Capturing Forever

by Erin Dutton

  “What are you doing out here?” Casey stood in the archway between the hall and living room, her expression full of anger and confusion.

  “I only made it this far.” Despite being at a loss a moment ago, she suddenly knew what to do—be honest. Casey deserved nothing less. “You said I leave when things get tough. I thought I’d try staying this time—see how that works for me.”

  “And?” Casey raised a cautious brow, but Jacqueline thought she detected a softening in her tone.

  Jacqueline gave her a wry smile. “It’s too early to tell.”

  “If I give you credit for staying, will you leave?”

  Jacqueline stood. Though her instinct was to go to Casey rather than to the door, she didn’t make a move in either direction. “If that’s what you want.”

  “It is.”

  She nodded. A part of her expected Casey to crumble in the face of her gesture—at least she could have seemed to consider it for a second before she outright rejected her. She skirted around the coffee table as opposed to crossing closer to Casey, but she stopped again before she left.

  “I don’t want to lose you,” she said to the closed door in front of her.

  “Jacq—”

  “Please, let me say this.” She turned, then wished she hadn’t. The anguish in Casey’s eyes gutted her. “We are Sean’s—” She stopped. This moment had nothing to do with Sean, and to pretend otherwise was a cop-out. “I picked a fight back there.” She nodded toward the bedroom. “Because I’m scared. We’ve been amicable for years, but lately—something’s changing. Even if it only leads to us being friends again, it matters to me. You matter—so much. And that scares the shit out of me.”

  “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with all of that. I want to believe you. I know we took a risk, but, for once, I let go of logic and went with my emotions. Yet instead of being there with me, while I was basking in what had just happened between us, you were trying to figure out how to tell me you regretted it.”

  “I don’t—”

  “You called it a mistake.” Casey shook her head and lifted her hands in a hopeless gesture.

  “I don’t regret the connection, both physical and emotional, that I felt with you today. But that means the whole day, not just the sex. If the sex jeopardizes my chance to have any kind of relationship with you, maybe it was a mistake. But it’s one we’ve already made, so if we can move past it and still have something substantial, it will have been worth it.”

  “What does substantial mean? What are you asking me for?”

  “I don’t know.” Jacqueline shrugged, at a loss herself. “The truth is, we don’t have just ourselves to consider.”

  “I need time to think.” Casey folded her arms across her chest gently, as if protecting herself rather than in anger.

  “Can we talk in a couple of days?” She wanted a timeline.

  “I’ll call you.”

  Jacqueline nodded, then slipped through the door and down the walk to her car. During the drive back to her condo, she rolled the windows down, turned on the radio, and did her best to drown out her own thoughts. She would spend plenty of time analyzing this night, but she didn’t need to rush that process. For now, she hoped that sticking around and baring her emotions would be enough to keep from losing Casey altogether.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Sunday morning, Jacqueline sipped a heavenly Bloody Mary, perfectly crafted with just the right amount of heat. She relaxed in a wrought-iron chair, soaking in the warmth of the sun on her arms and neck. Instead of scooting into the shade of the umbrella overhead, she slipped on her sunglasses.

  “Does Gavin know we’re here? Won’t he be jealous?” She’d been surprised when Kendra suggested they check out the brunch at the new spot in SoBro that boasted a James Beard award-winning chef.

  “I’m just assessing the competition. I’ll report back to him and we’ll call it research.”

  “Well, tell him the Bloody Marys get two thumbs up.” Jacqueline raised her glass. “And I made that plural because I fully intend to drink more than one.”

  “Any particular reason?”

  “Um, because they’re delicious.” She took another sip to demonstrate her point and to keep from giving a more detailed answer. After yesterday, she shouldn’t have accepted Kendra’s invitation to brunch. Overindulging in alcohol was also a very bad idea in her current state of mind. “We had this amazing day together yesterday.”

  “We did?” Kendra smirked at her.

  “Casey and I.”

  “Yeah, I figured.” Kendra lifted her mimosa, but instead of taking a drink, she gave Jacqueline a contemplative look. “So why, after this amazing day, are you so miserable?”

  “We argued.”

  “That’s not new. What happened?”

  “Order whatever you want to try, and we’ll share.” Jacqueline waved away the menu when Kendra tried to pass it to her.

  Kendra gave their order to the young waiter. Jacqueline raised her nearly empty glass, silently asking for another, and he nodded. When he’d left, Kendra turned back to Jacqueline.

  “We slept together, and then I told her it was a mistake.”

  Kendra coughed, then set her glass down and stared at Jacqueline. “What are you doing?”

  “I really don’t know.”

  “If you needed a punch in the gut, you could have called me.”

  Jacqueline chuckled. “You’d punch me?”

  “I wouldn’t enjoy it.” Kendra propped her elbow on the table and leaned forward, studying Jacqueline with far too much intensity. “How’s Casey today?”

  “I don’t—she sort of kicked me out.”

  “So you had sex with her, then left? Your usual MO then?” Kendra’s voice dripped with sarcasm and more bitterness than Jacqueline expected.

  “That’s not fair.”

  “What were you thinking?”

