Love Like Crazy

by Emma Chamberlain

  “Me too but it’s not a big deal. As long as you don’t snore we’ll be fine,” I teased.

  I set the book on my lap and watched her. She was pretty. Lindsey’s words wormed their way into my consciousness. I started to notice how Laura’s hair fell in front of her eyes on the left side. She’d reach up to push it away but she didn’t tuck it behind her ear like I did.

  “What happens if I do snore,” she joked. Her phone was distracting her but she looked up at me and smiled when she asked. I couldn’t help but notice she hadn’t gotten truly comfortable yet or changed. She was still wearing what she had come in: a short skirt, a short rust colored tank top and a long cream colored cardigan. Whenever she moved, the pendants on her layered necklaces would swing. And she had this habit of sucking on the pointy false tip of her thumbnail when she got distracted, pressing the sharp almond V into her thick perfect lips.

  “Then, I’ll have to smother you in your sleep,” I joked.

  Her blue eyes were luminous in the soft light from the desk lamp. They scrunched a little at the corners when she laughed at my joke. I swallowed and looked away, opening my book.

  “Did you have dinner?” I asked.

  “Uh,” she laughed, looking up from her phone and letting it fall to her side. “Yeah actually. My parents took me out. Like, a goodbye thing.” She wet her lips and looked distracted by something inside. Perhaps, a memory.

  Time with her was slower, intimate. Something about her did that.

  “Oh good, that sounds nice,” I said. “At least you didn't have to suffer through the mystery meatloaf in the dining hall. If you ever get hungry I have snacks in the cabinet above the mini fridge.”

  I pointed up to the cabinet on the wall between our beds. There were two nightstands that separated our beds and our desks were on the other side of each bed. The closets, two small ones with drawers in the lower section were across from the bed and there was extra storage above that you had to have a step ladder to reach. The ceilings were high, giving the room an illusion of being more sizable and there was only one window.

  "Snacks," she smiled. "That's a good idea. I wish I'd thought of that."

  “If you want, we can take the bus to the grocery store this weekend. I can show you around,” I offered.

  My book was slipping from my lap and I looked down to catch it, blushing and looking at the cover for the moment.

  "Not sure my parents would like that but they're not here so fuck it," she breathed, and then she laughed and I really really liked her laugh which I didn’t expect. "You don't have to babysit me though. Really," she warned. "I'm sure I can figure things out."

  “We might as well get to know one another though. We’re going to be living together. It’s not babysitting, more like introducing you to Hanover life. Actually, do you have your schedule? Maybe we have a class together,” I said.

  "Uhh…" she thought about it and stared at me. Then she got up and walked over to her desk to pull a paper from her drawer and bring it over to hand it to me. Once she was close, I noticed that she smelled amazing, like some kind of exotic flower. Her eyes stared down at mine as I took the paper. "What do you wanna know," she asked seriously. I tried not to think so much about how perfect she was.

  "Oh nice,” I said. “We have Gothic Lit together and we have lunch at the same time. You're going to love Ms. Rosewell. Everyone is in love with her actually, even the straight girls.”

  I gave the schedule back and got up to grab my PJs. I usually just wore a big t-shirt and underwear but I choose some shorts as well since I wasn't alone anymore.

  I turned my back and started to undress. When I turned around, after, I noticed Laura quickly turning too, to look away. I didn't want to stress her out with a million questions so I got under my covers and opened my book again. It didn’t last long. The compulsion took over and I looked over to her.

  "Why did you transfer in the middle of the year?"

  She sighed and got up, walking over to her bag near the closet. "I fucked up I guess." She searched for some clothing and started to take her two small braids out to prepare for the night. She no longer looked at me now. The rest of her hair hung long to her waist. She shrugged out of her cardigan and slipped some jogger sweats on before taking her skirt off and down.

  "Oh," I said.

  I let the silence settle in. I didn't want to pry. She could tell me if she wanted to but I wouldn't ask.

