Outcome

by Kim Pritekel

  "Yeah."

  "Good. I think she is, too. Her voice, though. That’s what I fell in love with. And," she took the CD case out of my hand, "she’s a Minnesota native."

  "Wow. That’s cool. So how did you hear about this chick?" I laid back on the floor, staring up at the ceiling in Haley’s basement. We were coming off of Spring Break, our last official day before the weekend where we’d be getting ready to go back.

  "I first heard her on my ‘Jekyll & Hyde’ soundtrack. God, I love that show." She sighed, eyes staring off into space as she thought back.

  "I’ve never heard music from a musical before, and don’t really care to."

  "Andrea Littman! I’m surprised at you." I glared at her for using my full name. She hit play on the stereo then laid next to me, her leaning on her elbow, looking down at me. "Did you have fun this week?" she asked. I smiled and nodded.

  "Oh, yeah. I had no idea I could spend so much time with one person, you know?" I looked at her to see she, too was smiling.

  "Yeah, I know what you mean. I’m really glad I didn’t go with Kelly and her folks to ski."

  "Yeah? Why?" I needed to hear what I hoped would be the answer.

  "Well," she brushed some hair off my forehead with her fingertips, tickling my skin with the soft touch. "I wouldn’t have been able to spend so much time with you, now would I?" I shook my head. "You have such gorgeous hair, you know that?" Again I shook my head. "Well, you do." She looked at me for a few minutes more, my stomach roiling at the up-close attention.

  Since my championship, we had become even more closer, impossibly so. Haley was so attentive to me, always talking with me, even in school she’d hunt me down from my usual isolated haunts, to chat or to give me a hug. I’ve even had to kick her out of my house so she could go out with Kelly. I had realized back in December that I had been very wrong, and didn’t want to put her in that kind of position again. She meant too much to me.

  "So, what do you think?"

  "Of?"

  "Linda." Oh, yeah. I stopped thinking, and listened. The voice that came over the speakers was clear, powerful, yet feminine, sounding something between Barbra Steisand and Judy Garland, at least what I remember Judy Garland sounded like singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." The music was fast, lots of brass instruments, but it wasn’t as bad as I’d figured it would be. Classical music really wasn’t my forte, except maybe a few composers, like Beethoven. He was delightfully deep and dark and foreboding. My kind of guy.

  "Well, it’s actually not that bad."

  "Not that bad?" She hopped up to her feet, hands on her hips. "Listen to that angel!" She pointed at the stereo, her eyes closing as she began to sway to the music, which was almost like a tango, but jazzy. As Haley sang along, her body still moving, I sat up, grinning as I watched her dance around the room. "Come on! Up, up, up!" She grabbed my hand, yanking me off the floor, nearly slamming me into her as she pulled me over onto her make-shift dance floor.

  I felt odd, not real sure what to do as I watched Haley move her body in ways I had no idea you could move your body. Her hips swiveling, arms waving in the air, her face lit up.

  "Come on! Dance."

  "Nah, that’s okay." I waved her off, turning to look at the couch.

  "What? Why?" She moved so she was standing in front of me. "Dance."

  "Eh, I don’t know how." She stopped moving, her brows drawn.

  "Huh?"

  "I don’t dance." She stared at me, then a slow smile spread across her face, as she reached for me again, tugging at me. "No, Haley, no, no, ugh!"

  "Okay, now just follow my lead." Haley began to really move as Linda sang higher and higher, the music coming to an absolutely insane pitch, which actually made me want to move, to glide, to follow Haley in a world all of my own making. But, I still didn’t know how. So, I watched her. She wore her flannel pants that she’d basically lived in over the last week, and a tank. I was converting her to the joys of the tank. The way they left you so free to do whatever, while still covering the finer points.

  As she danced, it rode up showing her stomach, the smooth skin twisting and turning with the muscles underneath.

  "Come on, stud. Eyes up here." I looked up to see Haley grinning at me, her hands behind her back as she wiggled her shoulders. I think I must have to turned the shade of red that matched her pants perfectly at being caught staring at her.

