Goddess Choice

by A Lonergan

  “How about you stop pushing me away?” I crossed my arms over my chest. Her eyes following my movements.

  “What do you want me to say? What do you think is going to happen to you or me?” Tears shimmered in her eyes.

  I shook my head at her. “No! Stop thinking of the what if’s. Those don’t matter. This...” I motioned in between us. “This is what matters. Now. The present. Let tomorrow come, let The Fates have their fun. But we are here now and I need to know.”

  She closed her eyes and turned away. “I can’t do this. I can’t think of what’s suppose to happen. I can’t think of any of this right now.”

  “Why the hell not?!” I roared.

  “Do you know how many we have lost? Who I have lost?” She whirled around to face me and pointed her finger at my chest. “You! I almost lost you and you were the only thing I knew about this world, now it’s about to get even more real and even more dangerous and you’re asking for my feelings! You’re the one that told me to pretend! You’re the one that told me it was just once.”

  I searched her sad eyes for more and I felt guilty for it. I couldn’t believe I had pushed her.

  “You know what’s worse? I lost my mother and this is the first time I have thought of her. This conversation brought it forward. I don’t know what to even think at this point.” She jabbed her finger at my chest again. “I’m being pulled every which direction and I’m being torn apart.”

  “I don’t want promises, Jessa! I don’t want your heart. I just want to know that if and when we do get out of all of this,” I thrust my arm back toward the troops. “That you will be here and we can try to be something, anything and if that reassurance helps me get through all this, then so be it. But I won’t die out there without knowing. I won’t go to the underworld if I can’t have the truth.”

  Tears spilled down her face as she rushed at me. She said nothing and sealed her lips to mine. They tasted like salt and desperation and I didn’t mind. If it was my last moment with her, I would have it. I would treasure it while I could. She threaded her fingers through the hair at the back of my neck before she pulled away and laid her forehead on my chest.

  “I don’t want you to go anywhere, I don’t want you to leave when all of this is said and done, I don’t care about the valley or your people and maybe that’s selfish but I don’t care.” She shrugged high and bit her lip. “You asked for my feelings so I’m laying them out. No regrets. I’m not giving you up. I want to try.”

  As soon as the words had left her lips, she spun on her heel and headed back toward the rest of our party. I could still taste her tears on my mouth and feel her hands in my hair and as much as I didn’t want to, I gave my body up to beast.

  Chapter 32

  Jessa

  Raw emotions were racing through me. I had wanted nothing more than to pour my heart out and declare how much I wanted to be loved, how much I wanted to receive love. I couldn’t even fathom how badly I wanted companionship after the lonely nights and the training days.

  How would I even know how to be in a relationship? That was a joke. My whole life I had practically been alone. Now I wanted someone to confide in? I felt like I was going soft, like I wasn’t myself.

  I squeezed my eyes closed and the pendant heated up around my neck once more. My feet ached and my head was swimming. Something nudged my shoulder and when I opened my eyes it was Cristoff holding a bottle of water and some jerky.

  “Thanks.” I mumbled under my breath.

  “Trouble in paradise?” Cristoff folded himself on the grass and looked up at me. He was wearing a goofy grin like he had heard every word.

  My eyes grew rounder as his smile grew bigger. “You weren’t exactly quiet.”

  “Is there no such thing as privacy anymore?”

  He pointed to himself and smirked. “With me around, no.”

  “At least you’re honest.” I bit into the overly salty jerky and tried to wash it down with the water. The after taste was terrible.

  He shrugged.

  “I’m not sure I like this new, non moody Cristoff.” I tried to hold back my grimace as i bit into the jerky again.

  “New and improved baby.” He pulled his pant legs up and traced a circle around the scars up and down his calves.

  “It’s scary and nice, all at the same time.” I gulped down the rest of my water as Sibil made her way toward us.

  “It’s alright to be afraid.” Sibil spoke into my mind.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I thought back to her.

