Christmas at Black Cherry Retreat

by Angela Britnell

  ‘Mama left me very specific instructions and she went over them with me only last Sunday. Almost like she knew.’ Hank blinked back tears. ‘I’m guessin’ this will sound mighty strange to you but my mama was a huge football fan and she insisted that her funeral mustn’t be held on a Saturday when the University of Tennessee plays at home in Knoxville. That’s the case this week so Friday it is.’ His raspy voice broke. ‘She said people would resent giving up their tickets to the game and would be searching for a TV to watch or following the score on their cell phones. She wanted their full attention.’

  ‘Oh, right. Well you can’t disobey her orders.’ Fee struggled to smile.

  ‘We’ll come down in a while to be with y’all.’ Tom rested his hand on Hank’s shoulder and something about the role reversal touched her. The two men walked outside together and their murmured voices drifted in through the half-open door before his father drove off.

  Tom’s boots dragged across the wood floor and he hurried to wrap his arms around her. ‘Mee Maw would insist she had a good long life with so many blessings she couldn’t count them.’ His eyes glistened as he fought with his emotions. ‘But it doesn’t make it any damn easier. What am I goin’ to do without her, Fee? She nagged me after I lost Gina about wasting my life and I regret—’

  ‘Don’t.’ Fee fixed him with a stern stare. ‘Regret is a complete waste of time. The best way to honour your grandmother is to make every day count.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Goodness. I’m starting to sound like a combination of my therapist and your grandmother.’

  ‘She is … was a wise lady and I’m damn sure she’s in heaven now laughing at me and sayin’ it’s about time I realised she was right all along.’ His voice wobbled. ‘I’d better change into some decent clothes before we go to town then I’ll fix us a snack. I’m sure there will be a ton of food in the house by the time we arrive but there won’t be much suitable for you to eat.’

  Fee almost said she wasn’t hungry and couldn’t imagine being so anytime soon but sensed he needed something to do.

  ‘It’s an old tradition in the South to bring food to people who they think need nourishment whether it’s because they’re sick, just had a baby or are in mourning. After Gina died my kitchen was covered in food but I couldn’t force down a single bite.’

  It broke her heart to hear him say that one night he tossed it all in the trash when he couldn’t bear the constant reminders of his loss staring him in the face every time he fetched a glass of water.

  ‘By tomorrow morning there’ll be at least four variations on the standard green bean casserole, mounds of fried chicken, baked ham, devilled eggs and pies and cakes too numerous to mention. Make sure you stay away from Dolly Robinson’s oatmeal raisin cookies.’ Tom eked out a smile. ‘You might think they’re a safe choice but you’ll risk breaking a tooth. You’ll easily recognise them because she incinerates them to a lethal shade of charcoal black.’

  ‘You’re exaggerating.’

  Tom held up three fingers. ‘Scout’s honour.’

  ‘I’ll let you feed me.’

  Tom drank in the sight of Fee across the kitchen table. She’d eaten every scrap of the wholewheat tortilla stuffed with lean turkey and salad he’d made. He polished off one too, figuring it wouldn’t do him any harm. In the back of his mind he knew he’d indulge in more food later so it wasn’t complete altruism on his part.

  ‘By the way, we’re still goin’ to Europe next week as planned.’ He thought he’d better put that out there before she got the idea to cancel their trip.

  ‘But surely you …’

  ‘Mee Maw knew we needed to go.’

  ‘If you’re sure, I’m not going to argue. Tomorrow I’ll have to go shopping and buy something for the … funeral. I don’t have a skirt or dress with me here.’ She shrugged. ‘Actually I don’t actually own either.’

  ‘How about I take you in the morning?’ The words tumbled out of his mouth before he stopped to think. Gina only took him clothes shopping once and then refused to ever repeat the experience. She’d called him grumpy, impatient and morose. And those had been the kindest words she chose – the rest didn’t bear remembering.

  ‘Really?’ Her eyebrows rose to the ceiling. ‘The combination of you and shops was one of the things your grandmother warned me about.’

  ‘Dare I ask what the others were?’

