Empress in Disguise, Book 1

by Zoey Gong

  “Why have you come?”

  “The empress sent me,” I say. I hear a shuffling noise and can see part of her face on the other side of the door.

  “Has she spoken for me? Has she begged mercy of the emperor?”

  The hope in her voice nearly tears me apart. “No,” I finally say. “She wants you to confess.”

  “Confess?” she asks as though confused. “Confess to what?”

  “To sending your man to kill her.”

  “But I didn’t!” she says emphatically. “I would never do such a terrible thing! Why should I?”

  “Because you are jealous she is pregnant,” I say.

  “Of course I am,” she says. “And so are you! And so is every other woman here. But that does not mean we kill one another. We are sisters!”

  I hate to admit it, but I believe her. Her voice does not waver. There is no malice in her words. I do not believe she did this terrible thing.

  “If it was not you, then who was it?” I ask. “Why did your own eunuch try to kill her?”

  “I don’t know,” she says, her voice choking. “I can only think someone bribed him to do it. They must have paid him a very great amount. He had to have known that he would be caught and put to death. Even if he had succeeded in killing Caihong, he never would have gotten out of her place alive.”

  I consider this for a moment. She’s right. The scissors were small. They were sharp enough for the eunuch to kill the empress, but surely the she would have woken up and screamed before she died. There were also maids in her room. They hadn’t heard him sneak in, but they would have heard the scuffle.

  “Do you think he wanted to get caught?” I ask. “Could that have been his plan? Maybe he never intended to be successful?”

  “Why?” Lady An asks. “It doesn’t make sense. Why bribe a eunuch to commit a crime he is sure to be caught doing?”

  A sudden terrible thought fills my head and I am a little less sturdy, crouched on my pot-bottom shoes. “Because he was your eunuch.”

  “What?”

  “He was your eunuch,” I say. “What if Caihong was never the intended victim? Whoever it was, what if they always intended the blame to fall on you?”

  Lady An goes quiet for a long time. “No,” she says. “That can’t be true. Who would want to hurt me?”

  “That is the question,” I say. “Can you think of anyone who hates you enough to want you dead?”

  “No,” she says. “I’m no one! The emperor hates me. Why should anyone hurt me?”

  “I don’t know,” I say. “Maybe I’m wrong. I don’t know. Maybe he was supposed to kill Caihong and I’m just being stupid.”

  “But you believe me, don’t you?” Lady An asks. “You know I would never hurt the empress, right?”

  I nod. “Of course I do.”

  “Then, can you tell Caihong? Tell the emperor? He loves you. He will listen. Ask him to spare my life.”

  I wish I could. I wish I could give her comfort. I wish I could even save her life. But I can’t. No one can. I am wracking my mind to come up with a reply, but no words come to me.

  “I understand,” Lady An finally says. “No one wants to risk their life for a nobody like me.”

  A sob escapes my throat. It’s all so terribly unfair. She’s innocent! I’m guilty! But she will die, and I will live. Yet I am too much of a coward to speak up.

  Lady An slips her fingers through the crack. I reach up and hold them as best I can.

  “Protect my daughter,” she says.

  The princess! The emperor’s eldest daughter. I hadn’t even thought of her in all this. What will happen to her now? Will the emperor send her away? Disown her? Will the stigma of her mother’s reputation as a murderer follow her for the rest of her life?

  “I will,” I promise. I don’t know how, but I cannot let that innocent little girl suffer. I will do whatever I must to keep her in the emperor’s good graces.

  She pulls her hand back and moves away from the door. I know she will say no more. What else is there to say? I sit for a long moment before finally pushing myself to my feet and walking away. I have only just passed the guards when I hear a bang and a yelp from inside the Cold Palace. The guards hear it too and they rush over and fling the doors open.

  I look and see Lady An’s thin body hanging from the rafter by a white silk scarf, her black hair hanging long around her shoulders. It is an image that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

  I don’t remember the long walk back to the empress’s palace. I don’t even realize where I am until I hear the empress’s voice, see her face anxiously looking at me.

  “Well?” she asks.

  “Huh?” I say.

  “Did she admit it? Did she send the eunuch to kill me?”

