“Miggles is right. Let’s get you back to bed. You can rest up for a few days until your strength is completely back.” Leaving my mug on the side, I use my hand on his arm to gently pull him out of the kitchen. Except he doesn’t budge.
“I’m not going back to bed. For one, there’s a few things left to do on the farm and for the other I will not sit around and wait for Vemnos’ next move. I prefer to be awake and alert, not resting on my ass.” Killian replies, shrugging my hand off. His expression looks sad and closed off. I let out a shaky exhale, nausea overtaking me for a moment. It was because of me. I put him in this predicament. Because of me he died. How long before I cause him more pain or worse, get him killed again?
“I’m sorry Killian. It’s all my fault. If I had never come here, none of this would have happened.” I let out a sigh from frustration, anger, sadness, I’m not sure anymore. Too many emotions causing a confusing jumble in my mind.
“What are you talking about? I asked you to stay. Besides, it’s no one’s fault but Vemnos’. I hate feeling weak and useless. Not when it makes me mad I can’t help you,” Killian murmurs placing his hand on my arm, gaining my attention.
“I’m the weak one. If I had just defended myself sooner then none of this would have happened.” I weakly shrug back.
“Will you two numbskulls cut out the fucking pity party for crying out loud? What is this, a damn soap opera? So, you’ve both died and come back again. Boo fucking hoo. Killian you are not weak and useless. You stood up to a fucking god. Granted, it didn’t end too well, but at least you had the balls to even try.” Galen shouts out, making both Killian and I jump. Turning his head slightly, he glares at me. “As for you. How the fuck can you think you’re weak. You have the power to flame-grill gods. Not to mention your strength and ability to regenerate. Just stop and think about that for one moment before you carry on with the woe is me routine. I’ve had enough dramatics to last me several lifetimes in my previous home, I don’t need it here too.”
I slowly glance over to Killian, whose wide eyes match my own, as we both turn back to Galen. Who knew a unicorn could be so harsh?
“I’m only harsh when the people I’m trying to help can’t see what they have right in front of them. As for the unicorn thing, you can cut that shit out now. I was a man first.” Galen softly growls back. Bugger, I forgot to hide my thoughts.
“Home?” I gaze back over to Killian who’s looking at Galen with a small trace of a smile.
“What?” The word slips from my mouth before I can stop it.
“You said you don’t need it here too. Does that mean you consider this place your home?”
“Shit. If I realized you were going to fixate on that, I wouldn’t have said anything. At the moment anywhere Alina is will be my home. So, where she goes, I go.”
It’s my turn to wear a small smile at the thought of Galen following me wherever I go. How long has it been since I’ve had a constant companion? Too bloody long.
“Damn. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. You both look like wide-eyed puppies with sloppy grins. It’s my mission to stay with Alina, so of course I have to follow her everywhere.” The teasing in his tone makes me wonder if he really considers this farm a home. If that’s the case, I wish I could feel it too. I haven’t had a proper home in centuries. Thoughts of a happy family life flicker through my mind. A beautiful, cozy home. A loving husband. Children. Maybe even a couple of dogs, or perhaps a cat. I shake away the absurd ideas. There are no happy endings for someone who lives forever.
“Way to ruin the mood Killjoy. Anyone ever tell you, you’re a mopey bastard sometimes?” Killian frowns, casting his eyes between us.
“All the damn time. Now do as Sparky said and go back to bed. What use are you to anyone if you’re half asleep?” I can’t help but chuckle at Galen’s gruff tone, or Killian’s soft grumbles of disapproval as I usher him out of the kitchen. Luckily this time he cooperates with me. Before we leave the kitchen, I glance back over my shoulder to offer Galen a smile. “I’ll come and keep you company in a bit once I have Killian settled if you’d like.”
“Sure Sparky. Sounds good to me. That is if you can tear yourself away from Captain Grumbles and his bed.” Galen’s chuckle fills my mind, making my grin wider.
“What are you grinning about?”
“Oh, nothing. Let’s get you back to bed.” I answer Killian’s puzzled face.
