Capturing Forever

by Erin Dutton

  “No. I’m good.”

  Casey leaned against the counter. Trying to appear more casual than she felt, she resisted the urge to fold her arms over her chest. “What did you want to talk about?”

  Jacqueline stood opposite her, just a couple of feet of travertine between them. “I don’t know what’s going on with us lately. Those kisses…” She took a breath. “My first instinct is to not bring it up, and I get the feeling yours is too.”

  Casey nodded.

  “Because that’s how we communicate with each other. But ignoring our issues has never worked for us before. I’d like to try something different. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “So, I own the first kiss. We were arguing. I got emotional. But you were with Nina, and it wasn’t fair of me to put you in that position. But today—I’m not sure what happened there.”

  Casey inhaled slowly, gathering her thoughts. Jacqueline was really trying here and she supposed she should, too. “Today was my fault. You planned this whole day just for me—trying to give me the relaxing time I needed. It was a sweet gesture, and I got caught up in the moment.”

  “So, it would have happened with anyone who took you out for the day?” Jacqueline stood a little straighter, as if she preparing to flee if her feelings got hurt.

  “Of course not. But given our history, is it really a surprise?”

  “I suppose not.”

  “I didn’t stop wanting to kiss you just because we decided not to stay together.”

  Jacqueline’s expression changed, and Casey felt her shift into an offensive mode. “We didn’t decide. You did.”

  “You didn’t put up much of a fight.”

  “We’d been fighting for so long, I was exhausted. I was heartbroken over Elle, and instead of trying to understand, you just kept pushing. Like you always did. You had to control everything in our lives.”

  “That’s not true.” Casey straightened, now, prepared to defend herself.

  “It is. From day one. You decided I should ask for your number that day. You decided we would foster Sean—”

  “And I’ve never regretted—”

  “I haven’t either. I wouldn’t trade him for anything. But can you really say I could have talked you out of it?”

  Casey didn’t say anything.

  “You determined when our relationship was over.”

  “That’s not fair. Okay, I made the final call, but we were on that road—”

  “You decided. And, you’re right. I didn’t fight. I was hurting so badly that I convinced myself letting you go couldn’t feel any worse than holding on.” Jacqueline took a step toward her, the anguish in her eyes ripping a hole in Casey’s soul. “But I was wrong. Being without you was a hundred times more painful.”

  Casey closed the space between them in the time it took Jacqueline to draw another breath. She wrapped one hand around the back of Jacqueline’s neck and pulled her in, her other hand catching her around the waist as their lips met. She poured all of the emotions she couldn’t voice into this kiss—the sadness, the regrets, and her grief. Jacqueline’s hands slipped under the hem of her shirt, and she ran her hands possessively up Casey’s back, urging her closer, as she deepened the kiss.

  Jacqueline surged against her, and the edge of the countertop bit into her lower back. Casey pushed her hands into Jacqueline’s hair and raked her nails against her scalp. Her need to get closer—to feel more—quickly outpaced her common sense. She’d had only a taste of Jacqueline in these past eight years, and those encounters were laced with remorse. Being without you was a hundred times more painful. Jacqueline’s suffering, laid bare in those words, had paralleled her own so perfectly. And, she’d felt, touching her—kissing her—was the only way to soothe them both.

  Wait. The word echoed in Casey’s practical mind, but it never reached her lips. As Jacqueline’s mouth moved to her neck, Casey dropped her head back, and the word that escaped her was very different. “Bed.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Bed.”

  Jacqueline shook her head in the hollow of Casey’s neck. She lifted Casey onto the counter and moved between her thighs. “Here.”

  Casey wrapped her legs around Jacqueline’s waist. Jacqueline’s hands blazed under her shirt, leaving a trail of goose bumps across her stomach. Jacqueline shoved the flannel shirt off her shoulders and pulled her T-shirt over her head. She removed her own shirt, dropped it on the floor behind her, and pressed close to Casey.

  Casey trembled. Jacqueline’s arms around her—her breath against her skin as she kissed her collarbone—felt like coming home. She cradled Jacqueline’s jaw and guided their mouths back together. When Jacqueline slipped her hands beneath the waistband of her spandex pants, Casey planted her hands against Jacqueline’s chest and shoved her backward.

