Love So Deep

by Kathleen Ball

  “No, I just need you. You’ll be here when I get out of school, won’t you?”

  Her heart melted. “Of course I’ll be here, Brian. I wouldn’t dream of leaving you.”

  “I think I’ve been with you the longest, well, except for the orphanage, but I don’t remember it much. I was too little. I do remember I hated it.”

  “Well, we have each other and that’s all that matters.”

  “Do you think Patrick will come down the mountain?” His eyes widened with hope.

  She shook her head. “I don’t know, Brian.” He nodded and went back to kicking the can. She wished she could tell him Patrick would come to see them but in truth, he’d been to town once already and never contacted her. A more intense hurt she’d never known. In a superficial way, she understood his leaving them in town but deep down she held on to the hope of their love. But what did she know? She’d never known love for a man before. Perhaps it was easier for a man to turn away from his feelings.

  She stood up, went back into the house, and poured herself a glass of water. Her father grieved deeply for her mother. The same doubts ran through her daily, but she had easily shrugged them off until the woman at the mercantile told her Patrick had been in. It’d been as though someone had pushed all the air out of her and it left her gasping while Noreen Black and Mrs. Andrews gaped at her.

  Patrick hadn’t reordered supplies for them, not that they were his responsibility but panic had begun to set in. She needed a job. The saloon was her only option. Maybe it was time to leave town. Time for a new beginning. Hearing Brian talking to someone, she hurried outside.

  Her hand went to her neck and her jaw dropped. “Mr. Chigger? Where are the rest of the people?”

  The older, unkempt man laughed, showing his brown teeth. “I don’t think there are any other people who survived. I figured you for dead and that Sullivan fella never came back. He probably froze to death.”

  “You’ll find Stinky in the saloon. He’s there every day gambling.”

  “Gambling?” He stroked his long white beard. “Now I know what happened to all the money from those poor souls who perished in the snow.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Where exactly have you been?”

  “There’s a bunch of trappers up there in them mountains. A couple of them found me and I laid up with them.”

  “Well if you survived, surely there must be others?”

  “No, Ma’am. I went to find help, and when I returned they were all dead and half eaten by wolves.”

  She cringed. “I see. Come on, Brian, we need to get inside.”

  “I don’t rightly remember you having a child.”

  “I didn’t. Good day.”

  She put her arm around Brian’s shoulder and hurried inside. Chigger was lying and she hadn’t liked the way he looked at her as if she was a problem he needed to get rid of. Hopefully he’ll concentrate on Sullivan and the money. Maybe he’d leave her alone. She needed to be sure all the guns were loaded. Something bad was about to happen, she could feel it. The saloon it would be.

  After Brian went to bed that evening, she took a long bath. Too bad it wasn’t a soothing one. Tense muscles and nerve racking thoughts of Braney, the saloon owner, kept her from enjoying anything. Finally, she got out of the bath, dried herself off and put her nightgown on. It took her a while to empty all the water out and by the time she finished she was exhausted.

  The next day the sun rose in glorious colors of pink and blue, combining in places to make purple until it finally changed to its fiery yellow splendor. The birds all sang and she wished she too had a song in her heart. She had just finished making a stack of pancakes when Brian sat down at the table.

  “I don’t like that man.” he said the edges of his mouth turned downward.

  “What man?”

  “That Chigger fella. He’s sitting outside on the front porch as if he owns the place. I found him there after I fed Ahern. I told him to leave and he said I have bad manners.” His frown turned deeper.

  The chair scraped across the floor when she stood. “You stay here. I need to have a talk with Mr. Chigger.”

  “Sam, I don’t think you should go out there. He’s a mean one.”

  “It’ll be fine, you’ll see.” Grabbing her shawl, she wrapped it around her as she walked out the door. Brian was right, Chigger sat in one of the handmade chairs on the porch. From the smell of him, she guessed he spent his night in the saloon.

  “I was wonderin’ how long it’d take you to come out.” His deep voice sent a shiver down her spine.