Galen’s soft chuckles fill my mind as I walk with Killian back to his room. Peering through the doorway, I can see the crumpled bedding and the blinds half open. I gently guide Killian toward the bed and walk to the window, closing out the bright morning light. Turning around in the dim light I see Killian has already made himself comfortable, relaxing against the headboard.
“How are you feeling?” I ask, folding my arms in front of me.
“Hmm. I guess I could be better. It feels crappy that I have to stay in bed. I mean unless you want to keep me company?” I can just about make out his cheeky smile. I swear this guy will be the death of me.
“Don’t act like you don’t love it,” Galen teases. Fuck. I need to remember to shield my mind.
“Do I need to include you in my death statement? Or are you going to butt out until I get to the barn,” I reply.
“Okay, okay. Calm down Sparky. You know I’m only teasing you.”
“You alright Love? Is he talking to you at the moment?” Killian asks leaning forward.
“Huh? Oh yes. He’s being his normal teasing self. Nothing to worry about. Anyway, I’ll leave you to rest. Give me a shout if you need anything.” I casually reply, trying to sidestep Killian’s offer of sharing his bed as I hastily retreat out of his room.
“Oh, okay. I’ll see you later then Love,” he answers with a sad smile. I hate seeing it there, so I hurry across the room and attempt to kiss his cheek. Killian’s eyes never leave mine and as I lean down his hand reaches out to touch my cheek. Gently holding me in place he brushes his lips across mine, sucking my bottom lip in a little. Tingles shoot through me at the contact. I pull away to rest my forehead against his as our heavy breaths mingle together. Closing my eyes, I take a moment to steady myself in an attempt to control the barrage of emotions colliding within me.
“I wish you would stay,” Killian huskily asks, his accent rich with emotion.
“I…I can’t. I’m sorry. I wish…” I shakily exhale. I wish I was brave enough to let you love me. “I wish things were simpler. Please…Please get some rest.” I reply. His fingers drop from my cheek as I stand. A look of sadness and understanding fills his eyes, as I back out the room. Twisting, I close the door behind me, even as my heart screams at me to turn around. I shut it out and refuse to listen.
I just can’t.
4
Alina
As I head out the back door, I snag one of Killian’s shirts that’s laying draped over a chair. I thread my arms through the soft material, pulling it closed around me. Lifting the collar a little, I take a deep inhale of the familiar whiskey scent. It’s very faint, but it’s there. A warm reminder of the gentle and kind man I keep walking away from.
The chilly late morning air bites against my skin as I walk toward the barn, gazing down at my feet kicking against the gravel as I go.
“You managed to pull yourself away then?” Galen immediately asks, trotting up to me before I’ve made even one step inside the barn. I glance up to meet Galen’s eyes, seeing a hint of sadness hidden within their depths.
“Yes, I guess. I mean I am here after all.” I reply, shrugging my shoulders.
“What really happened last night?”
“Exactly what I told you. I woke up to the sound of his voice and he was standing in the corner of my room. We talked for a bit. He tried to grab me and I scorched his arm. I managed to get my flames under control so only my hands were covered. I went to attack him and the asshole disappeared in a cloud of purple smoke. If only I had been a few seconds quicker, this would’ve all been
over.” My fingertips tingle with warmth, as my anger grows. I had been so close.
“Calm down, Sparky. I don’t really fancy being cooked if that’s okay with you. I know horse steak is probably tasty but I would rather not become one,” Galen lightly chuckles.
A soft smile graces my lips, thinking about how much I have come to care for both him and Killian in such a small amount of time.
“Sorry, I sometimes forget my fire is controlled by my emotions.” I walk past Galen to sit down on a nearby hay bale. Throwing my head in my hands I rest my elbows on my knees, trying to contemplate everything that has happened. Not only from the past month or so, but from the centuries that have passed. I often wonder if I’ll ever be free to live a normal life. Then again, how can I have a normal life when I’m not normal?
Galen lightly brushes his nose against my head trying to gain my attention.
“You’ll be alright, Sparky. I’m sticking around. And I’m pretty sure Killian is a fan of yours too.” He chuckles, nudging me again.
