Nothing Compares

by Leigh Allen

  I stood facing the front door, unsure of what to do.

  “Go find him, we will clean up,” Allison urged, patting me on the arm.

  Tears were streaming down my face and I couldn’t muster any words. I simply nodded as I made my way outside.

  As I stepped outside, Mike opened the door for me. “Hey,” he said, sighing.

  “Hi. Where is Talon?” I asked, slowly walking out onto the porch.

  “He’s on the back porch. I got him calmed down, but he’s worried about you,” Mike offered.

  “What happened tonight…” I couldn’t get the words out. Tears filled my eyes and everything was blurry.

  Patting my shoulder, Mike offered me sympathy. “Look, I’ve known Talon all of my life. He doesn’t really like to let people in, especially after his mom left. He can get mad-- really mad. But with you, I can see that he loves you. He messed up tonight and he needs help. If you love Talon, which I think you do, then talk to him.”

  With that, Mike walked back inside the house and left me standing alone in the dark.

  After taking a few moments to collect myself, I followed the porch around back. Under a porch light, Talon sat on a chair, his head hanging in his hands. He looked broken.

  My footsteps echoed on the old wooden porch and I knew he could sense me approaching.

  “Do you hate me?” he asked, his voice breaking as he spoke quietly. His head never lifted and I desperately wanted to see his face.

  As I got closer, I could see his busted knuckles and dried blood on his hands. I almost gasped aloud at the sight, but I tried to hide my emotions.

  “I don’t hate you, Talon,” I whispered into the dark. I knelt down in front of him and placed my hands on his knees. “I do need for you to look at me. Talon, right now I need to see your face. I need to look into your eyes and see that the guy I fell in love with is still there,” I pleaded.

  Slowly, Talon lifted his head and to my shock, he was crying. Tears stained his face and his lips quivered. It destroyed me to see him hurt like this, but at the same time, he had to know what he did was wrong. I refused to allow him to think violence was the answer.

  “How do you not hate me? I hurt that guy. I wanted to kill him,” he seethed.

  “I know, but you didn’t. Talon, we need to get you help,” I cried.

  He shook his head, yes, but didnt’ say anything. Sobs began to escape and his chest heaved. Pulling him in, I hugged me, reassuring him it would be ok.

  “If I promise to get help, will you swear to never leave me,” he asked. His tears were staining my shirt, but I still held onto him.

  “Talon, this has to be for you, not me. I’m not leaving you, but you need to talk to a therapist about your anger. Promise me you will do that,” I begged.

  “I will,” he cried again, holding me so tight, I could barely breathe.

  I wanted to believe that Talon would get help.

  I wanted to believe that he would do it for himself.

  I wanted to believe a lot of things, but I wasn’t sure if it was enough.

  Winter

  CHAPTER 13

  It had been three months since Talon had almost killed Alex.

  And, in those three months Talon had talked to a school counselor and went to one anger management meeting. To say that I was disappointed, was an understatement. Our relationship had taken an icy turn. With winter now in full affect, it was becoming easier for me to find ways to not see Talon. I was avoiding him and I hated myself for it.

  It’s snowing.

  The roads are too icy, it’s too dangerous.

  I had used every excuse I could think of, until there were no more left.

  I still loved Talon with a deep fire, but nothing compared to the way our relationship used to be. The way we used to be.

  Talon had become more possessive since that night. Sure, his anger had calmed down a little, but when we were at school, he wanted to be by my side at all times. When I worked, he came and visited me on every shift.

  He even went with me and my mom as we toured college campuses.

  It was harder every day to find time for me, but when an opportunity arose, I jumped at the chance to spend some girl time with Allison and Hollis.

  It would be a lie if I said that nothing had changed between Allison, Hollis, and Talon. After watching Talon hurt Alex, and then become my permanent shadow, they had become more disapproving of our relationship. Even to the point of trying to get me to talk to new guys.

