Can't Forget: If she can't forget her past, she won't have a future. (Solum Series Book 2)

by Colleen S. Myers

  “Three to four months.”

  Silence hung in the air.

  “Whose is it?”

  “Could be either, I’m not sure.” I put the cup down and tucked my hair behind my ear. Then I paced. “This is going to be a mess. Marin asked me to mate last night. I told him I needed time, but if I’m pregnant, he won’t wait. He also won’t let me travel to Industry.”

  Ute’s eyebrows shot straight up. “He was planning to wait until spring or summer to travel anyway. With you being pregnant, you are right. He will not let you go, maybe after.”

  “Maybe, but I need to go now. I need to see for myself. There are secrets out there. I feel them calling to me. The E’mani haven’t forgotten about us.” I reached the door and turned around. If I kept this up much longer, I would wear a tread in the floor. I stopped and drifted over to Ute.

  “I know.” Ute side-hugged me and I rested against him. I needed to get those mating bands and bury them deep, or Marin would put on the male band and force the issue. My hand drifted down to rub across my belly, in wonder this time.

  Life. New life. My baby. I loved it already. Boy or Girl. Mine. The E’mani would not hurt my child. I wouldn’t let them. But how could I stop them?

  This interlude aside though, I still needed to get to the greenhouses. It was my shift.

  Finn returned in time to see me bundling up to leave. He palmed the fruit and escorted me to my job. We walked in silence to our destination, the guards following close behind.

  When we arrived at section three and neared the entrance to the greenhouse, Finn slowed. “What is going on, Beta? I know you and Ute well enough to know something is wrong.”

  “Nothing,” I said nonchalantly.

  He took my arm and swung me around to face him. “Tell me.”

  “I can’t. Not yet anyways. I need to be sure.”

  “Sure about what?”

  “Sure about everything.”

  “All right.” He nodded. “Here is what I know. You took a leaves test. You and Ute are not really good at sneaking. Are you pregnant, Beta?” His words were solemn and his gaze rooted me in place. I should have realized he was too agreeable.

  “Are you pregnant, Beta?” he asked again, shaking my shoulders.

  “What if I am?” My words came out defensive and I had no reason to be, damn it.

  “Is it mine?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Finn smiled at that, a big happy grin. “It is mine, is it not?” He laughed, pulling me into a hug. “You are going to have my baby.” He swept me off my feet and spun me around.

  I stumbled when he released me and shoved him away. “I don’t know. I never said the baby was yours. I don’t know when I got pregnant. I just found out. It’s most likely Marin’s.”

  Please god, let it be Marin’s.

  Finn ignored my words and tugged me closer. “You are having my baby. We can be together again. It is all I wanted. You are all I wanted. You are who I dream about at night. This was the only thing keeping us apart.” He breathed, his hands cradling my face.

  “Finn, let me go.”

  His head drifted closer. I turned my cheek and his lips grazed my chin. Fire spread in the wake of his touch and I exhaled.

  No, damn it. Hormones that was all it was.

  I shoved him away, getting free of his embrace. My heart pounded in my ears. He staggered backward, his hands out, reaching for me.

  “That is not what was keeping us apart,” I said, my voice harsh. “Your lack of faith kept us apart, and it still keeps us apart.”

  He dropped his hands to his sides. He focused on me, that thin rim of blue swirling in the depths of his eyes. “You are mine. I said it the first day I met you. You will bear my mark. You carry my baby.”

  The ferocity of his emotions unsettled me where once it had driven me to him. I held my ground. “Damn it, Finn. This is my baby. Mine. I’m with Marin now and I’m happy. You won’t ruin this for me.” I shouted.

  We faced each other outside the doors of the greenhouse, the reflected light a spotlight sparkling on the snow around us. Jace stood nearby, but didn’t interfere.

  “I do not understand. You said that you cared about me. That fidelity was the sticking point. The only thing keeping us apart was that I did not want to be the last of my line. I hesitated. I am sorry for that. But we can be together now. Do you not see that?” Finn’s words were husky, his eyes soft.

