Love Like Crazy

by Emma Chamberlain

"Hey," I sighed. "Where are you?"

  "Nowhere important, why?"

  "Can you pick me up?"

  "Depends. Is your little pet there?"

  "What?" I laughed, not expecting it. "No. She's sick and I snuck out so…"

  "So?"

  "If you don't want to see me that's fine. I just. I only have today."

  "Fine," Vic said. "Where are you?"

  "Near the school," I said. "I can take a bus or an Uber somewhere."

  "Just wait."

  "Okay," I said, feeling nervous and alive. It was that feeling coming back. The feeling of being with Vic. Being the person with Vic.

  We may have fought but it wasn't over something small and Vic probably knew I was going through things.

  I hung back by the broken fence and tried not to call attention to myself. Luckily, no one really hung out where I was. It was just an exit and entrance point with very little appeal otherwise.

  Even the cars on the road mainly went the other way.

  Vic showed eventually after I drained my battery scrolling through Instagram. Her car lurched down the long road and I spilled out from the trees, surprising her and throwing myself inside her car.

  Beside me, Vic was so beautiful. Her blonde hair flowed down in waves and she wore sunglasses to hide her eyes from me.

  "Hey," I sighed.

  "Hey," she said, a little stoic for Vic.

  "Thanks for coming," I mentioned. We fought sometimes but hardly ever like this.

  "Of course," Vic said. "I'll always come."

  "Yeah," I sighed in relief. "I know."

  It already felt safe just being beside her in her car. Mallrat was playing, a playlist we'd made together, and it reminded me of our last time out alone, how long we spent just driving around and talking. Always together and killing time.

  "What do you wanna do," Vic asked.

  "Anything," I said honestly. "I just wanted to hangout with you. I've been stuck in there."

  "You weren't stuck yesterday."

  "I kinda was," I reminded. "Charli had to escort me out. Tell our babysitter that I wasn't about to go start a fight."

  "She was weird," Vic said. It made me laugh and blush a little.

  "Yeah," I huffed. "I'd never seen her like that. All protective."

  Vic stared over at me, keeping a straight face. After a second, she started to laugh. "I didn't want to say it."

  "Uh. She's gay. I think."

  "You think?"

  I shifted to face her in the passenger chair. "My first day, she mentioned it."

  "Well, she doesn't seem gay. Lame. But not gay."

  "What's that supposed to mean," I laughed and poked her side. I knew it made her jump.

  "Nothing," Vic chuckled hoarsely and shook her head. "Just that she reminds me of certain people at Green Valley and those people aren't openly gay."

  "Who?" I asked, curiously.

  Vic looked at me and scrunched her eyebrows together. "You're serious?" She asked.

  "Yeah," I said. "Who?"

  "Wow," Vic sighed, a little bothered. "It's kind of crazy you don't see it."

  "What?'

  "Finnley."

  "Finnley… Oh my god," I laughed and covered my mouth.

  "Yeah," Vic scoffed a laugh. "She's so much fucking like her."

  "Wow," I said, pushing my hair back. Finnley was like. I dunno, I almost became good friends with her and then we somehow grew apart.

  Vic started to chuckle to herself.

  "What?" I asked, bothered.

  "She was so in love with you."

  "What? No she wasn't," I scoffed back and pushed her shoulder.

  "Uh, yeah she was," Vic argued. Fingers pinched the sides of her glasses and she threw them off onto the dash. I watched the epic slide. "She would, like, wait for you."

  "Um. For two seconds, maybe."

  Finnley was super busy, her hands in every jar. Plus, everyone was fighting for her time. Which is probably why she straight-up forgot about me.

  "God, you loved her."

  "She's a great person," I remembered.

  "Um. No," Vic said, annoyed. "Great people don't stand you up for things or forget the time you shared."

  I guess she was kinda right about that. "She's just busy. And she has a lot of friends."

  "Huh," Vic thought.

  "What? What now," I groaned with a smile.

  "Nothing," her voice rose.

