Can't Forget: If she can't forget her past, she won't have a future. (Solum Series Book 2)

by Colleen S. Myers

  Marin leveled his gaze at me. I grinned and leaned over to kiss his nose.

  One good thing, since I became pregnant there were no more dreams of the E’mani, but my past wouldn’t let me go. I remembered home.

  Godsmack, Keep Away, filtered through the garage. Oldie but goodie. I think my dad was working on his car, but I was afraid to ask. It was better to avoid him these days. He had this closed expression on his face and he and my mom were fighting something fierce.

  He slammed tools around. A metal nut rolled across the floor as I walked in. Zachary Camden has his head buried under the hood of a souped up Pontiac Firebird.

  “Hi, Dad.”

  “Hi, darling.” A hint of a Southern twang coated his words even though he hadn’t lived there for over a decade.

  “Did you need help?”

  “No, I’m okay. Plus you’re no good at this stuff anyway.” Such casual words to cut so.

  “Well, I could hold stuff.”

  He lifted his head and grinned at me. “It’s all right, Beta. Did you need something? Want some money?”

  I bristled. “Just saying hello. Jesus, Dad.”

  I stalked off and didn’t turn back at his tired, “Elizabeth.”

  That was right before he left and found himself another family.

  My mom’s face.

  Mom sat alone at the kitchen table holding a note. The paper she held quivered and her face was slack. As soon as she saw me, she dropped the note and placed her hands flat on the table.

  “Hey Mom.” I kissed her on the cheek before turning toward my room.

  “Elizabeth, wait.”

  “What is it?”

  “I don’t know how to tell you this so I am just going to say it. Your dad left.”

  “He what?”

  “He left.”

  “He left to go where?”

  “He…We haven’t been getting along well lately and well, he thinks it best if we went our separate ways.”

  “Wait, you’re divorcing?”

  She nodded. “I guess so.”

  To this day, I still didn’t understand. I knew what the note said, but it was bullshit. What kind of father would leave his own child? When I ended up with a half-brother six months later, I had my answer. Marin would never do that to me. It was time.

  That night, I wiggled out of bed and went to retrieve the bands. It was so cold outside, the ground hard, it took a bit of digging. Since I was pregnant, I hesitated to use my magic. Marin told me that using the magic wouldn’t hurt the baby but I still was afraid. In a minute, I cradled the box in my hand. I lifted the lid. The bands shone copper in the night. No moons here. A few bright stars filled the night sky.

  The female band called out to me. The clasp popped open when I touched the surface. As I placed it around my wrist, the band closed with a light click and tightened on my forearm. A wave of rightness washed through me. Marin would never leave me, no matter what.

  When I returned to bed, I put the male band on the pillow right in front of Marin’s face. I rolled onto my side and kept my arm outside the covers so when he woke up he saw me wearing the bracelet.

  ~ * ~

  The next morning, Marin’s mouth drifted over mine, his tongue slipped along my lower lip. I mumbled and reached out to pull him down. My hands met empty air and I opened my eyes. His smile blinded me. “Hi.”

  “Hi yourself.” He was wearing my band. My heart thumped hard, once. Huh. More nervous than I thought.

  “Mine.” he said while running his hand down my face.

  I heard it in my heart and in my head. “Yours,” I replied.

  I reached out my hand, but he was already almost out the door. “Wait. That’s it? Where are you going?”

  “Planning the mating ceremony, this is just what we need right now.”

  “Marin.”

  He popped back a second later. “What?”

  I held my arms out. “That is somewhat anticlimactic.”

  He launched himself across the room onto the bed, his body pressing me back. “I love you. You have made me the happiest man, but I have to plan. Tonight, we will celebrate.”

  His smile said it all. He took off. I scuttled about getting dressed and followed him downstairs a few minutes later.

  Marin already had Zanth in the meeting room along with Ute and a lady from Clan Hazern.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked.

  Zanth covered up what he was writing and Marin grinned at me.

  “Your mating, missy,” Ute said.

