A Fluid State

by Rob Browatzke

  “But this, this whatever it is that’s going on between you and I, well, how could any part of this be bad for Peter? I’ve seen you with him. I know you’re great with him, and I know he cares about you.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “Just what I’m feeling. That if this goes on, if we ended up dating – god, am I really talking about the possibility of dating a man? But if we did, I already know you’d be good for Peter.”

  Andrew breathed in, barely able to believe what he was hearing. “What about for you, though?”

  “Are you good for me? Hell, you’re complicated as fuck for me, and you confuse the hell out of me, but are you good for me?” Patrick took Andrew’s chin back in his hand and stared into his eyes. “Better than good.”

  Andrew blushed and looked away. Was this really happening?

  “Your turn,” Patrick said. “What page are you on?”

  Andrew swung a leg over Patrick, straddling his waist. With a hand on each pec, Andrew leaned down and licked his way up Patrick’s neck to his lips. “I’m on a page where the words don’t even make sense. Where I know what should be happening, but every day, things don’t happen the way they’re supposed to.”

  “In a good way?”

  “In an incredible way.” He stared down into Patrick’s pale eyes. “In a I can’t believe this amazing man wants me around kind of way.”

  Patrick reached up and ran a finger down Andrew’s jawline. “He sure does.” He paused. “But...”

  Andrew’s heart fell. “But?”

  “I need you to get off me now so I can shower off that mess you made.” He flipped Andrew over and kissed him on the neck. “Be right back.”

  Patrick hopped off the bed and Andrew lifted himself up on his elbows to watch him walk away, the broad shoulders and those thick thighs, and between them, the magnificent ass. He collapsed back onto the bed. This was too perfect, he thought. There had to be another shoe waiting to drop, a great big pointy drag queen stiletto that was about to puncture a lung. Patrick could talk about how good Andrew was for Peter, but could Patrick really live as a gay man, in a relationship? The way he worried about Peter getting picked on already? How much worse could that be when Peter had two dads?

  And wasn’t that putting the panties before the tuck anyway? They weren’t about to get married. It was the first date. This was always Andrew’s problem. He should be enjoying the moment but instead, he was planning a future that might never come.

  Hell, a week ago, the man was totally straight.

  (Stop it. Stop obsessing about all the things that could go wrong, and start focussing on what’s going right, right here, right now.)

  Ann was right.

  (As usual)

  Andrew scooted off the bed and walked across to the bathroom. He could see Patrick’s silhouette behind the shower curtain. Right here, right now, things were good, and whatever tomorrow might hold, right here, right now, he wanted to be with Patrick.

  He pulled back the curtain. Patrick turned around. “Took you long enough,” he said.

  Andrew stepped into the tub as Patrick stepped back to make room under the water for both of them. Patrick’s hands, already soaped up, massaged suds into Andrew’s chest and stomach. It felt divine.

  “Turn around,” Patrick said. “Let me do your back.”

  Andrew obliged, gladly. Patrick’s strong hands kneaded Andrew’s shoulders, as the water steamed down over them. “Does that feel good?” Patrick asked. Andrew murmured assent. “Good.” Patrick’s hands lowered slowly, working their way down Andrew’s arms, around his shoulder blades, down to the small of his back, where Patrick’s thumbs dug in and illicited a moan.

  “Like that, hey? Christy always said I could have been a masseur if I wanted.” Andrew tensed. “Really? You can’t tense up over an ex. Especially not Christy. She’s always part of my life.”

  Andrew turned around in Patrick’s arms. “I know. It was instinctive. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I’m just glad I’m getting as good at reading you as you are at reading me.”

  “I get jealous. What can I say? I’m not perfect.”

  “You’re close though,” Patrick said, grinning and lowering his face to Andrew’s collarbone.

  “You’re a smooth talker, Patrick.”

  “You’re smooth everywhere,” he said, his hands roaming freely.

  “Here. Let me wash your back now,” Andrew said, trying to distract himself from the rising erection.