  “What is it you want?” She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to keep her face expressionless. It wouldn’t do to have him know she was frightened.

  “I want my money, for starters. Stinky says you had it on you when we left you for dead.”

  “So you admit you didn’t plan on me surviving.”

  “I admit nothing. Just give me the money and I’ll go away.”

  She itched to slap the smirk off his face. “I don’t have any money. Did you ask Stinky how he could afford to gamble every night?”

  Chigger slowly shook his head. “He said you’d say that. Fact is, Ol’ Stinky has been on a winning streak unlike anything I’ve ever seen. He’s one lucky son of a bitch.”

  Crossing her arms in front of her, she stared at him. “You really believe that? I thought you were smarter than that. I think you know I’m telling you the truth. It wasn’t my idea to leave the train. But if I remember right, it was both you and Stinky’s idea I marry Tom. I always thought it a bit strange. I think the money was in my wagon. I think Stinky put it in there for when it all came up missing—no one would have suspected my father of stealing. I know I can’t blame my mother’s death on you, but you were out hunting with my father when he was killed.” She walked down the porch steps, anxious to put space between them. “You left me for dead afterward. I don’t know why I didn’t put it all together until now.”

  “You little fool. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Chigger growled. “I made a few inquiries about the boy. The orphanage doesn’t like having runaways on their record. Seems they’d be glad to have him back.”

  She gasped. “I told you I don’t have your money!”

  Chigger stood and walked down the steps. “I know you don’t. I knew it all along. I just wanted to see what you knew. You see, it ain’t healthy for me to have you around.” He tipped his hat, mounted his horse and rode away without looking back.

  The shock of his words paralyzed her. What was she going to do? Staying was no longer an option and she was out of choices. They’d have to pack lightly and make it to the next town. Her heart squeezed painfully. The only way to do it was to take Ahern with them. Hopefully Patrick would understand.

  Still sick to her stomach, she turned and strode to the house. The quicker they left the better.

  “What do you mean she’s gone?” Patrick roared as he stared at Sheriff Todd. He’d come to town to restock Samantha and Brian’s supplies and found a note on the old kitchen table.

  “A couple days ago. She packed up and off they went.” The sheriff leaned his chair back on two legs until he hit the wall behind him. “I told her it was a mistake but she told me she needed to keep Brian safe. I asked what the problem was but she refused to talk. I couldn’t keep her here.”

  Exasperated, Patrick loudly sighed. “Her note didn’t say why, just she was sorry she had to take Ahern. Hell, the horse is the least of my problems. Someone threatened her.”

  “My thoughts exactly. I think it was Chigger, but she wouldn’t say. How can you protect a person when they won’t say?” He righted his chair with a thud.

  “Chigger is here? Oh hell!” His eyebrows shot up and his gut clenched. It wasn’t any wonder she took off. “Got a horse I can borrow?”

  “Take Snowstorm. Tell Jonnie at the livery I said it was a good thing.”

  “A good thing?”

  The sheriff smiled. “Code words. Means i
t’s official business and to let you have the horse. People think my job can be easy but if you need a posse fast, you need horses fast too. The code words were my idea.”

  Patrick barely heard the last words. He was out the door and at the livery in no time. He got Snowstorm, a tall white gelding and stopped at the mercantile. His jaw hurt from gritting his teeth the whole time he gathered supplies. Widow Andrews watched his every move just as she did when he was a child.

  “Will this be all?” She asked in a haughty manner.

  “Yes.”

  “Where you going? I see you have that devil of a horse with you.” Her eyes narrowed. “Does the sheriff know you have it?”

  “How much do I owe ya?” He tried to keep his voice light and even.

  “I’ll subtract it from the credit you have.”

  Usually he waited for a total and a bill of sale. He didn’t trust the old biddy and he liked to know exactly how much he had in credit. The first time he came down the mountain she tried to cheat him, thinking he couldn’t add. “Fine. I’m in a hurry. I’ll check with ya when I come back into town for the bill.”