  I stuck my hands on my hips at this and tapped my foot. “Do I have no say in it?”

  Marin laughed out loud “Like you want any say in it. Let me plan it all. I have had some ideas for a while now.”

  Of course he did, he always had a plan. I shrugged. “Okay.”

  Clearly no one in the room expected that answer given the slack jaws, but Marin knew me well. I’d show up and he could do the rest. I exited and contemplated putting on my gear and heading to Hana’s. I hadn’t seen her in a while and I missed my BFF. But there was still snow on the ground and that meant it was cold outside. Decisions, decisions.

  The door opened a second later on a frigid breeze. Speak of the devil.

  Hana scooted in and shut the door. She looked like a giant punk popsicle with her spiked pink pixie cut covered in snow. Her petite frame was nearly swallowed by her large jacket.

  Hana squealed when she noted my mating bands. “Mated. Or soon will be. I am so excited.”

  She skidded to me, wet coat and all. We bounced up and down in the hallway.

  “Be my maid of honor?” Wait, do they have those here?

  “What is that?”

  “My best friend to stand up for me.”

  Hana’s eyes shone with tears and a happy grin was plastered her face. “Yes, oh yes. We have so much to do.”

  I waved my hand. “Marin has got it all covered.”

  She scoffed. “The boy part, the party. I mean the dress, the clothes, the hair. I cannot wait. Let us go look at what Thera can make.”

  “Who is Thera?”

  “The main designer,” Hana said while she handed me my jacket.

  That made me giggle. “You have designers here?”

  “Of course, she makes all the clothes. This is going to be great.” Hana buttoned her coat and smoothed the fabric.

  “Wait, clothes? Don’t I wear a white dress?”

  Hana held up three fingers. “You wear three dresses. And they can be any color you want.”

  I groaned and stumbled against the wall. “Three? Why three?”

  “You do not change?”

  “Um no.”

  “This will be fun. The Fost mating ceremony is a daylong affair. At first, you will be in your regular clothes. You and Marin will spend the morning welcoming guests who come for breakfast and to give greeting. The female’s relatives take care of the morning meal and festivities. But in this case, the entire ceremony will be conducted here. There are several events in the morning after the meal. Usually games for families and children to play. You two spend this time interacting with everyone separately, but aware of each other the whole time. Lots of food and drink.” Hana clapped her hands together.

  So far this didn’t sound that fun to me, a whole day on my feet. Oy.

  “After the morning games, lunch is served. This you do together, you should be affectionate to your intended mate. We like to see some action.” Hana winked. “The time between lunch and dinner represents your courtship. All the men will complete in games and the groom’s family rewards the winners. It demonstrates prowess and the groom is expected to win or bribe the other men to win.”

  I blinked. “The guys fight?”

  “Yes. It is quite exciting. After the competition is the ceremony, for this, you are in the traditional gown of the Fost and this is when you clasp hands and declare yourselves to each other. The rest of the night is spent in drinks and celebration. The couple leaves to go and
create exactly what you have here.” She grinned then rubbed my belly. I felt like Buddha. “We are doubly blessed this year.”

  “No wonder he wanted to take care of everything. It sounds complicated,” I said.

  “Oh, he will not do it. He will delegate all the festivities. He is good at that.” Hana hesitated. “Does Finn know?”

  “Not yet.” My shoulders drooped at this. Finn wouldn’t take the news well.

  “It will all work out,” she said, noticing my expression. “It is meant to be and it makes the Fost stronger. He will understand.”

  Hana sounded like she knew. I felt a pang and remembered the first time I saw them together, his dark head bent over hers. They fit. “So you and he?”

  “Eww, no. I told you, Finn is like my brother.” But Hana evaded my eyes.

  Hmm. “Who?”

  “Who said there was anybody?”

  I jabbed my finger at her. “You just did.”

  “I did not.”

  “You did too.”

  Hana snickered as she scuttled away. “Wait and see. I have high hopes for him.”

  “Jace?” Finally, the dude made a move.

