Scalding Hot Chocolate

by Jaliza A. Burwell

“What did you think?” Koen asked.

  “That’s a… community,” I said.

  “Loved it!” Lawson said. Lee nodded in agreement as he squeezed my hand tightly.

  “That’s what a good church is about. It’s a place to be surrounded by people who care. Who can understand.”

  “Is that what helps you?” I asked. “The community aspect?”

  Koen thought about my question for a moment before answering. “It’s different things. Yes, the community, yes, the teachings. When I walk into a church, I feel warmth without having to speak to anyone. I feel settled.”

  “I like the warmth too,” Lee said, nodding and understanding so much more than I did. I didn’t feel a warmth, and I was beginning to wonder if there was something more I was missing in life because of my inability to believe.

  “Then go again next Sunday?” I asked the twins. I knew I promised to go back, but I wanted to make sure they wanted to go.

  Their eyes lit up. “Yes, please.”

  I smiled. “Deal.”

  “I’m glad they had a good time,” Koen said. He looked down at his watch. “I’d love to stick around. Normally it’s brunch after church, and I’d love to join you guys, but I need to get going if I want to make it to my meeting on time.”

  “Oof, work on Sunday.” I grimaced. “Brutal.”

  Koen shrugged. “Yeah, but it usually ends up being worth it. I’ll talk to you later. Enjoy the day while it’s nice.” He smiled and gave us one last wave before walking off, disappearing into the crowd of pedestrians.

  We found a brunch place nearby and ordered a huge stack of waffles to eat. The boys laughed and we ended up getting syrup all over. I left a nice sizeable tip as an apology since cleaning up syrup was a pain. I never had the patience to clean up that mess. Taking advantage of the nice weather, we walked around. We found our way to the Boston Common. The area was filled with people, a special art festival in full swing already.

  “Oh!” Lawson pointed over to a booth that would paint their faces.

  Two hours later, I was exhausted, ready for a nap, and the boys were covered in paint and sugar. I got away with only getting covered in paint, but I didn’t care. On the left side of my face were vines with little budding flowers and then on the right side of my face, around my eye was a huge flower in my favorite color, mint green with a couple of white petals.

  “Sissy, take pictures. I want Mr. Killison to see.”

  “All right.” I laughed and knelt down, making sure to smush the twins’ faces against mine so we fit in the camera. “One. Two. Three!” I snapped the picture. “Oh, this is a good one.”

  “I want to see,” Lawson said.

  I showed him, and he grinned. “I like it. I look like a superhero.”

  “You are a superhero,” I said.

  My phone buzzed not even a minute after I sent the photo.

  Dayton: You guys look like you’re having fun.

  Laughing, I replied. I’m almost on E with these little guys. They keep going and going. I’m not sure they know how to stop.

  Dayton: Haha. That’s kids for you. They’re full of energy, even on their worst days.

  It was hard to not roll my eyes. I knew that.

  Koen joined the conversation with: Where are you?

  Not even a hello. Even his texts felt demanding.

  I replied with: Boston Common. They have an event going on here.

  Koen: We should meet for dinner.

  Dayton: Dinner sounds good.

  Bryce: I’m always up for dinner, especially with a pretty lady.

  My cheeks warmed at Bryce’s text. I didn’t know what to do with that or how to respond. So I left it up to the twins.

  “What did he say?” Lawson asked, awfully excited about his teacher.

  “They want to do dinner.”

  “They?” Lee asked, picking up on the word.

  I nodded. “Dayton and his two friends.”

  “Are they nice?”

  “It’s Koen and the other man you met when we went to Dayton’s house to play games.”

  Lee mulled that over. He was so silent, I was beginning to think I’d misunderstood him. I had thought he had fun when we played at their house, but maybe not?

  “Do you like them, Sissy?” he finally asked.

  I coughed, nearly choking on my spit. Such an innocent question, and yet so embarrassing.

  “What makes you ask that?” I asked.

  Lee shrugged. “You don’t normally take us to see people.”