  ‘She said if I was having any difficulty getting to sleep to get you talking about the Chambers’ family history and I’d be out like a light in five minutes. Apparently I’m to cover my ears when you’re watching football and your team is losing because you’ve got a foul mouth. Do you really want me to go on?’

  ‘Probably not.’ His dry comment made her smile. ‘You hit it off didn’t you?’ Tom couldn’t hide his wistfulness.

  ‘Yes and I’ve never experienced that before. I tend to get on better with men because I’m not girly. My mother’s the same way.’

  Working out how to reply was tricky. Tom sensed Fee was searching for a way to change without betraying who she was deep inside.

  ‘It’s okay.’ She patted his hand. ‘I don’t expect you to wave a magic wand and solve all my problems in one go. You’re doing pretty good so far. Let’s not push our luck.’

  ‘So are you goin’ to take me up on my offer to go shoppin’?’

  Fee’s shrewd blue eyes bored into him. ‘I do believe I will.’

  ‘Great.’ Liar. ‘Right let’s get goin’.’

  For once they didn’t talk on the drive down to Pine Ridge and Fee only broke the silence when he drove past the Mockingbird Cafe.

  ‘I see Mary-Jo’s been busy.’ Every trace of Halloween had been eradicated apart from the orange plastic pumpkins which were doing double duty for the cafe’s new Thanksgiving theme. Straw scarecrows and Pilgrim cut-outs were dotted over the front and linked together with bright fall leaves. Flashing orange and yellow lights completed the transformation.

  ‘Yep, she sure has. Mee Maw always says Thanksgiving is her favourite holiday.’ Tom gripped the steering wheel so hard he was surprised it didn’t buckle. ‘I mean used to say.’

  ‘Why did she love it so much?’

  He pulled into the only parking spot left anywhere near the house and realised they were the last to arrive. ‘She said it combined her two favourite things in life – plenty of good football to watch and the chance to feed her family. We always went to her house on Thanksgiving Day.’ Tom swallowed hard. ‘We’ve all helped out with the cooking over the last few years when she couldn’t manage as well but …’

  ‘It still won’t feel right not to gather around her table.’

  Fee’s simple statement punched him in the gut.

  ‘No, it won’t.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Yeah, I know and that means … everything to me.’ He pulled her to him for a few precious moments. ‘We’d better get inside before Mama sends out a search party.’

  The second they stepped into the house Lulu came barrelling out of nowhere wearing her Halloween pirate costume and brandishing a plastic sword.

  ‘Uncle T did you know Mee Maw’s gone to heaven and she’s an angel now with wings and a halo?’ She bounced up and down. ‘I want wings and a halo too. If I ask Santa Claus will he bring me some?’

  Tom swept her into his arms and buried his face in her red curls. He’d break down if he tried to answer and the last thing he wanted was to scare her.

  ‘Mama says it’s only fifty days until Christmas and she’s made me a thing to count them on. Is fifty a lot, Uncle T? I want it to be Christmas now!’

  ‘It’ll go really quick if you’re a good girl.’ Fee promised.

  ‘Do you want to see my new dolly? She cries and wets herself.’

  ‘Wow, that’s awesome. I’d love to.’

  Laughter bubbled up inside him at Fee’s disingenuous statement.

  ‘You go and be with your family.’ She whispered close to his ear. ‘They need you and you ne
ed them.’

  He caught the fleeting touch of envy and despite being swamped by grief Tom knew she was right. Fee never sought sympathy but he felt it anyway. Later he’d try to put it into words.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Foolishly he’d thought a black dress was a black dress but boy was he ever wrong. For a woman who claimed no interest in fashion Fee was being mighty picky in Tom’s opinion although he hadn’t been stupid enough to say so.

  ‘How about this one?’ She emerged from the changing room and twirled around. If he told her the dress was great to get this ordeal over with she’d pick up on his indifference in one second.

  ‘Oh, yeah. Great.’

  ‘It’s the same one I showed you five minutes ago that you said had an ugly neckline. Pretty amazing.’

  He threw his hands in the air. ‘Okay. You win. I’m hopeless at this.’ Tom went for complete honesty. ‘You look damn beautiful in anything to me and one black dress is much the same as the next.’