  “Don’t play coy with me. We all heard you two loud and clear.” Sibils voice sounded disapproving.

  “There isn’t much to say, we have a long few hours or day ahead of us and I feel like I’m not prepared.” I looked around me to all the weapons and soldiers. I was the only one not wielding something fierce.

  “We wouldn’t let you go into battle empty handed, Queen. Sweet Prim wanted to do the honors.” Sibil laughed softly in my mind. She touched my pendant around my neck with her iridescent horn.

  I unfasten the pendant from my neck just as Crawley’s beast sauntered from the woods.

  “Think of what you want, think of all the training you have done in the past years that you can remember and the pendant will do the work.” Now Centaurus was behind me as he spoke.

  I did as he instructed and imagined all the times I had sparred with Shaskia. The pendant tingled in my hand and started to elongate. I blinked as a sharp tip of a sword started to emerge from the end of it. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I adjusted my grip on the new weapon and held it up. The gold glinted in the light. I flicked my wrist and tested its weight. It was perfect. It wasn’t too heavy, but it wasn’t too light either. It was magnificent.

  Inscribed down the sides of the blade were words I couldn’t read or understand. I looked to Centaurus for answers. He showed me his bow that had the same markings. “I have never seen this language before and I do not know it. But I know that the Fates have their symbols and their signs and I take this as one.” He raised his bow to the sky. “What a glorious sign it is!”

  “Clear your mind, Jessa. Crawley will follow you into battle, he will fight beside you and when you want out of this, he will see you in a way that he has never seen you before. Keenan saw you with the zombies, he saw you after the torture. Crawley will get to see these sides and it will change it all, but in a good light.” Sibils words rang true through my mind. She gave me the confidence I needed. I raised my sword and we all let out a battle cry together. It was the most magical thing i had every experienced. There wasn’t any fear, there wasn’t any pain, there was only vengeance to be delivered.

  Centaurs, Sibil, Keenan and Crawley followed me to the front of our army. Even though we had let out our battle cry, we marched into the small town in silence. Keenan rode Sibil beside me and gave me a nod of approval. I had no doubt he was thinking of my blade. It was glorious, just as glorious as our army.

  As Jericho’s house neared, I didn’t feel anything. There was no fear or the doubt that I had expected. There was only determination running through my veins. Men were stationed out front holding swords in front of them, ready for the war we were raging.

  I didn’t wait for them to come to me. I took of running with a battle cry in my throat. I sliced through the first guards torso and kept going onto the next. Crawley took care of the others no problem and we descended upon the prison in the back yard. More guards rushed out of the Prison but Crawley picked them off like they were nothing. It seemed too easy but when I turned back to look at who stood behind me, I knew that some of the guards had to have gone running. They were vastly out numbered. It felt good to win for once.

  I kicked in the door to the prison and the guard standing in the entryway peed himself. He took off running the opposite direction. Centaurus pulled his bow taut and let the arrow fly true. It struck his jugular and he was down immediately with blood pooling around him quickly. I stepped over his body and t
ried to mentally prepare myself for what I was about to do. I wanted Jericho for myself.

  Behind the bars of the cells around me held so many different creatures. They stared at me in fear. “We’re here to help. We’re here to save you.” I slit my palm open with my sword and let my blood run free. I held my hand out and let the blood pour onto the locks as I walked by the cells. I was stalling but not because I was scared. I was stalling because I wanted Jericho to come to me.

  Just as I finished up on the last lock I heard a cell door slam open. “What is all this commotion out here?” Jericho’s voice rang down the hallways. Where the creatures around me shrunk away in fear, I stood tall. I would be their beacon of hope.

  When Jericho rounded the corner his eyes were round as he took in my companions and me. He smiled with his razor sharp teeth.

  “Isn’t this a surprise? I don’t have to hunt you down, you just come running back.” He tsked. “Apollo will love to hear this.”

