Trust Me

by Isabel Jolie

  “It was awesome,” I blurt. “So romantic. I met his family. And they’re incredible. Kind, funny, and warm. He asked for a copy of my keys. And he gave me his codes, and I’m on his list at his apartment. And we’ve spent every night together since we got back.”

  I pause, letting my rush of information sink in. Three smiles beam around the table.

  “It’s too much isn’t it? Too fast?”

  “No!” Anna squeals. I roll my eyes. Anna wasn’t like this before Jackson. Now she’s this romance reading believer in love. It’s kind of a one-eighty from the girl I bonded with in undergrad.

  Delilah reaches out and places her hand on mine, a huge grin on her face. “I think that maybe, sometimes, when it’s meant to be, it all moves forward quickly. Because, you know, it feels right. Does it feel right?”

  I pause, thinking through it all. We’ve had sex in almost every room in his apartment and mine. But it’s not just sex. It’s how he looks at me, holds my hand, checks in on me during the day. He makes me feel like I’m his everything. I know I’m not, but when he’s with me, he’s not on his phone. He’s present. Engaged. Into me. “Yeah, it feels right. But too good?” I squint as I say this, bracing for the cascade of contradictions to come from across the table.

  Delilah squeezes my hand then picks up her drink. “Not too good. This is it for you. I can feel it. Let’s toast to true love.”

  We toast, and I look to Delilah and Anna. “How’s Chewie? I’ve been such a bad friend.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see Lindsey roll her eyes.

  Anna laughs. “Chewie is fine. And it seems our blondie here now has her own feel-good story to share.”

  “Yeah?” I ask, focusing my attention on Delilah.

  She smiles. “Yeah. Chewie’s vet asked me out!” She’s beaming.

  “I thought you said it was a woman?” I ask.

  “Nope.” She turns her head right and left. “That was his vet tech. Royal bitch. But the actual vet. Very nice. We’ve been going out. He has a daughter. I’ve met her. He’s this incredibly hot single dad.”

  “Wow.” I’m stupefied. That’s not Delilah’s MO to date the same guy. Kids too. That’s a different level of seriousness.

  The waitress comes, and we all place our orders.

  Lindsey tilts her head, and the moment there’s a lull in conversation, she breaks in. “So, I still want to hear more about Olivia’s new guy. Delilah’s been keeping me updated on her guy.” There’s obvious innuendo there in her statement. She continues. “It sounds serious, Olivia. Key exchange and all. Do you think you’re going to be moving in with him?”

  “No.” I toy with the napkin on my lap as I stare across the packed restaurant to the window.

  “Has he said anything about it?”

  I halfway glare back at her. The question strikes me as intrusive. Because she’s a new friend? Because she’s touching on a sensitive topic? Anna and Delilah both take sips of their drinks at the same time.

  I know I shouldn’t be defensive, so I answer. “He’s hinted at it a few times.” Delilah grabs my hand and grins at me. Anna smiles behind her glass. “Anyway,” I continue, “his birthday is coming up, so that’s something else to stress about. Shortly followed by Christmas. I hate having to figure out the right gift when a relationship is new.”

  “I can ask Jackson if he has any ideas. He and Sam are spending a fair amount of time at the office together,” Anna offers. “But I totally get it. Jackson and I aren’t new, but I still stress at gift time.”

  Delilah sits there tapping her chin, as if she’s running through a mental list of new boyfriend gifts. Lindsey shocks the table when she offers, “If you plan a threesome, it would blow his mind.”

  She’s staring at my breasts. I’m wearing a flannel top that’s unbuttoned enough to show a little cleavage. The shirt shifted a bit to reveal the skin almost up to my low-cut bra. I set about straightening my shirt. Delilah knows what happened between Lindsey and me, but Anna doesn’t. I haven’t given that night much thought since Sam’s return. But there’s something about the way she’s gazing at me that brings back the memory of her mouth on my nipple in the hall. Uneasiness penetrates my psyche.

  “Well, would you be open to that?” she asks, and then bites her lip, releasing it in a slow, taunting way.

  Underneath the table I cross my legs. To lighten the situation, I scrunch my nose and say, “I’m not sure we’re there yet. Or that I’ll ever be there.” But I am firm. She needs to know I’m not game.