  I want to tell her the truth. That Lady An was innocent. That she was possibly only a victim as much as the empress was. But the words catch in my throat. What good would it do? The empress is terrified that she is going to die in exchange for the life of an innocent woman.

  Lady An is dead. I cannot save her. I cannot comfort her. But I can comfort my empress.

  “Yes,” I say simply.

  The empress lets out a great, heaving sigh of relief and tears stream down her face. She collects herself and grips my hand.

  “Thank you,” she says. “Thank you. I owe you so much. You have saved my life twice.”

  I try to smile, but I cannot. I turn and leave her palace. I need to be alone.

  I walk aimlessly, losing myself along the endless, twisting paths among flowers, trees, and trickling brooks. I feel so tired, as if a great weight is pushing me to the ground. I come to an open grassy area surrounded by tall flowers. Perhaps I can hide here for a while. I lie down on the grass and look up at the sky, so blue, with only white wisps of clouds. I cry silent tears, letting them slip down the sides of my face and into my ears.

  I cry for Lady An. I cry for the princess. I cry for the empress. But mostly, I cry for myself. I cry for my mother, my father, each of my sisters. I cry for the life I lost and the life I gained. I cry for the red walls that keep me trapped like a caged animal. I cry for the life I can never have with Prince Honghui. I cry for all the lies upon lies I have told, lies so thick I no longer know who I am anymore.

  I cry because, like Lady An, I know I will die here. I cry because I am already dead. I am not Lihua. I am not Daiyu. I am a mere figment of the imagination. A ghost. A shade of a person who never existed.

  I close my eyes and drift away, praying that oblivion claims me.

  26

  Oblivion does not take me. I wake several hours later, my skin pink and tender from lying in the sun for so long. When I make it back to my palace, my servants are frantic in their search for me. They were afraid that I had been so traumatized after seeing Lady An’s body that I had thrown myself into a well. I tell them that I was not traumatized, merely sad over the whole situation but would recover in time.

  I fear that if I tell them the truth, that I had been severely affected by what happened, they will coddle me endlessly and never let me out of their sight again. So I stuff my emotions deep down inside my heart. I dare not tell anyone what was said that day. How I truly felt when I saw Lady An’s body swinging from the rafter.

  Days later, sitting in the empress’s bed-chamber working on my embroidery, the other ladies and I keep the empress company, tending to her every need. There is smiling and laughter. Lady An seems all but forgotten. No one else notices the large dark spot on the floor where the eunuch died. The days pass much as they did before, in anxious anticipation of the birth of the emperor’s son.

  When the emperor’s chief eunuch visits us, everyone except the empress rises to greet him, expecting him to have brought kind words for the empress on the emperor’s behalf.

  “The emperor has requested that Lady Lihua be escorted to his audience hall,” he says.

  “Me?” I ask as everyone looks at me. “Why?”

  “You saved t
he empress’s life,” he says, as if I should have known. “The emperor wishes to reward you for your brave actions.”

  My mouth gapes and I look around the room. I see that many of the smiles on the ladies’ faces have faltered. The empress, however, looks away from me sheepishly, and I know she knew this was coming.

  I put my embroidery circle in my chair and step around the other ladies as I follow the eunuch out of the palace. There is no sense in fighting whatever is about to happen. The emperor is waiting for me.

  I am carried to the audience hall in a sedan chair, but I am not taken to the side door I entered through before, but the front door.

  “Are you sure?” I ask him as Suyin, who trotted along beside the chair, takes my hand. Jinhai accompanied us as well and moves to stand by the door to the audience hall and await any orders.

  “Quite sure, my lady,” he says with a bow. I am, of course, even more nervous now than I was before and am wishing that I had taken better care with my appearance. Nothing I can do about that now. I take a breath as I follow the eunuch through the door.

  The room is filled with important men who all part to let me pass when my name is announced. I walk carefully toward the emperor, who is sitting on his dragon throne on the raised dais, so I do not trip and make a fool of myself. When I reach the dais, Suyin backs away, and I kneel, bowing my head.

  “May the emperor live ten thousand years!” I say. I try to speak clearly and loud enough for all to hear, by my voice cracks and I hear some of the men chuckle, even the emperor.