  Frowning, she gave him a curt nod. She grabbed her feather duster and started dusting some cans, keeping her gaze on him the whole time.

  He quickly gathered his things and left. Damn woman. There had been so many bad moments of loneliness the past few months and he’d somehow talked himself into asking Samantha to be his wife, but now his thinking was right again. He’d condemn her to a life of nasty injustices and he wasn’t going to do it.

  He packed his saddlebags and loaded up Snowstorm. Walking back to the rail where the horse was tied, he took a moment to look into the horse’s eyes. He stroked his nose and leaned in until their faces touched. Taking a step back, he nodded. Snowstorm would do well.

  Mounting, he was soon on his way out of town. He figured she decided to travel to the nearest town. He hoped he was right. She was a capable woman, but there was still danger along the way. They’d already spent two nights away from the homestead. Depending on how far they traveled each day, they could make it by morning. He had a lot of distance to travel.

  Thankfully, it wasn’t cold during the day. The nights would be fine if they were able to start a fire. What the heck had Chigger done to make her run? He was a mean one and most probably a murderer. The more he thought about it the angrier he got. He should have protected her better. He should have made sure she and Brian were safe. He might not be able to have them for a family, but they were his responsibility.

  Leaving them at the homestead seemed to be the right choice, the only choice. Thoughts of her spun him in circles until he didn’t know which way was up anymore. He needed to find them and make sure they were safe and had a place to live before going back up his mountain.

  Snowstorm’s endurance amazed him and they covered a lot of ground. The sun was quickly setting and he planned to keep going as long as he could. He jumped down and took the reins, leading the horse through the trail. He couldn’t take a chance of Snowstorm stepping into an unseen hole and getting hurt. They stopped many times and rested. Finally, he stopped and leaning against a tree, he slept.

  Up before the sun, he quickly ate and was off again. He traveled through a heavily treed area and he felt the change in the air. He could smell a storm coming. As he rode into a clearing, he gazed up at the sky and swore. The clouds were black, blue, and filled with rain. The wind began to pick up and he urged Snowstorm to go a bit faster. Again, he was grateful for the powerful horse.

  Large drops began to fall. Patrick pulled out a blanket to drape over his head and back. The pelts he wore kept a lot of the rain off his skin. It was time to stop and rest. The scream of a mountain lion raised the hair on the back of his neck. He grabbed his rifle and got off the horse. Ahern started to race by him but he slowed when he spotted Patrick. Damn, where were Samantha and Brian?

  The cry of the lion echoed through the air and he began to run toward it. He was almost out of breath when he finally spotted them. They were in a good position in a cave above the ground. Samantha stood at the entrance with her rifle aimed at the mangy cat. He didn’t hesitate; he aimed and shot. The mountain lion dropped and lay still.

  Samantha’s eyes grew wide as she frantically looked around for him. He walked into the clearing as she sagged against the cave wall, tears in her eyes. Quickly he ran to the cave, intent on taking Samantha into his arms but he was tackled by Brian instead. Luckily, he kept his balance as the boy jumped into his arms.

  “Damn, it’s good to see ya safe.”

  “Patrick, we missed you. Where have you been? We were almost mountain lion food. Ahern! Did he eat Ahern?”

  He patted Brian’s back and set him down. A lump formed in his throat as he gazed from one frightened face to the other. “Ahern is just fine. I met him on the trail coming here.” He couldn’t get enough of staring at Samantha. He looked at her from head to toe, reassuring himself she was fine. Finally, his gaze rested on her lovely face.

  Tears rolled down her face as she sagged to the ground, shaking. She appeared so lost and he couldn’t stand it. The next thing he knew he was sitting next to her. He drew her into his arms and onto his lap. Immediately she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her sweet body against his.

  “I’m so glad to see you,” she whispered against his neck. “I was ready to shoot but it kept moving. I would have shot it, you know.”

  “I know.” He rocked her as his cheek lay next to hers. The softness of her hair and smoothness of her skin stirred him.