  ‘I’ll need to buy some heels to wear with the dress.’ Fee frowned.

  ‘You could borrow some. There’s enough females in my family surely someone must have a pair to fit you.’ Tom pulled out his wallet. ‘I’ll pay. You get your stuff.’

  ‘I’m perfectly capable of buying my own …’

  He gave her a hard kiss. ‘I know you are but let me, please.’ If nothing else it might make up for his uselessness.

  ‘If it’s any consolation I hate shopping too.’

  ‘It is.’ Tom grinned.

  Five minutes later they were back in his truck.

  ‘What’s the plan for the rest of the day?’

  ‘I need to catch up with some work in the office for an hour or so and then I’ve got to go tidy up Mee Maw’s garden. She insisted we have the funeral tea at her house instead of the church so I’m delegated to get it straight while Mama and the girls swoop in to clean.’ Should he take it for granted Fee would come with him? Taking her for granted could have negative connotations but he was pretty sure she’d want to be there.

  ‘What on earth is going through your mind now? I can see the wheels turning.’ Fee nailed him. ‘Whatever “this” is we’re in it together. From my perspective it’ll take some working out because I’m clueless about … long-term relationships.’

  Tom swiftly poured out everything rattling around his brain.

  ‘Silly man, of course I’ll come with you. That’s not “taking for granted” in a bad way. It’s doing things together.’

  Before they went any further he should explain more about his marriage but Tom didn’t know where to start. If you want to tell her something do it outright. It’s always best. Hard maybe but for the best. His grandmother’s advice resonated and he wished he’d listened to her more often.

  ‘Spit it out.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Whatever is putting the frown on your face.’

  ‘Okay.’ Tom exhaled a deep, long breath. ‘I respect you for never asking much about Gina but it’s time you knew a bit more.’ Tom hated to watch her smile disappear.

  ‘I’m not sure I …’

  He touched his finger to her lips, stopping whatever she’d been about to say. ‘Please. I need this and so do you.’ Tom hurried on before he could lose his nerve. ‘I loved Gina dearly in many ways. We were best friends since we were little kids. I was a year older and looked after her at school and stuff.’ Tom sighed. ‘Anything going on around Pine Ridge she tagged along with me and by the time we were in high school we’d somehow become a couple. I hate to say she worshipped me because it sounds vain. Gina was beautiful and all the other boys envied me.’

  ‘You were flattered.’

  Tom shrugged. ‘Sounds lame, but yeah, I was. She never had any ambition to go to college. All Gina wanted was to settle down and have a whole brood of children. ’

  ‘With you.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  Fee rested her head on his shoulder, giving comfort without speaking.

  ‘Gina worked in her father’s real estate business while I went to college and the police academy. She never asked why I didn’t propose, but something kept holding me back until after I graduated and had my badge.’ His family wouldn’t admit to pressuring him but he’d felt it anyway, plus even more from Gina’s parents. Tom tried to explain to Fee how it’d been.

  ‘What did your grandmother think?’

  Tom cracked a smile. ‘She was the only one who questioned whether I loved Gina the right way. Being Mee Maw she dragged me to one side in the middle of our engagement party.’

  ‘Great timing.’

  ‘Oh, yeah. She asked me if I’d met Gina then instead of years earlier would I have asked her out and considered building a future with her. I lied and said yes, but she knew the truth.’

  ‘She would.’ Fee’s wry comment made him laugh. ‘And then the wedding treadmill started.’

  Tom nodded. ‘It sweeps you along. Soon I had a beautiful woman as my wife and a job I loved. Life was good.’

  ‘Did you make her happy?’ Fee wasn’t certain how she hoped he would answer.

  ‘I think so at first, but she needed me to be everything for her and … I let her down. She resented the fact I was ambitious because it took me away from her and she was lonely. We argued a lot and I took on more overtime to avoid going home.’ Tom’s pain resonated between them.

  ‘If Gary Higgins hadn’t come along what do think would’ve happened to you both?’

  Tom flinched at her bluntness. Fee knew she’d asked the question he’d let destroy him for the last sixteen years.

