Where I'm Going

by Parker Elliot

  In fact, it was probably just another example of how he kept getting attached to men who didn’t seem to want the same kind of committed future that he’d always imagined for himself. Benji wasn’t even gay, for God’s sake. Or, if he was, he definitely wasn’t ready to come out.

  And that was fine, really. Reign didn’t want to force anyone to do anything.

  He just—for once in his life—wanted things to be easy. Simple. Straight-forward.

  Just a little.

  Just once.

  9

  Benji

  Benji opened his eyes and smiled—not something he normally did upon waking up. But then, everything he’d done lately had been out of the ordinary for him. From the little things like a massage and walking on the beach, to the holy-fucking-shit-amazing night he’d spent with Reign.

  His smile widened. That was the main difference, obviously. And he really, really hoped it hadn’t been a one-time thing. In fact, he wanted to make it at least a two-time thing, right that minute.

  “Good morning,” he said, stretching as he rolled over to face Reign’s side of the bed.

  Reign’s side of the bed—apparently that was a thing now.

  Whatever. Benji wasn’t going to question his feelings, at least not right now. He was just gonna go with the flow. There would be plenty of time for questions later.

  Except… Reign wasn’t there.

  Benji blinked hard and wiped the sleep from his eyes as he tried to focus. The other half of the bed had been made, almost as if Reign had never even been there at all. He turned over, scanning the room as he looked toward the bathroom.

  Nope.

  The lights were all off, but there was enough sunlight coming through the curtains for Benji to know that Reign was gone. He’d left without even saying goodbye.

  The realization stung for a moment, and Benji tried to make sense of it all. They hadn’t discussed what would happen the morning after, of course. But Benji hadn’t expected that Reign would just get up and leave.

  Maybe that’s how it worked, though.

  He swung his legs over the side of the bed and slowly moved around the room, collecting his discarded clothes from the night before. One thing that hadn’t changed was his need to have everything in order, a place for everything and everything in its place.

  So… was that the end of their time together? Hit it and quit it and see ya around?

  For the first time, Benji was beginning to wish he’d had a little more experience with things like that. Sure, he’d had the occasional hook-up, but his knowledge of sex and relationships was actually pretty limited. Aside from a handful of girls he’d hooked up with while on the road over the years—situations where they hadn’t even exchanged names, let alone made any further plans—he’d only had a few long-term girlfriends since high school.

  And even all of those encounters seemed like distant memories, since he’d had a dry spell that had lasted for most of the previous year. Well, up until last night, anyway.

  But while he may have felt a little more confident waking up with a woman the next day, he literally had no idea what the protocol was with another guy. This was uncharted territory.

  Was he supposed to pretend like nothing had happened? Go down to Reign’s room and see if he’d slept well? Were they dating now?

  No, probably not that. But still, he just didn’t know.

  Not knowing how he was supposed to feel—or what he was supposed to think or do—was a lot harder than just dealing with the facts of the matter.

  This is why I don’t let go. This is exactly why I don’t do relaxing, or vacations, or one night stands.

  Benji had spent his entire life playing by the rules, dealing with facts and figures and certainties, and now? He was in a situation where that was all thrown out the window.

  What was it Chase had always said? Something about how everything was different when it was between two men. God, Benji wished he’d paid more attention at the time. But he definitely remembered Chase saying that a hook-up was just a hook-up—just a physical release, nothing to get too worked up about.

  Now that he was on the other side of that equation, though, Benji didn’t find that bit of information to be reassuring at all. In fact, it only made him feel worse. If what he and Reign shared the night before had been purely physical, no-strings-attached fun—and really, how could it have been anything else—it had only left Benji wanting more.

  More of something. Even if it was just a few more days together. Even if it was just one more night like last night.

  Even if that was all it could ever be.

  He jumped as his phone rang, and immediately lunged for it, hoping it would be Reign. It was only after the phone was in his hands that he realized that would be impossible. Reign didn’t even have his number.

  Which meant there was a ninety-nine percent chance it was just one other person.

  “Good morning, Chase. Calling to check up on me again so soon?”

  Chase laughed. “Well, I was at least going to make up an excuse, but… okay, we’ll go with that.”

  “You’ll be happy to know that I went to the massage and to the steamroom after that.”

  “Really? Are you telling the truth? Should I check the time logs at the front desk?”

  Benji rolled his eyes. Give him an inch and he takes a mile. “You can check whatever you want, bro. Would you be happy if I described the room? The color of the paint on the walls? The scent of the candles?”

  “Okay, okay,” Chase laughed. “I’ll stop. But I’m glad you finally did something for yourself. Honestly, Benji, you deserve it. Now, if you tell me you met some hot girl, I’ll probably fall over dead.”

  Benji snorted, but he paused as he tried to decide how to respond. Obviously, he wasn’t going to just come out and tell Chase all about what had happened the night before… but should he at least mention Reign? It felt a little shitty to keep his feelings a secret, but honestly? He wasn’t sure what, exactly, his feelings were. If it was just a hook-up and he wasn’t even going to get a chance to see Reign again, what would be the point of telling Chase anything?

