Empress in Disguise, Book 1

by Zoey Gong

  But why did it have to be me?

  “I am to be your maid from now on,” Suyin prattles on. “I won’t have to go back to scrubbing pots in the kitchen. It’s a big step for me, and the extra money will help my family.”

  “Where are they?” I ask her, trying to distract myself from my melancholy thoughts.

  “A long way from here,” she says. “A small town about two-hundred li to the west. My father is a servant for the governor of Zhili Province and my mother is a maid.”

  “How did you end up here?”

  She glances at me curiously, as if I should know the answer, and I suppose any true Manchu girl would know. But I can’t unask the question, so it hangs in the air between us.

  “Every year a call goes out requesting girls to serve in the palace. I applied for three years before I was finally accepted. I was so disappointed when I ended up in the kitchen, but thankfully that didn’t last long. I was one of the first girls to sign up to assist the women who were coming for the selection process. It’s quite an honor.”

  “I’m sure it is,” I say, and I realize that Suyin is quite ambitious for someone so young.

  “Here we are,” Suyin says, stopping in front of the door of a random building. I look around and, of course, I have no idea where I am. I am certain I would never find my way back to the audience hall, much less the gate I first entered. This place is so large and confusing, I don’t see how anyone can know where anything is.

  There is a eunuch in a blue robe standing by the door. He approaches and kneels before me.

  “I am your humble servant, Jinhai. I will do my best to serve you, my lady.”

  Another servant. Already, this is too much. But I know there is nothing I can do about it.

  “Thank you,” I finally say, unsure of what else I should say instead.

  Jinhai stands and leads Suyin and myself into the building. Inside, there is a short hallway, with latticed walls on each side, two openings in each lattice. I hear lots of chatter and laughing and realize that the building is divided into four rooms. As I walk down the hall, I see that the first two rooms are occupied. The girls in the rooms are excitedly looking at the furniture, bowls of bright fruit, and closets full of clothes.

  Jinhai motions to back room on the left. “I am sorry, but this is your room.”

  “Why should you be sorry?” I ask.

  “It is not very auspicious,” he says. I’m not sure what to say to that, I have no idea how he came to such a conclusion. I walk past him into the room and am overwhelmed by how beautiful it is.

  The walls are painted red and there is a large bed to one side with a heavy canopy. There are lacquered tables and chairs and a huge chest inlaid with shimmering mother-of-pearl. There are two large windows, each blocked by a redwood lattice. The lattice, I assume, is to keep anyone from climbing in or out, but they let in plenty of light, making the room bright and airy. I step to one of the windows and see a beautiful garden on the other side with a shade tree, a pond, and a concrete bench. There is a latch so that I can open the window if I wish.

  “I don’t know why it is inauspicious,” I say. “It’s lovely.”

  “I am glad you are pleased, my lady,” Jinhai says.

  I hear a burst of laughter from one of the other rooms and realize that there is little privacy here. There are no doors to the rooms, so anyone could walk in at any time, and conversations could easily carry. I will have to be careful of what I do and say even in my own room.

  “Here is your chamber pot,” Suyin says, pulling up a bed cloth to show me a large porcelain bowl. “And the bed will be heated when winter comes.”

  A heated bed? I try to keep my face from looking surprised. I didn’t know such a thing existed, but Lihua would surely know. She probably had one at home.

  Suyin then walks over to the large chest and opens the doors. “And these are your clothes,” she says. “A seamstress will come within the week to adjust them to your exact size.”

  At least ten robes, each made of silk in a different color and embroidered with different patterns, hang in the chest like a captured rainbow. Suyin pulls one out and holds it under my chin. It is so soft and the silk so bright it makes even the robe I am wearing that Mingxia gave me seem rough and dull by comparison.

  I then think about the dozen girls who were selected today and how each one of them will have closets full of clothes just like this one and it makes me angry. These are more clothes than I would probably use in a lifetime, and I am just a lowly consort! How many gowns must the empress have? I simply don’t understand how these women can have so much when I was raised with so little.