  ‘I don’t know. But I hate the fact I got my freedom at the cost of Gina’s life.’

  Fee wrapped her arms around him. ‘It didn’t free you though, did it?’ He shook his head and shudders ran through his body. ‘You need to let go. Nothing can change what happened. The only way any of us survives is to learn from our mistakes and move on.’

  He eased away and stared down at her, his deep brown eyes full of love. ‘I’m not the only one beating themselves up here. I’m ready to make a fresh start if you are too.’

  Fee’s heart raced. What exactly was he saying?

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  His timing was lousy. Who on earth proposed to one woman after spending the last half hour pouring out every detail of his less than perfect marriage?

  ‘I’m gonna say what I want to despite everything I’ve just told you.’ Tom rushed on. ‘I’m not expecting an answer right away, but think about it. Please.’

  ‘What? You haven’t asked me anything yet.’ Fee’s gentle remonstrance stopped him in his tracks.

  ‘Oh. Right. Yeah.’ This wasn’t going well. He’d better get it over with before he screwed up any worse. ‘Marry me. No man’s ever goin’ to love you more than I do.’ Tom’s proclamation came to an abrupt halt.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Yes what?’

  ‘Um. Yes, please.’ Fee’s mouth curved in a wide smile.

  ‘Just like that?’ he croaked.

  ‘Just like that.’

  He’d expected a ton of questions and a plea for more time but she’d yanked the rug out from under his feet again.

  ‘Say something, Tom, or I’ll start to think you regret asking me.’ The laughter in her eyes told him she was joking. ‘Please don’t start fretting about rings or weddings either. There’s time enough for all that and anyway I don’t really do jewellery,’ she murmured.

  Tom smoothed his hand over her hair, playing with the shaggy ends that’d grown out in the last few weeks. ‘You love the silver bracelet.’

  ‘That’s different.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘It’s simple.’

  ‘Who says an engagement ring has to be fussy? Hang a metal washer on a string around your neck for all I care. As long as the world knows you’re mine it’s all good to me.’

  ‘So now you’re trying to be cheap,’ Fee teased.

  Tom pulled a white handkerchief
from his pocket and waved it in the air. ‘I officially surrender. Tell me what you want and we’ll do it. End of story.’

  ‘One thing I must say and please don’t take this as a criticism of Gina but we’re two very different women. I’m too independent to need a man to have a good, productive life. I am certain it’ll be a better and more complete one with you because of the love we have for each other.’

  He only wished he could express his feelings half as well as she did. ‘Do you want to tell everyone today?’

  ‘I don’t think so. I don’t want to seem disrespectful.’

  Tom couldn’t help smiling. ‘We’ll do whatever you want but I’m pretty damn sure Mee Maw is up in heaven takin’ credit for this big time.’

  The triumphant grin plastered all over her face made everything worthwhile. He silently thanked his beloved grandmother for making him see sense.

  Fee should have known Tom’s mother would guess their secret. Sarah took one look at them as they walked into the house and beamed. She clapped her hands together and shouted for everyone to come out to the hall.

  Sarah wormed the whole story out of Tom while they all listened.

  ‘Some people might say you’re rushin’ into things but this good man snatched me from under Bubba Watkins’ nose and had me down the aisle before I hardly knew his name.’ Sarah pointed at Hank who turned the colour of a boiled beetroot. ‘We’ve rubbed along together for nearly forty-six years so I guess it worked.’

  Fee’s therapist would tear his hair out. She’d done the precise opposite of everything he’d advised and never been happier.

  Hank held up his hand to silence all the congratulations going around. ‘Don’t mean to break things up but we’ve got work to do.’

  This was why she’d wanted to keep the news to themselves for now. She didn’t blame Tom’s father for being cross.

  ‘Wipe that sad look off your face.’ He wagged his finger at her. ‘My sweet Mama thought the sun shone out of Tom and she loved you already. She was happy as a clam that you’d found each other and told me so on the phone …’

  ‘When?’ Tom asked.

  ‘Right after you left her. She wanted to make sure I was going to stop by later for a hunk of angel food cake.’ Hank struggled not to break down.