Love So Deep

by Kathleen Ball

  She smiled. “Good. Go tell Dr. Hanks and Brian to wash up.”

  As soon as Patrick left the room, Jane crossed to stand toe to toe with Samantha. “I refuse to eat with him. A proper lady would not share a meal with an Indian.”

  “Well I guess you can take your basket and don’t let the door hit your backside as you leave.”

  Jane’s eyes widened. She put her hands on her hips and her lips thinned into a grim line. “You’re digging your own hole. I don’t know who you are or where you’re from but I’ll find out. You better hope that man takes you back up the mountain with him.” She turned on her booted heel, grabbed her coat and basket and slammed the door shut behind her.

  Dr. Hanks peered around the corner. “I was afraid she’d act that way. Sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault. Come, let’s eat while the food is hot. What about Brian? Should he eat?”

  “I have him lying down. Ether tends to make a person sick to their stomach so I think we’ll hold off. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine. The fever is down and that was my main concern when you brought him here.”

  Nodding, she placed platters of eggs, bacon, and biscuits on the table. Patrick joined them and they all ate. She was too lost in thought to notice the silence at first, but both men seemed to have things on their minds too. Brian was going to be just fine. She didn’t care what the other people in the town said. It didn’t matter. She just needed Brian healthy.

  “I’m going to need your help, Samantha. Since Jane left, I’ll need an assistant.”

  Perspiration formed on her brow but she nodded.

  “You too, Patrick. He should hold still but just in case.”

  “I’d be glad to.”

  The doctor nodded. “Okay, we might as well get started.”

  The fear in Brian’s eyes made his gut clench. If he could, he’d take all the pain for Brian, but all he could do was help. “You’ll be just fine.”

  Brian stared at him with trust in his eyes. “I know. You won’t leave, will you?”

  “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

  Satisfied, Brian nodded. “Ready.”

  Samantha smiled down on him, brushed a lock of hair from his forehead and gave him a quick kiss. “See you when you wake up.”

  The doctor started the ether until Brian fell under and handed it over to Samantha. “I’ve done this before,” she assured them.

  “Patrick, just hold his arm still. I’m going to cut now.”

  The smell of blood filled the air and Samantha swayed slightly before she righted herself and took a deep breath.

  “It’s puss filled. I’ll just clean it all out.”

  Patrick stared at her until she looked up at him. She gave him a slight smile. They stared at each other until the last stitch was finished.

  “That should do it.”

  Patrick finally took a deep breath. “Thanks, doc.” He watched as the doctor wrapped Brian’s hand.

  “Why don’t you two go sit in my parlor. I have some cleaning to do in here.”

  “I’ll help,” Samantha offered.

  Dr. Hanks shook his head. “I have certain procedures, go, sit.”

  “If you’re sure?”

  “Patrick, take your woman and go sit by the fire.”

  He held out his hand and was rewarded with a smile as she took it. His woman, if only it could be true. Her small hand felt cold in his and he pulled her along into the other room. “Sit down, and I’ll get the coffee.”

  “Sounds good.” She gave him a long, lingering look and it caused his heart to speed up. She affected him just by being near him. Being back in town reinforced his decision to leave her here.

  “I’m glad it went okay. Someone must be looking out for him. He’s certainly been through a lot.” He poured the coffee and handed one of the filled cups to her. He sat in a chair next to her and took a swig of the coffee. “If it wasn’t for that shrew, Jenny, I’d say ya and the doc would make a great pair. The sheriff is a great guy.”

  She put her coffee on the table, stood, and with rigid posture, she walked to the window. She crossed her arms in front of her and stared out at the cold day. He knew her by now, she was mad. The tapping of her foot was the only sound. She was more than mad.

  “Not talking to me?” A long pause followed.

  “No, I mean yes. You’re not taking us back with ya.” It was a statement rather than a question and he winced.

  “It’s for the best.”