  “Benji? Are you there?”

  Shit.

  “Yep, I’m here. And no… definitely no hot girls. Well, there are some here on the island, of course. But they all seem to be taken. And, um, not by me. So… no.”

  “O-kay. Is that… a good thing?”

  Benji could tell by Chase’s voice exactly the face he was making at that moment. Brow furrowed and head cocked to the side, just how he always looked when he wasn’t following what Benji was saying. Or when he knew Benji was hiding something from him.

  But Benji was too tired and too confused to offer up a better explanation. Or, for that matter, a better excuse. He just needed to get Chase off the phone, and then he could focus on the issue with Reign.

  “I mean, it’s not a bad thing. It’s whatever. Look, I’ve gotta go. I’ve got yoga on the beach in thirty minutes.”

  “Oh, wow. Really?”

  Benji laughed. “Not in a million years. But I am hungry, so I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

  Chase groaned, and Benji could just imagine the aggressive eye-rolling that was happening on the other end of the line. So predictable. It made him smile.

  “Fine, but I’ll be calling back in a couple of days, so don’t disappoint me. Find something fun to do.”

  “Don’t you have a husband to worry about now? Shouldn’t I be off the hook?”

  “Whatever. Bye.”

  He was off the phone before Benji could needle him anymore. Benji sighed, the smile slowly slipping from his face as he started thinking about the day ahead of him.

  What in the hell was he going to do about Reign?

  He hoped—even if nothing else came of it—that the two of them could at least be friends. And if he was being honest, he hoped that they could be more than that—at least while they were on the island. There were still several days left before either of
them had to be back to their regular lives, so why not make the best of a fantasy situation on a fantasy island?

  It seemed like a good idea to Benji, anyway.

  Now, he just had to hope Reign felt the same way.

  10

  Reign

  Reign picked up the phone and dialed Jenny’s number. He was afraid to know how much these international calls were going to cost him, but it was unavoidable. He just hoped she wasn’t already asleep. If he knew Jenny, though, she was probably enjoying a nice cold beer at home in her pajamas after a long night at work. If she was anything like Reign, she wouldn’t really get tired until after the sun had come up.

  In fact, his body felt like he’d run a shift at the bar the night before. He’d only had a few minutes of sleep since waking up and returning to his room in the middle of the night, but that was okay. There were fewer distractions in the middle of the night. There was more time to think. And he’d done plenty of thinking in the hours since he’d left Benji’s room.

  “Reign? Is everything okay?”

  Her voice sounded tired, but definitely not like she’d been asleep. Thank goodness. He didn’t want to bother her, but he needed to talk this through with someone, and well… there were only so many people available at the crack of dawn.

  “Yeah. Well, no. Jenny, I’m coming home.”

  “What? Now? Today?”

  “No, I’d pay through the nose if I tried to leave today. But I think I should be able to move up my return date to the day after tomorrow without too much trouble.”

  “I don’t understand,” she said. “What’s going on? You seemed fine when we talked a few hours ago.”

  Reign sighed. This was the part that he hadn’t exactly thought through. “I am fine. It’s just… I need to be there, at the bar. When you called earlier, it made me realize how selfish I’m being right now.”

  “No, don’t say that. You’re not being selfish, Reign. You deserve a break, for real. You’ve been through a hell of a time lately. I shouldn’t have called, but I didn’t know what else to do—”

  He shook his head, even though she couldn’t see the gesture. “Don’t say that. I’m glad you called. And I appreciate your concern—I really do—but this isn’t the time for a vacation. I need to be back there with you guys, back at my bar. I can’t stay out here in Anguilla while the ship is sinking.”

  “Oh, speaking of that—well, not that, exactly—but have you seen the news?”

  “The news? No, what’s going on?” Now it was his turn to be confused. What in the hell was she talking about?

  “Oh, when you said that thing about a ship, it made me think of the weather out there. There’s supposed to be some kind of tropical storm or something near you. I just saw it while I was sitting here staring at the TV. I didn’t really catch the details, because I’m on my third beer, but… it’s definitely something.”

  “I haven’t heard anything about a storm, but the skies have been perfectly clear here.” Reign peeked out the window, even though there was nothing to see. Everything was gray during the pre-dawn hour. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

  “Just keep me posted, okay? I’ll come pick you up from the airport, so just text me or email me when you find out what time your flight is supposed to get in.”

  Reign smiled. Jenny was always so practical. So thoughtful. So much like him that it was no wonder they got along so well. They simply understood each other. “Have I ever told you you’re a life saver?”

  “A time or two.” He could hear the smile in her voice. “But seriously, if you’re definitely not going to stay for the rest of your scheduled vacation, you should at least make sure you’re off the island before the storm hits. I don’t know what that’s like, but I’d have to assume it’s not pleasant.”

  “Don’t worry,” he repeated. “I’ll be fine either way. But I’m for sure coming home. Count on that.”

  Reign hung up the phone, wishing he felt as confident as he’d sounded. Going home was the right thing to do, and there was really no denying that.

