Unsuitable

by Lavinia Kent

  She stroked the counter. She had to admit the sex was winning.

  And the shadow of stubble on his chin was certainly helping. Was it still stubble after more than a day? She’d have to google it. It didn’t quite count as a beard yet.

  That had her thoughts moving in their own direction. What would that feel like on her cheek, her lips, her thighs? Would it be silky or scratchy? And was scratchy necessarily a bad thing?

  Hurriedly she put the tops on the cups. Her hands were still shaking, but for a very different reason.

  Walking out she followed the slate path around the house. She found him standing at the bottom of the back porch, staring down the lawn to the hedge of tall grass and the beach beyond. “What do you think?”

  “If anything, it’s a better view than the old place, and that was spectacular. I always loved coming over to visit Amelia. There’s something special about cooling off in the ocean and then taking a dip in the pool.” He looked around. “That’s the one thing that surprises me. I would have been sure that you’d have a pool, but I didn’t see one.”

  “Ah, you’re asking about my secrets.”

  “Secrets?”

  “It was one of the things that I loved about this house. It has an indoor pool.” She gestured to an addition at the far end that looked almost like a greenhouse. “It’s not quite as good in the summer, but the rest of the year it’s a fantasy come to life.”

  “A fantasy, you say?” He took a step toward her, his intentions clear.

  She held out his coffee. “We walk. If it’s as much like yesterday, that will cool us both off. I think we could use it. I do want to talk.”

  Chapter 16

  Clay took a sip of the sweet coffee, then followed her down and through the grass. He glanced at his shoes. He hadn’t planned on beach walking, but his memories told him he probably should have. Jordan had often strolled to the sand and not come back until hours later. He’d always wanted to go with her and this was his chance. “What was it you wanted to talk about?”

  She answered, but he couldn’t hear her, as the wind caught her words.

  He hurried to fall in beside her. “I’m afraid the wind swallowed that, what did you say?”

  “I was wondering how much you have to do with managing the brush factory.”

  She’d asked about the factory yesterday on the phone. Curious. “More than you’d think. It was where my family business started and I’ve always had a special tie to it. I had my first job there, working on the floor and then moving up to bookkeeping.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Fifteen. I should say sixteen, because of labor laws, but my dad brought me in that summer. It was only a few hours a week, but I really learned by seeing how hard the men and women worked.”

  “Do you still have teenagers working there?”

  He didn’t have a clue where this was all going. “I know we have some eighteen- and nineteen-year-olds. I’m not sure about younger.”

  “Do you think it would be possible?”

  “I don’t see why not. The hours would be different, but that can be managed. The factory has changed, become more high-end over the years. It was the only way to fight the labor costs that would have pushed me to move overseas. I’d have to ask Phil Bradley, the manager, but I don’t think that would make a difference, not if someone really wanted to learn a trade. Why do you ask? You don’t need a job, do you? I would think Amelia—”

  “No, definitely not, at least not in the way you mean. And yes, Amelia is always saying she could use my help. Not that she really means a word of it. I’m not the one who went to Wharton. But you aren’t far from wrong. I have been thinking about my life these last weeks, maybe even months. I want to find more of a purpose, something that interests me, something more than a puppy.”

  “So you do want her…or are you saying you don’t?”

  “I haven’t quite decided. But I do want to pay if I take her.”

  “She’s a gift. I insist.”

  “Be careful or you’ll make me refuse her. But we’ll talk about that later.”

  “Okay. Let’s get back to this top-secret plan of yours.” Another sip of coffee. The heat was welcome as the cold wind swept his cheeks. “I’m not sure how long I can stay out in this wind. I didn’t exactly dress for walking on the beach.”

  “You should have.”

  “I was thinking that earlier. So, are you now avoiding your secret discussion?”

  The wind had reddened her cheeks and swept her hair into an unruly mess. Small lines lay at the edges of her eyes as she squinted into the wind. He didn’t think he’d ever seen her look better.

  “It’s no secret. It’s something I’m just starting to work out. I want to start a new charity. And don’t say that I already have A Place for Family. That’s not at all the same as what I want to do. I want to set up a program to help older teenagers who find themselves on their own. Kids who for one reason or another don’t have the support they need.”

  “I’m not completely sure I understand. I thought you were happy helping families deal with sickness and loss. It seems very worthwhile to me.”

  “And it definitely is. I would never quit supporting them, helping them raise funds, but I want to do more than raise money. I want to make a difference in people’s lives. I want to…”

  “Why teenagers? What made you choose that as a project?”

  “My friend Veronica said that I was thinking about my own life and she’s not wrong. We talked about how my mother died when I was seventeen and how I’d never felt so alone in my life. I think our conversation may be what brought this on. It made me remember how I had goals, but no idea how to get to them. I want to help others in that situation or even worse.”

  Clay stopped and turned to look at her. “I know we talked about it some, but I don’t think I fully understood. You always seemed so together to me.”

