This Side of Heaven

by Karen Kingsbury

  Annie sat back and a scene came to life in her mind. It was the week before Josh died, and Lindsay had stopped by to talk. But Annie was busy on a phone call, and then in a rush to get ready for another dinner, another event to help Nate get reelected to the school board. Lindsay had said something about Josh finding a song about heaven, and how he was going to church again and he was changed. The memory of Annie’s response hit her like a sucker punch. She’d dismissed everything Lindsay was trying to tell her, refusing to hear the news as anything other than one more empty promise by Josh.

  But here was proof that Lindsay had been right, that Josh really had found a closer relationship with God in the weeks before his death. That explained something Carl Joseph had said on his second visit this past week. He said Josh had gone to church with him and Daisy and his family. Again Annie had dismissed the idea, thinking Carl Joseph was confusing intent with action. She looked at the journal entry again. Apparently not.

  Her heart warmed with the reality of what Josh had found in his renewed faith, but at the same time the guilt of her disbelief all but smothered her. What would it have taken for her to listen a little more carefully, to call Josh and congratulate him or ask for details about the change in his heart? Since Josh’s death, Annie had been burdened by all her son had missed out on. But now the loss was hers alone.

  She thought again about having ten more minutes with him. On top of everything else, she could talk to him about his faith and what led to his changed attitude. What a joy to have shared such a moment with him, in light of all the pain he’d been through. But Annie had missed her chance, and the reality was sadder than anything so far. Josh, my son . . . I’m sorry. She hung her head. Dear God, I missed so much. What sort of mother misses moments like that?

  The only answer she had was the one that Josh had written in the last journal entry: My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. God’s Word. Yes, that’s where she would find healing and comfort in the weeks and months and years ahead, in the lifetime ahead when missing Josh would be a part of every day. She would spend more time in God’s Word, picking up the journey Josh had begun in the weeks before his death and finding comfort in the truth of Scripture.

  Her sorrow subsided enough so she could breathe again. Josh’s journal was finished printing, so she scanned the rest of the list of documents. Every one of them needed to be looked at in case somewhere in the middle of one of them there might be another detail about her son’s life. For now, she wanted to check the Internet.

  She opened the Safari browser at the bottom of his screen and looked at the list of bookmarks across the top of the page. Facebook was first, and Annie clicked it open. Instantly she was on Josh’s personal Web site, a page with more information than she could take in at a single glance. Almost at the same time a box appeared in the lower right part of the screen. In it was a series of messages from someone named Miss Independent. The last one read, J, I’m serious. What’s wrong with you? I haven’t heard from you in a week! It’s like you cut me out of your life or something. Please! Write to me now!

  Annie had the strangest feeling as she scrolled down through the messages. This was a friend she knew nothing of, someone who clearly was in daily contact with her son. Was she another Maria Cameron, or even maybe someone worse? Annie felt dizzy, but as she read through the messages she discovered a beautiful and innocent friendship. The woman’s name was Cara Truman, and she was a single mother who lived in Arizona.

  According to the messages, Cara had given her life to the Lord because of what she’d seen God doing in Josh’s life. Here and there Annie saw a hint of romance in the messages, but nothing overt, no plans in the making. Again she felt the weight of losing Josh. This was one more detail she hadn’t known about his life, one more aspect of her son she hadn’t been aware of. He wasn’t only a great neighbor, a giving young man, a hero, and a rededicated follower of Christ. He was a true friend as well.

  In all the messages Annie saw, there was no phone number listed. Annie positioned her fingers over the keyboard. Hello, she typed. This is Josh’s mother, Annie. Please call me as soon as possible. Then she typed her cell phone number and hit the send button.

  An hour later she was sorting through more of Josh’s computer files when her phone rang. The number on the caller ID was one she didn’t recognize. “Hello, this is Annie.”

  “Hi. This is Cara Truman. You left me a message.” There was fear in her voice, and a breathy hesitation.

  “Cara, I’m afraid I have bad news about Josh.” Annie expected the conversation to be quick and to the point, the way it had been when she called other old friends of Josh’s or acquaintances listed in his cell phone. But Cara Truman was different. She took the news hard, as though losing Josh was one of the greatest tragedies in her life.

  “He—he was the best friend I ever had,” she said in a voice broken with grief. “No one ever cared about me like he did.”

  The young woman spilled her heart about finding Josh during an online poker game, and then connecting with him when the game was over. “He wasn’t like other guys. He wasn’t looking for anything from me.”

  “That sounds like Josh.” She closed her eyes, picturing her son and all she’d learned about him. “I’m—I’m very proud of him.”

  By the end of the conversation, Annie had promised to stay in touch with Cara. They both agreed that was what Josh would have wanted. Before she hung up, Cara had one question. “What about his daughter?”

  Annie felt her heart lurch forward. “His daughter?” What had Josh told Cara about the girl?

  “Savannah. He talked about her constantly.” Cara’s voice filled with fresh tears. “That’s all he wanted, to get his settlement and find his little girl so he could buy a house and make a home for her—however much time he could get with her.” She sniffed. “Is someone going to contact her?”