  They just didn’t understand what Talon and I had was real. Sure, right now was difficult, but we would get through it.

  Right?

  Either way, I had to live my life and that was exactly what I was going to do tonight.

  I hated lying to Talon, but I desperately needed a night with my friends. It was as though I were forgetting who I was before he came into my life. I owed it to myself to have a night being me. Not Talon’s girlfriend.

  Not arguing with my friends about how much time I spend with him.

  No, I just needed a night to remember who I am.

  “Yeah, I am staying in tonight. I have homework and my parents want a family night,” I lied, hoping he didn’t push me. Talon was well aware that my parents were hardly home, so he might think this was too far of a stretch to be true.

  “Do you want me to come over,” Talon asked, kissing my hand like a gentleman.

  My heart began to race as I struggled for something to say. “No, if you come over, I will get too distracted,” I giggle.

  Knowing what I was insinuating, Talon allows a smirk to pass over his face. “I guess you are right. But, I want to see you tomorrow,” he demands.

  “Perfect. I will call you in the morning and we can spend the entire day together,” I beam.

  If I can get away with this plan, I just know Talon and I get back to the way we once were. I just need to get this chapter of my life back on track.

  ***

  We pull up outside of the party and I take a moment and stare at the house before me. I can already see kids from school inside and plenty more outside drinking and talking. I have missed this so much. Typically, anywhere I go, I am nestled under Talon’s arms and talk with his friends. I can’t remember the last time I got to just be here with my friends.

  “Talon doesn’t know I am here tonight. I told him I had to stay in with my family. So, no social media posts tonight,” I say, staring out the window.

  “Are you ok?” Hollis asks, as she notices me not moving to get out of the car. “I don’t understand why Talon gets to dictate what you do,” she says, a little too harshly.

  “You don’t understand,” I blurt out.

  “You are right, we don’t understand. He is your boyfriend, not your husband or father. So what if you come out with us? We are your friends,” she finishes.

  “Please don’t back out,” Allison pleads, from the backseat.

  I turn to look at my friends. They are concerned about me and our friendship.

  “I’m not backing out, I just really hope Talon doesn’t find out about this,” I sigh.

  They exchange glances before Hollis speaks. Taking my hand, she forces me to look at her. “Molly, we love you, but we are really worried about you. Ever since you and Talon started dating, you have changed,” she began.

  “Wait, what are you doing?” I ask. I sense they have planned this conversation and I am not liking where it is going.

  “You never hang out with us anymore and sometimes…” Allison pauses a moment. I can see she is struggling with what to say next. “Sometimes you almost seem afraid of him. Like right now,” she points out.

  I want to argue with her and tell her she is wrong, but I can’t. What she is saying is true, but they don’t understand what Talon and I have. They don’t see the love we share.

  “I heard you all fighting at your locker one day. He was really mad and you looked scared,” Hollis adds.

  I know I have to say something and lying won’t w
ork right now. “I am sorry that we don’t hang out anymore. I’m with Talon now and I truly love him. Our relationship isn’t perfect, and we do fight, but I promise I am happy with him. We just need to work on some things,” I say.

  “But is it worth it?” Hollis asks.

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “You are sixteen-years-old and in high school. You should be out partying with your friends, hooking up with your boyfriend, and enjoying life. But you seem to be locked away by Talon and to be honest, you don’t seem as happy as you used to be,” she says, with too much honesty.

  I open my mouth to speak, but words fail me. Instead, I hang my head and allow tears to fall. I don’t know what has come over me, but my emotions can’t hold back any longer.

  Instantly, my friends pull me into their arms and they hold me and allow me to cry. For what, they don’t know. But for me, I am crying for the part of myself I have lost and desperately want to get back.

  After I feel like I have cried enough, I wipe my eyes and push myself back into my seat. This is enough. There is a party going on and I intend to have fun tonight. I will deal with everything else tomorrow.