  “He won’t hear it from you.” I ran at him and tried to cut at his body but he was much faster than the guards. He swung his leg out and I easily dodged it. Then he opened his mouth and did the last thing I expected. He started to sing. It was the worst thing I had ever experienced. It was worse than the torture he had inflicted on my body. It was worse than the plane crash. It was worse than Darya’s singing before she was killed.

  My ears felt like they would start bleeding at any moment. I couldn’t breathe. I dropped to my knees and I couldn’t even move to cover my ears. Then before my eyes a child walked up to Jericho and pulled on his pant leg. It distracted him just enough for me to tackle him to the ground. The singing stopped just enough for the mother to grab him and run from the building.

  When I reached for my sword I noticed it had shrunk to a hand held dagger. He opened his mouth to sing again and I grabbed his tongue and sliced it clean from his lips. Blood bubbles up in his mouth as he let out guttural screams. I threw the slimy thing away from me and let him writhe on the stone floor. As I made my way down the hallway to the room I had been shackled in, I heard more guards entering the prison. I knew we were surrounded but something kept me going. My legs moved on their own accord and I couldn’t stop.

  I kicked the door open and shackled to the wall was Ana. Her clothes were a torn puddle on the floor and she had cuts covering every inch of her body. Makeup ran down her face and she had a gag in her mouth. Her arms were shackled above her head and her feet were shackled spread wide. Her eyes pleaded with me but my feet were planted in the doorway. All I could hear was the fighting in the hallway and the cries of pain echoing on the walls. She had caused so much of this. I turned away from her as she started to cry again.

  I was at a cross roads and knew I had to do the right thing. I pulled the key to the hand cuffs off of the hook by the door and slowly made my way to her.

  Her face trembled as she realized I was going to help her. I looked for anything to cover her up with but the room was empty besides Jericho’s torture tools and a table. I unlocked her shackles on her hands and she fell onto me. Her body was rail thin as I held her. She shook like a newborn giraffe that couldn’t find her footing. I leaned her against the wall as I undid her ankles. Her ankles and wrists were rubbed raw but she would heal. I pulled the gag from her lips and yanked my shirt over my head. I helped her pull it over herself.

  I couldn’t stomach it any longer. I walked her to the doorway and let her go against the wall. There was only so much I could take.

  Bodies littered the hallway and I didn’t know if we were winning or losing yet. Crawley’s beast sliced through men like butter and went onto the next. He was a war machine. It as terrifying. Centaurus stayed to the side and shot arrows to help his men in their one on one combat. Cent was no where to be found and Keenan was also missing, along with Jericho and Cristoff. I watched as the last man fell and Crawley looked up to me with a bloody hide and a bloodier muzzle.

  Then Cent appeared and reported to his father. All other cells had been empty and all guards had been take down so far. There were still a few engaged outside and I was curious to watch it unfold, seeing as I had missed it inside.

  We cleared the building and Keenan reappeared. He smiled at me and spoke, “Let me do the honors, please.” He withdrew a dagger about as long as my forearm and sliced down his bicep. His hair started to float on his head and new ink started to wrap around his body. Then it hit my like a ton of bricks. I was experiencing my vision of him that I had in the valley. He was phenomenal. He jumped up and pulled himself up onto the roof from the gutters and let the blood drip from his wound. He walked across the roof with pride shining on his face that he had helped us win this battle. Fire kicked up at the house as soon as his blood hit the shutters. His blood flowed black from his wound and coated the building as the fire continued to rage around him.

  After he had disposed of enough blood, he hoped down and spread his arms wide, giving me a small, bashful smile. But before I could congratulate him, the unthinkable happened. Apollo appeared behind him and stabbed the dagger through Keenan’s chest.

  Apollo pushed him off the dagger so he crumbled at my feet. I reached down for him and heard Crawley’s roar. Keenan looked up to me from my feet and whispered, “Thank you.”

  I still didn’t know how to process my emotions of what Apollo had done. He pointed toward his prison with anger and amusement. “You take something of mine? I take something of yours. Think of that before you enact vengeance on a god.” Just as fast as he had come, he was gone. He was a coward.