  “Finn, we were together one night. And you would have cheated on me with Lara and saw nothing wrong with that. That is what ended us. Not your desire for kids. I’m with Marin now and I’m happy,” I said. “This is my baby, mine and Marin’s.”

  Finn’s jaw tensed, his mouth quivered. I would not feel guilty. He was the one who strayed, not me. We would have never lasted. He was too much of a bully, expecting me to do as he said without question. He reminded me of my dad. At least Marin negotiated and wheedled. I whirled and started back to section two. Forget this. I needed to see Marin.

  Finn grabbed my shoulder and wrenched me into his arms. His mouth slammed down on mine. His lips were chapped. That little bit of roughness added texture to his kiss.

  My mouth opened of its own volition and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue inside deepening the kiss. He tasted minty. I couldn’t taste mint anymore without my skin tightening in response.

  When his head came up, our lips clung. My hands had gone around his shoulders. Either to push him away or pull him closer, I honestly didn’t know. My lips throbbed. My pulse beat in my ears.

  Damn it, what am I doing?

  Finn held me close, whispering in my ear. It took a second to register. “I lost you before. I will not lose you again.”

  I stood on tiptoe and kissed his lips; soft as a whisper, then put my hands on his face. “It isn’t your choice. It is mine, and my choice is and always will be Marin.”

  His eyes went flat. He opened his mouth to say who knows what, when Marin’s voice trickled over us, cold as ice. “What is this?”

  I stiffened. Finn smirked at Marin and pulled me against his side. I elbowed him and turned to face Marin. Jace and Giggy stood a step behind him.

  The air thickened, snow forming eddies around us. I could see my breath in the air. The light glistened off the flakes highlighting us further.

  Jace explained. “They were talking. I, uh, heard a little bit so I had Giggy run to get you. Then he grabbed her. We did not know what to do.”

  Finn draped his arm around my shoulder. Was he dense?

  “Stop it,” I hissed. I shoved Finn away and threw myself into Marin’s arms. “Marin, this is not the time or place. We need to talk.”

  Marin peered over at Finn, his eyes swirling with suspicion. Then his gaze ricocheted back to me. I’d never seen such a look from him. I stumbled back and Finn grabbed hold of my jacket and reeled me in. If I struggled this would get even worse so I stayed put.

  Finn didn’t realize the danger he was in as he taunted Marin. “The baby is mine.”

  Oh for fuck sake. I palmed my eyes. A sudden gust of wind nearly knocked me on my ass.

  “Baby?” echoed Marin. His eyes flickered. Marin glanced over at me. His eyes weren’t as angry, the line between his eyes faded away.

  “Way to go, asshole. I told you I just found out,” I whispered to Finn. With a twist, I dislodged Finn’s hand and ran to Marin, putting my hands on his shirt.

  The guards stepped between us and Finn.

  “I got sick on the way through section two. Finn saw me and took me to Ute’s. Ute had me do a leaves test. It was positive. We tried to hide it from Finn, but he figured it out.” My breath stuttered.

  Marin was stiff against me looking straight ahead. As my words trailed off, his arms wound around me. “Baby?”

  He stared at me in stunned silence, the man who was never at a loss for words. Look at that, I’d stumped him.

  His fingers lifted my chin. He leaned his forehead against mine. “Baby?”
>
  A smile slowly creased his face. His hands tugged me up against him despite the layers.

  “Baby,” he shouted and crushed his lips to mine. Sparks danced as snow drifted in the current of air.

  Finn screamed out, “My baby,” behind us, but neither of us acknowledged him.

  I loved the feeling of Marin’s lips on mine. This was right.

  Finn thought that fertility questions were the only thing keeping us apart. But there was so much more, love, passion, caring, tenderness. Marin didn’t care about anything but me. If we didn’t have kids, then he would be fine, because he still had me.

  Marin held me tight and we began the trek home. Screw work, Marin was the boss after all. We needed to talk.