  “Does it not please you?” Suyin asks, and I realize I must be making a terrible face.

  “Of course it does,” I say. “I am just a little overwhelmed.”

  “You must be tired!” Suyin says, putting the robe back into the chest and closing the doors. She then takes me by the hand and leads me to the bed. “You should rest. Jinhai and I have chores we should be doing anyway.”

  I sit down and reach to remove my shoes, but Suyin is quicker and does the job for me. She then climbs up on the bed behind me and begins removing the decorations from my headdress, then the pins to the headdress itself. When she removes the headdress, I let out an audible sigh of relief. My neck is terribly sore from holding the monstrosity up, and then I realize I am going to have to wear such contraptions every day for the rest of my life. Hopefully not headdresses that large, but still…

  “Would you like something to eat or drink?” Suyin asks. “There is fresh fruit and I can brew you some tea. Or I can request something from the kitchen—”

  “No!” I finally snap, and Suyin’s eyes go large before she drops down in a crouch.

  “I’m sorry, my lady!”

  I sigh, realizing I’ve hurt her feelings, which makes me feel guilty, but I just want to be left alone. “No, I’m sorry. I’m just very tired.”

  “You must never apologize to a servant, my lady,” Jinhai whispers to me. “You are never in the wrong!”

  I open my mouth to argue with that. Such nonsense! But I don’t wish to continue the conversation.

  “Just…go,” I say, and I feel a sourness in my stomach. I’m not the sort of person to give orders to others. I don’t think that Suyin and Jinhai are lower than I am, but I don’t know how else to have a moment to myself.

  Suyin rises to her feet but keeps her head down as she backs toward the door. I notice that Jinhai backs away from me as well. So strange. Through the door I can see clear into the other room where another consort is trying on her new clothes, turning this way and that in front of a mirror to admire herself. I groan as I realize that I am still not alone. I crawl back on the bed—which is surprisingly soft—and lay my head on a pillow—a pillow!—and stare at the wall.

  I can’t sleep as my mind races. I hate this place. It’s so large, a huge waste of space. And the opulence—it’s so unnecessary! Who needs that many clothes? Who needs this many wives? I’ll probably never even see the emperor. Never have a child of my own. This is the rest of my life—me, alone, with only a maid for company and a closet full of dresses I’ll never wear.

  I punch the bed as tears start to escape my eyes. How could Mingxia do this to me? She knew Lihua would be chosen—she knew it! I was an idiot for trusting her, and now my life is lost. I’ll never see my family again. I can never even inquire about their welfare without giving myself away. Why would a Manchu lady ever seek information about a poor Han family?

  I must drift off eventually because I am awoken by the clattering of dishes. I sit up and see that several maids have brought in quite a large amount of food.

  “What is going on?” I ask as I stretch and start to get off the bed. Suyin, of course, rushes to my side.

  “Here,” she says as she tries to put the pot-bottom shoes back on my feet.

  “No,” I say, pulling away. “I can’t possibly put those back on today.”

&nb
sp; She bows and then goes to the closet where she pulls out a pair of silk slippers. I let her put them on me so I can find out why there is so much food in my room.

  “Your supper, my lady,” Jinhai says.

  “What?” I ask. “There’s far too much! There must be some mistake.”

  “No, my lady,” he says. “This is the food allowance for a rank five concubine.”

  “A what?” I ask.

  “A rank five concubine,” he says. “That is the level you were assigned by the dowager empress.”

  “Rank five…out of how many?” I ask.

  “Five,” he says after a pause.”

  I shake my head. The lowest rank. I’m not even a consort, but a concubine. I’m not sure I know the difference, but consort at least sounded nicer. More like a wife. But I’m not. I’m a concubine, and my sole purpose is to give the emperor a son.

  “I can’t possibly eat all that,” I finally say when the maids are finished delivering the food. “Tell them to send less in the future.”