  I collapsed next to Keenan and pulled him into my arms. Tears flowed down my face and dripped onto his bloody chest. A cry ripped from my throat as my companions crowded around us, almost as in a group embrace. I stared at the gaping hole in his chest and tried to cover the wound. Tried to stop the blood that was flowing from his body.

  I sob tore from my lips and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the site of him. He had stopped breathing but I just kept holding him. I rocked back and forth, in shock. I didn’t stop until Sibil’s words entered my mind.

  “He is with his wife and child now. Do not cry because it’s over, rejoice because of the time you had with him. He has wanted this for a long time. He will finally join his mate in the underworld, where he belongs.” I cried harder at her words.

  I didn’t know where the emotion was coming from but I couldn’t stop. Crawley broke through the crowd around us, he was covered in blood and I wasn’t sure if it was his. His face broke when his eyes met mine.

  “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry...” I couldn’t stop apologizing. Remorse filled my body. Their mother would be devastated but this time we knew Keenan was gone for good.

  Crawley fell to his knees beside me and pulled Keenan off my lap. He hugged him close and closed his vacant eyes, something I hadn’t been able to do.

  My body pushed its self from the ground when Cent came to view with a blanket and ropes. Of course they had been prepared for the dead. A cry escaped me again and I backed away from all the sad glances and pity looks.

  There was a part of me that loved Keenan, the part of me that had imagined a life with him when it had all been said and done before Crawley came back. Sobs wracked my chest as I walked to the woods and fell against the first support I could find. Warmth radiated from my chest and I looked down to find my weapon secured back on my person, though I wasn’t sure how it had happened.

  I wrapped my arms around the rough tree I had fallen against and cried until I couldn’t anymore, then cried some more at the thought of all the others lost. By the time I was done, my mouth was dry and my head hurt. Cent found me and pulled me from the dirt. He held my hand in his and lead me to the group of refugees. Creatures of all different shapes and sizes, covered in blood and dirt. A sob escaped me at the children mixed in.

  I covered my mouth as another sob worked it’s way up my chest and they all fell to their knees. Some of them whispered my name and as they parted for me to
walk past, and more tears flowed from my eyes. They reached out to touch me, hug me, pray over me and I didn’t deserve it. Not one bit. I choked back another sob and continued forward, grasping hands and holding babies.

  I turned back to the creatures, fighting through my sobs to speak. “There is nothing special about me, it’s just my blood. My blood freed you from the cages but the men around you, our warriors saved you. They gave their lives for you. They are your gods. They are your saviors. I did nothing but lead the parade. I am no queen, I am only Jessa.” I looked to Centaurus who was standing behind the crowd. He bowed to me and his look had so much pride in it that my knees went weak. “You are free to go at your leisure. Find your families, your tribes. You can follow us to the portal and from there you can decide your destination. If you need a healer, the Centaurs have one and you are more than welcome to join us. We are a family now, never to be divided again.”

  I pushed my way through the crowd and tried to make it out without crying again but on the other side of the crowd was the fallen. It was our soldiers being wrapped up and being prepared for burial.

  Crawley knelt in the grass next to a bundle I knew was Keenan. I fell to my knees beside him and was at a loss for words. I had lost both of my parents but had pushed it down, had run from the pain that it would have caused me. I stuffed it so far down that I hardly felt it but as I looked at Crawley, I knew I wouldn’t be able to shove this under a mat. I knew that he wouldn’t. He would wear his grief and I would be there to shoulder the pain with him.

  “Shaskia will be there at the portal to take his body.” He didn’t look at me as he spoke. “I’m sure they have rituals they need to do over his body then we will have a memorial.”

  He took my hand in his and finally looked up to me. “The only thing getting me through this... is Chloe. That he’s with her and their child. I never thought I’d lose my brother.” He pulled my hand to his face and inhaled deeply before letting me go. A long whistle sounded and Centaurus waved his arm in the air.