  I frowned. “Little man, I think I do like them,” I said truthfully. “They listen. They’re all really good listeners.”

  “Felix didn’t listen to you,” Lee replied.

  Whoa. This kid was good.

  “You told him things and he ignored you. I saw that.”

  I bit my lip. “They aren’t like that. They haven’t ignored me yet.” And hopefully they never did. I didn’t like to think about it, but Lee was right. Felix would let me go on and on about a topic that I got excited about, but then when I was done, it was obvious he didn’t listen to anything I had said.

  I could have told him I promised to have the devil’s child and he wouldn’t have noticed. I kind of regretted not doing that to him. Maybe I’d give it a try with these guys.

  Lawson watched his brother make a decision, even though I could tell Lawson wanted to go. But he wouldn’t say anything until he knew what Lee wanted to do. They were always so considerate of each other.

  “Okay. I like Koen. He’s nice. And Bryce is Mr. Killison’s friend.”

  I almost laughed. “I’m glad you think so.”

  I replied back to the guys. We’re in.

  Koen: Excellent.

  When I told the boys the news, they jumped up and down before continuing to drag me around. They made it a goal to visit every booth before it was time to meet the guys for dinner.

  I was more than happy to help them achieve victory.

  Chapter Twelve

  Koen had texted me the address to a restaurant in Cambridge. I knew the place to have the best burgers in the city, and they had wacky shakes on their menu too. I already knew what I wanted for dessert before we stepped inside the building.

  Now it was all strategy. I needed to order the right thing on the menu to count as dinner but still leave me with enough room to enjoy their shakes. It was a challenge I normally failed. The place believed in large portions, and I didn’t know how to not eat my fill.

  Dayton, Koen, and Bryce were already there when we arrived. Dayton stood and waved us down. Lawson’s face brightened, and he nearly plowed into a waitress in his rush to get to his teacher’s side.

  “Whoa, little man, there’s no fire.”

  “Mr. Killison,” Lawson said. Before anyone had a chance to reply or draw in a breath or do anything really, the little man launched into his epic story of all the stalls and the crimes he fought in the name of honor.

  He didn’t even pause to take a breath when I nudged him into a chair, Lee taking the one next to him, leaving me to sit between Lee and Koen. At some point, Koen had changed out of his suit and wore something a little more casual but still fancy. His black sweater looked comfortable enough to snuggle into.

  “How are you doing?” Koen asked. His expression told me he wasn’t just asking to ask, but he wanted a genuine answer.

  I frowned, wondering what kind of answer he expected. I doubted a basic “good” would be adequate, but I wasn’t ready to jump into the drama of my life.

  “I’m surviving,” I said slowly. “Taking it one day at a time right now.” I glanced at the twins. They were staring hard at the menus. Lee was squinting a little. I frowned. He never had to squint before. Was something wrong with his eyes?

  Not wanting to make a big deal out of it, I remained silent, settling in to watch him carefully. Didn’t Lawson mention Lee putting things in the wrong cubby at school?

  “Maddie?”

  I whipped my head around a
t Koen.

  He frowned. “Were you listening?”

  Habit with my response to the twins, I replied, “No.”

  Koen’s frown deepened. “I asked what you liked to eat.”

  “Oh.” I looked down at the menu, determined to find the simplest thing on it. I needed all the room in my stomach for dessert after all.

  “I’ll take the grilled chicken wrap.”

  “Is that all?” he asked. His brown eyes lit up as he stared at me, though his expression gave nothing away. He was waiting me out.

  Darn him.

  It was hard not to squirm around in my seat. It was like he saw past everything and right to the root of my intentions.

  “Yes?” I squeaked out.

  The corner of his lips lifted into a small smile. “And dessert? What did you plan to have then?”

  “Oh! Easy. I want the triple chocolate brownie shake with Oreo bits.”

  His chuckle was low and smooth. He shook his head. “Of course you do. How about we make a deal—”

  “No,” I interrupted before his lawyer side could come out to play. I was all for playing that game but not when it came to food. I knew how sly he could be. He had already tricked me into eating salad. I wasn’t going to let him ruin the one dessert I desperately craved and needed. I’d eat him in retaliation if he dared to try.