I blush a little, raising my head, only to be greeted by a wink from Galen. With a roll of my eyes and a small smile, I reach up to stroke his muzzle. Resting my forehead against his nose, I sigh when his warm breath washes over me. “What am I going to do, Miggles? How am I meant to act normal with all the shit that keeps happening to me and to the people I care about?” I turn my head to look into his eyes.
“You can’t. There is no such thing as normal. Only what people perceive as normal. Ask yourself this, if we were all the same what kind of world would that be?” He pauses for a moment as I continue running my hand along his muzzle. “Never try to be anything but who you are. We’ll figure this out. Together.”
He pulls away from me a little, shaking his head. “What the fuck do I sound like? I’ve never been so bloody soppy in all my life.”
“Don’t blame me if you’re secretly a softie.” I smirk, watching him as he continues shaking his head. His stunning mane shines like liquid metal, flowing around him. Such a handsome creature. I wonder what he looks like as a man?
After what had happened last night Galen had shifted back into his horse form, but I was eager to see his unicorn again. Amongst all the chaos I didn’t get a proper view. Clearing my throat, I wait for him to finish shaking his head. “Can I…I mean, can you shift into your unicorn for me please? If it’s okay with you?”
Galen watches me for a moment before giving a gentle nod. “For you, Alina, anything. Close your eyes, I don’t wish to blind you again.”
I don’t have time to ponder over why he used my real name, instead of the colorful nickname he had chosen for me, as I need to shield my eyes from the bright white light emanating from him. As quickly as it appears it recedes. I flicker my eyes open to the sight of the most majestic creature I have ever seen.
Galen stands before me. His normally black coat now has a slight navy blue sheen. Whereas his mane and tail are a deep royal blue and the ends are tipped with a shimmery gold similar to my healing magic’s color. But it’s his horn I cannot seem to peel my eyes away from. I stand up to walk over to him, tentatively reaching out to place my fingertips against it. It looks like glass, or some type of crystal. A shimmering blade rather than the spirals of myths and legends. Brushing my fingers against the smooth texture, I watch how it glimmers under my touch. I’m in awe of how simply beautiful it is. I move my hand down his nose, his warm breath gracing my fingertips as my gaze meets his. Apprehension swirls within their depths. I can only assume he’s nervous about sharing this form with me.
“You’re stunning,” I gently whisper, placing a tender kiss to his nose, “thank you for sharing it with me.”
Galen closes his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before opening them again. This time his eyes are filled with softness and adoration. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him close to me, his gentle breath blowing against my hair and back.
“Thank you for accepting this form. You’ll never know how much it means to me. Centuries have passed with almost everyone looking at me as if I was a freak,” he softly murmurs in my mind.
“I understand that more than you realize. I understand what it’s like to be on the receiving end of not being accepted. To not feel loved or wanted. I mean it though. You are stunning. How anyone could look at you without awe is beyond me,” I give him one last squeeze and reluctantly let him go.
“I think the same about you but I know for a fact that at least one other person sees you that way too.” Galen nudges me with a quiet chuckle.
My cheeks tingle from the blush forming on my cheeks. When did I become a blushing fool? I can’t believe how little it takes to set me off when it comes to these two.
GALEN
I watch intensely as her cheeks burn until they’re almost a similar color to her hair.
“I’ve already told you, Miggles. Nothing can happen between Killian and me” She casts me a sad smile before walking to sit back down on the hay bales.
“I’m sorry Sparky, something has already happened between you two. No matter how much you may want to distance yourself from him, I’m afraid you can’t. I may not have known either of you long, but I can sense how much you already care for each other.”
Her eyes dart from side to side as she processes everything. “Yes, I care for him. But I’ve already told you nothing can come of it. I can’t risk him getting hurt again.”
I step closer watching her. “You know, once upon a time I was told you shouldn’t hide from your emotions or feelings, no matter how much you think it may hurt. You will never know the outcome unless you try.” I nudge my muzzle gently against her arm until she has no choice but to move to rest it on my neck.