  Her smiled faded at that “No, he has never expressed interest.”

  This time I snorted. “Never expressed interest? Every time you enter the room he comes to attention. He watches you like a hawk. He worships the ground you walk on.”

  “Be that as it may, he has never approached me for anything. I will not waste my time on a coward.” My eyebrows winged up. Okay then.

  “Well then, who?”

  Hana waved her finger under my nose. “No.”

  “Do not mess with the pregnant lady.” I pointed to my stomach. “You will upset the baby.”

  She blushed. “You know him.”

  “Who?”

  “Edd of Tern.”

  I blanked. “Umm, I don’t remember what he looks like.” I grunted when she poked me.

  “He is quite handsome and... well endowed,” Hana elaborated with a leer.

  “TMI!” I laughed.

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means you told me too much.”

  Hana winked. “Ha.”

  I hugged her. “Thank you for this.”

  “You may regret this as it gets closer,” she replied “This is going to be a big deal. So, when are we doing this?”

  “Uh.”

  Hana laughed and went to ask Marin while I bundled up. When she returned, she declared. “Two weeks. Now let’s head to Thera’s.”

  I gulped. Two weeks. Holy shit, that was quick. My heart raced, excitement bubbling through my veins. I poked my head into Marin’s meeting room. He was deep in conversation. All I heard was “flowers” and ran.

  We got to Thera’s house. Jace and Bob followed. Jace kept trying to get Hana alone, but she was having none of that. They must have had a serious falling out.

  I’d met Thera before, I remembered now. I’d thought her name was Mary mostly because she reminded me of my mom with her graying brown hair and welcoming demeanor. She was a little shorter than me and well-muscled.

  As soon as I got there, Thera had me strip. Most of my dresses would have to be loose and billowy. Great, I was getting married in a muumuu. I remembered my first day here when Lara took similar measurements. The homoerotic vibe of that encounter was missing, but not by much. Hana kept bopping in and out as I stood there naked with my arms out, letting Thera measure me.

  The little one started kicking midway through the fitting. I always thought a baby kicking looked like the scene from Alien where the monster popped out of the guy’s chest, but Thera loved it. She couldn’t stop exclaiming over him.

  Once she finished the measurements, we left and returned home. Hana took off on a burst of laughter to get my gear organized. Marin was nowhere to be found. So still in my jacket, I wandered to my thinking spot in the enclosed garden behind the house. Spring poked its head through the snow. Occasional patches of green snuck through its wintery covering. I heard dripping from the ice melting on the roof.

  Finn waited for me on the bench outside.

  Twelve

  Somehow, I knew Finn would be there. But damn, he was going to get in so much trouble. The thought annoyed me. He was still my friend whether Marin liked the idea or not. Without Finn, I wouldn’t have survived the E’mani the first time.

  I smoothed my hands down my shirt then slipped onto the bench next to him, staring at the snow on the ground.

  “Mated?” Finn asked without glancing up from his study of his shoes. “You sure?”

  “I am. He makes me happy.” I leaned my head on his shoulders, sighing. I watched a butterfly drift on the breeze looking for a flower in the little greenery that was starting to sprout.

  Finn slipped his arm around me. He reached out and touched my belly. “That is all I wanted; for you to be happy. You challenged me and made me feel like I could be a better man,” he said, “but I find I am not a better man.” He turned to stare at me. “Reconsider.”

  I shook my head. My hand covered his on my abdomen. “No, Marin is my choice. He didn’t care about anything but me, only me, even when it might have been better for him to distance himself.”

  Finn lifted his hand and ran his thumb down my cheek. “You will be my biggest regret.”

  “Still friends?” I held my breath waiting for his answer. It was important to me. Hell, he could be this baby’s father. And even though we ended badly, I could never hate this man in front of me.

  Finn sighed. “As much as we can be now, Marin will not let us be close. And the temptation is always there for me.” He ran the back of his hand down my cheek. “I wish you happiness in your mating. I will not stand in your way. I know this is what you want, I just wish you wanted it with me.”