  Patrick turned around and Andrew immediately knew this would not in any way help abate the returning horniness. His hands dug into Patrick’s shoulders, working their way down Patrick’s spine to the dimpled valley at the top of his ass. Andrew leaned in and kissed Patrick’s nape, and the second his lips touched skin, he knew he could not let this opportunity pass him by. His hands massaged Patrick’s cheeks and his lips nibbled their way down Patrick’s spine.

  Andrew sunk to his knees and ran his hands down Patrick’s legs and then back up, pulling Patrick’s cheeks apart. “What are you up to?” Patrick asked, with a chuckle.

  “I think you know,” Andrew said, as he buried his face in Patrick’s crack. The water was running down Patrick’s body as Andrew’s tongue zeroed in on its target. His fingers and thumbs massaged Patrick’s cheeks – they really were muscular perfection – as he lapped at Patrick’s hole. Patrick was leaned forward now, his hands bracing him against the walls, and he was spreading his legs as much as he could.

  “You like that?” Andrew said.

  “Fuck, it’s so good,” Patrick said.

  Andrew smiled and dove back in, his tongue darting over and then into the hole. Patrick moaned and gasped. Andrew reached down to stroke himself. He was achingly hard. He needed to fuck Patrick, fuck him so hard. But was Patrick ready for that step yet? Andrew was sure ready to find out.

  He stood up, pressed his body tight up against Patrick’s, and reached down, rubbing his throbbing dick against Patrick’s cheeks. He took Patrick’s earlobe between his teeth as he pushed Patrick’s legs apart with his own. Taking hold of his dick, he slowly ran the head up and down Patrick’s crack. Patrick was gasping for air. Andrew ran his cockhead over Patrick’s hole, and could feel Patrick twitching.

  “Andrew... I...”

  “Your ass is so perfect.”

  Patrick turned around so he could face Andrew. “I know what you want. I just...”

  “It’s okay. It’s not everything. It can wait.”

  “Are you disappointed?”

  “Never.”

  “Your mouth on my ass though... I never imagined... it’s just... it’s just...”

  “You like that?”

  “God yes.”

  “Then turn around again.”

  Patrick kissed him fast, a quick dancing of tongues, and then squirmed back around in Andrew’s arms, throwing his hands onto the tiles. Andrew dropped to his knees again, one hand jerking his cock, and drove his tongue back into Patrick’s hole. He furiously stroked himself, and with his face buried between Patrick’s cheeks, it wasn’t long before he felt his load filling his shaft. His tongue still darting in and out of Patrick, he grunted and gasped and shot all over the tub, the water immediately washing it away.

  “Fuck,” he said, catching his breath.

  “We have to get better in sync,” Patrick said, turning around, his hand on his dick, now hard again.

  Andrew looked up at him and smiled. “Well, the score is even for now.”

  “What do you think about getting out of this shower now?”

  “Sounds good.”

  Patrick turned off the water and reached out past the curtain to grab a giant, fluffy towel, which he wrapped around Andrew. He pulled Andrew tight against him. “So, that was some good dessert,” he said, in between kisses. “Certainly hard to top anyway.”

  Andrew debated taking that bait, but let it slide. “Now what?” he asked, as they stepped out of the tub and finished d
rying off.

  “Honestly, I could sleep,” Patrick said.

  “Me too.”

  “And before you think I’m telling you to go, of course you’re sleeping here.”

  Patrick grabbed Andrew’s hand and dragged him towards the bed. Andrew was glad Patrick couldn’t see the grin that was plastered across his face.

  PATRICK

  Patrick woke up with the feel of Andrew’s arms around him. And he felt something else too, hard and pressed tight up against his leg. It was tempting, just to roll over and pick up where they’d left off the night before, but his stomach was gurgling, and for once, food won out over sex.

  Careful not to wake Andrew, he snuck out of bed and slid into a pair of undies. Last night had been mind-blowing, in so many ways. After the shower, they’d just lain in bed and talked, until they fell asleep. In each other’s arms. That had been Patrick’s goal all along, but that it had actually happened, that he’d enjoyed it on as many levels as he actually did, it was a little trippy.