“Huh? What do you mean?” she replies, puzzled, running her fingers through my mane. The pleasant sensation sends tingles throughout me. I never want her to stop.
“I mean, you can’t keep pushing Killian away. Not only are you hurting him, but you’re also hurting yourself.” Waves of emotions flitter across her face as she listens to me. First sadness, then realization.
“I’m not sure what else to do. I’ve spent so long pushing people away from fear or anxiety, I’m not sure how to function around people anymore. I don’t do relationships or emotions. I can’t afford to. You saw what happened to Killian last night. It nearly destroyed me.” She balls her fists, with anger or possibly worry filling her eyes. “I had to witness another person I care about being slaughtered in front of me. I couldn’t stop Vemnos. Again. How many more people do I have to lose before he’ll be satisfied?” She’s closing herself off again, I can tell by the way she wraps her arms around herself, moving away from me. I realize she’s scared, terrified probably, but she can’t keep doing this to herself. I was sent here to help her and I guess this must be one of the ways I can do that.
My jealousy brews underneath all my other emotions. I am jealous. I can admit that to myself, but not to her. How can I admit I have feelings for her as long as I’m in this form? The very fact she accepted my unicorn humbled me, filling my heart with an unfamiliar emotion I can’t, or rather won’t begin to decipher. Taking a deep breath, I know I need to push her into accepting the idea of a relationship with Killian.
I just wish it was me.
“Have you thought about Killian’s feelings in all of this?” She glances at me for a moment, before letting out a heavy sigh.
“Of course, I have. But, I can’t even chance anything happening between us as long as Vemnos is around.”
“So what? You’re just going to put your life on hold? Listen, you may be immortal, but he isn’t. Every day that passes is another day wasted.” My voice sounds strained and angered, because it is. How can she not see how much of Killian’s time she is wasting by pushing him away? I know she wants him. I can hear it in her thoughts when she forgets to conceal them. In the way she smiles when they look at each other and in the way she cried over his dead body. The stupid woman is being bloody stubborn.
&n
bsp; “I heard that.” Alina glares at me, to which I can’t help but wink. I have to lighten the mood somehow.
“You were meant to. You bloody infuriate me, Sparky. You were willing to try a relationship with someone before, don’t you think Killian deserves that same chance?”
“Well we both know how that turned out. It wasn’t exactly sunshine, rainbows, and cupcakes now was it?” she snaps back.
“No, it wasn’t after Vemnos appeared. But remember back to before he did. When it was only you and your man. Things were alright then, weren’t they?” A wistful smile tugs at her lips, as sadness clouds her eyes.
“They were perfect. He was perfect.” She tilts her head down, picking at her nails, as a lone tear slowly trickles down her cheek, shimmering against her beautiful freckles. What I wouldn’t give to be able to catch all of her tears and make it better. Unfortunately, I need to pass that role over to Killian. At least until I’m allowed to shift to human again.
Taking a moment, I raise my head up, breathing deeply. Once I’ve composed myself a bit more, I trot over to Alina and bend down so I can rest my chin on her shoulder. I watch her out the corner of my eye as another tear falls. She lifts her hand and uses the cuff of her sleeve to wipe the stray tears away. Her eyes meet mine and I can see the despair within them.
“I swore I wasn’t going to cry any more. You would think after all this time I would’ve run out of tears. Except the little fuckers are still here. When will it get easier, Miggles?” she asks, resting her head against the side of my muzzle.
“Probably when you accept who and what you are. You can’t change any of it. What you can change is what happens between you and Killian. I have a feeling you would be stronger together rather than apart. I understand that you’re scared. I do. However, you cannot let your fears rule your life. Take a chance on him. Take a stand. Decide what you want and go for it. Live in the moment. Fuck Vemnos. Just don’t give up. If you do, then I have failed. Would you really like that on your conscience?” I try to say the last part playfully. I should be stern with her, stubborn fool that she is. Yet it’s so difficult to stay mad at her when I am the one who she’s choosing to confide in. I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and hold her close forever.
Whispers of Tomorrow (The Alina Chronicles Book 2) Page 3
