Love So Deep

by Kathleen Ball

  All she did was wake up and spend her days doing laundry. Her hands were so red from the scrub board and the lye soap she didn’t even recognize them as her own. Her back ached constantly and she had burn marks on her hands and arms from the iron. She often looked down the trail that led to the mountain for her two guys but no one was ever there. Each long day chipped away a piece of her heart until it finally lay shattered and she hadn’t a clue how to put it back together.

  They’d forgotten her, plain and simple. She reminded herself every day how lucky she was to have a roof over her head. The vegetable garden she planned never happened. She just didn’t have the time or energy to put one in. She carefully saved each penny so she could leave and start again, someday. It would do her good to be away from the mountain trail. It hurt too much to keep staring and waiting.

  Maybe she’d never leave. There was always the hope Brian would return. At least he was in good hands, but it didn’t console her battered heart. The man from the orphanage had arrived just as expected but Sheriff Todd sent him on his way, telling him he’d never seen Brian. It was a big relief. One less thing to worry about. There were times she wondered if she’d made it all up, the love given and received by both Brian and Patrick. Surely, they’d have come down the mountain. Maybe one of them was hurt. They didn’t have Ahern to ride to get help.

  Wiping the sweat from her brow, she bent backward to stretch her aching back. She had no rights to Brian. She’d always wanted a family of her own but now it didn’t appeal to her. She already had a family and her imagination didn’t stretch far enough to think of another man. Blaming Patrick did no good. He made his decision from experience. Why did people have to be so judgmental? Why couldn’t they all get along? They attend church services every Sunday without fail but the rest of the week, their actions were not ones of a Christian.

  Even the poorest of poor avoided her. It ate at her soul. Memories were a sad comfort at night. The house was so quiet she was thinking of getting a dog. Ahern listened but he was Patrick’s horse. She’d tried to get someone to take the horse back up the mountain but no one offered. Perhaps she should return the horse herself. She sighed. It would probably bring nothing but more heartbreak. She couldn’t handle more, not right now.

  “This is unacceptable!” Noreen Black screeched as she threw one of her husband’s shirts at Samantha’s face. Her black hair was pulled back so tight it made her eyes look like they were popping out. “There is a big tear in the back and the front of it is scorched. I need to buy a brand new shirt.”

  Samantha picked up the shirt and knew she wasn’t the one who ruined it. In fact, Noreen refused to bring her laundry. More than likely, she did it herself.

  “You’ll have to pay for it, you know. I highly doubt you’ve made enough to cover the cost. This is a fine shirt.”

  “I haven’t washed a shirt so fine. I’m afraid you’re mistaken, Mrs. Black. You refused to do business with me, or have you forgotten the scene you made at the general store?”

  “How dare you talk to me that way? Maybe you need to go up that mountain where you belong. You sure as hell don’t belong here. I’ll send the sheriff by to collect the three dollars from you.” She turned and stalked off.

  Crestfallen, Samantha had had enough. More than enough for one lifetime. Even with all her hard work, she didn’t have three dollars. No one would take her word over Noreen’s. Her husband owned the bank. She kicked the ground in frustration. She’d finally been pushed too hard.

  She left all the laundry right where it was and hurried to the house. There was only so much a person could take. She’d return Ahern and then go down the other side of the mountain. Anywhere but here would be good. Packing her few belongings didn’t take long. She smiled as she put cans of beans in a sack along with shotgun shells and flint. The days were getting longer and there was plenty of daylight left.

  The expected sadness of leaving her home didn’t happen. She saddled Ahern and they rode in the direction of the mountain. There was no sense staying to listen to the sheriff. He might be a friend but what Noreen wanted, she got.

  The weather was perfect all day and she found the cave they had stayed in before. Everything would be fine.

  “But you promised,” Brian pleaded as he stared at Patrick. They both sat on the stairs, taking a break. “You keep saying we’ll go but we never do.” He crossed his arms in front of him and gave a sullen look.

