered, “You’re not, Farrah.”

  I threaded my fingers through his gorgeous black hair as he muttered something under his breath and closed his eyes again. I leaned in, and before I could blink, he’d taken my mouth in his.

  Relishing the deliciously warm feel of his lips, I melted into him. Jace groaned. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Pressing my body into his, I immediately noticed his erection and could feel the heat through his jeans. My panties were already wet. His mouth moved down my face to my neck, where he sucked on the skin at my collarbone. Bending my head back, I let out a desperate sound, unable to contain my arousal. Jace pulled my hair as he bent my head back farther, sucking even harder on my neck.

  “Fuck, Farrah...what are you doing to me? This is so wrong, but I can’t stop.”

  “You don’t have to stop.”

  He spoke over my skin. “Yes, I fucking do.”

  Jace pulled me harder against him as he moved his mouth back up to meet mine. His kiss was rough and hungry. He tasted better than I could have imagined, like sugar and spice. I could feel myself getting wetter by the second. My body had never come alive like this. I prayed he didn’t stop.

  When I felt him pulling away, I gripped his shirt and brought him back into me. He devoured my mouth, harder and faster. I lifted my leg to wrap it around his waist in the hopes that he’d scoop me up and take me to his room. That was apparently the straw that broke the camel’s back.

  Jace ripped himself away, coming out of the trance he’d been in. “I can’t fucking do this.”

  I breathed heavily as I took in the sight of him: the hair I’d mussed up, the lips I’d made red and swollen, the erection I’d caused. Frenzied, my body continued to buzz with excitement.

  He rubbed his lips with his fingertips. My mouth watered. I wanted him to kiss me again.

  “We can’t let that happen ever again, Farrah. I was way out of line just now. I don’t even know what the fuck came over me.”

  “We’re both adults.”

  Panting, he looked me in the eyes. “Do you really think Nathan could handle this? Be honest.”

  I didn’t think Nathan should react negatively to the idea of Jace and me, but I knew better. I absolutely knew Nathan would never accept it. I’d have to defy him. If he found out, it would ruin his relationship with Jace; one of the only two people Nathan trusted would be gone from his life. Jace was right. I just didn’t know how to erase my feelings, especially now that I knew they were returned...at least on a physical level.

  “Okay. I admit he would take it really badly.”

  “You saw how he reacted when we were in the pool. We weren’t even doing anything then, and he freaked out on me about it.”

  This felt hopeless. I just kept nodding, because there wasn’t anything to argue. This would wreck Nathan. It was still a conundrum for me, though, because I wanted Jace more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life—and that was no exaggeration.

  “I understand it would be a nightmare if he found out. But I don’t know how to turn my feelings off. I was crazy about you before I knew you had any interest in me. But now that I know you have feelings, too, I—”

  “Just get what you think you know out of your head, okay? Yes, I care about you, and that goes way back. And yes, I’m inappropriately attracted to you now. You’ve grown into a beautiful woman, and I’m a man—I can’t help being drawn to you. But I can help my actions. I need to do what’s best for all of us.”

  “So, what does that mean exactly?”

  “It means…pretend the mistake I just made under an incredible amount of stress didn’t happen. I got worked up. I was worried about you and stressed, and I came back here so freaking happy to see you, so relieved that you were okay. All you had to do was look at me, and I lost all sense of reality. I had no right to give in to my urges.” His mouth fell to my lips. “The fucked-up thing is... I know how damn wrong it is, but I’m still standing here wanting to fucking do it again, and that scares the shit out of me. Because it has to stop.”

  His weakness gave me hope. “You don’t trust yourself...”

  “I don’t. You shouldn’t trust me, either.”

  “Why shouldn’t I trust you? From what I can see, you’re a hardworking, decent man and one of the few people in this world I actually do trust.”

  He pulled on his hair and stared up at the ceiling in frustration. “Even if Nathan weren’t in the equation, Farrah, I’m not right for you. You deserve a guy who’s good at relationships. I’m not. Never have been. And you deserve someone who’s definitely staying in Palm Creek. I don’t see myself here long term.”

  “That would change if you felt the right way about someone. I think you’re just trying to make a case, when we both know if it weren’t for Nathan, you’d probably be inside of me right now.”

  His eyes widened.

  Heck, my words shocked me too. But it was the truth. Jace gritted his teeth and looked down at the ground. I took that to mean he agreed with me.

  My gaze wandered down. “You’re still hard. You want me.”

  His tone grew harsh. “It doesn’t matter what my dick wants, Farrah. Nothing can happen. Okay? You know it. And I know it. We got a taste of it. Now we just have to forget.”

  I didn’t want a taste of it. I wanted to bury myself in it, experience all of it—and not just sex, either. I wanted Jace in every way, and it felt so unfair to have to suppress these feelings forever. That felt like a daunting task.

  I felt tears in my eyes, but I wouldn’t let them fall. Shit. I didn’t want to cry, but it was all too much. I knew he was right, but I felt desperate.

  “Can’t we just sneak around for a while?”

  He let out a shaky breath and shook his head. “We can’t do that.”

  “Says who? If Nathan doesn’t find out, what’s the harm?”