  "Okay wow. Just say it. You're gonna do it eventually."

  "I just think it's interesting," Vic said.

  "What?"

  "Finnley. Charli."

  "Okay, ya know what, the more I actually think about it the less they have in common."

  "You don't ever wanna be friends with people," Vic said.

  "That's not true," I smiled.

  "Really?" Vic judged, looking over at me.

  I swallowed. She was a little right. I did avoid most real friendships. People were really complicated and it was hard to feel comfortable with anyone.

  I shrugged and Vic pushed me playfully.

  The car pulled into a familiar parking lot and we got into a rundown drive-thru line that always made me smile. Old mustard paint clashed with purple as my eyes followed the bumps in the wall and we eventually paused at the oversized menu.

  Crackling of interference could be heard as the person behind the microphone took our order through a speaker that had seen better days.

  "Why'd you bring up Finnley?"

  "You asked," Vic said.

  I let it go. There were plenty of other things we could talk about.

  "I probably won't get to sneak out again until next weekend."

  "Yeah. Figured," Vic said.

  She'd erected a wall where there had never been one before.

  When we got to the window we still had time to wait for our food.

  "The guys are getting together later."

  "I should get back early."

  "How early?"

  "I dunno," I breathed. "Six?"

  "Are you asking me?"

  "No, no. I'm just… I'll be upset if I get caught. They'd call my parents."

  "Yeah so?"

  "I don't want to talk to them," I muttered.

  "Have you heard anything?"

  "Uh. My mom texted me yesterday but she doesn't care. Not really."

  "Yeah," Vic sighed. "They've got their heads up their asses."

  "I'd rather not talk to them."

  "Same," Vic said.

  The guy at the window handed us our styrofoam boxes of food and Vic thanked him.

  "You know I'd rather be sneaking out with you every second right?"

  Vic laughed and nodded. "Yeah," she shrugged. "Sure."

  I could tell she was sad about it. That she didn't believe me.

  "Vic," I said, bothered.

  Once she stopped at a light she looked over at me all sad.

  "I need you to believe me," I said.

  "Yeah, okay," she said, watching me. Her eyes trailed down my body and, when the light turned green, I had to remind her to go.

  "I know it sucks Vic. And I don't want to be an asshole but at least you still have your freedom.'

  "Harsh," Vic croaked. I'd hurt her feelings, even if I was only speaking the truth.

  "All I want to do is be with you and I can't be."

  "Is that really all you want," she asked, honestly.

  "Kinda," I shrugged.

  "What about Logan?"

  I laughed to myself. "You always bring him up."

  "He's your boyfriend," she said.

  "Maybe he was once," I said, wanting her to hear me. "He's a nice guy but I'm not into him that way."

  "You're lying to yourself," Vic said, shaking her head. She really didn't believe me. It didn't matter how many times I'd try to get her to listen.

  "You pushed me into Logan," I said. "And I dated him to make you happy and feel closer to you."

  "Wow," Vic scoffed a laugh. "Alright, whatever Lo.
"

  "No. Not whatever. That's the truth. And I don't know why it is you won't accept it."

  "There are several reasons," she said, looking over at me a little scarred.

  "Like what?"

  "Well, for starters, I know he's your first real boyfriend."

  "Why does that matter?"

  "It matters Lo. You let him go there so it matters."

  "Okay, whatever, what else?" There wasn't much of a difference to me, someone who made promises and someone who didn't.

  "Nevermind," Vic groaned. "You're being a dick."

  "How?!" I asked, annoyed by her.

  "You always lie to yourself about everything. And you drag me into it. Ask Logan yourself, he’s still waiting because he knows you'll go back to him."

  "Okay, wow. That's fucking stupid Vic."

  "Whatever," she said, a little deadened by the world. "Let's not talk about this shit. It doesn't matter. You're stuck in Hanover anyway."

  "Thank you," I said, glad she was finally hearing me.

  We could drive around all day. Park by the water and never move. As long as we weren't locked away in some room I was more than happy to sit with her.