  Damnit, Andi. You moron. That had been happening a lot, lately, and I couldn’t stop or explain it. But, in my defense, Haley didn’t seem to mind. The hell with it. I wanted to let go.

  I jumped up in the air, letting the sudden burst of energy take me over, and flow through my body. I felt good, damn good. I was young, and didn’t need to act like I was too good for this.

  "Yeah, go, girl!" Haley twirled, her feet tapping out the beat as she worked it, and worked it good. Her hips began to thrust out, her hands running up her sides, and on up to the air. I kept my body a little more compact, but still had a hell of a good time. "Tell me this isn’t fun?" she panted between moves. I nodded vigorously.

  "I admit it. It’s a blast. Good workout, too." Haley rolled her eyes.

  "Only you."

  The song came to an end, and we both fell to the floor, a pair of tired, panting bodies.

  "Wow. I love doing that." Haley rolled over to lie next to me, her head on my shoulder. I had never known someone who was so affectionate before. Even more so than my mother, and I just didn’t think that was possible. Before Haley, I had never hugged anyone outside my family before.

  She pushed herself up and looked down at me. "Ready to play?" I nodded, an instant smile coming to my face. She hopped up, and helped me to my feet as we both headed to the piano. Early in the year, true to our word, we both had begun to teach the other our own special little talent. "Did you want to try and play that piece again?" She turned to look at me as she put the cover up on the piano as I grabbed the remote to turn off the stereo. Linda Eder was fun, but there was no way I was going to let her shake my already thin maestro confidence with her talent. "Sit." Haley patted the piano bench, and I obeyed, finding a comfy spot on the hard, smooth wood.

  "No laughing this time, huh?" I looked up at Haley, who stood next to me. She smiled down at me.

  "Okay. Fair enough. That means you can’t laugh when I try and flip you, either." She pointed a finger in my face, which I quickly batted away.

  "Yeah, but,"

  "No buts about it, missy. Fair is fair."

  "Okay, okay." I stretched my fingers, shaking my hands to loosen them. Haley put the music in front of me.

  "You remember the beginning, right?" I nodded.

  "I think so. God, I suck at this."

  "No, you don’t. You’ve actually learned faster than any other student I’ve ever had." I looked at her.

  "You’ve taught before?" She nodded.

  "For a little while I would go to the elementary school and teach the third graders. Unfortunately, it got to where I just didn’t have time for it anymore. You know, soccer and track, and everything."

  "Oh." Learn something new everyday. Part of me was slightly bummed that I wasn’t the first person she had ever taught. It was stupid and irrational, but still in my head.

  I studied the music for a moment, trying to get everything clear in my head, get into my head what all the notes were, and where they were on the keyboard, and then began to play. The song was easy enough, but I still hadn’t mastered the art of playing the piano quite enough to play at normal speed on some songs. Well, usually the first go-round. Haley was a wonderful teacher, patient and kind.

  Sometimes during the time we spent together, I wondered how she was so popular, yet I totally understood. I mean, she was sweet, genuine, and gorgeous. Well, the gorgeous, yeah, I mean those pompous asses would pick her up in a heartbeat, but what about the rest? She wasn’t like her friends, wasn’t mean or got off on other people’s pain. Though to be honest and fair, I had yet to see anyone really do a
nything that shitty, other than Jimmy. And, well, we’d already established what a horse’s ass he was. One day at school Heather had even come up to me to thank me for driving her home those couple of times, and she had even remembered, or someone had told her, when I had helped her out on the side of the road when she’d been sick after Brad’s party.

  That had meant a lot, though at the time I played it off. Perhaps there was a bit of snobbery in me too; after all, I hadn’t wanted anyone to see me talking with her. I wonder why that was? I had decided against giving it any serious thought, just in case I didn’t like what I would come up with.

  Either way, Haley had come to mean a great deal to me in the months since we’d first become friends, and for the first time in my life, I cared about what someone else thought of me. If she didn’t like something about me, or that I had on, or that I did, I nearly killed myself to try and rectify it.

  It scared me.