  He laughed again. “Okay. Okay. I’ll leave you to it.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “I don’t trust you. Lawyers are known for being slippery.”

  That caught Bryce’s attention and he broke out laughing.

  “She already has you figured out,” he said, patting Koen’s shoulder. “Careful with him. Once he gets it in his head about something, he’ll do everything he can to do it. Don’t let him steal you away.”

  “Steal me away?” I asked. I shook my head and laughed. “Don’t worry, I watched the twins take a karate class. I’m confident in my ability to protect myself.”

  “From watching the twins?” Koen challenged.

  I nodded. “Of course! Someone needs to keep them safe.”

  “Then who keeps you safe?” Bryce asked in a low voice.

  “That’s sexist,” I said. “Why do you assume I can’t keep myself safe?”

  “Oh! Felix used to say he’d protect Sissy for us,” Lawson said.

  “Felix?” Dayton asked with raised eyebrows. “A boyfriend?”

  “Yes, he was a friend,” Lee said in all his adorable innocence. “He isn’t coming by anymore though.”

  I sighed. “They don’t need to know about that,” I said, grabbing a cup of water and pushing it into Lee’s face. “Here drink. Do something better with that motormouth of yours.”

  That got a few chuckles from the guys.

  Bryce refused to drop the subject though and asked, “Why not?”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Doesn’t matter. He isn’t part of my life, and he won’t be back.” I shrugged, trying to hide the sting of memories. I mumbled, “I can’t date a guy who can’t accept the twins.”

  “And if a guy like that is around?” Dayton asked, his focus on me.

  I frowned and really thought about that. If there was a guy who would accept the twins, would I be quick to sweep them off their feet? I shook my head. “No. I’m not ready for that. Right now, I need to focus on too many things. Frankly, since Felix broke it off, I’ve been feeling lighter.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with that,” Bryce said with a smile, his expression understanding. Maybe he did understand. He was a psychiatrist and they had the power of empathy. He glanced at the other guys at the table before saying, “It’ll be good for you to learn who you are without a man in your life, to take the time to rediscover yourself. How long were you with him?”

  “Three years.”

  He nodded. “That’s a long time to be with someone and not let that change you. You probably didn’t realize it, but you would have adjusted who you were as a person to accommodate him. Nothing wrong with that, but now you have a chance to find yourself again, especially with these two cuties in your life.” He smiled at the twins.

  I thought about his words and grinned big. “Yeah. I like that.” I nodded. “I can get on board with that.”

  Dinner went by too fast after that. We placed our orders, teased each other, and then devoured our food. I got my dessert and proudly ate every last delicious bite.

  None of the guys would let me pay for anything once the bill came. Koen paid while Bryce and Dayton helped me get the two sleepyheads into my car. I managed to get the car started and the heater going.

  Then I stood there like a dodo bird, not ready to leave them just yet, but not willing to admit it either. It left me in an awkward position.

  “Thanks,” I said, smiling at them. “This meant a lot to me. I don’t really have many adults to hang around in my life.”

  Dayton reached over and grabbed a strand of my hair that escaped my braid. I held my breath, wondering what he was going to do with it. I expected him to pull on it. Instead, he rubbed it between his fingers and then tucked it behind my ear. “We’re here for you,” he said. “You aren’t alone in this city.”

  Darn him. It was like he shot me in the heart with that simple remark.

  I hadn’t heard those words in so long. Not since when Mandy moved into Boston with the twins after Olivia practically disowned her. She had told me since I supported her and the twins so strongly, it only made sense to return the favor to make sure I didn’t get lonely.

  Dayton’s words hit harder than I expected, and I blinked back tears as my nose burned. I was ready to bawl out my eyes.

  “Maddie?” Bryce asked, tilting his head to the side when he realized I was being all emotional. “Are you okay?”

  “What’s wrong?” Dayton asked.

  I shook my head. “I’m fine,” I choked out.