  Not to mention the butt stuff. He hadn’t just liked it. He’d seen spots. It was just a matter of time until he wanted to try getting fucked, and he wasn’t sure what that meant. He sure hadn’t thought that he’d be the receptive one here. But it felt too good to worry too much about it.

  He wasn’t worried about anything really. It wasn’t just the sex that felt good. It was just being with Andrew. Patrick certainly wasn’t about to post on any social media that he had a ‘boyfriend’ or anything, but he also wasn’t about to deny – at least to himself- that these were couple-y kind of feelings.

  He tossed some bacon and eggs into a couple frying pans, knowing Andrew would appreciate waking up to breakfast. Again. Had they really just spent two nights together? That was also a little trippy.

  While the food sizzled, he checked his phone, which he’d left off the night before. The only missed message was one from Christy, so he called her back while he turned the coffee on.

  “What’s up?”

  “Nothing really,” she said. “I just wondered if you wanted an extra couple days with Peter this week. August is winding down, so it’s really the last chance before school starts back up for him.”

  “You certainly don’t need to ask me twice,” Patrick said. “When?”

  “Today actually, if that works.”

  “Is something going on?”

  “Well, I’d meant to have this talk in person, but I kept putting it off and now I guess it’s too late. I’ve been seeing someone.”

  Patrick sat down with a thunk. That wasn’t expected.

  “His name’s Brad,” she said. “We’ve gone out a few times, but he has some time off, and has a cabin, and asked me to go away with him for a couple days.”

  “Wow. I don’t even know what to say. It’s serious then?”

  “I guess this is the way to find out,” she said. “Peter hasn’t met him yet. I’ve been holding off, until I know if it’s worth it.”

  “I understand that. Wow. What’s he like?”

  “He’s good, Patrick. And it’s time for me to give him a chance or cut him loose.”

  “Well, of course, I mean, bring Peter over whenever. And Christy, I hope things work out for you. I really do.”

  “And don’t worry, Patrick. Now you’re back, you’ll find some woman you can make happy. You were always good at making me happy.”

  That was it, he thought. She was handing him an opportunity to tell her about Andrew, but the words dried up on his tongue. He didn’t know what Andrew was. How could he? He still thought of himself as straight so how he could he tell his ex-wife that he was seeing a man? And it was seeing. There was no denying that. But the time just wasn’t right.

  “Patrick?”

  “I’m still here. Sorry. Just a lot to process.”

  “I really didn’t want to do it over the phone. It’s just, Brad only suggested it last night, and I know Peter would like to spend some more time with you before the summer ends.”

  “Of course. I want to spend more time with him too.”

  Andrew walked into the kitchen, dressed. Patrick held a hand over the receiver and mouthed “Christy” at him. Andrew nodded. Patrick waved him towards the coffee, throwing up two fingers to indicate he wanted one too.

  “I can bring him over soon? He just needs to pack a few things?”

  “Sounds good.”

  “You didn’t have plans?”

  “It’s fine, Christy. Trust me. I want him here.”

  “See you soon.”

  Patrick hung up. Andrew handed him a coffee. “Everything okay?” he asked.

  “Yes. Christy’s bringing Peter over. She’s going away for a couple days with some guy she’s been seeing.”

  Andrew sat down. “You okay with that?”

  “I have to be, don’t I?” He stepped over to the stove. “Breakfast is almost ready.”

  “You didn’t have to cook again,” Andrew said.

  “Of course I did. I couldn’t just send you on your way.”

  “Wham, bam, thank you man?”

  “Exactly. Not my style.”

  “What are you and Peter going to do?”

  “No idea. He’s a bit limited, with the cast.” Patrick sat two plates down and joined Andrew at the table. “What are your plans for the day?”

  “I have a couple shows this weekend,” Andrew said. “I’ll need to do some prep for them.”

  “No more big black dildoes though?” Patrick winked.

  “What? Two weekends in a row? I, sir, am a professional.” Andrew raised a hand to his chest in mock outrage. “I wait at least a month before repeating. There was this girl once, who did Xanadu live on roller skates, and ran it three nights in a row. It was ghastly!”