  "Why don't you tell me about Charli."

  I was eating my nachos and smiling when Vic asked this randomly. It made me look up at her with curiosity. "What do you wanna know?"

  "You hardly texted about her," Vic reminded. Her fingers were busy, picking through her carne asada french fries and eating. I watched her anyway. Vic was always jealous of other girls.

  “She’s a really sweet person. Like Finnley, I guess. But…” I smiled as I thought about it. “I dunno, she’s like, accidentally innocent or something.”

  “Innocent,” Vic nodded to herself. She looked out at the waves and I knew she was plagued by things. It was something that kept me addicted to her. The intensity Vic had inside of her was magnetic. I liked to be close to it because I felt it sometimes, when I was alone with myself.

  “Mhm,” I nodded. It was quiet in the car now. Our silence was always a comfortable thing. And, though the music played, it was low and calming right now. “I miss you,” I said, reaching over and sliding my fingertips down the side of her arm.

  Vic shrugged her shoulders up as goosebumps littered her showing skin.

  I knew she didn’t want to talk about it. All the thoughts in her head were probably telling her that I was done with her. Her brain had a habit of working like that.

  “Miss you too,” she nearly whispered.

  Our situation now was precarious. No way to proceed and no way to stand still.

  As the hours passed I found that there wasn’t a way to fix how I’d been forced to ignore her throughout the week. How my texts became less frequent and my calls to her completely stopped. And how, on Saturday, she tried to find me and I was out with someone new.

  Vic scored a bottle of tequila from a convenience store that always sold to her. We drank like we could have fun but we both knew that we wouldn’t.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, once it was night again and we were back to the space where the boards were missing from the Hanover fence. We were both tipsy but super deflated.

  “You’re right,” Vic shrugged, defeated by our situation. “You can’t really do anything about it. You’re stuck.”

  “I know, but still.”

  We were parked and I was facing her. I reached out and touched her face.

  “You should come to a party, next time you come out. At least make your time worth it.”

  “This is worth it to me,” I said, knowing it. I’d rather hang out with Vic than be at some party where Vic was distracted and people were being dumb.

  One thing the alcohol had done was calm me more. More than I’d been able to calm with complete strangers throughout my week. The warmth and burn of it cradled me into peacefulness.

  I stared into Vic’s eyes and perched in toward her lips to kiss her and taste them.

  She was so sad. I couldn’t help it.

  A slow stream of feelings slipped inside me, from my mouth and down through my body. Like I’d poured some warm beverage inside of me and it was affecting me everywhere. The feeling was so good that I kissed her again, slipping my tongue inside and knowing that this was so much different than everything I ever felt with Logan.

  A rush of attraction and lust. A rush of so many things, including happiness in its purest and most innocent form.

  Vic growled into me, playfully, using her hand to push me back down to sit in my chair. She pried us apart and beamed at me. “You are so fucking weird,” she smiled.

  “Yeah,” I laughed, flushed to the stars. I placed a hand over my cheeks. I couldn’t remember the last time I smiled so hard.

  Somehow, I felt breathless.

  “Okay you weirdo. Go,” she said. “Before they send a guard out.”

  I breathed deep and nodded, staring.

  Vic wasn’t going to mention it or talk about it. She never wanted to talk about anything important.

  I shook the feelings off, or, at least, tried to. “Okay. I’ll see ya soon,” I said, using words to try and fix our broken world.

  There was no need to thank her for the afternoon. Vic knew I was happy about it.

  Warm and fuzzy inside, I wandered back into my living space. The back door was propped open with a small slice of wood. I didn’t even need to text Charli or ask anyone.

  Chapter 15

  I slept for a long time but when I woke up I couldn’t nod off again. It was around five and I knew I should go to eat something. I just didn’t want to leave bed. I felt restless and troubled, without an idea why. It wasn’t a feeling I got often. Something bothered my mind, sitting just beyond my awareness.