  Bryce and Dayton frowned.

  “You don’t sound fine,” Bryce said, stepping close enough for his arm to brush against mine. “What’s wrong?”

  “It really is nothing. It’s silly.” I shook my head and waved my hand. Olivia had always done it when she dismissed me, and I hoped it had the same effect on the guys. Apparently not, as they ignored my hand signal.

  “Tell us,” Bryce said. “It won’t be silly.”

  I took in a deep breath and released it slowly. Glancing back at Lawson and Lee through the window only made me want to cry harder. They were leaning on each other as they stared down at the tablet I had gotten them, to be used only in the car while traveling. They were enraptured with whatever was on the screen.

  “What is going on?” Koen asked, joining us. His intense eyes were on me, looking me over slowly.

  “We don’t know yet. She won’t tell us,” Bryce said.

  Koen’s eyes narrowed as he raised an eyebrow. “Maddie, what’s wrong? Why do you look like you’re about to burst out crying?”

  I bit my lip hard as a lame attempt to not do that very thing. I didn’t know why I did it, biting my lip never helped. It only added to the pain.

  “Maddie,” Koen said in a lower voice, gruffer than normal. “Don’t do that, honey. Talk to us.” He reached out and with his thumb, pushed down on my bottom lip to release it from the cages of my teeth. Then he pulled me into his chest, rubbing my back.

  That did me in. It killed me. Destroyed me. I exploded, all the emotions I had been trying to bottle and bury releasing from me. Today had already been emotional enough with church and this was that last Jenga piece that was pulled out, forcing everything to topple over.

  I sobbed. Wrapping my arms around Koen’s waist, I buried my face into his chest and sobbed.

  No one said anything. All I could hear was my own crying. I pressed harder into Koen as my body shuddered, refusing to stop.

  “Baby, it’s okay. You’re okay. You’re doing good,” Koen said. “You’re doing so good.”

  “I miss her,” I finally admitted, my voice muffled by his coat. “I miss her so much. She s
aid that to me once.”

  “Said what?” Koen asked.

  “That I wasn’t alone anymore.” I squeezed him tighter. “Dayton’s words reminded me of her. That’s all. I miss her.”

  “That’s okay,” Koen said. “It’s okay to miss her. It’s okay to cry because you miss her.”

  If anyone else but him had said those words, I wouldn’t have believed them. He held me as I cried it all out, continuing to say things that made my heart lighter and my head less foggy.

  “Sissy, why are you crying?”

  Lee’s words were a dose of cold water. I pulled away from Koen with a jerk.

  “She’s fine, buddy,” Dayton said.

  I used his distraction to recollect myself, trying to wipe away the proof of my breakdown.

  “I asked Sissy.”

  I snorted and let the happiness bubble out of me. The little man had a sassy streak in him when he was feeling it.

  “I’m fine,” I said and turned to Lee with a bright smile. He had rolled down the window at some point. “I was just feeling a little hurt and Koen was making me feel better.”

  He mulled that over, his face doing that cute squishy thing as his eyebrows furrowed, his nose wrinkled, and his lips thinned out. I wasn’t even sure how he was able to do that. Children were so expressive.

  “I get that,” he finally said, a sad understanding filling his eyes. My heart ached. No kid should have that kind of look on them. “I do. Mommy used to do that to us when we were hurt too.”

  “Yeah,” Lawson said, pushing his way to the window and squishing poor Lee. “I scraped my knee once and there was lots and lots of blood and Mommy made it all better with kisses and hugs.” He looked between us. “Maybe Koen should give you a kiss. That always helps.”

  Someone snickered. My face became blazing hot. Koen kiss me? I did my best to not look at anyone but the twins. They were my entire world that moment because anything else meant death by embarrassment.

  “How about you give me a kiss instead?” I asked and leaned over. “I think one from both of you would be pure magic and make all my worries go away.”

  The twins looked at me like I was weird. It wasn’t an uncommon look on them. They glanced at each other briefly to do some twin telepathy, and then nodded at me.