  Anna bites her straw, oblivious to any tension at the table. Her eyes pop as she says, “You know, I read this book where the girlfriend invited a friend over as a birthday surprise. You should borrow that book.” Anna taps my arm to get my attention. “Really, so hot.” She looks up at the ceiling as if she’s trying to think through the details. “I mean, there were extenuating circumstances. Her friend was a prostitute, but super hot. They had been dating for a while, if I remember right.” She tilts her head, still thinking it through. “Maybe not. I think that’s how she ended up doing it. She was going to do like a double girl on him blow job kind of birthday present. Then it kind of became more.” She jumps a bit in her chair. “Oh, I know! Her friend had her blindfolded. She was going down on her when he walked in. That’s it! Best freaking series! The Blindfold Club. You gotta read it.”

  Delilah laughs out loud. “Damn, Anna. No wonder you get so into your books. I’m gonna start coming to you when I want a book to read. Screw my grandmother’s Goodreads picks.”

  I laugh, any discomfort forgotten, thanks to my friends, and excuse myself to go to the restroom.

  As I’m washing my hands, Lindsey enters. She bends to peer under the stalls. One other person is in one of the two stalls. I give Lindsey a slight smile and turn to pull down a paper towel.

  She walks up behind me and cups my ass and squeezes as she says, “Think about it. I’d be thrilled to be your unicorn.”

  Before I can think of a response, she’s slipped into the vacant stall. I hurry to exit.

  When I approach our table, Anna and Delilah are standing, ready to leave.

  “You want to hang out this afternoon?” Anna asks. “It sounds like the boys have already made plans for us to have dinner together tonight.” She holds out her phone so I can see a text chain between her and Jackson.

  “I’d really love that.” I turn to Delilah to see if she’s going to join us.

  Lindsey hasn’t returned yet. I’m not aiming to be the mean girl, but I’d love some time to talk to my friends about the vibes I’m getting from Lindsey. Maybe I should have a talk with her, but this is new territory for me. Or it’s kind of new territory. If she was a guy I’d hooked up with right before I started dating someone new, I’d know more about how to handle it. It’s not different because she’s a woman. But it’s different since I want her to be my friend. I wouldn’t invite a random dude hook-up to girls’ brunch. But she keeps pushing. And I’m beginning to question the friendship potential.

  Delilah wraps a scarf around her neck and leans in to give me a hug. “You two have fun. I’ve got a full day of date prep ahead of me.”

  “Pampering and such?”

  “Nope. Nap. But blow-out later. Have to do something a little special.” She grins.

  “So, you like him, huh?” I ask as I nudge her shoulder.

  “Yeah. For now. You know I’m gonna go back to New Orleans.” She grins and wiggles her fingers in a goodbye motion to someone behind me as she heads out. I turn to see who she’s waving to. It’s Lindsey.

  Lindsey walks up and asks, “What are you ladies up to this afternoon?”

  I answer first. “Not much. What about you?” Anna glances my way but continues buttoning her coat.

  Lindsey leads us out of the restaurant without answering. When we step outside, she gives us each a hug. When she hugs me, she pulls me close and whispers in my ear, “Just think about it. You’d blow his mind.” I step back and stare at the sidewalk, f
eeling awkward and uncomfortable, and wave goodbye.

  Anna and I turn to head west on Spring Street while Lindsey crosses the street and ducks into a deli.

  “That’s weird.”

  “What’s weird?” Anna asks.

  “We just ate brunch, yet she just went into a deli.”

  Anna grabs my arm so we are walking arm in arm down the street. “Maybe she remembered she needs something? Like tampons. Who knows.” Anna sounds chipper and cavalier. I know I’m being petty. Probably overly critical because I’m feeling uncomfortable around her, and I shouldn’t be. What happened between us was nothing. A drunken mistake, nothing more.

  Anna continues rambling as we walk. “You know, actually, I may need to stop to grab some tampons.” I cut my eye to her. “But we’ll go closer to my apartment.”

  “You need to tell me what you guys did when Jackson surprised you. I didn’t even get a chance to ask you.” I’ve been in the clouds. Floating. But behind on both school and my internship project. When I’m at the coffee shop, I force myself to work through my checklist and leave my phone in my bag.