  I closed my eyes as my fingers made their steady, yet slow, way across the keyboard. Even though the song wasn’t being played at full speed, I was really letting the sound get inside, fill me with a peace that nothing, other than Tae Kwon Do, had ever been able to do. Even my work at the lab failed to fill me with such a feeling of accomplishment. I was creating that music, it came from my work, my fingers.

  That was a cool feeling. Totally satisfying.

  I finished the song, my eyes slowly opening to find Haley leaning against the top of the piano, her cheek being held up by her hand, staring at me.

  "What?" I suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable for some reason. I felt like I was being dissected where I sat. She shook her head.

  "That was beautiful, Andi. I think you got it." She stood, that soft, gentle smile still on her lips. She almost looked wistful.

  "Thanks. But I’m still not up to par, or speed, for that matter." I rubbed my hands together, my fingers not near used to that sort of workout, yet. Haley shook her head.

  "Oh, no, I mean, yeah, you started off kind of slow, but you caught up in no time. You did a wonderful job." I could see the sincerity on her face, and hear it in her voice, and I was suddenly filled with joy. I had pleased her.

  I smiled.

  She glanced at the clock above the TV. "Well, want to start heading on over to your place? That storm is supposed to come in tonight, and I don’t want to get stuck in it."

  "Haley, I live like ten minutes away." She looked at me, and shrugged.

  "I know. But I want to get settled into your place for the weekend."

  "Okay." I closed the piano cover, and stood, following Haley toward the basement stairs.

  "Oh," she reached over to the stereo speaker, and grabbed the stack of CDs there. "I really want you to hear more of Linda’s stuff." I rolled my eyes.

  "Sigh."

  Haley quickly stuffed clothes into her overnight bag so it bulged.

  "My god, Haley. How long do you plan on staying?" I grinned, sitting on her bed.

  "Well, you know, I figured I’d just move in with you." She glanced at me over her shoulder. "I mean, hell, we’ve been together every day for the last two months anyway, right?" She smiled with a wink. "I figure it’s going to be really, really cold this weekend, and if you’re mom is anything like mine, keeping the damn heat so low you feel like you’re about to freeze to death, I’d be prepared."

  "Okay." I stood, and walked over to her dresser, seeing my Christmas gift to her displayed proudly on a little mirror. The blown glass piano with gold-tipped feet and bench, was beautiful, the lid of the grand held up by a tiny glass arm. Every key was accounted for, the black keys also tipped with gold.

  "I love that, you know," I heard, said low in my ear. I could feel Haley’s body heat behind me. "That was the most beautiful, thoughtful gift I’ve ever received." I turned to look at her, seeing her eyes pinned on the tiny glass instrument in my hands.

  "Thank you. I’m very glad. When I saw it, I immediately thought of you." I smiled sheepishly, feeling stupid for admitting it, but wanting her to know that my heart had been in the gift.

  "I felt like a real schmuck, just getting you that book on Beanie Babies." She took the piano from me, looking at it.

  "Why? I found some in there that I had always been looking for. Plus, you did buy me four babies from it." She shrugged, setting the glass figure carefully back onto its mirror.

  "I guess."

  "Come on, you. I love the book, and absolutely adore the beanies." She stared at me, her smile growing.

  "Good. Come on." She tugged the bag’s strap over her shoulder, tossing her Koosh ball at me. "You can hold the sacred Koosh."

  "Wow. I feel so honored."

  As we headed out to my car, it had already started to snow, but only lightly. There really wasn’t any new accumulation on the ground.

  "Must have just started." Haley stared up into the sky.

  "Yeah. That’s what I was thinking, too." We climbed into the car, turning the heat on full-blast as the night was cold, bitter cold.

  I pushed the button for the automatic garage opener, glad my car wasn’t going to have to sit out in the snow all night. They said the storm should blow out by the beginning of the week, so Haley and I had decided to just chill out at my place until Sunday, when she’d go home to get ready for school to start. Her last semester. I tried not to think about it, but I knew it was inevitable.

  "What are you thinking about?" I turned to see Haley, the door open and her leg out, but staring at me. I just stared back, not completely hearing the question, my own mind screaming at me too loud. "Thoughts? You? Just now?"

  "Oh." I turned the ignition off, and pulled my keys out. "You, graduating."