  “I know and I’m sorry.”

  “Is it because you love her? I could help you out with what to say.”

  Patrick’s lips twitched. “Oh really? Like what?”

  “Women like to hear they are the most beautiful person in the whole wide world. They want to know your heart goes pitter pat when you see them. What does pitter pat mean?”

  Patrick nodded. Brian was so serious in his advice. “It means your heart beats faster.”

  “Oh. And a way to a man’s heart is through their stomach. That means you have to like her cookin’ even if it’s beans.” He leaned closer to Patrick, his eyes wide, and stared. “Do you need me to explain it again?”

  “I think I’ve got it. It’s more complicated than that, Brian.”

  Brian leaned back. “It’s about children. I know your children would be nice and all but, I’m still going to be the oldest. The oldest is the smartest and bravest. Women always go on and on about babies.” He rolled his eyes.

  “Where’d ya here that, the part about the babies?”

  “Solomon. He said he left more than a few women with babies. Every woman wants one but when they find out they are having one they act all crazy and he knew it was time to leave. Is that why we left? Is Sam having a baby? I didn’t see her acting crazy like except for when she said I couldn’t have coffee. Maybe Sam is the type that doesn’t go crazy. Don’t you want to see your child?”

  He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “No, son, Samantha isn’t having a baby and I certainly wouldn’t leave one of my children behind.”

  “Well let’s go. There is no reason for us not to go and ya did promise.” Brian widened his eyes while waiting for an answer.

  “I suppose you’re right.”

  “Yay! I’ll get packed.” He stood and ran into the house.

  He was plumb out of excuses. It’d been one of the hardest thing’s he’d ever done, saying goodbye to Samantha. His reasons were valid but up here in the mountains, they didn’t seem to matter anymore. Thank God, he had Brian to keep him company or he’d have gone crazy. Even with Brian, a big part of him didn’t feel whole. Samantha owned the biggest part of his heart.

  Brian stuck his head out the door. “You coming or what?”

  The boy was persistent. Patrick stood and went into the house. “No complaining about eating beans.”

  “Okay, just hurry!”

  It didn’t take long to gather the things they would need. They could only take as much as they could carry. He missed his damn horse too. “Let’s go.”

  The weather was nice and they made good time. Brian was curious about every animal they saw. He knew their names but not how or where they lived. It made the time go by faster as he explained things to him. There was a part of him anxious to see her and a part of him dreading it. He didn’t even have a valid excuse as to why they hadn’t been down for a visit and he realized just how wrong he was to keep Brian from her. He hadn’t thought about it that way before, but now he felt ashamed. He strived to be better than that, or so he’d thought. He wasn’t sure about anything anymore.

  They made camp for the night and ate the dreaded beans. Brian didn’t complain once.

  “Do you think she misses me?” Brian sounded anxious.

  “With her whole heart, I imagine. She’ll be overjoyed to see ya.”

  Brian yawned and lay on his bedroll. “You too.” He closed his eyes.

  He doubted it. He’d practically insisted they get married then refused to marry her. He probably wasn’t one of her favorites. He’d be lu
cky if she gave him a hello. He was leaving it all up to God. Some things were meant to be and others not. He was at a loss.

  He lay down and closed his eyes. All he could see was Samantha, her smile, her hair, her lips. What a fool he’d been. Part of the reason the town didn’t accept him was because his father was the town drunk. He’d be a better parent, he hoped. Finally, he slept.

  Samantha saw a glimpse of two people and she quickly got off the trail. She didn’t want or need any trouble and predators were everywhere. Sliding off Ahern, she took the reins and guided the horse behind a group of boulders. Her heart beat out of her chest as she waited for them to pass. They were so close, she held her breath but Ahern whinnied rather loudly. Still she shrank back against the rocks, hoping. She didn’t hear anything and she grabbed the rifle when Ahern broke loose and headed for the trail. Lord have mercy. She was done for. Scrambling, she flung herself behind a different set of rocks and waited. Her heart beat faster and faster until she heard Brian’s voice call out for her. Did they have Brian too?