  “Rise, Lihua,” he says, and I do but keep my eyes downcast. “Ula Nara Lihua, you have proven to be the bravest woman in my harem. You saved the lives of my son and the empress, and for that, you will always have my deepest thanks.”

  The men in the room clap and I blush.

  “Even before that, you showed yourself to be thoughtful and wise. And you have brought nothing but joy to my life night after night.”

  The men laugh again, but now with an undercutting tone that makes me nauseous as they imagine me in the emperor’s bed. I try not to shrink into myself, but it is difficult.

  “Ula Nara Lihua,” the emperor continues, “it is because of these selfless qualities that I appoint you as my rank-two consort.”

  I hear Suyin cry out in excitement just before all the men erupt in cheers and clapping. But I cannot have heard him right. Rank two? That’s impossible.

  “Do my words not please you, my lady?” the emperor asks.

  “No,” I say, “it’s not that. Of course I am glad. Only surprised. I thought…I thought the rank-two position was reserved for the concubine who gave you a son. I…I am not even with child…I don’t think. Much less a son.”

  “How humble she is,” the emperor says, and the men chuckle again. “That is normally the case. However, extraordinary bravery deserves extraordinary honors. Never before has a concubine saved the life of an empress before. I can think of no better way to show my gratitude.”

  I can’t believe it. Rank two! The only women in the palace who would rank higher than me would be empress and the dowager. How…how did this happen to me? Me! The barefoot Chinese girl from the streets is now the third most powerful woman in the kingdom. I… I…

  “She is speechless,” a voice says, and I recognize it as Honghui’s. I close my eyes, not daring to look at him.

  I lose my balance, falling off my shoes and onto my knees. Suyin rushes forward, but I bend forward, putting my forehead to the ground in a full kowtow as if that was my intent.

  “His majesty honors his worthless slave!” I say. “I am not worthy.”

  “You are worthy,” he says, “because I deem it to be so.”

  The men clap and cheer again, and Suyin tugs my arm so that I sit up. I let my eyes drift up to the emperor and he is smiling wider than I ever saw before. I feel a fluttering in my belly. Is this really happening to me? Do I dare believe it? Do I dare let it make me happy? The emperor has no suspicions of me, that much is clear. I am safe.

  The emperor claps his hands and several eunuchs rush forth carrying large trunks. They place them around me, opening each one. They are full of silks, jewels, furs, porcelain cups, bowls, and vases, and so much more. The last one opened, the one placed right in front of me, is filled to the top with gold ingots, and my eyes swim. I never imagined in my life that I would see such wealth—or that it would be given to me!

  “His majesty is too…too generous,” I say as I begin to cry. Suyin wraps an arm around me and blots a handkerchief to my cheeks as the men make sounds as if appreciating an adorable child.

  “No, not too generous,” the emperor says. “Rightly generous. You will be moved to the Palace of Earthly Honor and given dozens more servants. Every morning, the ladies of the harem will greet you and pay you honor. And while the empress is in her confinement, the management of the harem will be your realm.”

  This stops my tears and reawakens my concerns. The other ladies are surely not going to be happy about this.

  “I feel I am unequal to the task,” I say. “I cannot read. I can barely do numbers. How can I possibly perform such a role?”

  “Worry not,” the emperor says with a wave of his hand. “You will learn all you need to know. I will hire you the best tutors. Empress Caihong will tell you everything you need to know. And my gracious mother, the dowager empress, will guide you while the empress is indisposed.”

  For the first time, I realize that the dowager has been standing behind and to the side of the emperor the whole time. She is perhaps the only person in the room who is not smiling. She does not look angry, merely unimpressed, I suppose. As she should be. She cannot think that I am worthy of the position the emperor has granted to me, and I agree! I will have to do my best to let her know that I did not want this. It was never my intention to rise so high. But now that I have, I certainly cannot refuse. The emperor would only take it as a grave insult. So once again, I bend over in a kowtow.

  “May my gracious mother live ten thousand years!” I say.

  The emperor laughs. “Wonderful! Rise, Lihua. I pray that the rest of your days see nothing but joy and contentment.”