  “Girls, let’s go inside and have a fantastic night,” I say, pushing the passenger door open.

  “That’s our girl,” Allison cheers.

  “It’s about damn time,” Hollis yells.

  And just like that, I am me again.

  ***

  We stumble through the door and are instantly greeted with loud music and laughter. There are several people dancing on a makeshift dance floor in the center of a large living room. To our right, we see red solo cups filled to the brim with various types of alcohol. A group of people are lounging on a couch and some chairs to our left, talking and laughing at everyone dancing around them. The atmosphere is fun and carefree and for the first time in what feels like forever, I feel like I can truly breathe.

  Hollis pulls me and Allison out onto the dance floor and we begin smiling and laughing as we dance our butts off. I throw my hands up in the air and spin around as the music flows through me. We dance until we all break a sweat.

  “Let’s get a drink,” I say, motioning toward the kitchen.

  Hollis and Allison agree, and we all hold hands as we make our way through the dancing bodies.

  We reach the table and we each grab a cup. I can smell an intoxicating aroma of fruits and can’t wait to have a drink. I take a sip and feel a slight burn as whatever alcohol is in this sweet mixture, slides down my throat. I moan inwardly and smile to myself.

  “This is the first time I have seen you smile like that in a really long time,” Hollis notes, as she takes another big sip of her drink.

  “Like what?” I ask, drinking more of this drink. I want a slight buzz so I can just feel numb to the thoughts of Talon tonight.

  “Like you are really happy,” Allison adds.

  I take that in as I finish my drink. Maybe they are right, but I just don’t want to think about that tonight. All I want to do is let loose and forget about all of the drama and pain.

  We finish our drinks and make our way back over to the dance floor. As another fast rap song comes over the speaker set up on the mantle, I allow myself to get lost in this moment. I am dancing and laughing-- like there is no where else on this planet I would want to be.

  As the party continues, I feel myself feeling less anxious and I am loving that light feeling in my heart and head.

  “This is so much fun, we have to do this more often,” I yell to my friends.

  “Of course,” Hollis agrees.

  I am spinning around and belting out the words with everyone else around us, when I feel a hand clamp down onto my arm and jerk me backward.

  I stumble and almost lose my balance. When I finally regain my composure, I am met with the red, angry eyes of Talon.

  Suddenly, that warm happy feeling I had found is obliterated and I am back to feeling anxious and nervous.

  “Talon…” I say, but words evade me.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” he screams.

  Everyone around us stops dancing and stares at the commotion being caused.

  He still has a strong grip on my arm and I try to shake him loose, but he isn’t budging. “Talon, I just needed a night with my friends,” I say.

  Maybe it’s the alcohol talking or my nerves, but I am standing up to Talon right now.

  “So you lied to me and came here acting like a single whore?” he lashes out.

  “You don’t mean that,” I cry out.

  “Yeah I do. My girlfriend is here dancing and shaking her ass for every guy here to see. I’m the fool who had to see it on social media to learn that you lied to me. So, you are coming home with me, now,” he yells, dragging me toward the door.

  “Stop, Talon. You are hurting me,” I cry out, as I fight to get out of his grasp.

  A guy who I recognize from my Biology class, steps toward us and stops Talon from walking any further. “Hey, I think you need to let her go,” he says.

  Talon lets go of me and turns on the guy. “Back off, Danny,” Talon seethes. “This is between me and my girlfriend.”

  More people step up and I see their judgmental eyes on me. They are pitying me, seeing the angry side of Talon and me being helpless. Nausea washes over me as I realize what I have become. This isn’t how I want people to think of me. I am not some poor, pathetic girl who needs saving. I am stronger than this, but right now, all I see and feel is weakness. What have I let myself become?

  “Talon, just leave. Let her stay and have some fun,” Danny urges. Little does he realize, he just stepped up to the wrong guy.