  “Samantha, it’s me Patrick. Can ya answer me?”

  She swallowed hard.

  “Do you think she’s hurt?” She didn’t like the panic in Brian’s voice.

  “I’m here, “she called as she stepped out into the open. A better sight she’d never seen, Patrick and Brian safe and sound. She took a few steps toward them and the next thing she knew, she was in Patrick’s arms. He swung her around before he soundly kissed her.

  “I want to hug her too!”

  Patrick let her go and she dropped to her knees, taking Brian into her arms. She hugged him to her tightly and began to cry.

  “Tell her she’s the most beautiful woman in the whole world,” he told Patrick.

  He helped her to her feet and dried her tears. “He’s right ya know. Ya are the most beautiful woman in the whole world.”

  “Tell her you’ll eat her beans,” Brian urged.

  “I’ll eat your beans.” His expression was so earnest she laughed.

  “What’s going on here?” She gazed at Brian then Patrick. “Is this some type of joke?”

  Patrick removed his hat and hit his thigh with it. “I’m no good at this. We were coming down to see ya.”

  Her smile faded. “It’s about time. I waited every day for over two months. I even had a job.”

  Patrick grabbed her hand. “Why are yar hands so red and rough?”

  Quickly she snatched them back. “I took in wash. Until recently, when Noreen claimed I tore her husband’s shirt and scorched it. I never washed any of their clothes. She expected me to pay three dollars for the darn thing so I left. I’m up here to return Ahern to you and visit for a day or two then I’m off.”

  “Off to where?”

  “Why do you care?” She folded her arms across her front and frowned.

  Patrick’s eyes grew wide. “Why do I care? Woman, I told ya how beautiful ya are and I promised to eat your beans. Damn it! I should have used my own words but Brian, well never mind. Samantha, my love for ya runs deep in my heart. When we’re apart all I do is think about ya. I miss ya, I worry about ya, and I love ya. Ya bring the sunshine into my life and I feel as though I’d wilt without ya.”

  “Patrick, I love you too but—”

  He took a step forward and placed his finger over her lips. “No buts. We get married and do it all proper. If ya want to move back to town, we can do it. I just want ya happy.”

  She nodded and he pulled her into his strong arms. Wrapping her arms around his waist, tears sprung. She was home, right here in his arms. She smiled at Brian who looked on. “I want to be up here on your mountain.”

  Patrick took a step back and cradled her cheek in his palm. “Are ya sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then let’s get going, we’re halfway to town and we can get married.”

  “I don’t know about going back there. I don’t have three dollars for Noreen’s lie.”

  “Don’t ya worry about that.” He smiled. “No more worries.”

  Epilogue

  Patrick held Samantha’s hand, rubbing his thumb along the back of it. “Finally finished. Now one more to go.”

  She glanced around, making sure they were alone. “Maybe I won’t have to be so quiet at night. Ya did a beautiful job on our bedroom. Thank you, Patrick.”

  “Ya might actually take off all your clothes at one time.”

  She swatted his shoulder. “What if Brian needed me in the middle of the night? But I have a feeling we’ll have a lot of fun. I’m so glad you changed your mind about children.”

  Patrick placed his hand on her growing belly. “Me too. Now that we’re married the town’s people aren’t as rude.”

  “They are only slightly rude.” She laughed. “When’s bedtime?”

  He pulled her to him and kissed her until she squirmed in need. “In about five hours, I’d say.”

  His arousal was easily felt as he held her. “Feels like you’ll be suffering.”

  He cocked his left brow. “There’s always the barn. I know how much ya like the hay.”

  “Don’t even joke about that, Patrick. Hay is scratchy. You could have at least warned me it wouldn’t be a good idea.” She laughed, stood on tiptoe and gave her husband a passion filled kiss. “I’m so glad I have you.”