  “You clearly didn’t know me that well. I’ve been held back my past.”

  “Held back? I don’t see that. You should be proud of what you’ve accomplished.”

  Her eyes widened. “What I’ve accomplished? You mean marrying a rich man?”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “Why not? It’s been said plenty before. I’m sure you must have heard it. Don’t pretend that you haven’t.”

  He did remember. Even his mother had made some nasty comments, but that was before they knew her. “Yes, I remember people talking. Mostly women who I think would have been more than happy to take your place. But all that matters is that you know it wasn’t true. You know that you ran a home, cared for a child, took care of your husband. How is that not an accomplishment? You must see it.”

  “Should I?” She actually sounded unsure. “Don’t get me wrong. I did love my husband, but he was also the answer to a dream. I went from worrying about how I was going to pay for dinner to not worrying about anything. Any problem I had he was there to help solve. I felt like Cinderella. Although I admit there were problems, too.”

  “Amelia?”

  “No, even during her teenage years when she wasn’t sure she wanted me in her life, I never considered her a problem. I understood her. No, it was the house, having a staff. You talk about running a home, but for so many years I felt like they were judging everything I did. I mean, my mother brought me up well, but I had no idea about different forks or arranging flowers or, heaven forbid, which linens to use in which season. It was incredibly stressful. I know I shouldn’t complain, but it was extremely difficult and I had no one to help me. I was anxious so much of the time.”

  He’d never even considered that. He would have thought she’d be delighted to live in a great house with someone to meet every need. He’d never considered that there could be a downside.

  She continued, “In so many ways it was a relief whe
n I could let Amelia take over the big house and move here. It’s still bigger than I need, but I knew that Amelia would be upset if I went any smaller and I can’t say I really mind. She would never have believed I was happy if I lived in an apartment. All I really wanted was a beach I could walk on and access to a pool. They didn’t have to be private.”

  “But it’s nice that they are, isn’t it?”

  That made her laugh, light and natural. “Oh, you’re right, of course. It’s very nice and I can’t deny that I enjoy it. I should be clear that I’m extremely grateful for it. And while I’m delighted to no longer have live-in staff, I have to admit I don’t miss scrubbing toilets or buying groceries. And the pool…I wouldn’t even begin to know how to take care of the pool.”

  He was struck again by how pretty she was. He was always aware that she was beautiful, but it was easy to be overcome by that and miss how sweet and pretty she could be. He stepped close and laid a light kiss upon her lips, a kiss that was simple and sweet and didn’t ask for anything.

  He stepped back. Jordan stared at him, eyes glistening, lips parted.

  She licked them, then dropped her eyes.

  “I don’t know what’s happening,” she said after a moment. “Last night, I thought I did. I wanted this to be sex, just sex. Okay, maybe sex and you tell me my idea is brilliant and you can’t think of anything you’d like more than to help a bunch of troubled teens find jobs, but mostly sex. I’m not ready for an actual relationship, and that was a relationship kiss.”

  “Yes, it was.”

  “This is supposed to be my secret affair.”

  “Can’t it be both? Can’t we be hot for each other and want to sleep together? I don’t see that as a problem. I’m willing to play by your rules even if I’m not sure I think they’re necessary. I’m willing to keep our actual relationship quiet, to pretend that we’re only casual friends and perhaps business acquaintances.”

  She didn’t answer.

  “I’m not sure exactly what you want.”

  “The problem is, I don’t know either. I can sort of manage this if I don’t think too much, but every now and then I remember how young you are or think about what people would say.”

  “I’m starting to find that insulting. I’m not a child.”

  “I know that, but then I start to think about how others would see us. I don’t think you understand how hard it was those first years I was married. I felt so unsure and everywhere I turned there were nasty comments. People would smile when Mark was with me and then totally ignore me when he wasn’t. They acted like I had nothing important to say, that I was completely uninteresting.”

  He stepped back again and scratched his chin, scraping the stubble. “I feel bad about that, but it was their loss. You are nothing if not interesting and I think that anyone looking at us now would see only that I’m a man who is very attracted to you and wants to explore where this could go.”

  She turned and stared out at the ocean. “I wish I could be sure about that—that it’s how people would see it. I just remember how surprised I was that so many people couldn’t see the love I had for Mark. I don’t want to go through that again. I’m not sure that it’s worth it.”

  “You’re wrong. I am aware I don’t know you well enough to know where we’ll end up, but I certainly know you well enough to know that I want to know you better. I’ve enjoyed every minute of our time together and I’m not talking about the sex. Don’t you want to know more about me?”

  She didn’t turn to look at him and her words were hard to hear. “I’m not sure I want to know you better.”

  And that stung. “Why?”

  “Because…all I know is that it feels far safer to leave things the way they are. I’m only just now trying to find my life. When I’m with you sometimes it all feels like everything is moving too fast.”

  “And is that what you want? Safe?”