  Laura pulled her tank top up and off, changing instead into a much longer and looser muscle tank that looked soft. Once she had that on she slipped her bra off from underneath it. When she turned around, she tugged her necklaces up and off and set them down on her desk. A reusable water bottle sat there beside them, pale pink and purple, watercolor flowers bled all over it prettily. She opened the bottle and drank some.

  "Your first class is near mine. I can show you if you want," I said.

  "Sure," she answered. She sat back against the desk and dug out her earbuds. "That'd be nice. Thanks." I couldn’t help but notice how she stared at me. It was so open actually like she wasn’t afraid to be seen.

  "You're welcome," I said.

  It wasn't trouble. I'd been afraid I'd resent her for being there right away but I didn't, not yet. She seemed sweet and even her vague answer about why she was here didn't bother me.

  I started to read the book in my lap and tried to get lost in it. It wasn't one I had ever read. Gothic romances had a feeling that nothing else could mimic. Even if I craved one with two women, I still thoroughly enjoyed these.

  Laura puttered about her space, pacing from her desk to the closet, back to the bed, and to the desk again. She was hanging her clothing and unpacking her things. She seemed easily comfortable here and in no way obtrusive. The invisible line between our bed had only been crossed that once when I asked to know her more. "Do you mind if I play music low," she asked. "It'll calm me."

  "Go ahead," I said.

  I watched her put the music on and then went back to my book.

  After a little bit of unpacking she went to the window and opened it. Sitting down on the ground below the sill, she rested there and took on the fresh air.

  I put my book away, having finished my chapters. Strange but I wasn't so tired anymore. I laid back in my bed and tried to make myself go to sleep. All it did was make me more aware of someone else being there.

  I kept my eyes closed and listened to the soft music that she played. It sounded like indie pop folk, soft guitar with sad lyrics. It was nice. I didn't mind falling asleep to it.

  "Goodnight," I said.

  "Night," she said, getting up and shutting the window. She walked toward the door and shut off our main overhead light. Then I heard her soft footsteps as she came nearby and shut my lamp off too.

  "I always set my alarm for six-thirty. I hope that's okay. Breakfast starts at seven and I like to get there early.”

  "Makes sense," she said. I didn’t know her well but I could tell her voice was tired.

  "Okay, night," I said.

  My mind kept racing but my body was so tired that I fell asleep after a while. The alarm was going to come too early. We would start all over again. It would be Thursday and that meant one more day and two days to catch up and breathe before a new week.

  Chapter 6

  The night crept up and slipped right out from under me. Stuck in a room with someone else meant I couldn't do what I normally did or even relax or be myself. How did people even live like this? It was torture.

  Hanover left room for zero privacy.

  Vic kept sending me messages but my heart hurt and, after a while, I had to ignore them. We were so used to our freedom. I snuck out of my house most nights or she snuck in and we'd talk or hangout all night. As far as I knew, that couldn't happen here. The plan from my parents was going to work. There were no boys here and I couldn't see Vic. My brain hurt even thinking about it.

  Needless to say, I was awake even before Charli's alarm.

  I la
id on my back and tried not to feel trapped and alone. When I heard the alarm stop I breathed deeply and looked over at her.

  She rolled over and groaned, sitting up a second later. Her wavy dark hair was messy and she used one hand to smooth it away from her face.

  She got out of bed and went to the closet, pulling out clothes. A pair of khaki pants and the polo that made up the Hanover uniform. The only variations were a skirt and cardigan to go over the polo.

  She changed into the uniform and grabbed something off her desk that looked like a tube of toothpaste and a toothbrush in a holder. All the while, I watched.

  "Hey, you can sleep in if you want but they stop serving breakfast at seven forty-five. I'm just gonna brush my teeth and finish getting ready and then go to the dining hall. If you want to go you're welcome to.”

  I turned onto my side and stared at her. She was prettier in the morning, with messy hair. I liked it. Everything else was so planned and regimented about this place. "I'll get up," I said, sour from that feeling.