  “She would have. Sam is the bravest!” Brian all smiles plopped down next to them. “But I’m glad to see you too. You’re like a good luck charm, Patrick. You always save us.”

  He couldn’t help the smile that spread widely across his face. It was a good feeling to be needed. A very good feeling, one he’d wish would never go away. His smile faded. He knew the score.

  “How did you know where to find us? We just left town a few days ago,” Samantha asked as she pulled out of his arms. She smiled at him and then slid off his lap. She sat in line with them, her back against the wall. Her body still shook.

  “Let me get the horses. Brian, can ya come with me and help gather wood for a fire?” He took off his coat, laid it over her and gave her shoulder a soft squeeze. “You’ll be okay here?”

  She nodded. “Yes. Go, get Ahern. I hate to think of him out there alone.”

  “We’ll be right back.” He motioned for Brian to follow him and out into the pouring rain they went.

  “The wood will be wet!” Brian yelled above the wind.

  “It’s dryer in the woods and I have some wrapped in canvas on Snowstorm.”

  “What? It’s going to snow again?” Brian had to run to keep up with him.

  Stopping he turned toward Brian. “Snowstorm is a horse, and we’ll find dryer wood under the trees.”

  “Okay!” He ran down the trail.

  Patrick shook his head and laughed. It sounded strange to him. He hadn’t had much reason to laugh in the last few months. Up ahead he spotted Brian talking to both horses and it looked to be quite the conversation.

  “This is the sheriff’s horse. If he finds you you’ll go to jail and jail ain’t no joke.”

  “That’s right it ain’t no joke. The sheriff lent the horse to me. This is Snowstorm.”

  “Okay, I’ll get some wood. Sam looks very, very cold. It’s been hard on her. She cries at night sometimes. Not just here but back at the house too. I think she misses you and the ladies are mean there. No one likes us.” He stared at Patrick, his eyes intense.

  “Well, let’s get the wood and get back.” What was he supposed to say? Brian probably figured he could solve all their problems. He sighed. He’d let the child down again when he left. They collected a bit of wood and headed back to the cave. It wouldn’t be enough for the night but it wasn’t easy juggling the wood, the horses and Brian all at once. A trip for more wood was in his future.
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  The mud began to suck his feet down into the earth and walking became difficult. “Almost there,” he said to Brian and the horses.

  “Sam was real good at making fires for us. She kept us real safe too. Do you think she’s pretty? I do. I bet she’d make a great wife.” Brian gave him a sidelong glance.

  His lips twitched and he wanted to laugh. “She’s pretty.” He continued walking.

  “And she knows how to cook,” Brian added, practically running to keep up with Patrick.

  The cave came into site and Snowstorm began to pull back on the reins. “It’s okay boy, you’re fine.” He soothed the horse until he was ready to go on.

  “What’s wrong with him?”

  “The smell of blood from the dead mountain lion makes him want to run.”

  “In the other direction.”

  “Yes, Brian, in the other direction. Look, there’s Samantha waiting for the wood.”

  “I bet she’s real cold.”

  “I bet she is too, let’s go.” They walked straight to the cave and dropped off the wood. The appreciation in her eyes warmed him. A man could get used to such things. “I’ll go tie up the horses.” He escaped into the wet weather. He’d known seeing her again would make his heart hurt even more.

  With a lump in his throat, he returned to the cave and squatted down. He placed the smaller canvas covered wood into a circle near the front of the cave. The heat of her gaze warmed him. He smiled as Brian sat next to him, clearly confident a fire would get going any second. He pulled out his flint and lit the dry wood. Before long, a warm blaze lit the inside of the cave. “Ya were lucky to find this place.”

  “Indeed we were, and just in time for this nasty weather.” Her voice washed over him and he wanted to have her in his arms again.

  “I’m hungry. We’ve had a lot of beans, Patrick. Do you have something good in one of your packs?”

  Patrick laughed. “I have beans too, Brian. Look in that other bag against the wall. I have dried beef in it.”