  Finn shouted something behind me. I didn’t catch it and Marin didn’t care. Jace and Giggy held him back. It surprised me they hadn’t intervened earlier, but they heard my choice.

  My choice was Marin.

  Nine

  Marin harnessed the wind to speed our way home. During winter, I wanted him to do that all the time.

  I’d only been gone an hour or so and I returned with a whole new set of problems. Yet talking to Finn helped clarify things for me. I didn’t want anyone else. Only Marin. I still wanted my revenge, but the thought of the life within me forced me to reassess the situation. I wouldn’t risk this child. So Industry was out for now. Maybe after, or hell, I don’t know, I’d figure it out.

  But first, I needed to bury those bands. The choice to mate had to be my own and not based on my pregnancy.

  When we got home I sent Marin to the kitchen for drinks. I ran upstairs, grabbed the box, and hurried out to the bench where I first kissed him. I dropped to my knees and touched the ground. The snow melted underneath my hand. I scanned the area. A hole formed in the soil. I placed the box in the ground and covered it up.

  With that done, I sat down, my breath a cool mist in the air.

  What would I do with a baby, how did I accomplish my goals now, were they even important anymore? It wasn’t safe. How would I keep this baby protected?

  My hands shook as I squeezed the bench under me. My mom would kill me if she knew. But she would’ve loved the baby. I could just see her now, fussing over a grandchild. I missed my mom. She would know what to do. And I’d never see her again. Tears burned my eyes when I recalled the last time we talked.

  “Beta,” Mom called from upstairs.

  “Yeah, Mom.”I shoveled the last load of my laundry into the machine and turned the dial. The washer started with a whoosh.

  “You want to watch Vampire Diaries with me?”

  “Mom, that’s so lame.”

  “I thought you liked it?”

  “That was last year.”

  “Okay.”

  “You want to watch anything else?”

  “Not right now. I have to get back and study after I’m done, maybe next weekend.”

  “Okay, Beta... I miss you when you’re away at school.”

  “I miss you too. And change the damn message.”

  Mom laughed from upstairs. “Never.”

  “Are you okay, Elizabeth?” Marin’s voice disturbed my reverie.

  I wiped my nose and patted the bench beside me. “Yeah, fine. Remembering.”

  Marin sat next to me, hot drinks in his hands. “Bad memories?”

  “No, good, my mom.”

  He glanced down at my belly.

  I butted my head into his shoulder. “I didn’t know until this morning.”

  “I know. You would have never been able to hide that. You are a horrible liar. You tend to gloat when you have a secret.” I huffed at that, but it was true, at least about important things.

  I hesitated, “The child could be Finn’s.”

  He nodded. “He might have been the one to impregnate you, but I will be this infant’s father.”

  I smiled and leaned against him. “What are we going to do?”

  “What we planned to do. This may delay us a bit, but I promised you, and I keep my promises. We will go to Industry and take the fight to them.”

  “I’m afraid.”

  “I will protect you.” He repeated the words like a vow.

  I breathed deep. I knew he would. “Yes.”

  As we snuggled in the snowy garden, I thought about the E’mani. They wouldn’t let me go. I was ever so interesting to them. No matter what, I couldn’t let them get a hold of this child.

  “Train?”

  Marin’s eyebrows rose. “What?”

  “Train. I need to use my muscles a little bit. No more sparring till after the baby, but I can still stay in shape. Practice with the blades.”

  “What?” His jaw dropped.

  Ha. “Okay, maybe not the blades.”

  “Only practice. No contact, no jumping. Only drills.”

  “Fine, fine, grumpy.”

  He grabbed me close and mock growled. “I am not grumpy.”

  “Are so.”

  “Are not.”

  “So.”

  “Not.”

  We smiled in unison. He snuggled me on his lap. His hand grazed my belly. “Mine.”

  “Yours.”

  We headed back indoors and upstairs. One of the bedrooms doubled as a training room. The Fost practiced their version of the martial arts since they were children. It was as integral to them as the magic.

  I was never that athletic, but when I arrived here, I found it helped me focus. I could do the same moves over and over and let body memory take over as my mind drifted free.

