The Crush

by Ward , Penelope

  “Breakfast was delicious.” My chair skidded against the floor as I stood up. “Thank you.”

  “Ah, the famous eat and run. I remember that from back when I used to confront you about smoking pot in high school or whether you were having sex.”

  “Drop it, okay?” I dashed out the door to head to work.

  Yeah. She knows.

  • • •

  That evening, I forced myself to show my face at Nathan’s. I couldn’t disappear from the house forever, so I’d suck it up and spend my first night back there tonight.

  He had just gotten back from the dealership when I arrived. I hadn’t seen Farrah’s car outside, so I assumed she wasn’t home.

  He opened the fridge and grabbed a beer. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. How are things with your parents?”

  A wave of guilt hit me. “Dad’s doing much better now.”

  “Good to hear.”

  “How’s the job going?” I asked.

  “Really well. I sold an Escape today.”

  “That’s amazing, man.”

  “Yeah. I never imagined I’d end up with something I liked better than my last job, but this proves everything happens for a reason.” He chuckled. “Now I sound like Farrah.”

  The mention of her name made my pulse race.

  I did my best to act casual. “How is Farrah?”

  “I haven’t seen much of her over the past week or so.”

  Hmm… “That’s probably because she’s going around town with some guy.”

  His forehead wrinkled. “What guy?”

  It was wrong of me to rat her out, but my selfish side wanted Nathan to know about this. Aside from the fact that I was likely the most dangerous man Farrah had nearly gotten involved with, we needed to make sure she wasn’t getting herself into trouble.

  “My mother said she saw her with a guy at Dean’s.”

  “Really? Well, she never mentioned it to me, but I’m probably the last person she’d tell.”

  “I’m only telling you so you can keep an eye out, make sure she’s not running with the wrong kind of people.”

  “I appreciate that. You know I’ll be on it.”

  I nodded. Despite my best efforts, I’d likely be on it, too.

  Chapter 11

  * * *

  Farrah

  Dr. Stein scribbled something on a piece of paper. “Why do you think you decided to talk to someone at this point in your life? It’s been a while since your parents passed. Why not sooner?”

  I wasn’t sure how to answer, but I did my best to figure it out. “It’s always been hard for me to open up to anyone, in general,” I began. “But recently I’ve felt very out of control in terms of my emotions—and my actions. I feel like I need someone to keep me in check. I haven’t ever felt quite like this—not even right after my parents died. I’ve come close to making some rash decisions that could’ve been very damaging to the people I love.”

  About a week after my last encounter with Jace, I’d decided to make an appointment with a therapist. It had been a long time coming, something I probably should’ve done right after my parents died. But I was always afraid of what would happen, that all of the raw emotions would be too overwhelming if brought to the surface. But after getting up at The Iguana, I had a newfound confidence.

  Dr. Alicia Stein had been recommended by one of my co-workers. She had a nice demeanor and was very patient. This was my third meeting with her. The first couple of sessions had been spent talking about my parents’ death and working through some of those feelings. Today she’d shifted the focus to my current state of affairs.

  “Tell me what’s going on with you now. The last time we spoke, you had just met someone online.”

  “Yeah…Colton. He actually dropped me off here. He’s really nice. I’ve only been seeing him for a couple of weeks, though.”

  “You’ve obviously grown close to him in a short amount of time if he’s driving you to your therapy sessions.”

  “Actually, my car is a piece of crap and stopped working again, so he was nice enough to offer me a ride. It wasn’t like I needed his support or anything. We’re not at that level. But he’s been very supportive, in general, and I did tell him I was coming to see you.”

  “How is the situation at home?” She looked down at her notes. “With your brother, Nathan, and…Jace? That’s his name, correct? Your brother’s friend?”

  “Yes. Good memory.”

  “Well, I have it written down.” She smiled. “Was just trying to read my own handwriting.”

  “Yes. Of course.” I shifted in my seat. “I haven’t mentioned this before, but there’s a bit of a story there with Jace. Pretty sure it has a lot to do with why I came to see you when I did.” I paused. “Something happened between us.”

  Her eyes widened.

  I spent the next fifteen minutes telling Dr. Stein about my feelings for Jace over the years and ended at the part where we’d kissed. Aside from Kellianne, I hadn’t talked about him with anyone—besides my mother before she died.

  “So…” I said, “I have to wonder whether jumping into something with Colton is such a good idea, given how recently everything went down with Jace. The problem is, I know nothing can ever happen there. Jace made that crystal clear. There’s no choice but to move on.”

  “Have you spoken to Jace about your feelings since the day you kissed?”

  “No. In fact, I haven’t seen him much over the past few weeks, and that’s been intentional on my part. He stayed at his parents’ for the first couple weeks after we kissed, and honestly, I know the excuse he gave Nathan was bullshit. He had said he needed to help his parents out, but he was just avoiding me. That’s understandable. It was better that we didn’t see each other for a bit.”

  “Is he back at your house now?”

  “Yes, but I’ve still been avoiding him. I don’t want to have to deal with any tension.”

  “Does he know you’ve been seeing Colton?”