  The clouds outside made the room darker and perfect for a lazy day. I got up and went to look out. I could see toward the front of the school where the admin building was. That wasn’t even where Laura would have to pass to come back. I just wanted her to appear. I had no idea what I was reaching for but I was lifting my hand towards something.

  They didn’t do bed checks here but Serena was particularly tuned into Laura’s whereabouts so she might ask at dinner. She needed to make an appearance or I’d have to lie for her. I’d do that, go to dinner just so I could say something on her behalf.

  I liked her but this wasn’t like my other friends. Maybe I was in denial. I just couldn’t go there right now. There was a reason I always avoided getting crushes or liking anyone beyond friends. It was fucking terrifying. I hated that I was weak like that.

  I sulked for a half hour and watched Youtube documentaries, peering into worlds I was so far away from. Children mining mica for ten hours a day in India and dying for it. People poisoning themselves to have whiter skin, and Shane Dawson and his conspiracy theories. Anything to distract me from the direction of my previous thoughts.

  I finally fell asleep but jumped awake again when Laura came back. The sound of the door opening is what woke me. Even though it wasn’t that loud, my body had been in such a light slumber that it shocked me.

  My phone fell out of my hand and I rolled over, my hair fanning out behind me. I blinked my sleepy eyes and saw her walk across the room.

  “Did you have fun?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” she smirked, obviously pleased. She had some red in her cheeks. “How’s the sickness?”

  “Better, thanks,” I said.

  I stretched my upper body, putting my arms above my head and yawning.

  “I guess we should make an appearance at dinner,” I frowned.

  “Yeah,” Laura laughed. “I made sure to get back.” For a second, her eyes watched mine. Then she walked to the closet and pulled her Halsey hoodie on. “I can grab you something if you want. I know you’re not on food watch like me.”

  “No, I need to get up."

  I made myself roll off the bed but I groaned when my feet touched the floor. I needed to change. These clothes were gross now. I’d been sick in them for too l
ong. My closet was already open so I just pulled a few things out, more joggers and a long sleeve t-shirt.

  The cold hit my skin when I started changing and I shivered, hurrying up the process. I’d have to take a shower later to wash all of this off and feel like a normal human. I grabbed a hoodie and put it on over my shirt, feeling a little better once I pulled the hood up to warm my face.

  “Why is it so coooold,” I whined.

  I waited by the door and hugged myself while I slipped on my shoes. I still didn’t feel all good. My fever had broken but the wooziness was still there. I swayed a little before settling against the door frame and getting myself together.

  “We don’t have to stay long. We could just get stuff and bring it back here if you want."

  "If you're coming we should definitely do that," Laura laughed. She came by and tugged on my wrist over my sweater fabric to get me to follow her.

  I didn’t answer, I just followed her out and walked beside her until we got to the dining hall. She went in first and we got in line. We had come in towards the end of dinner and most people had finished up or were gone. I hadn’t heard from Abby or Lindsey all day so I figured they made up. They weren’t sitting anywhere.

  We got in line and once we got to the food I leaned over the metal counter to talk to Leila, one of the cooks.

  “Can we get some boxes for our food? We’re trying to go back to our room."

  “Of course," she said.

  Once I was in front of food, my appetite started to pick up and the burgers started to look really good.

  “Holy crap, now I’m hungry,” I said.

  "You're always hungry," Laura reminded.

  “When I’m not sick, maybe,” I said.

  I grabbed a burger before Leila came back with two to-go boxes and handed them to us. I put the burger in mine and held it out so she could put the fingerling potatoes in with it. Then, we slid down and I asked for a big helping of sauteed spinach. My mouth was watering by that point.

  “Okay, I’m going to eat this in two seconds, I can see it,” I said.

  I took a few rolls and a bottle of sparkling water, then stood at the end of the line to wait for Laura. When she got to me I tried to look in her box but she’d closed it.

  “What did you get?” I asked.

  "All this mystery," she teased me. "I got a sandwich and some veggies and some mashed potatoes since I'm actually starving."