  “Okay, I’ll be back in a minute. I’m just gonna go brush my teeth and try to make my hair behave.”

  I laughed as she fled the space. This was my chance. My two minutes of alone time.

  I got up and threw my clothes off by my closet, dressing fast in my skirt and shirt. I hated the uniform. Not because it was a fashion nightmare but because of what it meant. This was a uniform. I was in prison.

  I thought that so much about this place that I kept having to tell my brain: it's just a school. It’s just a school.

  It's not just a school though when you can't escape it. I was used to escaping Green Valley.

  Frazzled, I pulled my phone from it's plug and dialed Vic. As the phone rang and rang my brain hurt and it made me angry.

  "Hello?" Her exhausted breathy voice picked up.

  "Vic. Hey," I sighed.

  "Wow. You're alive. Who knew," she grumbled, causing me to feel guilt.

  "Stop," I said. "I only have a second. This is the first I've been alone since I got here."

  "Gross," Vic groaned. Other girls always intimidated her, not because she couldn’t take them in a fight but because she was insanely jealous of everyone.

  "I know," I agreed, absentmindedly biting my thumb.

  "Any plans to escape?"

  "I'll see what I can find out today. I gotta put my makeup on. Apparently if I'm not at breakfast soon I can't have breakfast."

  "That's fucking stupid,” Vic groaned.

  I laughed. "I know."

  "What's the roomie like? Did she tuck you in last night?"

  "Uh," I laughed, thinking about it, while I put Vic on speaker and started in on my eyeliner. "I tucked her in actually."

  "So smooth," Vic teased. "You are such a pussy."

  "I know," I laughed, amused by her.

  "This sucks," Vic said after a couple seconds of silence. "What the hell am I supposed to do all day without you?"

  "Well," I sighed. "You can do what I want to do."

  "What's that?"

  "Not be here."

  We both laughed.

  I stared at my reflection and felt fake for the makeup thing. I mean, there were other reasons I felt fake but I wasn’t going to tell anyone here about those.

  "Hey. I better go. Charli just went to brush her teeth."

  "Yeah fine," Vic said. "I fucking hate this though."

  "Not more than I do," I said.

  "Have you talked to Logan?"

  "Uh. No," I confessed. "I texted him when I first got here but… Nothing since then."

  "He's like broken," Vic laughed.

  "Yeah, I know. I saw that picture," I said. She'd sent me endless texts while at a bonfire at Jordy's house. Lots of alcohol and kissing. She even sent me one of her on top of Logan's lap. He did appear completely gutted. They both did honestly. It made sense that they got drunk.

  "Well… I'm sure if you sneak out you can cheer him up," Vic teased.

  "Sure," I said. Truth was, that wasn't at the top of my list of things to do.

  The door to the room made a sound.

  "Gotta go," I quickly said, putting an end to the call and turning around like I'd been caught stealing cookies.

  Charli came back in the room and put her things back where they came from. She sat at her desk and pulled a mirror close so she could look into it. She sighed and opened a drawer, pulling out some things that looked like makeup.

  “I look like I haven’t slept for seven years,” she complained.

  "You look great, actually." I'd been watching her through the mirror on my desk as I quickly applied the rest of my face. Charli didn't need makeup. She had like perfect skin and these like immaculate freckles. There weren’t many of them but the ones I could see made me like her.

  “You’re sweet,” she replied. She dabbed some concealer on and looked at herself again.

  “How are you doing? Ready for the fun that is Hanover?”

  "Uh. Honest?" I asked rhetorically. "I feel like I've been sentenced to prison and there is no escape." May as well just put that out there. I'm sure a lot of the girls were used to this by now or they maybe even preferred it but I didn't. At this point in my life it was too late to start giving a fuck about school. I never felt that way. It was the opposite of natural.

  “That’s fair. Especially, if you came here as punishment or something like that.”

  "If I wasn't here today I'd probably go to the beach," I explained.

  I pulled my comb from the drawer and fought my hair for a while.