  "I know. It’s coming." She turned to look at the garage wall ahead of us, a smile on her face as I imagined she thought about the end of her high school career. What a sweet thought. Kind of. Then the smile slowly melted away as she turned back to me. "Are you going to come?" I nodded.

  "Of course." She smiled again.

  "Good. I really want you there, Andi."

  "I will be."

  We got all of Haley’s stuff, and headed toward the inner door that would lead to the kitchen.

  "Where’s mom?" I asked Chris, who sat at the small table, eating a sandwich. He had grown so much in the last six months, his voice now deep, full of teenage boy attitude. He was handsome, and even though I hated to admit it, looked a lot like our father.

  "Work." He took a large gulp of his milk, then stuffed the rest of his dinner into his mouth.

  "I thought she was supposed to be off tonight?" I was bummed. We had made plans to pop some popcorn, and her, Haley and I watch a movie together. My brother shrugged as he stood. He had gotten so tall, his body beginning to fill out from the lanky, scrawniness of a boy to the muscular, filled out, hairy body of a man. Almost overnight.

  "That sucks." Haley muttered, heaving her heavy bag further up her shoulder. Haley and my mom were almost closer than my mom and I were. I was glad that they got along so well, though. If Haley was going to be here so often, it certainly made things easier.

  "See you later, freak." Chris put his dishes in the dishwasher, and hurried out of the room.

  "Where are you going in this weather, Chris?" He stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

  "You must be kidding me if you think I want to spend the weekend with you guys. I’ll be at Brian’s." He hurried, noisily, up the stairs just as I head a car honk outside.

  "Good. Get rid of him. Pain in the ass." I turned to Haley. "Well, want to try and find a good movie on, anyway?" She smiled and nodded.

  "Yep."

  * * *

  The movie was coming to a close and Haley leaned against me, silently crying as her eyes were riveted to the screen. I wasn’t quite crying, as I was doing my damndest to hold it in. Robin was going to die soon, Holly finally getting out of jail and her and Abe getting married. Jane took care of Robin as she got more sick, the AIDS finally taking over.

  As the movie cam
e to an end, Jane finally deciding to go on to California after Robin’s death, Haley clung to me, her entire body shaking with her sobs, the bag of popcorn long forgotten.

  I caressed her hair, not saying anything as my own tears welled up in my eyes. God, what a touching movie. ‘Boys On the Side’, who would have thought?

  "She really loved her all along, didn’t she?" Haley hiccupped, pulling away to look at me. I nodded.

  "Yeah, I guess so." I brushed some damp hair away from her eyes, smiled gently at her. "That movie really got to you, didn’t it?" She nodded, burrowing her face into my chest.

  "I’ve never really liked Whoopie Goldberg until this movie," she mumbled, wrapped her arms tighter around me.

  "Yeah." I stared at the screen as Melissa Etheridge sang ‘I’ll Take You With Me’ during the credits. I had never heard that song before, but then, I had only heard a few of hers.

  "Oh, that was just so sad." She sat up, scrubbing at her eyes and nose with the cuff of her sweatshirt sleeve, then turned to me, all puffy-eyed. She was so adorable. "Can we bake?"

  The smile froze on my face as I tried to compute the total change in subject. "Huh?"

  "Baking. I really feel the need to bake." She rubbed her hands together, those ever-present wheels turning at full speed.

  "Sure. I imagine we have a cake mix or something around here. Come on." I stood, figuring Haley would follow suit. I looked at her to see what the problem was.

  "Robin will never be able to bake again." She looked up at me, her blue eyes almost electric, and certainly vibrant, from the crying.

  "Aww," I reached down and grabbed her, pulling her up to her feet to take her into a hug. "It’s just a movie, Haley."

  "I know." Sniff, sniff. "But somewhere out there, there really is a Robin."

  "God, you’re adorable."

  "Really?"

  "Huh?" I stopped. Oh, shit. Had I said that out loud? "Well, I mean, you know, how literally you’re taking the movie, and stuff." She pulled away from me, a bright smile on her face.

  "Thanks."

  "Sure. Baking?"

  I glanced out the window next to the door as we made our way to the kitchen.