  We walk side by side as Anna tells me about their trip to Mohonk Mountainhouse. I’ve heard about the spa there, but it sounds like it wasn’t so much the place as time together that made it a special getaway.

  When we approach Anna’s apartment, she pulls me into the deli on the corner. She stands staring at the tampon selection. There are only, like, three brands to choose from. As she’s standing there, I look in my handbag to see how many I have. I have a small bag I keep tampons in, and I throw it in whatever handbag I’m using. I open it up and see it’s still full.

  This week was my off week on the pill. Did I even start? I know I’m supposed to start a new pack tomorrow.

  I’m pretty sure I did start. It was light, though. On Wednesday, I did bleed. I used a tampon. But then by Thursday, it was gone. I’m biting my nails while trying to remember exactly how many tampons I did use this week, when Anna squeezes my arm.

  “Hey, you. Are you okay?”

  I snap my pocketbook shut. “Yeah, I’m fine. I only had my period for, like, one day this week. Is that normal?” My periods have always been so screwed up. Could this be a side effect of being on the pill for too long? I need to schedule that appointment with my doctor.

  Anna doesn’t say a word. She takes one step farther down the aisle and picks up a pregnancy test box.

  “Oh, no. I definitely had my period. I’m not. Put that back,” I say.

  She continues walking to the register. “Nope. There’s no reason to wonder and drive yourself crazy. We’ll go back to my place, you’ll pee on a stick, and you won’t go nuts waiting for your next cycle.”

  “What? No. That’s not what I was wondering. I’m not scared.”

  Anna isn’t listening to me. She pays for her purchases and walks out. I follow her.

  “Anna, seriously, you just wasted that money. I’m not worried about that. I definitely started.”

  Anna doesn’t say anything. She keeps walking while holding her small brown paper bag. Once we’re in the elevator, she turns to me. “It’s possible to spot when pregnant. It can be mistaken as a very light period. Pee on the damn stick. The earlier you find out if you’re pregnant, the better off you are.”

  “Fuck me,” I mutter in exasperation. I know I’m not pregnant. This is ridiculous. But Anna’s a bit of a birth control zealot. She’s been hounding me ever since college to get an IUD because she thinks the real-life stats on the pill suck. Which, come to think of it, didn’t Sam say the same thing?

  We walk into Anna’s apartment, and I follow her into the den. Jackson’s sitting back on his sofa, a laptop in his lap. A muted basketball game plays on the TV.

  “Hey, Jackson.” I say as Anna thrusts a three-pack pregnancy test box into my hand. Jackson’s eyes go wide, and he immediately turns back to the game and his computer. Smooth. Thanks for that, Anna. That’s not awkward at all.

  “I’m not pregnant,” I say, loud enough that Jackson will hear.

  “Go pee,” Anna demands. “Want me to come with you?” I don’t answer. She’s not listening to me, so why should I respond? She huffs and pulls me down the hall into her bedroom.

  She opens the box and pulls out a white metallic plastic envelope then thrusts it into my hand. “Go. Open this. Pee on it. Then come out, and we’ll sit on the bed and chat.” She gives me a big smile that shows her well-aligned teeth.

  I know I’m not pregnant, but I know Anna. She’s not going to let this go. And who am I kidding? I will feel better with negative proof now that Anna has placed this absurd notion in my head.

  One thing she said rings true. If I were, god forbid, pregnant, more time to think through options is better than no time. Sam and I could afford a kid, but this so isn’t the right time. We’ve been dating for less than two months. I’m in business school, for crying out loud.

  There’s a soft knock, and Anna pushes the door open. I place the cap back on the stick I peed on and set it on the counter. I wash my hands. I’m calm. But there’s something about peeing on a stick. All sorts of “what would I do” kinds of thoughts are running through my head.

  Anna grabs a hand towel and the handheld side of the stick and walks out of the bathroom. I follow her and watch her set out the towel, the stick, and the instructions on the corner of the bed. Then she leaps onto the bed and crawls back toward the pillows.

  “Come join me. Let’s catch up.” She sounds eager and happy and not at all like a friend who forced me to take a pregnancy test.