  For the first time since Annie had become aware of the little girl, she felt ashamed of her attitude. However wrong it had been for Josh to go to Vegas and connect with Maria Cameron, his actions did not negate the fact that somewhere a little girl existed who possibly might be Josh’s daughter. Her head spun with the admission of this new possibility. “We, uh, we aren’t sure the girl is his.” But even as she said the words they felt lame and rife with excuse.

  “Oh.” Cara’s tone became kindly adamant. “Well . . . Josh was sure. I can promise you that. It seems someone should look into it, because Josh lived for that girl. Some days all that got him through was the hope that he could be her daddy.”

  The heartbreak surrounding her son’s death seemed to know no limits. Annie sighed in a way that gave a window to the pain inside her, pain that had reached flood level. “We’ll keep that in mind,” she finally said. “Thank you, Cara, for being his friend.”

  “It’s the other way around.” A few stifled sobs sounded over the phone line. “Thank you for having such an amazing son.”

  The call ended and Annie stood and walked to the fireplace mantel. How often must her son have stood in this very spot, looking at the picture of the two teenage girls and knowing without a doubt that no matter how much pain he was in, he’d saved two lives. And how much time did he also spend looking at the family photo and yearning for the time when his parents would be proud of him? And then turning his eyes to the picture of the child. Savannah. She didn’t want to see it before, but there was something in her face that reminded her of Josh. Or maybe Annie was just too overwhelmed with guilt to deny for one more day the possibility that the girl was Josh’s. She picked up the picture and studied it.

  Savannah Cameron.

  If she was Josh’s daughter, then she would be Annie’s granddaughter. It was more than she could take in, and with heavy hands and a heavier heart she returned the photo to the mantel. Cara was right about one thing. They needed to finish going through Josh’s things in case somewhere there was information that might lead to the whereabouts of the girl’s mother.
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  Annie returned to her son’s bedroom. So much loss made her unsure if she could survive another day of this quest, this discovery process. She comforted herself by remembering the one shining bit of information that today’s search had brought to light, the fact that Josh had reconnected with the faith he’d had as a child. The joy of that was enough to help Annie draw one more breath, take one more look into a box of her son’s belongings. He had missed out on his settlement and the success he hoped to have. He’d missed out on a deeper friendship with his friend Cara and on being the father he wanted to be.

  But he hadn’t missed out on heaven.

  EIGHTEEN

  Thomas hung up the phone and sent a message to his secretary to hold his calls. He needed a few minutes to process what had just happened. The notice came to him through e-mail, but just to be sure he’d called the clinic himself. He probably shouldn’t have been surprised by the news, but the finality of it knocked the wind from him. The test had come back positive.

  Josh was Savannah’s father. There was no debating the fact now.

  He covered his face with his hands and pictured Josh, the earnest way he’d looked sitting in the chair opposite his in this very office, talking about Savannah as if he’d already seen the test results. She was his daughter, he never had any doubts. It was why he’d talked about her from the witness stand, why he had gone to his grave desiring mainly one thing—the chance to be Savannah’s father.

  Thomas drew a long breath and leaned back in his chair. If only this news had come when Josh was still alive, when he still filled the spot across from him. His pain would’ve taken a backseat to the thrill of knowing Thomas had found the girl, and that she was officially his.

  Instead, so much about the news was unfair. Josh had been denied the chance to know her, and now Maria Cameron was going to walk away with the settlement money. The money Josh had given his life for. He stood, but he could barely straighten his shoulders under the burden of the news. He needed to tell Annie and Nate now, before another hour passed.

  He called Annie’s cell phone and wasn’t surprised to learn that she and Lindsay were at Josh’s apartment. It was Tuesday, the third week after Josh’s death, and Annie had spent nearly every waking minute looking through her son’s things. Annie sounded like a different person in light of all she was learning about Josh. Like the revelation was from God alone, and day by day it was changing her, making her softhearted and kinder. Less ambitious about things that didn’t really matter now that Josh was gone.

  “I found out more today,” she told him. “I met a friend of his I found on his computer and we talked for an hour. She says Josh taught her about Jesus. Isn’t that something?”

  Thomas leaned his elbows on the desk. “That is.”

  “And she told me that she was a single mom and Josh had given her the courage to be a better mother, to put her kids first, and—”

  “I’m sorry.” Her words reminded Thomas that he wanted to make it to his son’s piano recital that night. Josh had made the same impression upon him. “I don’t mean to cut you off, Annie. But we need to talk. Is it okay if I head over?”

  Annie paused, and her tone filled with a fresh sense of alarm. “Is this good news, Thomas?”

  “Let’s talk about it in person.”

  “Okay. I’ll look for you.”

  Thomas gathered his briefcase and his car keys and told his secretary he was leaving for the day. He would have liked Nate to be there, too, but Annie could pass on the information. The important thing was that they get the news as soon as possible.

  Even if their lives would never be the same afterward.

  Something in his voice told Annie there’d been a dramatic and maybe terrible development in Josh’s lawsuit against the insurance company. The moment they were off the phone, she called Nate and asked him to leave work, to get to Josh’s apartment as soon as possible. Whatever the news, she didn’t want to process it without him.