  She whirled around and stared at him. “Best for who? I don’t think anyone in this town will give me a job. Where will I live?” Her eyes flashed at him, then she shrugged. “I’m sorry, it’s not your problem. I’m not your problem. You’ve been more than generous to Brian and me. I understand your concerns, but I don’t agree with them.” She gave him a wobbly smile before she turned back to the window.

  Running his hand through his hair, he tried to think of an answer. There had to be something he could say to make the situation better, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t come up with anything. “I’m sorry.”

  She nodded and her posture stiffened once again. “I’ll figure something out. After I got kicked off the wagon train, I swore all people to be evil, except my parents of course. You proved to me that there is still goodness in the world. I’ll look for the goodness and I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

  “I’ll bring ya out to the homestead tomorrow. Ya can live there and I’ll make sure it’s fully stocked. Both ya and Brian will be comfortable there.” He tried to sound positive but he wasn’t sure if his words were true. They’d have a roof over their heads and food to eat. Come spring they could move to another town.

  “Th-thank you.” Her voice shook.

  “Brian is waking.”

  Samantha left him behind as she hurried into the other room. She was upset now but eventually she’d realize it was all for the best. She may think she wanted to be with him, but eventually she’d find life was not all roses being tied to him. He wanted more for her and Brian. They deserved happiness and he was sure to bring them nothing but heartache.

  “Thanks, doc. I appreciate it.”

  “I heard part of your conversation. Are you really planning to leave her? You’d be a jackass if you did. She loves you. I see it every time she looks at you. You love her back.”

  “That may be true, but being married to me would end in disaster. No one would accept her and what about the boy? I know what it feels like to be shunned by this community. I won’t put them through it.” He stiffened as he felt the usual loneliness run through him. It was a feeling he’d have for the rest of his life. “Tell Samantha I’ll be back tomorrow to take her to the homestead.” He grabbed his coat and hat and was out the door before he put them on.

  Life was all about making sacrifices. Sometimes they were your choice but other times it was what had to be. Brian would be fine and Samantha was strong. In a few years, they’d forget about him, but he knew he’d never forget. He’d never forget the feel of her in his arms or the taste of her sweet lips. It was just as well, he never intended to bring a child of his into an unforgiving world. His body was scarred enough and he’d not allow the same thing to happen to his children.

  He shrugged into his coat, donned his hat and began his trudge through the snow. He didn’t get far before his way was blocked by three unsavory looking men. “Whatever it is ya think ya want, ya don’t. Just let me by.”

  “You the Injun Sammy’s been shacking up with?” The man was tall and he had the look of the devil in his eye. He sneered. “I bet you know where the money is. In fact I bet you know a whole lot about Sammy.”

  Patrick widened his stance ready for anything. “Stinky Sullivan? You’re exactly as she described. A piece of filth.”

  “Why you…” Stinky pulled out a knife.

  “Put it down!” A voice behind Patrick demanded. “You have been nothing but trouble since you came to town.” The Sheriff stepped between the two men. “Patrick is a friend
of mine and I’d take it more than personally if anything happened to him.” He pointed his finger at Sullivan. “Do you understand?”

  “He’s just an Injun,” Stinky grumbled.

  “I want all harassment of Patrick and Miss Foley to stop. There is no evidence she stole the money from the wagon train.”

  “Was Chigger ever found?” Patrick asked, eyeing Sullivan.

  “Not hide nor hair.”

  “I have a suspicion as to where he’s holed up,” Patrick said.

  Stinky Sullivan’s eyes widened in fear. “He ain’t dead?”

  “Guess he didn’t let you in on his scheme.”

  “We were partners! I thought they were all dead.”

  Patrick narrowed his eyes. “Just how exactly did ya survive? There’s a lot of territory between this town and where the wagons probably got stuck.”

  “I was sent to find help.”

  The sheriff crossed his arms in front of him and cocked his eyebrow. “And?”

  “And what?”

  “And did you find help? I can’t say anyone asked me for any. It wasn’t until I got a telegram saying the train never arrived that I began to ask around. You said you were the lone survivor.”