  Talon launches his fist right at Danny and hits him so hard, Danny is knocked to the ground and every scatters out of his way. Screams and yelling ensues and chaos takes over the once fun party.

  Without thinking, I turn and begin running as fast as I can until I am outside. I have no idea where I am going, but all I know is that I need to get out of here and now. Hollis and Allison are suddenly at my side and I realize they must have run out when I did.

  “Get in my car,” Hollis yells, as I hear her unlock the doors.

  I jump inside the passenger seat and slam my door shut, before locking the lock. I can see Talon now standing at the doorway. Once he finds me, he begins racing toward the car.

  “Hurry up and go,” I yell, as Talon is gaining speed. He makes it to the sidewalk just as Hollis puts the car in gear and begins driving off. I hear him slam his fist on the back of the car as we speed away.

  I glanced out the rearview mirror and saw him running down the street behind us, calling out my name.

  None of us dare to speak as Hollis drives us away.

  All I can do is hope and pray that I can find a way to survive this tomorrow. I can’t do this anymore.

  I can’t do us .

  The pain. The fear. The heartache. It’s just too much.

  The pain radiating off him was almost too much for me to handle. I closed my eyes, trying to fight away the images of his face.

  I cried the rest of the way home until I was sure there were no more tears left to cry.

  CHAPTER 14

  I was sick.

  Utterly destroyed.

  My phone hadn’t stopped ringing since I left the party. I finally had to turn it off, or else I may be tempted to read the hundreds of texts and listen to the many voicemails Talon had left for me.

  Even Mike had tried calling me.

  I just couldn’t talk to anyone right now.

  Thankfully, Allison and Hollis stayed with me. My mom thought I was sick, so I was able to stay home from school for three days. Never having missed school before, it was a realistic thing for her to believe.

  When Talon stopped by, my mom would tell him I was sleeping or I would run to the bathroom, pretending to get sick.

  At some point, I knew my mom would start to ask questions, but for now, I was going to continue living this lie.

&n
bsp; Finally three days later, I realized I couldn’t hide out anymore. Deciding I had to brave the world, I showered for the first time, put on clothes that weren’t pajamas, and fixed my hair.

  Allison was going to drive me to school,so I knew I would have her to keep me strong. Because once I saw Talon, I knew everything was going to go to hell.

  Opening my front door, I was blasted with screams and curses. What a way to start my first day back in the real world.

  Standing before me was Allison who was yelling at Talon and Mike.

  What the hell?

  Seeing me, Talon rushed past Allison and headed straight toward me. Mike was quickly on his heels, trying to tell Talon to stop.

  “Mallory, I need to talk to you,” Talon pleaded, stopping in front of me.

  “Talon, you need to leave,” I said, my voice breaking with each word.

  “Come on, Talon. You guys can talk later,” Mike urged, pulling on Talon’s arm.

  Talon pushed his friend away, hurt radiating off his tired eyes. “Mallory, I know you are upset with me. If we can just talk, we can work this out, babe,” he argued, trying desperately to get me to hear him.

  “Talon, you need to go home. I have seen you out here everyday and everynight. This isn’t healthy,” Allison yelled.

  “Wait, what?” I asked, now turning to my best friend. “You knew that and didn’t tell me?” I cried out.

  Allison looked guilty and ashamed, but she kept her tone strong. “There was no way I was going to tell you that Talon refused to leave your house. Your mom asked me about it and I had to tell her the truth. She wanted to call the police, but I stopped her. That’s why Mike is here. I figured maybe he could get him to leave,” Allison stated.

  Oh great, now my mom knew what was going on. This was all too much for me to handle.

  “Everyone stop!” I screamed.

  It was time that I put a stop to this madness. I had allowed this to go on for far too long. I couldn't keep allowing Talon to believe he could just say sorry and everything would be ok between us. I couldn’t allow Allison to keep my secrets and place herself in this dilemma. And, I couldn’t let Mike risk his friendship with Talon, to protect me.