  Jinhai and Suyin exchange a glance. “My lady,” Suyin whispers, “you are not expected to eat it all yourself. When you are done eating, then your servants will eat. After that, you may offer the food as a gift to even lower servants.”

  “And then anything left can be given to your dog if you would like one,” Jinhai adds, and Suyin nods.

  “I’m sorry,” I say as I take a seat. “I didn’t realize it was for more people than myself.”

  “Don’t apologize, my lady,” Suyin says. “Over the next few days, Jinhai and I will help instruct you about how the court functions.”

  I motion to the empty chairs around the table. “Please, join me.”

  “We cannot!” Suyin says, horrified. “We cannot sit in your presence, and we certainly are not suitable company.”

  I groan to myself about all these silly rules. “Then why do I even have more than one chair?”

  “You will make friends with the other ladies soon, I’m sure,” Suyin says.

  “Fine.” I pick up a napkin, but Suyin takes it from me and lays it on my lap. I’m starting to feel like an invalid. Jinhai fills my bowl with rice and then offers me my chopsticks.

  “You aren’t going to chew it for me?” I ask, and his face drops in horror. I realize he thinks I am serious. “I was only joking.” He gives an awkward laugh and steps back. I reach out and take a bit of food from the dish nearest to me along with a bite of rice.

  It’s delicious.

  I thought the food at Mingxia’s home was good, but this is completely different. It’s wonderful. The meat is so tender it is like eating tofu, and the mix of spices dances across my tongue. I try another dish and find that it is just as amazing. By the end, I find that I have eaten far more than I thought possible and my stomach is bloated. I’ll have to be careful that I don’t end up fat.

  Suyin and Jinhai then clear the dishes away and are gone for some time. I assume they are eating somewhere away from my presence. I take note that this would be at least a little time during the day to myself. Well, the evening, anyway. It is already dark outside, the room lit by several lanterns.

  Other than think, I’m not sure what to do with myself. I hear low voices and step toward the door to my room. Across the hall, two ladies are chatting. I wonder if I should walk over, introduce myself, try to make friends. But when they see me watching them, they quickly shuffle to another part of the room where I can’t see them. So much for that idea. I wonder where Yanmei is. She must be in another palace somewhere. Perhaps tomorrow I can seek her out. It would be nice to at least have someone to talk to.

  I’m sitting in a chair, thinking, when Suyin and Jinhai come back. Jinhai has a small booklet and Suyin is carrying a stack of laundry.

  “These are new undergarments,” she explains. “Socks as well. Also silk rags for your moon phase. Do let me know when it comes so I can take extra care of you.”

  My face reddens at the idea of discussing such a topic with a stranger, but I suppose there’s no helping it. She’ll be the person doing my laundry.

  “Of course,” I mutter.

  “I need to go over the accounts with you, my lady,” Jinhai says, laying the book before me. I have a sudden flash of panic. I can’t read. The only accounts I’ve ever done is figuring out how much money I need for enough food to get my family through the day.

  “Don’t worry,” Jinhai says. My unease must have been clear on my face. “I’ll teach you what you need to know.” I suppose it would be uncommon for any girl to have dealt with much money.

  Jinhai points to a character at the top of the page. “This is your allowance from the emperor each month. And these are your expenses.”

  I feel sick when I realize I can’t even read numbers. I have no idea how much money I have. And what does he mean “expenses”? Isn’t everything provided for me?

  “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

  “Do not apologize,” he says. “Everything in your room now, your clothes, your furniture, all that is a wedding gift from the emperor. And each season, you will be provided with new clothes, depending on your rank at the time. But any clothes more than that, you would buy yourself. Understand?”

  “I think so,” I say, though I still don’t know how much money I actually have.

  “The salary for your servants is to be paid out of your allowance.”

  “What?” I nearly shriek. “That’s ridiculous. I don’t even need servants.”