  “Oh! Yeah, that sounds amazing. I go on the weekends. Some of the girls have cars and we go out there and hang out on the beach but I like to take the bus and go by myself. It’s peaceful,” she said.

  "Right," I said, a little sad. Unwanted anger kept on bubbling up inside of me. "My parents told me you couldn't have a car here. I knew they were lying."

  I set the comb down and stared at it.

  Often times, I had to remind myself of how spoiled I was just to calm my own anger. That wouldn't go any differently here. I had a room with my own bed. I had food I could eat and fresh air I could breathe. You are spoiled, I thought to myself.

  "You can't have a car here technically but some people just have them parked somewhere near campus and the admin turns a blind eye," Charli told me.

  I turned around and rest my back against my desk. Crossing my arms, looking down, I took a chance at some important information. "Do people sneak out," I asked Charli. "Is there a way?"

  My parents had asked if I wanted to go back home on the weekends but I'd been so blinded by my own anger that I couldn't even bring myself to say yes.

  "Yeah, all the time," Charli said.

  “Can I ask how?” I tried to be careful about it. “If you don’t want to tell me, that’s cool,” I added on. “I get that it might put you in a bad place to even talk about it. I wouldn’t want to get you in trouble.”

  Charli had been nothing but nice to me so far. I couldn’t exactly trust anyone but she seemed safe.

  “Serena stays out late on Saturdays sometimes. It’s easy to sneak out then but there’s also a back door that’s locked but you can go through it. You just can’t get back in there. You can have someone come open the door for you when you come back. It’s harder to sneak out the front since Serena’s room is right there but it can be done,” Charli said.

  “Do you ever sneak out,” I asked. So far, I couldn’t tell if this topic was making her uncomfortable.

  “I have before. Not since last year though. Most people that are sneaking out are just going somewhere to drink and party, which would be fine if it didn’t get toxic most of the time,” Charli shrugged.

  “Toxic?” I asked, searching for more. I tilted my head to the side to try and peer into her.

  She finished her makeup, which wasn’t much, just some foundation, mascara, and lip balm. She put the products back in her drawer and turned to me.

  “Yeah, just creating drama
and being stupid. Doing whatever drugs they get their hands on. Some of them have guys come down that they know, which is fine, except sometimes it ends up being people I wouldn’t want to be around. I’d rather stay at home or go find somewhere to read. I go for runs around campus if I don’t have practice. There’s a huge forest that the school owns.”

  I swallowed and managed to smile through it but she’d pretty much described Vic and me somewhere in there. “Well. Um..” absentmindedly, I fluffed up my hair. What could I even say to that? “I’m really sorry you have to have a roommate,” I said, meaning it. “I uh..” I looked down at my purse. “I better go brush my teeth and stuff. Time’s running out,” I laughed, a little wounded. “You can go on ahead. I don’t want to keep you.” She’d already done enough to help me. If I went with her I’d just be another person she didn’t want to be around.

  I picked up my bag and got my slippers out from the closet since I didn’t have to be fully ready yet.

  "I can wait. It's not a problem," she replied.

  That didn’t hit well. That made me think she was assigned to tail me like a spy.

  “I’ll be back,” I said, slipping out.

  What the fuck?

  Chapter 7

  It was all a bit confusing, Laura seemed scared. She was already asking about sneaking out and it made me wonder what exactly she had gotten in trouble for again. I didn't care. She could do whatever she wanted as long as it didn't drag me into trouble.

  I waited till she came back and then got up. I just wanted to be nice. We had to live together so why not?

  "Do you know where the dining hall is?" I asked.

  “Uh. Yeah,” Laura nodded. “Serena showed me. Yesterday,” she said, walking to her closet and switching out her slippers for some socks and her shoes. She walked back to her bed and started to put her socks on.

  "Yeah, I'm guessing you got the whole grand tour," I said.

  My idea was to leave her to catch up but she was almost ready. I lingered at the door and tucked my phone in my pocket, glancing over to make sure I had everything, which was a good thing because I’d forgotten something very important.