  “Clearly, I wasn’t.” Jacqueline set her glass down, suddenly too nauseated to drink. “You’re the one who’s always pushing me to move things forward with her.”

  “Yeah, I said talk to her. Not screw her and desert her.”

  Though she’d been berating herself since yesterday afternoon, now she felt compelled to defend herself. She rubbed her finger between her eyebrows. “I did try. After she asked me to leave, I stayed and we talked, a little.”

  “Damn, I can’t imagine how she’s feeling today. I need to call her.”

  “Can you care for just a second about what I’m experiencing? You know how I feel about her, Kendra. And yesterday—I wasn’t exaggerating—it was one of the best days I’ve had in so long. And I’m not just talking about the sex. We were hanging out, just the two of us, and it was so relaxing and really a good time.”

  “Then tell me what happened.” Kendra still looked skeptical.

  “You want to make me the villain here. But she kissed me. Then I backed off. But when I dropped her off at her house, I asked her if I could come in to talk.”

  “I’m sure you were only interested in talking.”

  “Come on, Kendra, stop looking at me like that. She came on to me. I couldn’t—” Jacqueline’s phone buzzed a text notification. She glanced at the screen, then set it down with a sigh.

  “Casey?”

  She shook her head. “Marti. I’m going to Atlanta next week to meet with Owen about some recent issues, and she wants to get together.”

  “Are you still sleeping with her?”

  “No.”

  “Does Marti know that?”

  “Yes. Well, maybe. We left it in a weird place last time. But I haven’t slept with anyone in a while.”

  “Until last night.”

  “Yeah.”

  “So are you meeting Marti?”

  “Probably.”

  “And you think that’s a good idea?”

  “I owe her a conversation.”

  “I thought they were just hookups. No attachment.”

  “They are. Were. Bu
t Marti—”

  “Do you have feelings for her?” Kendra’s expression grew fierce, protective, but not of Jacqueline. Apparently everyone in Jacqueline’s life felt they needed to protect Casey from her.

  “Yes. But not like you mean. I care about her. If circumstances were different, I think we could be friends. But I love Casey.”

  Jacqueline sat back and waited while the waiter deposited plates in front of each of them. She stared at the fried-egg sandwich with bacon and avocado. Kendra had actually called her order pretty well. It looked like the kind of thing she’d normally choose. But today, she had no appetite. Kendra’s pulled-pork omelet looked even less appealing.

  “You’ve probably blown any second chances with Casey.” Kendra laid her napkin across her lap and picked up her fork. “How did you two leave it?”

  “I told her I didn’t want to lose her, even if we only have friendship. She asked for time to think.” Jacqueline shrugged, though she felt anything but ambivalent. “I’ll go to Atlanta and get my own head straight. Hopefully when I get back we can talk. We’ve been in such a good place lately.”

  “A really good place, it sounds like.” Kendra gave her a cheeky smile and sipped her drink.

  Jacqueline laughed. She could always count on Kendra for a welcoming shoulder and a bad joke.

  *

  “What’s up, dude?” Casey called to Sean as she walked into the living room with one of her larger camera bags slung over her shoulder. She’d returned from an outdoor shoot, surprised to find his car in her driveway on a Tuesday afternoon. Since she apparently had some muscle waiting, she’d left the bulk of her gear in the car for him to fetch later. He sat half-reclined on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in his lap.

  He gave her a look that said she was too old to say dude. “Cable’s out in the dorms.”

  “God forbid you study instead.”

  “Exactly.” He grinned at her. “Besides, I needed to do laundry.”

  “You usually wait until the weekend. Have you got a hot date or something?”

  He suddenly found something very interesting in his popcorn bowl.

  “You do!” She’d been teasing, but she knew his guilty look. She plopped down next to him, purposely sitting closer than he would prefer. “Who is she?”

  She could practically see him weighing the idea of stonewalling before he spoke. “A girl in my Intro to Ag Engineering class.”

  She raised her brows, prompting him to go on.

  “Mom, she’s just a girl. I barely know her.”

  “What’s her name?”

  “Gemma.”

  “So you met her in class and asked her out?” He’d had one serious girlfriend in high school, but after they’d broken up, he’d only dated occasionally. She always required him to tell her who he was hanging out with, friends or girlfriends. She’d known his closest friends, but he didn’t share more than he had to about girls.

  “Something like that.” He glanced up. “We’re just going to a movie. Don’t make a big deal.”

  She stifled her urge to question him further. He genuinely seemed nervous. “Do you need any money—for the movie or dinner?”

  He shook his head. “I’m a grown man. I don’t need my mom to pay for my dates.”

  “You’re a college student. Don’t be too proud.”

  “I’m good. But thanks.”

  “Okay. Have you talked to Mama?” She shouldn’t use her son to get information about her ex. That wasn’t good parenting. She hadn’t been brave enough to call Jacqueline yet. She hadn’t made any decisions in the three days since she’d last seen her. Every time she tried to sort out what she wanted, or where they might end up, her mind teased her with images of their afternoon in bed. She couldn’t possibly be objective about the future when she could only focus on the feeling of being in Jacqueline’s arms.