  “Apparently he does, though I wasn’t the one to tell him. Nathan told me Jace had mentioned that his mother saw me out with Colton. So he knows I’m seeing someone.”

  “Why do you think your brother would be so opposed to something happening between you and Jace?”

  It was hard to explain Nathan to someone who didn’t know him. “My brother isn’t close to a lot of people. He basically only has Jace and me. Before Jace moved back to town, Nathan was a bit of a loner. Jace is his only real friend. If something were to happen between Jace and me, and it didn’t work out, Nathan would have to choose sides. Nathan and Jace have always been competitive, and as much as Nathan loves his best friend, I know he wouldn’t think Jace was the right person for me. He thinks Jace likes to play the field. Nathan wouldn’t trust him.”

  Dr. Stein nodded. “Jace is forbidden. That drives your attraction to him.”

  I shrugged. “My feelings for him go back to childhood. It’s much more than the fact that he’s unattainable. There are many things about him I’m attracted to—his vulnerability despite his rough exterior…his humor—from the moment I met him, when we were both kids, I was drawn to him. He came back to Florida after nine years of being away, and I’ve realized not much has changed in terms of my attraction, except that I admire him for additional reasons now. His desire to help his father, his hardworking attitude. Of course, the physical attraction has only grown—men get so much better with age, don’t they?”

  “I have to agree with you on that. It’s quite unfair.” She smiled and looked down at her notes again. “Okay, Farrah. From everything I can tell, you’re on the right path. You know a relationship with Jace would be toxic, not only because it would hurt your brother, but because I think your feelings toward him border on obsessive. I think working toward developing something genuine with this new guy is the healthiest choice for you right now.”

  Her use of the word obsessive caught me off guard and made me wonder if I was coming across as a crazy
person despite my best efforts not to. Kellianne had referred to my feelings for Jace as an obsession once, too.

  The session lasted fifteen more minutes before Dr. Stein bid me farewell for now, and I left the office to find Colton waiting for me outside.

  “Thanks again for picking me up,” I said as I got into his electric blue Jeep.

  “No problem.” He leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. “How was it? I mean, you don’t have to tell me what you talked about, but did you get something out of it?”

  “Yeah… It’s definitely been a good thing for me.”

  “I’m glad.” He placed his hand on my knee. “Do you know where you want to go? I’m kind of hungry. Are you?”

  My stomach growled. “I could eat. I just need to stop by the house real quick. I have to see if I got this envelope I’m waiting for. It’s important, and I don’t want it sitting in the mailbox.”

  “Mind if I ask what it is? Or is it private?”

  “It’s Shawn Mendes tickets.”

  He laughed. “You like him?”

  “Actually, no. Well, he’s okay, but the tickets aren’t for me. They’re for my next-door neighbor, Nora. She’s eleven and is obsessed with him.”

  And I know a little about obsessions apparently.

  “You bought them for her?”

  I shrugged. “She doesn’t have any money, and her mother is a single mom trying to make ends meet. I wanted to do something nice for her. I just hope her mother will let her go. She can be kind of strict, even though she leaves her alone every afternoon to fend for herself.”

  “Damn. It would be a shame if she stopped her from going. That girl is going to love you for those tickets.”

  I nodded. Just thinking about Nora’s reaction made me giddy. “It’s probably going to make her whole year. I’ve been counting on being able to snag tickets. Someone I work with is married to a guy who works at the box office and was able to get me two.”

  Colton reached over to pinch me on the cheek. “You’re such a sweetheart, Farrah.” His touch made my skin tingle. I was definitely attracted to him. With his blond hair and blue eyes, he was the total opposite of Jace, though. All things considered, that was a good thing. Jace was my forbidden dark knight, and Colton was more like an angel with open arms.

  “It feels good to do something nice for someone.”

  “What you put out into the world will definitely come back to you,” he said as he parked in front of my house.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  Sure enough, when I got to the mailbox, the tickets were sitting there, so it was a good decision to have come home. I checked inside the envelope to make sure everything looked alright before stuffing it safely inside my purse.

  Just when I was about to turn back to Colton, Jace’s truck pulled up. My heart began to race. His eyes met mine. Now that he’d spotted me, I couldn’t just take off without saying hello. Unfortunately, saying hello also meant having to introduce him to Colton. This was going to be super awkward, but it had to happen eventually.

  So I continued to stand by the mailbox and waited for Jace to exit his truck.

  Wiping my sweaty palms on my shorts, I said, “Hey…how’s it going?”

  Jace slammed his door and his eyes darted over to Colton waiting in the Jeep. He inclined his head. “That your new boyfriend?”

  “He’s not my boyfriend, but Colton and I are dating, yes.”

  Without saying anything further, Jace walked over to the Jeep, prompting Colton to lower the window.

  Jace stuck his hand out. “I’m Jace.”

  They shook.

  “Colton.”

  “Where do you live?”

  “Over on Hyacinth.”

  “What’s your last name?”

  “Sterns.”

  Jace nodded once and walked back over to me. “Be careful.”

  I exhaled. “I will.”

  My heart ached. I missed him so much.