  Jacqueline stared at her, her expression a mix of desire and confusion. “I’m sorry.”

  Casey slid off the counter and grabbed Jacqueline’s hands, keeping her close. “You’ve been with enough women to know that apologizing isn’t a turn-on.”

  “You’re not just another—”

  “I wasn’t stopping.” Casey closed her teeth on Jacqueline’s earlobe, knowing Jacqueline’s weaknesses better than her own. “We just need a little more room to move.”

  Keeping hold of Jacqueline’s hand, she headed toward her bedroom. She glanced at the bed as they entered, having intended to shove Jacqueline down and have her way with her. But feeling Jacqueline’s hands in the tight band of her workout pants reminded her that she’d been hiking less than an hour ago. She needed Jacqueline’s hands on every inch of her, and she didn’t want to be self-conscious. So, instead, she led Jacqueline into the master bathroom and turned on the shower.

  “Take off your pants.” She shucked off her own and kicked them to the side, letting her panties go with them. Since Jacqueline made no move to undress further, Casey reached for the waistband of her jeans.

  “Should we slow this down?” Jacqueline covered her hands, stilling them.

  Casey fisted her hands in denim and met Jacqueline’s eyes. “Do you want to?”

  “I don’t think I’m in any condition to make that call right now.”

  Casey was a grown woman—certainly too old to be losing control over a woman, let alone one with whom she had a complicated history. The practical side of her—the one that knew better—was quickly being overtaken by the part that craved Jacqueline’s touch.

  Casey dragged her gaze deliberately over Jacqueline’s body. Her breasts were fuller than the last time Casey had seen them, but still so familiar that, just looking at them, Casey could feel their weight in her hands, taste the texture of her nipples on her tongue. “Well, then we have a problem, because we’re the only two people here. And I can’t look at you like this and say no. But if you ask me to, I’ll try like hell.”

  Jacqueline shoved her jeans down and pulled them off, hopping on one foot, then the other.

  Casey laughed. “I haven’t seen you undress that fast since the days when we had to try to squeeze one in before Sean got home from school.”

  Jacqueline laughed with her. “Get in that shower before I remember that you’re the mother of a twenty-year-old.”

  “Oh, did you just call me old?” Casey acted offended, but it felt good to be with Jacqueline. She hadn’t imagined a moment like this between them in so many years, but she’d have thought she’d be freaked out by the possible fallout. She didn’t know what she was doing—probably inviting heartache. But when Jacqueline looked at her like she’d give anything to touch her, it might be worth it.

  She stepped into the shower stall and remembered when they’d replaced the old characterless fiberglass shell with tile. They’d spent the day together in here, fumbling their way through their first major rehab project. She turned to find Jacqueline glancing around the shower and wondered if she was having the same thoughts. But she didn’t ask. They seemed to be walking a line between a conscious choic
e and convincing themselves that this moment was out of their control. And Casey was okay with pretending, if it meant Jacqueline wouldn’t stop touching her.

  “You’re forgetting that you’re a month older.” She pushed Jacqueline under the spray. “Let’s see if you can still keep up with me.”

  Jacqueline’s eyes flashed predictably in response to the challenge. When Jacqueline reached out, Casey let herself be caught. Jacqueline grabbed a handful of Casey’s hair, wringing water down her back as she squeezed. Casey moaned as the sensation sizzled from her scalp to settle into a throb between her legs.

  “You like that?” Jacqueline stroked a finger against Casey’s erect nipple.

  Casey smiled when it hardened even more. “Nope. The water’s just cold.”

  “Well, then let me warm you up.” Jacqueline bent and took her nipple in her mouth.

  “Oh, God.” She clung to Jacqueline, needing help staying upright as Jacqueline’s tongue and teeth did amazing things.

  Casey fumbled for the body wash and squeezed some into her palm. “We’re going to have to get out of here soon before someone gets hurt.” She smoothed her hands over Jacqueline’s body, rising and dipping along her curves.

  Jacqueline grabbed the bottle and returned the favor. She kissed Casey while trailing bubbles down her back and over her buttocks. As she slipped her tongue into Casey’s mouth, she cupped her ass and angled their pelvises together.