  “Me too.”

  “Oh yuck! Why can’t you be like other married folks? You know, the ones who fight then don’t talk to each other?” He shook his head at them. “The room is done! Does that mean you’ll start work on mine soon?”

  “Yes—” Patrick started.

  “Great! See ya!” He ran back outside.

  Samantha chuckled. “Have I told you how much I love you today?”

  “No. Not a word but we can go into the bedroom and ya can show me.”

  “Set the bed up and maybe we’ll have some fun in five hours.”

  The End

  I'm so pleased you chose to read Love So Deep, and it's my sincere hope that you enjoyed the story. I would appreciate if you'd consider posting a review. This can help an author tremendously in obtaining a readership. My many thanks. ~ Kathleen

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  Whispered Love

  “Please, Da, please wake up,” Patricia Clarke cried as she shook her father’s shoulder. It was no use. His cold, stiff body told her he’d likely been dead since shortly after he’d gone to bed and now the break of dawn threatened. A strong wind blew through their canvas tent-like structure. Even the woody scent of fir needles didn’t bring her the usual comfort. The rest of the company would be up in no time, and once they knew her father was dead, she’d be asked to leave.

  She quickly gave him one last kiss on his cold cheek and set about getting dressed. First, she made sure her breasts were bound, and then she pulled on a grubby shirt and torn pants. A cap on her head, drawn low over her forehead came next. Finally, she took out a jar of ashes she kept under her bed and rubbed some on her face. And with that, the transformation from Patricia to Patrick was complete.

  The lumberjacks thought her to be a weak boy, who was too wet behind the ears to pay too much attention to. Her father had been the cook. The best damn cook there ever was, and she helped him without pay. The outfit had figured it was enough that they allowed the cook’s “son” to stay.

  A bubble of panic rose. Now what? She’d be asked to leave, probably today. It was fall already in the Pacific Northwest. The weather was always a gamble this time of year. If it snowed too early she’d never make it to town in time.

  Turning to her father, she reached down and pulled the blanket over his face. She’d have to make herself useful and maybe, just maybe they’d keep her on. Her hope dimmed as she thought about Samuel Pearce,
the foreman. For some reason he didn’t seem to be too fond of her.

  Running out of the tent toward the cookhouse, she almost tripped on a tree root. She quickly regained her balance and found Samuel staring at her. It figured. She’d wanted the coffee on before he got up. She slowed her pace until she stood in front of him. He was such a tall man she had to crane her neck to see his face.

  “Something on your mind, kid?”

  His deep strong voice unnerved her. “My, my Da, he’s dead.” Her heart dropped at Samuel’s silence. “I can make the coffee and feed all the men.”

  “You think so?” Samuel cocked his dark brow.

  She puffed out her bound chest. “I know so, sir.”

  “Not today, kid.”

  “But—”

  Samuel sighed and put his strong hand on her shoulder. “You just lost your father. Tomorrow will be soon enough for you to start. Besides, one day with Callins cooking and they’ll be demanding to have you cook. If anyone gives you a hard time let me know. I’ll get a couple of the men to build a coffin. We’ll bury him in a few hours.”

  Patricia blinked back tears that threatened. Samuel being nice was something she had never expected.

  Three hours later, she stood at the grave, dry eyed. She’d have time enough later to cry. It took everything she had to keep her emotions in, but somehow she managed. Her heart lay shattered at her feet but boys didn’t cry. She didn’t look her age of eighteen. Her da often lamented that she should have been married with wee ones already, but it wasn’t safe being a female in an all-men camp.

  It would be harder to keep up her charade without her father, but somehow she’d have to do it. She’d seen what happened to women who were willing to come into the camps and she wanted no part of these men. They were harsh, ill-mannered timber beasts. Not all, but most. But it wasn’t as though they were near any type of civilization.