  Jinhai and Suyin look at each other, and I see a flash of fear across their faces. I suppose they are worried that they are about to lose their jobs. I remember how excited Suyin was when she told me she had been rescued from kitchen duty to serve me. I also realize that any Manchu lady of rank would have servants. Mingxia’s home had a dozen at least. And I suppose I will need someone to help me dress and style my hair. And Jinhai seems very knowledgeable about how things are done around here. I have to keep reminding myself that this is my life now, and it is very different from the one I lived in the shadow of the Forbidden City. I might not have needed servants then, but I do now.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, rubbing my head. “I just didn’t realize I would have expenses. I thought the emperor would provide everything.”

  “Don’t apologize,” he says. “I know this is all very new to you. Perhaps we should go over the rest of it tomorrow.”

  I nod. “That seems like a good idea.” Suyin finishes her task and Jinhai stands near the door, and all of us look at each other in awkward silence.

  “So…what should we do now?” It is evening, but far too early to go to sleep, especially since I had that nap.

  “Oh, well, you can read or write,” Suyin says, and my face falls. “Or you could play an instrument. I can bring you an erhu or pipa.”

  “I’ve always liked the erhu,” I say, “but I’m not very good.” I practiced a little when I was with Mingxia, but it sounded like a cat screeching.

  “I can procure one for you,” Suyin says. “And I can find a eunuch to teach you.”

  “That would be fun,” I say.

  “It would come out of your household income,” Jinhai says.

  “Oh.” I’ll need to find out how much money and I have and what things cost. But I don’t know how to ask Jinhai for help without revealing just how uneducated I am.

  “You can embroider,” Suyin says. “Many of the consorts like to embroider gifts for the emperor.”

  “I suppose I’ll have to buy the supplies,” I say.

  “Yes,” Jinhai says, but then he lowers his voice. “But I can sell the pieces you male for you outside.”

  “Outside?”

  “Outside the wall.”

  “You can leave the palace?” I ask, feeling excited. If he can leave, maybe I can too.

  “Only with your permission, of course,” he says. “And I can’t go very far, or be out very long. I could never leave the city except when escorting you to Yuanming Yuan or Jehol.”

&n
bsp; I have no idea what those things are, but at least it means I won’t be completely trapped inside the Forbidden City all of the time.

  “But many ladies sell their embroidery outside to earn more money for their expenses.”

  “That is good to know,” I say. “I can at least do that. It will be something to occupy my mind and my time.”

  “I’ll purchase items for you tomorrow, my lady,” Suyin says. “The embroidery office will be closed for the night.”

  “The embroidery office?” I ask and nearly laugh. Why would the Forbidden City have need for such a thing?

  “Yes,” Suyin says, confused. “The embroidery office has all the supplies you could need. They are the best quality, send directly from Suchow. And the ladies who work there can perform any repairs that are needed to garments and shoes and such.”

  “Suchow,” I say. “I always wanted to go there.” I remember how I had told Mama and Baba I could try to find work there. But that life is behind me. Mingxia gave them more money for me than I ever would have earned as a seamstress. I wonder if she held up her end of the agreement and gave my parents whatever bride price the emperor paid for me. I look at Jinhai’s accounting book and wonder if there would be a way to send more money to them. Or if I could ever trust Jinhai enough to send them a message. I suppose not. It would be too dangerous, too risky, no matter how long I live here. It is a secret I must always keep.

  “I suppose there is nothing left to do for tonight, then,” I say as I stand. “Might as well prepare for bed.”

  I find that I am glad I decided to go to bed early because, apparently, preparing for bed is a rather lengthy endeavor. First, Suyin helps me out of my clothes and into a light sleeping robe. I then must wash my face of all the pain and apply a variety of lotions and oils to make my skin white and supple. I’m told I can buy even more—better—face items for a price. Suyin then brushes my hair out one hundred times. She washes and massages my feet, and then does the same for my hands. I admit that such pampering is relaxing, but I still feel awkward having her do such things for me.