  Suyin helps me to my feet and I give the emperor another bow. “Thank you, your majesty.” Suyin guides me as I bow my way out of the audience hall. As soon as I am outside, I pull away from her and vomit into a nearby planter.

  “My lady! Are you ill?” she asks. I shake my head.

  “No. Only terrified.”

  “Of what?” she asks. “The emperor loves you. You are the most honored among women! The Palace of Earthly Honor is a beautiful home. You are sure to love it.”

  I see the eunuchs who carried the trunks into the audience hall now carrying them out, and I have to assume they are being taken to my new palace.

  “Suyin,” I say close to her ear. “The other concubines, they will be furious. I cannot imagine they will willingly accept me as their superior.”

  “But they must,” she says plainly. “The emperor has appointed you as rank-two consort. They must all bow to you or face the consequences.”

  At the mention of consequences, my stomach clenches. “Please don’t seek to get anyone in trouble on my behalf. I don’t want to make enemies.”

  A terrible thought troubles my mind. I truly believe that Lady An was innocent and did not pay her eunuch to kill the empress. In that case, the true murderer is still out there. Is he—or she—among the members of the harem? What if the killer comes for me next? Lady An had been the only rank-three consort, and now I am the only rank-two. Am I in danger?

  “Jinhai,” I say, and he is instantly by my side. “How many eunuch servants will I be entitled to now?”

  “At least twelve,” he says. “Possibly more. It has been a long time since there was a rank-two consort. I will confer with the department of household affairs.”

  “And how many of them will be guards?”

  “Guards, my lady?”

  “Yes. How m
any will be there solely for my protection?”

  “Umm…” He shares a glance with Suyin, and I am sure they think I am being paranoid. And maybe I am. But I don’t care. I can’t risk being unprotected while a killer lurks the inner court.

  “There will always be someone patrolling the palace, day and night for your safety.”

  “The empress has patrols,” I say. “The whole Forbidden City has patrols. Yet that eunuch was still able to slip into the empress’s bed-chamber unmolested.” Jinhai blushes at this. I know that many of the guards and patrols have been punished for various offenses since that night.

  “I want guards,” I go on. “Real guards, with weapons. At least for a while. I’ll pay extra if I must.”

  “Yes, my lady,” he says. “I will see it done.”

  “Immediately,” I say. “I’ll not be able to sleep a wink until I know the palace is secure.”

  “Yes, my lady,” he says, and he bows away from me before running off.

  “You will be safe, my lady,” Suyin says. “No one would dare harm someone so loved by the emperor.”

  I start to argue, but then I remember that Lady An was not loved by the emperor. She did not have the benefit of his protection as I do. Perhaps I am being silly and the guards are completely unnecessary. Maybe in time, I will truly believe that. But for now, I will take no chances.

  The doors to the audience hall open and the men begin filing out. Suyin helps me climb into the sedan chair and closes the flap behind me. As the chair bearers lift me up, though, the flap flies open for a moment and I catch sight of Prince Honghui. Our eyes meet and for once, he does not have the confident smile he usually wears.

  I close the flap and the chair is carried away quickly. The prince is the very last person I should be thinking of right now. I cannot risk what I have only just gained.

  27

  I haven’t slept since the emperor “honored” me with the promotion to second-rank consort. I was not taken back to attend the empress, but to my new palace so I could get settled in. The palace is nearly as large as the empress’s in size and grandeur. There are at least ten rooms, not including storerooms. There is a large bed-chamber with a huge kang-style bed nearly as large as the emperor’s. There is also another, smaller bedroom with half a dozen individual beds for the servants. They don’t have beds of their own, but sleep in shifts so that there is always someone to attend me. There is a separate room to store my clothes and jewels, and another room to dress in and have my hair styled. A washroom has a copper tub set up at all times. There is also a private kitchen where all my food will now be prepared. The palace reminds me a lot of Mingxia’s house in its design. The wide main doors open up into a private courtyard garden and pond, and the rooms are all arranged around the courtyard. It’s beautiful, peaceful, and I have to admit that if I were Manchu, if I had wanted to become the emperor’s favorite, I should feel joyful indeed.