  They washed each other quickly, moaning as they stroked sensitive flesh but not lingering too long. After they’d rinsed and efficiently toweled dry, they came together again in bed.

  Casey immediately sought Jacqueline’s mouth as they reached for each other. She didn’t want slow. She didn’t want time to think. She needed only to revel in the feel of Jacqueline under her fingertips. They fumbled for control, but eventually Casey rose over Jacqueline, straddling her. Only then did she gentle the pace. Jacqueline’s eyes turned hazy. She’d always loved when Casey took control—always responded to Casey’s weight on top of her.

  She ground her hips into Jacqueline, teasing them both with not quite enough friction. But before long, she’d gone too far, testing the edge of her own self-control. Jacqueline wrapped her legs around the outside of Casey’s thighs, pulling her in stroke after stroke. Jacqueline reached between them, cupping her breast.

  “God, you have great breasts.” Jacqueline squeezed her nipple.

  Casey arched, giving Jacqueline better access and increasing the pressure between her legs.

  “I need you to touch me, soon.”

  Casey lifted herself up enough to get her hand between them and slipped her fingers into Jacqueline’s drenched folds. She toyed with her for only a second before she had to have more of her. Sliding down, she left a trail of kisses across Jacqueline’s stomach. When she pressed her tongue against Jacqueline’s clit, Jacqueline sighed as if she’d been waiting for that touch.

  Casey sank into her, tasting her thoroughly. Jacqueline pushed her fingers into Casey’s hair and tugged, indicating she wanted Casey to speed up the pace. Thrilled that she could still read her, Casey somehow managed to keep her strokes long and slow, though every part of her body screamed to give Jacqueline release and then seek out her own.

  “Please, Casey, God, that feels so good.” The desperation in Jacqueline’s voice broke Casey’s resolve.

  She slid one hand under Jacqueline’s ass, lifting her hips, and sucked her harder. She brought Jacqueline right to the edge, then slipped two fingers inside her and pushed firmly, knowing the intensity would be exactly what she needed. Jacqueline cried out and grasped at the back of Casey’s neck and her shoulders. Casey continued to play her tongue over Jacqueline’s clit, gentling in proportion to the ebb of Jacqueline’s climax.

  Casey moved up to lie next to Jacqueline, but as she aligned their bodies, Jacqueline wrapped her arms around her. She kissed her hard, stroking her tongue into Casey’s mouth. She caressed her hands down Casey’s back. When she cupped Casey’s ass and pulled her closer, her intentions were clear.

  “Hey, just enjoy yours for a minute.” Casey kissed the corner of Jacqueline’s mouth softly, trying to convince them both that she didn’t need some attention right then.

  “I want you.” Before Casey could argue, Jacqueline reached between her legs.

  “Oh, God, I want to tell you that you don’t have to do that, but shit, I really want you to.” Casey dropped her head back and Jacqueline bit her neck. Casey smiled at the jolt of pleasure. She loved Jacqueline’s teeth against her skin.

  When Jacqueline entered her, her body was still so primed from touching Jacqueline that Casey lost the ability to form a conscious thought. She became a quivering mess of sensation, registering Jacqueline’s skin against hers and the panting breaths that might be hers or might be Jacqueline’s—she wasn’t sure which. Every time Jacqueline drew back, Casey’s nerve endings revolted at the vacancy, until she pushed home again, and Casey nearly sobbed at the completeness.

  “Don’t stop.” She wasn’t above begging for the release she desperately needed. Jacqueline didn’t stop, and Casey knew with certainty that she wouldn’t until Casey had shattered around her fingers. She pressed her face into Jacqueline’s neck and surrendered. She convulsed and cried out, desperately riding Jacqueline’s hand over her peak.

  “I’ve got you, baby,” Jacqueline soothed her as she rolled down the other side of her climax. Jacqueline eased out of her and held Casey close to her side. She stroked her hair and whispered endearments against her forehead.

  *

  Jacqueline stared at Casey’s ceiling and wondered when she’d last felt so completely drained after sex. She’d had some marathon sessions over the years, but none had left her feeling like this—like she’d left every piece of herself inside another person. Maybe she had. Maybe she’d left herself with Casey eight years ago, and that’s why no else had touched her this way since.