  Sullivan’s weight shifted from one leg to the other. The other two men gradually took steps back until they turned and walked away. “I thought I was until Sammy showed up.”

  “It’ll be a few months before we can venture out that way. I doubt there will be much of anything left when we do find it.” The sheriff glanced at Patrick. “Don’t you think?”

  “I know that little gal didn’t have any money on her—I picked her up in my arms and I would have noticed any extra weight. I believe her story. Chigger might have left the poor folks to their death and taken the money or maybe ya have the money, Sullivan.” Patrick took a step toward the other man.

  “You have no proof of nothin’.” He turned on his heel and stomped away.

  “A lot going on up on that mountain of yours.”

  “Too much.”

  “You still planning to leave soon?”

  “Maybe tomorrow. It’s my decision.”

  “I know it is. See ya around and watch your back. I don’t trust Sullivan.”

  Patrick nodded. “Me neither.”

  It’d been another sleepless night. The doc offered her a bed but she wanted to sit by Brian. His color was good and there was no sign of a fever. Part of her burdened heart was lightened. The other part would be forever buried she was afraid. It was shocking to have the townspeople treat her so badly. She’d been raised in a nice community with people who had good manners. Patrick had warned her, but she never fathomed such hatefulness.

  Then there was the biggest burden, Patrick. He didn’t want her. He didn’t need her and if she was being truthful, he was trying to get away from her. Sure, he cared for her but not enough to ask her to be his wife. She remembered asking her mother how you knew when you found love. Her mother told her she’d feel it. She felt it till it hurt so deeply she wasn’t sure she could bear it.

  Patrick was a hero and people treated him like dirt. He saved both her and Brian but they didn’t care. She longed to run off into the mountains with him, but now she had Brian to consider. It would affect how people viewed him and it could damage any future he hoped to have. She sighed. It wasn’t her choice. Patrick didn’t want her with him.

  Brian stirred and opened his eyes. He smiled. “My hand is still there. I thought for sure that sawbones would cut it off.”

  “You’re going to be just fine. Patrick will be here soon to take us to his homestead.”

  “Really? We’re going to live near town? Maybe I can make some friends and have my own horse!”

  “He plans to leave Ahern with us so the horse part is already taken care of.”

  His smile faded. “He’s going back to his cabin? Alone?”

  Blinking back a few tears, she tried to smile. “Yes, he is, and he offered us a place to live. I’m so very grateful for his kindness.”

  Brian stared at her until she finally glanced away. Somehow, she needed to make it seem like a good thing. “I bet there are a lot of boys your age around.”

  “Did he already leave? Will I get a chance to say goodbye?” The anxiousness in his voice tore at her.

  “He said he’d take us to the homestead.”

  “And I will,” Patrick said. He leaned against the doorway into the living quarters with a cup of coffee in his hands. “I came in the back door in case ya were sleeping.”

  “You’re here!” Brian tried to sit up, then groaned as he put his head back down.

  “Take it easy. Of course, I’m here. I’m going to take ya to a place I own.”

  “Why don’t you live there?” Brian asked.

  “Didn’t suit me.” He sipped his coffee.

  She drank in the sight of him. Time was getting short and she may never see him again. His brawny shoulders filled the doorway. His legs were long and strong and his hands so capable. He was strong and hard when needed and he was a gentle man. She longed to stroke his neatly trimmed beard, and the memory of how his mustache tickled when they kissed caused her to blush. By the time she got to his slate blue eyes she could tell by the twinkle in them, he was well aware of her perusal. She couldn’t tear her gaze away for this was a memory she needed to carry in her heart. He was the one, just as her mother told her, she just knew it. Her hopes for her future dashed. They’d be saying goodbye soon.