  His eyes darted up to meet mine. “He would find out eventually. Not to mention, you’re forgetting that we all live together. If anything goes wrong between us, even if Nathan didn’t know about it, it would be impossible to deal with it while living under the same roof.”

  It was crazy that I’d be willing to be with him in secret, just to be able to experience it. But I was. If he’d agreed, I would have gone with it in a heartbeat.

  I rubbed my arms. “Okay...so...I guess there’s nothing more to talk about here.” I felt a tear finally fall as I looked down at my feet, so frustrated and hopeless.

  “Please don’t cry, Farrah. Fuck. I’m not worth your tears.”

  “Things are supposed to just go back to normal now? I’m supposed to deal with you bringing girls around again...after you kissed me?”

  “I won’t bring anyone here. You have my word.” His eyes softened, filled with regret, as he cupped my cheek. “The last thing I want is to hurt you.”

  The automatic garage door sounded, and Jace flinched. Nathan was home early.

  I wiped my eyes. “Shit.” I hurried out of the room so Jace would be alone when Nathan entered.

  I ran to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I noticed a bruise on my neck from Jace. Tracing it with my finger, I was still damn turned on. It had never occurred to me just how hard up I’d been. Standing here crying, yet tingling between my legs, aching for Jace’s dick, was a weird combination. But the need inside me was relentless. My weakness was pathetic. I licked my lips, still able to taste him, remembering the way he groaned when we’d kissed.

  The muffled sounds of Jace and Nathan talking came into earshot, but I couldn’t tell what they were saying. I wasn’t sure if Jace planned to tell my brother about what happened with that James guy today.

  After a few minutes in
the bathroom, I snuck away to my room and applied some makeup to the mark on my neck before covering it with my hair. Looking at myself in the mirror, I vowed to act as nonchalantly as possible when I faced my brother.

  When I finally entered the kitchen, Jace sat across from Nathan at the table. Both were holding beers.

  “I told Nathan what happened today,” Jace said.

  Deciding to be a smartass, I tilted my head. “About what exactly?”

  He glared at me. “About James stopping by.”

  “Oh yeah.” I shrugged. “It was no big deal.”

  Nathan faced me. “Well, needless to say, it upsets me that you opened the door, and I hope you learned your lesson. You always need to check the peephole. At least this asshole won’t come by anymore now that he has his money.”

  “He won’t,” Jace said. “But she still needs to be vigilant. Because this shit isn’t exactly over yet. There are others.”

  I opened the fridge and downed some orange juice right out of the carton. That was out of character for me, but my head was still somewhere else.

  I put the OJ back and turned to Nathan. “How’s the new job going?”

  “Pretty good.” He grinned. “I actually came close to selling a car today, but then the guy’s wife convinced him to go to the other dealership across town tomorrow before making a decision. So that sucked.”

  I frowned sympathetically. “Maybe he’ll be back.”

  “Yeah. Hope so.”

  “That’s cool, though, man,” Jace said. “I’ll cross my fingers that it comes through.”

  “Thanks. I could use the extra cash.”

  “I’m going for a stroll around the block. I need some exercise,” I announced. I also needed a breather.

  “Have fun,” my brother called as I headed out the door without looking at Jace.

  As the warm, early-evening breeze hit my face, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. So much in my own head, I nearly ran into a woman walking her dog.

  “Sorry!” I yelped.

  Unable to manage my feelings anymore, I needed to tell someone about what happened today. The only person I trusted enough was Kellianne. She knew my history with Jace, and I wouldn’t have to explain everything from the beginning.

  Pulling out my phone, I dialed her.

  “What’s up?” she said when she answered.

  “Jace kissed me,” I announced. “And I’m all fucked-up.”

  “Oh my God. What?” she screamed, nearly blowing out my eardrum. “Start from the beginning, please.”

  I told her the whole story, backing up to the convo Jace and I had the night he drove me home from The Iguana, and ending on today’s mouth mauling after the James incident.

  “Oh my God, Farrah. That’s so freaking hot. He totally lost control.”

  “I was honestly taken aback by it. I thought all hope was gone after what he said in his truck that night. But when he kissed me today, I realized how far gone I am. I would’ve done just about anything to keep kissing him. He shut everything down, though, insisting nothing more could ever happen between us. How am I supposed to just…forget?”

  “This is a tough situation.” She sighed. “But I don’t think you have any choice. You know your brother would flip. Jace is really trying to do the right thing here. No matter what, you and Nathan will be fine. It’s his relationship with Jace that would be on the line.”

  I stopped walking and looked up at the sky. “I must be a horrible person for wanting to sneak around behind Nathan’s back.”

  She sighed. “No, you’re not a bad person. You’re just a little lovesick—and a lot horny—for a man you’ve crushed on since you were a kid. Even though sneaking around with him wouldn’t be right, I’m sure the idea of getting to be with him is mind-blowing. I think the only chance you’ll have of that is if Jace loses control again. Basically, he has to be thinking solely with his dick and not his brain. He won’t decide to do it. It would just happen.”

  “I don’t want Jace to have to carry around any guilt. I won’t taunt him into losing control. I just wish things were different.”