  Jace disappeared into the house, and I went back to Colton’s Jeep and let myself in the passenger door.

  After a bit of awkward silence, he started the car. “That was your roommate?”

  I cleared my throat. “Yeah. That’s Jace—my brother’s best friend and our temporary roommate.”

  “No offense, but he seems like an asshole.”

  I could understand why he felt that way, but it still made me a little defensive. “He’s just protective of me. He’s no different than Nathan that way.”

  “I can see why you haven’t brought me around yet.”

  “Yeah, well, that needs to change. I have a right to bring anyone I want back to my house, and my brother is just going to have to live with it.”

  But if I really meant that, why hadn’t I brought him over? Why didn’t I invite him over tonight? I couldn’t, of course, admit that the reason had to do more with the “asshole” he’d just met than my brother.

  Colton sighed. “Well, if meeting that dude was so much fun, I can only imagine what it’s going to be like to meet Nathan.”

  I frowned. “I’m sorry. It’s not easy when the only family you have is your crabby older brother and his grumpy friend. Testosterone rules in my house.”

  I knew things would be different if my parents were around. Nathan would be less invested in my personal business. And my mother, in particular, would have loved Colton’s sweet personality.

  “It’s okay. I can take the heat.” He reached for my hand. “It’s worth it.”

  • • •

  That evening, Colton drove me home after we’d gone out to dinner.

  I said goodnight to him at the door, and the last thing I expected when I entered the house was to find Jace sitting alone out by the pool.

  I pushed the sliding glass door aside, prompting him to turn to me.

  “Hey…” I said.

  His voice was low. “Hey.”

  “Where’s Nathan?”

  “He went out for drinks with some guys from the dealership. I guess he sold another car today, and they were going to celebrate.”

  “Wow, that’s awesome. I’m so thrilled for him.”

  “Yeah. No shit. Glad to see him happy.”

  I walked over and took a seat three loungers down from Jace’s, hesitant to get too close. “I’m surprised to see you here. You’re usually out.”

  “Nowhere to be today, I guess. Just sitting alone with my thoughts.”

  There was no amount I wouldn’t have paid to know what thoughts swirled inside Jace’s head.

  “Nothing wrong with clearing your head.”

  “It’s been a while, huh?”

  “Yeah.” I exhaled, surprised. “I’m glad we ran into each other earlier. It was a long time coming.”

  Jace stared at me for a few seconds. “You like this guy?”

  I shrugged. “I do. It’s too new to tell if it’s more than just a casual thing. He’s really nice, though. He’s nothing to worry about, if that’s what you’re thinking. Totally innocent.”

  “I know. I ran a background check on him.”

  I smiled. “I figured that was why you got his last name.”

  “Damn straight.” He stayed quiet for a moment. “You can come closer. I won’t bite.”

  The thought of him biting me sent a chill down my spine.

  I stood up and settled into the seat next to him. “I’ve missed you.”

  He nodded. “I’ve missed you, too.”

  “When you were staying with your parents, I wondered if you were ever coming back. But then when you did…I wasn’t ready to face you, so I’ve been making myself scarce.”

  “I’m sorry to have put you in that position. This is your home. You shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable.”

  “That’s the thing… I am comfortable around you. I love it when you’re home. But I guess I just assumed I make you uncomfortable lately.”

  “That’s not it at all, Farrah. You make me the opposite of uncomfortable. My feelings make me uncomfortable. W
hen I’m around you…I’m happy. That’s what I struggle with.”

  This man definitely knew how to make my heart come alive. He also knew how to confuse the hell out of me.

  I looked up at the dark night sky. “I started seeing a therapist.”

  “Really? That’s a pretty big deal. Since when?”

  “Since around the time you went to stay at your parents’. A co-worker gave me the name of someone a long time ago, and I decided to bite the bullet. She had the availability to take me, so I put my fears aside and did it.”

  “Good for you. I’m happy to hear that. Do you feel like it’s helping?”

  “It’s always good to get suppressed feelings out, so I would say it’s helping in that sense. It’s still too early to tell what the long-term benefit will be.”

  “Yeah. I get that.”

  I hesitated. “She seems to think my feelings for you are…unhealthy. She called them obsessive.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “Do you believe that?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “That’s bullshit, Farrah. You’re attracted to me because it’s human nature to be attracted to someone of the opposite sex who you also have a deep history with and get along with. There’s nothing unhealthy about that. Don’t let her make you believe it’s wrong to feel those things.”

  “I’m surprised to hear you say that. I thought you felt what was happening between us was wrong.”

  He shook his head. “While it might be wrong to act on it, there’s nothing wrong with how we feel. We can’t help that. Wanting you feels very natural to me, even if nothing can happen.”

  While his words were validating, it also sucked to hear him once again reiterate the fact that nothing could happen between us.

  “Colton thought you were a real douche today.”

  “Good. Let that be a warning to him. If he ever tries to hurt you, I’ll be his biggest fucking nightmare.”

  We shared a smile.

  “He’s…really nice. I just can’t seem to relax enough to let things progress.” I paused. “We haven’t…had sex or anything.”