  “I’ll just freshen up and we can be on our way.” She stood and as she walked by him, he touched her hand. She kept walking, not knowing what to do or say. Her instinct had been to grab it and ask him to take them back with him, but she had her pride. She went upstairs to the spare room and got her things ready. Looking in the mirror, she cringed. She looked beyond tired but there was no help for it. She brushed her hair, took a deep breath and walked back down the stairs.

  He stood at the bottom of the staircase, his gaze drinking her in as she had just done to him. He knew what he was walking away from. Her heart ached. He knew and was going to do it anyway.

  They bundled themselves and Brian up and went outside. The wind had stopped and for a moment. The sun on the snow shimmered beautifully. It reminded her of fool’s gold, maybe because she felt like a fool. She wasn’t sure. It wasn’t a long walk at all and the house was surprisingly nice. She’d pictured a rundown structure but it appeared sturdy. “It looks nice.”

  “Thanks. I’ve had it a long while. I just never got around to selling it. I’ve rented it out on occasion.” He carried Brian up the front steps, opened the door and gestured for her to precede him.

  “It’s homey.” She glanced around and all the nice touches surprised her. There were red and white checked curtains with a matching tablecloth. There were even enough chairs around the table. “A wood stove? I can cook anything on a stove.” She smiled and then as she remembered he’d be leaving her smile faded.

  “I like it.” Brian announced from the spot on the couch where Patrick laid him.

  “It’ll be warm and you’ll be safe. There’s enough supplies to last five months or so.”

  “Surely, winter won’t last that long.” Every muscle in her body tensed.

  “I wasn’t sure how long ya intended to stay.” He took his hat off and ran his fingers through his hair. “The people might warm up to ya or ya might want to continue on West. I told Mrs. Andrews over at the general store to put anything ya might need on my bill. Of course, I’ll leave Ahern with ya. He’s out back in the barn. Brian you’ll take good care of him, won’t ya?”

  “You bet! Wish you were staying though.”

  “Me too, buddy, me too.” He pulled Brian to his side and gave Brian a quick hug. The sad expressions on both of their faces tugged at her heart.

  “Well…” She didn’t know what to say. Asking him to stay would do no good, and he didn’t want them on the mountain with him. It was as though a part of her was being ripped away.


  “I’m not good at goodbyes. Ya take care of yourself and I hope everything works out the way ya want it. Ya deserve to be happy. If you’re still here next time I come to town, I’ll stop in and check on ya.” His gaze held hers and for a split second, she thought she saw regret.

  “Thank you for everything. You should probably go. I’m not good at goodbyes either.” Her smile quivered.

  “Take care.” He gave her one last glance, waved at Brian and walked out the door, taking her heart with him.

  “I wish we could go with him.”

  “Me too, Brian, me too.”

  Chapter Nine

  Three months later

  Samantha sat on the front porch sewing clothes and watching Brian kick an empty can around the yard. He’d grown sadder by the day and she wasn’t sure what to do. The rest of the children in town wouldn’t play with him. It wasn’t any better for her. She tried everything to get the people to accept her. She and Brian went to church each Sunday, only to be ignored. She’d hoped the preacher would intervene but he pretended not to notice. She tried to start up conversations with people while she was at the store, but people turned and walked away. She even tried to make money by doing laundry, but she had no customers.

  The only people who were kind to her were the sheriff and the doctor. They were busy men and not ones to talk a lot. Each rebuff hurt, but she kept trying for Brian’s sake. School would be starting and she wanted him to attend, but she was afraid of how he’d be treated.

  Stinky Sullivan was still in town but for some reason he hadn’t continued to accuse her of theft. From what she’d seen, he spent his waking moments at the saloon gambling. She made sure their paths never crossed. A time or two he came barreling toward her and she hurried to the other side of the street, escaping him. The thunderous looks he gave her scared her. Maybe she needed to carry a gun.

  “Sam, do I have ta go to school? You already taughted me a lot,” Brian pleaded. He was nervous and afraid but it was in his best interest.

  “It’s taught, not taughted and yes you have to go. All children go to school. You like to read and you’re quick at math. Just think of all the things you’ll learn.”