  He just wished he had more to go home to. A failing business and failed relationship weren’t exactly great incentives for him to rush right back.

  Someone was knocking on the door.

  Please go away.

  It seemed like he’d only been asleep for a few minutes, but even though he’d barely cracked open his eyes, Reign could tell that the room was too bright for it to still be that early in the morning.

  He waited a few moments, holding his breath in the hopes that the person at the door really had gone away. Another louder, more insistent knock dispelled that hope.

  “I’m coming, just a second,” he mumbled, rolling out of bed and grabbing his discarded pants from the night before.

  For a split second, he contemplated putting his crumpled shirt back on, too. No, whoever was at the door would just have to deal with him being shirtless. He was still technically on vacation, after all.

  When he opened the door and saw Benji standing there, smiling nervously and looking as delicious and irresistible as ever, he instantly regretted the decision not to spend a little more time on his appearance.

  Benji looked like he’d stepped out of the pages of a magazine, and Reign like a bum, with a day’s worth of stubble and clothes from the night before.

  “Good morning,” Benji said, pausing for a moment to nibble at his bottom lip. “I hope you don’t mind me dropping by like this, but… I was hoping maybe we could have breakfast?”

  Reign didn’t even hesitate. “Of course. I, um, should probably take a quick shower though. You’re welcome to come in and wait for me. I promise I’ll only be a few minutes.”

  Benji looked happy but torn. Clearly he hadn’t been anticipating a delay, but surely he didn’t expect Reign to leave the room looking like a hot mess.

  “How about if I order room service?” Benji asked. “It could be here by the time you’re out of the shower. Unless you’d rather go to one of the restaurants by the beach. I’m down for whatever.”

  “Actually, room service sounds perfect.” Reign said, feeling more than a little relief that he wouldn’t have to venture out of his room after having practically no sleep. “I’m still gonna take a shower, though.”

  He felt strangely self-conscious as he quickly lathered up and rinsed his weary body, knowing that Benji was just on the other side of the wall. It’s not like they hadn’t just seen each other naked—or that he hadn’t just had Benji’s cock in his mouth, for God’s sake.

  But still, showering was… different. It was all different in the light of day, stone cold sober. The night before had been magical. The beach, the moonlight, the cool water and the feel of Benji’s hot body. It would’ve been impossible for Reign to have resisted that combination, even if he’d wanted to.

  He hadn’t been trying to resist it, though. He’d been fully on board with the idea of going wherever the night happened to take them. And he definitely hadn’t been disappointed.

  Reign finished showering in what he’d thought had been record time, but when he went back out into the room, Benji had set the corner table with an impressive breakfast spread.

  He could feel his stomach grumble as he finished buttoning his shirt. The food smelled amazing, but as if that wasn’t enough temptation, Benji was sitting there as patient as ever, watching and waiting.

  Reign felt a little shiver go through his body as he remembered the taste of Benji’s lips and the feel of Benji’s strong hands on his body. He could feel his cock beginning to stir at the memory, too. But now was not the time for that.

  Now was the time for breakfast. And hopefully a conversation that wouldn’t be too awkward.

  “I was hoping we’d get a chance to wake up and have breakfast in my room,” Benji said, starting things off.

  So much for not being awkward.

  “Yeah, I’m sorry,” Reign said. “I thought about waking you up, but you looked so peaceful. And I really n
eeded to check on things back home in Dallas.”

  Okay. So he’d managed to make it through that explanation without telling Benji how much he wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him and without lying about his feelings. That was definitely a win.

  “Is everything okay?” Benji asked. “Back home, I mean?”

  “Oh, um, yeah, everything is… fine.”

  Well, one little white lie wouldn’t hurt, would it?

  Except Benji didn’t look like he believed it. At all. “Are you sure?” He shrugged. “I know we’re not…” he cleared his throat, “I mean, I know we haven’t known each other for very long, but if you ever need to talk about anything, I’m here.”

  “I appreciate that. More than you know. But really, there’s not a lot to talk about. You already know about my breakup and why I’m here alone. All that I really have left there is the bar, and I honestly feel guilty about taking so much time away. They need me. I’m probably going back early.”

  Benji sat up in his chair and his eyes went wide. “Early? Like, when? How early?”

  “As soon as I can get a flight out, really. Probably the day after tomorrow. I don’t know for sure yet.”

  Reign felt a pang of guilt for springing the news on Benji so nonchalantly, but better to tell him now than later. Or worse, not at all. At least they were talking, and that was definitely a good thing. Reign hadn’t even been sure that Benji would want to see him again after their one night of fun together.

  Benji sighed and sat back in his chair, slowly pushing the eggs on his plate around with his fork. “I know how you feel—about wanting to get back home, I mean. My whole identity is tied up in my work. It feels wrong not to be there, or to try to relax while I know I’ve got a dozen things back home that probably need my attention.”

  Maybe Benji understood more than Reign was giving him credit for. There was no doubt he was sincere when he’d offered a shoulder to lean on. And Reign had to admit that it was tempting to unload all of his problems and worries, to let Benji in on everything that was stressing him out.