  “Nope.” He shoved another handful of popcorn in his mouth. And she thought that might be all she’d get out of him. “She’s in Atlanta.”

  Atlanta. Marti. “She said she’d be out of town, but I don’t think she said where.”

  “Yeah, until Thursday. Meetings or something. You know, important stuff.”

  That certainly sounded better than saying she’d run off to Atlanta for some no-strings sex to chase what they’d done out of her head. She couldn’t even wait long enough for Casey to come to her before she went looking for a diversion.

  “What’s going on with you two anyway?” He glanced at her, but his gaze seemed sharper, as if he was forcing nonchalance.

  “Nothing.” Did he hear her voice waver? “What do you mean?”

  “You’ve been spending a lot of time with her lately. Are you getting back together?”

  “It sounds like you don’t want us to.”

  “It’s not that simple. I did. When I was a kid, for a long time I wanted you guys to make up. But what kid doesn’t want their parents together? Being adopted and having two moms already made me different. Having two moms who are also dating other women—” He stopped, seemingly at a loss as to how to explain.

  “Wasn’t easy, huh?”

  “So maybe there’s a part of me that will always want that.” He turned toward her, fully engaging. “Nina and I were never going to be best friends. But it seemed like you were happy with her. If it’s not her, there must be someone else out there for you.”

  “Just not Mama.”

  “I don’t know. Maybe Mama isn’t so good at being with one person for a long time.”

  “Actually, she was pretty good at it. We spent thirteen years with each other.” Casey’s throat ached and tears burned her eyes. She brushed the fringe of his hair back off his face, surprised that he didn’t pull away. “I know it’s hard to remember past those last few years, but there was a time—your mama and I were very good to each other.”

  “Until me?”

  “Oh, baby—”

  “You know what, just forget it.” He turned back toward the television and pulled the popcorn bowl into his lap.

  She’d heard him try to shut down after a similar discussion with Jacqueline, and she wouldn’t let him do it again. “Sean, look at me.” His jaw tightened in resistance, and when he yielded to her mom-voice and turned his head, his eyes flashed with a lingering trace of defiance. “Our problems weren’t simple. I don’t think any couple’s are. But you were not the cause of them.” She squeezed his shoulder.

  “Do you still love her?”

  “Of course. Always will. But being together takes more than just love.”

  He tilted his head and she waited, despite the urge to fill the silence. Finally, he nodded and lifted his chin toward the bag she’d dropped by the end of the couch. “Since that’s all you brought in, I’m guessing you have stuff in the car I need to grab.”

  “You’re such a great son.”

  “Yeah, yeah.”

  “Maybe I’ll call Poppa and see if he wants company for dinner. Do you want to go with me?”

  He shrugged. “Sure.” He grabbed another handful of popcorn as he stood up.

  “Are you even going to be hungry?”

  He gave her the smart-ass look he’d learned from Jacqueline when he was six. “Have you met me?” He stuck out his stomach and slapped his hand against it, grinning at the hollow-watermelon sound.

  While he unloaded the car, Casey grabbed her camera bag and went into her studio. At her desk, she woke up her computer. She’d intended to start working on the photos from today’s shoot, but when her screen illuminated, the pictures she’d taken at Bledsoe Creek came up in her editing software. She’d transferred them over Sunday afternoon, but then, still confused about her argument with Jacqueline, she hadn’t had the heart to look at them.

  She scanned several thumbnails, dismissing images that didn’t stand out. When one grabbed her eye, she enlarged it. She remembered taking a series of shots featuring the small grouping of ducks. Their dark-brown heads faded down their necks into light-tan bodies mottled with
variegated brown feathers. Their monochromatic nature, further enhanced when placed against the drab tones of bare trees and dry leaves at the waters’ edge, had interested her. The one male of the group stood out, with his yellow beak and darker feathers.

  “Nice.” Sean looked over her shoulder.

  “Right? There’s something about it.”

  “Definitely. You expect autumn shots to have these brilliant reds and oranges, but this captures another side of the season.”

  She smiled with pride. “Why couldn’t you have been a photographer?”

  “I know. Instead, I’ll be wasting my life in veterinary school.”

  “It’s not too late to change your mind.” She raised her eyebrows with false optimism. “I need a good apprentice.”

  “I actually agree. You do.” He pulled a stool over and sat down next to her, his expression turning serious. “I still want to help you with Kendra’s wedding. But I was thinking next semester I might get a job at an animal hospital.”

  “Oh, of course.” She tried to hide her disappointment.

  “It’s not that I don’t want to work with you. But you know how much competition there is for post-grad openings. I need all the experience I can get.”

  “I know.”

  “You should reach out to the art school and find an actual photography student to help out. Maybe talk to the program director and see if they could offer course credit or something.”

  “I’ll think about it.” He had a good idea. But she’d never worked with anyone else. In the beginning, she couldn’t afford to. By the time she’d built the business up enough to justify an average wage for an assistant, Sean had been happy to fill the spot. Now, the idea of bringing in someone else would be a big adjustment.

  “You’re not just saying that?”