  I hesitate but do end up joining her on the bed. “Whose side am I on?” I ask.

  “Huh?”

  “Am I on your pillows or Jackson’s?”

  She kind of giggles. I’m glad she can giggle while my test results are on the end of the bed percolating. “You’re on Jackson’s side. So, no farting or anything.”

  I don’t say anything. My mind kind of goes blank.

  “Hey, you know whatever happens, I’m here for you, right?”

  A numbness sort of runs through my chest. I force myself to look at her instead of studying the navy and gray pattern on the comforter. “I know that. And, actually, if this were to happen, I think for the first time I’m with someone who would be a good dad. It’s just…it’s too early, you know?”

  Anna nods.

  “He told me he’s all in. I’ve fallen harder for Sam than for anyone. Ever. But this isn’t…” I shake my head. I can’t continue speaking. I’m thinking back to him wanting to keep using condoms, to me saying the pill was okay. A heavy weight lands on my chest.

  I gaze down at the end of the bed. I can’t see the result on the stick from where I’m sitting, but it looks like a pink line has formed. I should lean down there to look at the results, but I’m frozen in place.

  Anna crawls down to the end of the bed. She picks up the stick, and I hold my breath.

  She flips her hair over her shoulder and gives me an enormous, genuine grin. “Not pregnant.”

  Oxygen whooshes back into my lungs, and I tilt my head back. “Thank fucking god!” I shout. The relief is enormous. Then a thought comes over me. “You bitch. I told you I wasn’t pregnant, and you just scared the fucking piss out of me!”

  I’m grinning at her because I’m not really angry, and I can’t stop smiling because—Hello! Not pregnant! But damn Anna and her hyped-up, totally on the ball approach to all things birth related.

  Before she can react, I’ve pulled her to me and climbed on top of her, tickling the absolute crap out of her. She’s squirming like crazy and laughing and screaming, “Stop! Stop!” because she’s having trouble breathing, but I have no mercy. I haven’t done anything like this since we lived in a dorm room together, but I’m not giving up. Not only am I tickling her, but I get it in my head that she deserves a good old fashioned wedgie. Knowing Anna, she’s wearing a thong, so it’s going to be easy to do and painful.

  We’re both laughing,
and she knows what I’m trying to do, so she starts shouting louder screaming, “Help! Help!” as I try to reach around to grab the elastic.

  The bedroom door swings open. Jackson’s standing there, amusement written all over his face, taking us in. Anna and I are both breathless, but I stop tickling her, surprised by the intrusion. Then, over Jackson’s shoulder, I see Sam.

  A bead of sweat drips down my forehead, and I wipe it away while still straddling Anna. “Hey, there. What are you doing here?”

  With a smile, Sam wedges past Jackson into the room. At first, he’s watching us, and I half expect him to jump on the bed and join in. Then he glances to the end of the room at the same time I become aware of the pregnancy test crap on the end of the bed. On reflex, I grab a pillow from behind me and throw it over everything lying at the end of the bed.

  I know I’m too late and momentarily stop breathing, waiting for his reaction.

  “Hell. Fucking. No. We don’t need to use a condom, huh?”

  The muscles in his jaw flex. He pulls his arm back as if he’s going to punch the wall.

  Confusion sets on Jackson’s face. Sam pushes past him as he exits the bedroom. Then I hear him shout, “Fuck!”

  I’m reeling. Anna lifts her belly and pushes up on her elbows. In a whisper, she says, “Go tell him there’s nothing to worry about.”

  I move to get off her. She pushes me forward, and I speed up, following him. I catch up to him in the den. Sam has his arm pressed to the window frame, his back to me. Anger radiates off him.

  “I’m not pregnant. You don’t need to worry.” My voice cracks. Emotions are pouring through me right now. Fear. Guilt. Anger.

  He turns to glare at me. “No? I don’t need to worry? You told me you were on the pill.”

  “I am on the pill!”

  He turns to face me full-on. Rage colors his face. I take a step back. This is a side of Sam I’ve never seen. “On the pill, huh? So, I pop by and you happen to be taking a pregnancy test. What happened? Did you conveniently forget to take your pill one morning? It’s been two weeks. And you’re already buying pregnancy tests? Hoping for eighteen years of child support checks?”