  Lindsay came to her side midway through her quick conversation with Nate, and when Annie hung up, her daughter’s questions came immediately. “What’s wrong?”

  “That was Thomas Flynn. He’s on his way over.” Her heart felt numb. “Some sort of news.”

  “Something bad?”

  “He didn’t say.” But her tone told Lindsay what Thomas hadn’t come right out and said. The news couldn’t be good.

  “Maybe they’ve reached a settlement, or an offer, at least.” Lindsay took the chair closest to her mother and tucked her legs beneath her. “It’s supposed to come sometime soon, right?”

  “Thomas would’ve said so, he would’ve said a decision was reached. Even if he didn’t want to talk about it on the phone.”

  “And he didn’t say that?”

  “No.” They talked another few minutes about the possibilities. “A week ago he said a speed bump had come up regarding Josh’s estate, a question of some kind.”

  Neither of them could make sense of that, so they waited, talking instead about Cara Truman and Keith and Ethel, and what a good guy Josh had been. Nate arrived at the apartment first. He came in, his eyes wide, face paler than usual.

  Again the small talk continued, nervous and empty, anything to fill the time. In a few minutes there was a knock at the door. Lindsay opened it, and Thomas’s face assured Annie that whatever was coming wasn’t good. They repositioned themselves so Annie and Nate were on Josh’s sofa, and Lindsay was in the matching armchair. Thomas pulled up the computer chair and for a long moment he only looked at them. In his hands was a folder, but he didn’t open it.

  Thomas turned to Nate. “Annie tells me you’ve learned a lot about Josh these last ten days.”

  “Yes.” Nate’s voice was patient, even though everyone in the room wanted to ask the obvious. What had happened that the attorney would drop what he was doing and head straight for Josh’s apartment? Nate clasped his fingers and leaned over his knees. “God has been . . . very good to us, letting us see a picture of our son that we might’ve missed otherwise.”

  Thomas nodded slowly and let his eyes fall to his hands for a few seconds. When he looked up, his eyes glistened with a deeper sorrow Annie hadn’t seen in the man until now. “I’m afraid I have more information about Josh.”

  The three of them were silent, unblinking, waiting. The only sound was the whir of Josh’s refrigerator and the subtle tick of the second hand on the clock that hung in the kitchen. That, and Annie’s pounding heart. Surely everyone in the room could hear that.

  Thomas released a long sigh. “In the last deposition, the one Josh gave the day before he died, he told the court that he had a daughter. That would make her his only heir.”

  Annie felt the room begin to spin. She slid closer to Nate and leaned on his arm, so she wouldn’t slide off the sofa and pass out on Josh’s beige-carpeted floor. Still, none of them said anything.

  “Because of Josh’s testimony, I was obligated to do my best to find the girl’s mother, Maria Cameron of New York City.” He pursed his lips. “I found her the Friday after Josh’s death, and left her a message later that day. By law I was required to tell her that the girl could be the heir to a settlement.” His disdain sounded in his tone. “Needless to say, she contacted me first thing the following week.”

  “Why . . . didn’t you tell us all this?” Nate didn’t sound angry, just baffled.

  “I wanted to believe the search would lead to nothing.” Thomas breathed in through his nose. “I didn’t want to worry you over nothing.”

  “But . . .” Nate didn’t need to ask, really. Everyone in the room could see where the conversation was headed.

  “I ordered that the girl be subjected to a paternity test. We had Josh’s results already. Standard in a case like this where he suspected he was the father of a child and where paternity hadn’t been established.”

  His words ran together, and Annie felt her world slipping off its axis.

  “The woman was very compliant, of course, and very
sure that Josh was her daughter’s father.” He lifted the file in his hand and let it fall again. “The results came in right before I called you.” He made eye contact with each of them one at a time. “Without question, the girl is Josh’s daughter.”

  Annie grabbed on to Nate with one arm and the edge of the sofa with the other. No—no, it wasn’t possible. All this time Josh had been right? He’d had a daughter and he’d been denied the chance of seeing her or holding her or knowing her? She sucked in her next few breaths and then stood and paced to the patio door and back. “You’re sure?”

  “The test is conclusive.” Thomas handed the folder to her. “The details are all there.”

  She dropped the folder on the sofa and crossed her arms. The results must have had a million implications, but the first one, the one that stabbed straight through her heart, was this one: Josh had a daughter, but he’d missed out on being a father.

  Thomas was going on, saying something about the settlement, and the girl being Josh’s only heir, and how the entire amount minus any debt Josh had incurred would now go to Josh’s daughter, and—

  “Wait.” The room stopped spinning. Annie drilled her eyes into those of the attorney. “Are you saying that we won’t have control over Josh’s settlement?”

  “That’s right.”

  “The entire amount will go to this—this child?” Nate’s voice was incredulous.

  “Yes. But her mother will be in control of it until she turns eighteen.”

  “But my parents are the executors of my brother’s estate. Can’t they determine whether the girl should really be an heir in this situation?” Lindsay was on her feet, her voice slightly raised. “I’ve written stories about things like this.” She turned to Annie and then to Nate. “We can fight it.”