  Casey stirred, mumbling softly as she dozed. She’d drifted off only moments ago with her head on Jacqueline’s chest and her arm draped across Jacqueline’s stomach.

  “We’re still really good at that.” The soft edges of Casey’s words hinted at lingering drowsiness. “I guess some things don’t change.”

  Jacqueline nodded, but Casey’s words replayed in her head. Some things don’t change. Then Jacqueline’s own thoughts twisted the idea and taunted her. Nothing has changed. I haven’t changed. My job still needs so much of me, and there’ll never be enough left for Casey.

  What had she done? She’d so easily fallen into the flirtation and convinced herself that the consequences didn’t matter. She loved Casey—with all her heart. But she’d been stupid enough to think that was enough once before. She’d been young and naive enough to think she would never lose Casey, but she had and she could again. She’d had it all and she’d let it slip away, and now she wasn’t sure she deserved to get it back. Until she figured that out, she had no business being here—risking hurting Casey and Sean.

  Her burgeoning panic left her limbs weak and jacked up her pulse rate. She worried Casey could hear her heart pounding, and that fear didn’t improve her condition. Telling herself to relax only made her tense more.

  “Jacq?” Casey lifted her head slowly.

  Jacqueline couldn’t meet her eyes. Casey would know—as soon as she looked at her, she’d know. She needed just a second before she fractured the fantasy of what they’d just done together. She slipped her arm from under Casey’s neck and sat up, but Casey rose beside her.

  “Sweetheart?”

  Sweetheart.

  Over the years Casey had used the word countless times—in varying ways. She’d caressed the endearment with passion, she’d teased it with flirtation, and she’d even twisted it with derision in the midst of an argument, but none had touched Jacqueline more deeply than at this moment. The concern in that one word made Jacqueline’s throat ache with emotion.

  She turned and forced herself to look at Case
y. She owed her eye contact—didn’t she? But when she lifted her gaze and saw the trust in her eyes warring with apprehension, she nearly chickened out. If she let Casey get invested in her again, she’d only hurt worse later, when Jacqueline let her down again. “I will always love you. But this—”

  “Please, don’t,” Casey whispered.

  Jacqueline couldn’t let herself be deterred. She shouldn’t have gotten into bed with Casey, and she had to own that. The only way she could do that was to force herself to face it head-on. It might hurt Casey for a minute, but in the long run, she’d be better off. “This was a mistake.”

  Casey let out a sound somewhere between a gasp and a sob, as if the words physically hurt her. Her face was a slide show of emotions: hurt, disbelief, then anger.

  “Get out.”

  “Casey, I’m—”

  “I said, get out. Of my bedroom. Of my house. And of my life.”

  Jacqueline wanted to apologize, to somehow take back the pain she’d caused. But she’d have to go back so much further than just this evening. So, instead, she grabbed her jeans from the bathroom floor and tugged them on as quickly as she could. She didn’t remember where she’d left her shirt, so she took one of Casey’s button-down shirts off the chair nearby. Casey scooted out the other side of the bed, clutching the sheet in front of her.

  “God, I can’t believe I let—I have to be the biggest idiot—” When Casey reached a certain level of anger, she had trouble finishing a sentence. “I just allowed myself—thinking you’d changed—and I slept with you.” She whipped the sheet tighter around herself and glared at Jacqueline. “A mistake? A mistake! So, it’s okay for you to have a slut in every city, but sleeping with me is where you draw your moral line?”

  Jacqueline staggered back a step, fumbling with the buttons of the shirt. She had little defense against Casey’s words. She deserved the lancing pain in her chest. Giving up on the buttons, she clutched the edges of the shirt together and fled the room.

  She made it as far as the living room, but something stopped her. She sat down on the couch, propped her elbows on her knees, and cradled her head in her hands. She’d screwed up pretty big this time. While she suspected Casey’s parting shot was calculated to draw the most blood, it wasn’t inaccurate. She’d given Casey every reason to believe she could screw her and leave, and that’s the thing that hurt the most. But what should she do now?