  I stretched on one side of the room while Marin went to change. For the greenhouse, I always wore clothes I could get dirty in.

  Marin came back in the room a few minutes later as I finished my movements. I started to practice blocks and blows, working up a good sweat. Then I proceeded to light jump rope and switched it up to march in place with some lunges. I got lost in the motion and my mind coasted. What would the baby look like? Blue eyes, light brown or white?

  At the thought of white eyes, my lungs seized.

  White eyes stared at me through amber glass, E’mani eyes.

  Most nights, I saw those eyes in my dreams—Xade’s eyes. I hated him so much. Every bad thing that had happened to me, I could attribute to him.

  “This will only hurt a lot, Elizabeth.” Xade’s blade flashed.

  My belly jerked in remembered pain. My hand drifted down my waist. Sometimes I could still feel his hands buried in my gut. Bile flooded my mouth.

  “Elizabeth,” Marin called out.

  His words brought me back to my surroundings. Marin hurried over to me. I waved him off.

  “I’m fine.”

  He hovered, so I ignored him and decided to end with practicing my moves in the corner with the bags.

  Marin did his own routine of techniques while he kept a close eye on me. His speed made watching him practice fascinating. He was so fast he didn’t appear to move then with a hard kiai his hand extended into a strike. It was damn sexy.

  “Careful,” he warned when I staggered after a poorly executed kick while watching him.

  My body felt refreshed, but tired when we called it a day. Yet half of my fun comes from grappling and sparring. I considered what I knew of yoga to try, but that only consisted of the downward facing dog. Which when I got big would be too weird. I could swim more when the weather got better. I needed to stay fit and ready for whatever happened. I also needed to get better at my magic.

  During the work out, I’d made a list in my head of the things the baby would need, the things I would need. And I couldn’t stop the bubble of elation and worry that tickled my tummy. Maybe all the stomach dropping wasn’t just emotion, but the baby. I’d never felt it move that I knew of but wow. Would using the power hurt him, or her? “The magic won’t hurt the baby, will it?”

  “No, our women use their magic all throughout their pregnancies. The baby is a part of you, as is the magic.” Marin replied.

  The tightness in my ches
t eased. We headed back out to my spot in the garden. I didn’t realize Marin followed me quite so closely until I sat down on top of him.

  He pulled me back into his arms. “What are you thinking?”

  “I’m thinking about the baby, the things that need to be done, kind of got lost a little bit. What are you thinking?”

  “I think we should mate. We have a baby on the way now. We have a life together. Where are the bands?” My heart thumped once. He’d figured out I hid them but not where.

  I kept my face forward. “Uh.”

  “Elizabeth.”

  “Not yet. Please. This is all going too fast.”

  Marin surprised me, because he let it go. He settled back with a muttered, “Soon,” and rubbed his nose into my neck.

  We both started to use our magic as was our routine. My magic swirled in my gut. Sometimes it felt light. Other times it felt like an undigested burrito. Marin said his started in his head as a pressure behind his eyes.

  Mine was warmth and heat. His was cold and wind. We complemented each other.

  So far, I could heal. I could sense the land. Thinking of this, I reached down and pulled. I felt a power, separate from myself, curl around my hand and slide up my arm. I held up my hand. Then pushed out with a thought and watched green grow through the snow.

  A flower bloomed bright against the white backdrop off to my left. A small purple flower with six petals, hard like shell, the stem armed with thorns. Things were so similar to Earth that a simple flower threw me. Like home, but not.

  The power ebbed. The cold overtook the plant and the green receded.

  I sensed things. I knew when the E’mani were around. There was this bone-deep cold I associated with them. Sometimes I knew what would happen before it did, kind of like an enhanced intuition that guided me forward.

  Marin could whisper to me from other rooms, across the city. I had a much shorter range, but I could whisper back. It tickled to hear him both in my head and in my ear, like now when he blew into it. Shivers raced down my spine.

  I really hoped it wasn’t like that for anyone else when he talked to them.

  And the lightning.