  “You should meet my friend Veronica. She’s keeps telling me I need to get out and experience the world. Actually, you’ve met, but that doesn’t really matter. I’m changing, and you’ve helped with that, but please don’t push. For the moment, yes, but I’ve stepped out far enough and now I want safe. I would like to just stay in the same place for a moment before I venture further. I mean, a month ago I would never have believed I’d be where I am now. Just give me time to adjust.”

  “Whereas a month ago, I was dreaming of being right where I am now. Well, perhaps not where I’m at this moment, but involved with you.”

  “I can’t believe that a month ago you were even thinking of me.”

  He took a step toward her. “A month ago I was very definitely thinking of you. I’d seen a picture of you at some fundraiser and it reignited all my fantasies.”

  * * *

  —

  How was she supposed to respond to that? On one level it was incredibly flattering and made her toes curl, but on another more serious level it ignited a worry she’d been fighting to put down. Did Clay see her as she was now or was he still a teenage boy with a crush on an older woman? Was she just a MILF to him? And if she did let herself start to care, what would she do if he discovered she was not the woman he’d always imagined. She turned away from the water to look at him, then stepped back. He was closer than she’d realized. “I’m not sure whether that’s creepy or if I should be delighted.”

  “Definitely not creepy.”

  She looked at him, trying to judge the tiny movements of eye and mouth. He seemed sincere. He was sincere, but did that mean anything? She spoke slowly. “I’ll accept that, but I have to confess that before that night in the elevator I’m not sure I’d even thought of you since I last saw you.”

  “Then why did you attack me in the elevator?”

  “I seem to remember the attack coming from the other direction.”

  He shot her a look, making it clear that he knew exactly how that kiss had started. “How about we agree that it was mutual. That still doesn’t give me a reason. I’m not sure we actually spoke before we ended up in bed—or more accurately, against the wall. It doesn’t seem at all like the woman I’m coming to know.”

  “I’d give you another I don’t know, but that’s only part of the answer. I saw you and I wanted you like I’ve rarely wanted anything.” She let her eyes move down him, lingering on the broad chest, defined by the windswept shirt, and the lean hips and bulge. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t understand that. You are a beautiful man, Mr. Windsor.”

  His eyes moved in a similar path down her body. Her thighs began to tingle.

  “And you are a beautiful woman, Mrs. Robinson. But we both know that it’s more than that. I’ve been with beautiful women before and I never once felt the way you make me feel. I reckon the same is true with you and men.”

  “I can’t say that I’ve ‘been with’ them, but yes, I’ve seen my share of beautiful men and not reacted by thrusting my tongue in their mouths.” She turned and started to walk back toward the house. They had not gone nearly as far as she normally walked, but Clay truly was not dressed for the wind and she’d said what she needed to say, at least most of it. She looked at him. “Will you help me find jobs if I set up the program?”

  “Yes, and housing, too, if you are interested in that as well. One of my companies is a property developer.” He strode forward to catch up with her.

  “That would be good.”

  “Then are we finished with that for now? Can we move on to the next part of our program?”

  And there he was, pushing against her boundaries again. Although she didn’t blame him. They’d both known what would happen if he drove out to her house. Sex was the one part of this relationship she was sure of. “Yes, we’re done. For now. I do have more to talk to you about later. I’m thinking about going to college and could use some advice.”

  “Well, I did go, but I imagin
e my experience and what you’d go through now are a little different. I can’t see you living on campus and getting drunk on the weekends.”

  She glanced over at him. “Is that what you did, get drunk every weekend?”

  “No, or at least not for long. I wanted to take full advantage of the time I was there and while I enjoyed the social aspects, I also wanted to learn. Plus, I rowed. Getting drunk doesn’t go well with getting up at five A.M. to go out on the water. But more importantly, I think it would be great if you went back to school.”

  He’d rowed. Something inside her grinned, maybe that explained the attraction. “I’m not going back to school. I never started.”

  “I guess I assumed…You said something about saving for college, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, but I never quite got there. And then I met Mark. I mean, I never completely gave up on my plans after I married Mark, but they kept getting pushed further and further away. I think now might be the time.”

  “I’d be completely supportive.”

  She had no reply to that because his words secretly thrilled her and she wasn’t ready to admit that even to herself. It shouldn’t matter at all to her what he thought. You didn’t care if your sex partner supported your life plans. That was a relationship thing and she still wasn’t sure she wanted to fully head in that direction. “Do you still want to see the pool? It’s not huge, but it really is incredible, something between a jungle, a roman bath and a harem. I never can decide which. I feel incredibly indulgent whenever I swim.”

  “So can I pretend that you’re my concubine come to win my favor, ready to do whatever I desire?”

  Chapter 17

  He’d thought she’d been exaggerating in her description of the pool. The house itself had been perfect, but in a normal New England fashion, gray wood shingle and stone sides with white shuttered windows. He’d been sure the inside would match, gentle-colored walls and white trim, perhaps dark leather chairs about a fire, and the little bit he’d seen had met his expectations.