  “Yeah, but they’re not. Knowing where things stand, try to figure out how to walk away. It’s not easy because he lives with you, but you need to make a conscious effort to move on.”

  “And how do I do that exactly?”

  “You need to meet someone else, get your mind off Jace. Remember that fictitious online-dating story you gave him? Maybe we need to get you set up and make that a reality.”

  That sounded miserable, but I did need to find a way to shift my focus off the unattainable man who had been consuming my mind and heart for way too long.

  After our conversation, I thanked Kellianne and continued my walk around the block.

  When I got back to the house, Jace’s truck was gone.

  Inside, Nathan was alone in the kitchen, preparing dinner.

  “Jace left?” I asked.

  He banged a metal spoon against the saucepan. “Yup.”

  “Where did he go?”

  “Not sure. Probably to that girl Alyssa’s house.”

  Jealousy burned in my throat. “I see.”

  Nathan cocked a brow. “Why? You need him for something?”

  Looking down, I shook my head. “No.”

  Returning to my room, I spent the next hour stewing until Nathan called me to the kitchen for some pasta that he’d made.

  After dinner, I returned to my room and listened to music for the rest of the evening.

  The worst part? Jace never came home that night.

  Chapter 10

  * * *

  Jace

  Since the day I lost control with Farrah, I’d spent every night at my parents’ house. It was bad enough that I couldn’t look Nathan in the eyes anymore, but it was obvious I needed to stay far away from Farrah, too. It had been two weeks, and I still didn’t have the balls to return to my bedroom at their house.

  I’d made up a story that my mother needed help at home with my dad, so I’d be living with them temporarily. Meanwhile, my parents didn’t understand why I suddenly wanted to spend so much time with them. The good news was, even though my personal life was a shitshow, things at work were finally stabilizing. The bank had approved our business loan, so Muldoon would be able to pay off all of the money we owed. I’d also be able to put the twenty grand I’d given to James back in my bank account.

  Dad’s health was better than ever, too. After the last scan, the doctors were pretty sure his cancer was in remission. It was only a matter of time before he’d be returning to work. Then I could decide whether I wanted to find a job here or move back to Charlotte and try to get my old one back. The latter made the most sense; it was the direction I was leaning.

  “How long are you going to be gracing us with your presence before returning to Nathan’s?” my mother asked one morning over breakfast.

  “I’m probably going back there tonight.”

  “Well, I’m not going to complain about this extra time I had with you, even if I don’t understand it. You refused to move back in with us when you came home, so these bonus days were nice.”

  My mother had made me my favorite, pancakes, every morning. I didn’t feel worthy of her spoiling. Instead, I felt like a dirty traitor. Nathan kept texting me random stuff, and it took every ounce of effort I could muster to respond with nonchalant comments. I felt guilty, not only because of what happened with Farrah, but because I still didn’t trust myself around her despite knowing the consequences.

  My mother placed another hot flapjack on my plate. “Everything okay between you and Nathan?”

  “Yeah. Why do you ask?” I poured lines of syrup over the pancake.

  “Just thought maybe that had something to do with why you’ve been here.”

  “Why does there have to be something wrong for me to want to visit my folks?”

  “Because I know this isn’t your favorite place, even if you love us.” She walked back over to the s
tove, then turned around. “I forgot to mention that I saw Farrah.”

  My ears perked up. “Oh yeah?”

  “She was with a guy. Looked like she was on a date.”

  I stopped chewing. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, what else would she be doing sitting across from a handsome guy at Dean’s?”

  Dean’s was a restaurant not far from my parents’ house, which was also close to Farrah’s job.

  The syrup turned in my stomach. “When was this?”

  “Yesterday.”

  Pissed at myself for feeling a jolt of jealousy, I exhaled.

  “You look like that upsets you,” she said.

  “What?” I felt my face turning red. “No! She just...doesn’t have the best judgment sometimes.”

  “How do you know that?”

  Because she wants to fuck around with me, for one. I ignored her question. “What did this guy look like?”

  “He was older.”

  My fork fell out of my hand. “Older?”

  “Maybe around your age, possibly in his early thirties.”

  “Are you shitting me?”

  “What’s wrong with that? Your father is ten years older than I am.”

  “She’s practically a kid. There’s a huge difference between twenty-one and early thirties.”

  I felt like my head was going to explode. I wanted to jump in my car and go find her. But I shook that insane thought from my mind.

  “What you just said about Farrah goes against everything you’ve told me before. I thought you felt she was mature.”

  I rubbed my temples. “She is...but that’s because she’s had to handle a lot from a young age. That doesn’t mean she’s ready to be messing around with a dude in his thirties. She hasn’t had a lot of boyfriends.”

  My mother tilted her head and smirked. “You seem especially vested in her well-being.”

  “I am, because I care about her,” I said, feeling caught with my pants down.

  Mom wasn’t dumb.

  “Are you sure there’s nothing more?” she asked.

  One thing I could never do was lie to my mother’s face. So I had to get the hell out of the situation. I wasn’t about to admit I had inappropriate feelings for Nathan’s sister, even if that was the truth.