  Long after Finn left, I remembered his eyes, those white eyes, so similar to the E’mani’s, but without the look— the lack of any true compassion or thought— that I associated with them. I knew Finn wasn’t like that, but his eyes still reminded me of the E’mani sometimes.

  I stood and tromped deeper into the garden to the pond near the back. The E’mani had almost caught me back there once. They sent Lara to entice me deep into the maze. They’d planned on snatching me, but the appearance of a Coreck saved my life. That animal still bugged me, something about its eyes. I’d never seen it since. George was a miniature copy of it. It’s baby? Did the E’mani kill its parents?

  The E’mani.

  They were on my brain and I couldn’t get them out. Maybe it was the cold. Finally the snow receded as spring arrived. I didn’t know. There was one passage from a history that I’d read about the E’mani that stuck in my mind.

  The E’mani don’t fathom the consequences of their actions on themselves or others and it will destroy them in the end.

  The history went on to describe the meteoric rise of the E’mani. In the beginning, there were individual clans and races that grew bigger and bigger. There were clashes and wars, religious zealotry and persecution, financial ruin and domination. They had a spiritual, industrial, technological and biologic revolution that led them on the course they lead today.

  I read the histories and wondered if Earth given another few centuries might have gone down the exact same route. Look at the difference from the early nineteen hundreds to the early two thousands. We learned to drive, to fly and to create marvels. We also created nuclear weapons capable of wiping out millions.

  I couldn’t help wonder “what if?” What if reason didn’t win? What if we didn’t limit what someone could or couldn’t do in the name of land and country, in the name of God, in the name of science? Could we have become the E’mani, where the end justified the means, no matter the cost to themselves or to other races? I hoped not. It didn’t matter anymore anyways. The E’mani took our chance away, destroyed it in their quest for knowledge.

  God damn them.

  My steps slowed when I came in view of the water. A beautiful wat
erfall emptied into the back of the pond and that in turn led to the lake through an underground tunnel of some sort. It had its own current that provided fresh water to the house and valley.

  Each lake was connected and there was a waterfall from the area above that led in a stream down to the lakes. I always thought the water should be cold but it was a lukewarm temperature, perfect for baths even in the midst of winter.

  I stooped to put my hand on the rocks that lined the shore and pulled on the land.

  Heat spread through me and into the water, steam started to rise. I stripped and stepped into the pool. With a happy sigh, I floated on my back and spread my arms. My worries melted away for a few seconds. I wished I knew what the future held.

  A shock zapped me in the water and I stared up. A golden haze formed above me, the vision taking me.

  The E’mani bunched around a variety of clear rocks. There was no chatter. They stood expressionless staring down at the displays. I saw a shudder run through the ground. One of the E’mani looked up and out. They were flying. I could see clouds all around and craggy mountains in the distance.

  Next, I saw Hana. It was spring, but I couldn’t identify where she was. Tears coursed down her face as she knelt in mud and screamed.

  Marin ran, holding the hand of another woman I didn’t recognize, his wrist noticeably bare. “Hurry,” he screamed. Both had imbued weapons out and various wounds decorated them, their breathing labored.

  A coreck ran and jumped high to rip into the body of an E’mani, teeth digging deep.

  Ute stood in a cave, tending wounded.

  I saw Jace fighting, swinging his blade in a wide arc. At least five E’mani surrounded him. Nearby, Giggy fought, brandishing a mace in a circle. A snarl wreathed his face as his weapons connected with a pale, slight form.

  Finn lay on the floor, bleeding from a large wound on his leg. His eyes. God. He looked like he was about to cry as he pushed me away. His lips formed the word. “Go.”

  Edd crouched on the ground holding his belly, red coursing between his fingers.

  Oh god.

  Thera, Stein, Torrin, everyone I’d met here. It was so quick. They stood by the entrance to Groos back home, not with us. A lot of them. Everyone was armed. Thera’s hands, those magical measuring hands, held a sword straight in front of her, tip hanging low. Stein’s gaze was grave, his arm raised.