  “Sounds it.” He paused. “I had a really good time last night.”

  Andrew beamed at him. “Me too.”

  They ate in silence for a moment, then Patrick went on, “I don’t know what Peter and I will be getting up to. I’ll let him decide probably. But I wanna see you again. Soon.”

  “I wanna see you soon too. But Patrick...”

  “But is never good.”

  “Butt is always good,” Andrew grinned, “especially yours.” Patrick blushed. “And I’m not saying I want to pause things or anything, but things have progressed really fast the last few days, and maybe it’s good to let all this new stuff settle into place for a bit? You know what I mean?”

  Patrick nodded. “That makes sense.” A thought occurred to him. “You still don’t think I’m in this as deep as you, do you? Is this pause that isn’t a pause just your way of putting some distance in case I decide I’m done experimenting?”

  “It wasn’t, but that’s a good point too. No, Patrick, it’s just... I haven’t dated anyone in a long time...”

  “Me either.”

  “Let me finish. Like I said last night, it’s been a long time, and I’m already feeling stuff.”

  “Me too.”

  “You’re not good at letting me finish.”

  “Sorry. Go on.” Patrick stuck out his tongue.

  “Mature. Really mature.” Andrew smiled. “Where was I?”

  “Feeling stuff for me.”

  “Oh yah. So yah. I guess, I’m just feeling stuff, and I just need to process what I’m feeling, and you probably need to do the same.”

  “So, what? Like a day? Two?”

  “Message tomorrow. Let’s go from there.”

  Patrick finished off the last of his eggs. “You’re just punishing me because I wouldn’t let you put it in me yet, aren’t you?”

  Andrew grinned. “Yes. That’s it exactly.” He stood up. “Want some help cleaning, or should I just...?” He gestured at the door with his head.

  “I’ll clean. No worries.” Patrick stood up. “You’re not leaving without a goodbye kiss though, right? That’s still okay?”

  “I think that would be just fine.”

  Patrick stepped towards him and gently p
laced a hand behind his head. He pressed their lips together, softly, and then rested his forehead against Andrew’s. “I don’t get what you do to me,” he said.

  “You do it to me right back.”

  “Promise?” Patrick said, reaching down and squeezing Andrew’s ass.

  “Don’t start that,” Andrew said, laughing and stepping away. “Yes. You do it to me right back. I’m all messed up over you.”

  “We’ll just be messy together then,” Patrick said, grabbing Andrew’s hand and pulling him in for another quick kiss.

  “I should go.”

  “Okay.”

  “You’ll need to let go of my hand.”

  “Oh. Am I still holding it?”

  “Yes. Yes you are.”

  “Sorry.”

  “You still haven’t let go.”

  “Guess you can’t leave then,” Patrick said, and pulled Andrew back in. He ran his thumb over Andrew’s lips. “It was this,” he said.

  “What?”

  “The first thing I wanted to do to you. When you got them whiskey wet. I just wanted to reach out and do this.” He rubbed his thumb the other way along his lip. “And then this.” He leaned in and took Andrew’s lower lip in his mouth. Andrew let out a soft moan. Patrick pulled back. “And ever since then, I can’t get enough of you.”

  “Two days,” Andrew said, pulling his hand free and stepping back. “We can wait two days.”

  “Can we?”

  Andrew nodded. “We can.”

  Patrick nodded back as Andrew slid into his shoes. “Next time though...”

  Andrew paused with his hand on the doorknob and looked back. “Next time?”

  “Next time, I expect flowers.”

  Andrew smiled and nodded and closed the door behind him. Patrick stood there, watching through the window as Andrew got into his car and drove off. Part of him wanted to yell after him, tell him to stay. Maybe Andrew was right. A couple days to cool off would be a good thing.

  ANDREW

  There was life outside Patrick. There had to be. Andrew couldn’t let himself be consumed, no matter how easy it would be. He did have a busy weekend coming up, and he needed to be prepared for it. When a girl lived show to show, she had to be flawless to keep those gigs coming.