by Ann Aguirre
I opened presents there, more than I’d ever gotten in my life. From Davina I had a pretty red sweater and Jen got me the cutest shoes ever. They actually fit too; I had no inkling how she knew my size. I hugged them both and then opened a fancy journal set from Vi. Seth got me a music gift card, while Ryu offered me a delicate silver chain adorned with various charms. When I looked closer, I could see they represented things I loved. I was surprised he’d remembered, but we did talk a lot last summer, more than I’d chatted with anyone except Vi.
“Here,” he said, fastening it about my left wrist without looking at the mark.
There was enough space for it right beside the blue beads Kian had given me. I stared at the two pieces of jewelry wondering if this was symbolic. Kian’s quiet, resigned expression seemed to indicate that it was. But Ryu had a girlfriend, and I wasn’t a mug that could be passed from one owner to the next. Quiet anger sparked to life.
The birthday part of the night done, the guys settled with the Xbox, leaving us to retreat to the kitchen table to talk about them. “So … Phillip?” I prompted Jen.
“He’s been persistent. So far he hasn’t done anything to make him an auto-reject but I don’t know if I’m feeling it.”
“Cut him loose,” Davina advised.
“Easy for you to say. Like four guys have already asked you to prom.”
Vi sighed. “Don’t mention prom, we’ve been arguing. Seth wants to pick one. He doesn’t want to spend all the money twice.”
I had no idea when the Blackbriar event would be. Not that it mattered. Kian and I wouldn’t be going. Though I wasn’t sure when the prom was, it seemed probable that it was after Kian’s birthday. I needed to circle that date on my calendar because that was when our time ran out.
Listening to them talk, I marveled over the fact that this was my first birthday party, hosted by the first boy I ever loved.
“You’re really quiet,” Jen finally said.
“I’m just happy.” And heartbroken.
At midnight, Jen headed out with Phillip and Davina followed soon after. After our New Hampshire debacle, her mom still didn’t trust her completely, so Mrs. Knightly texted when she was downstairs. That left the five of us, but I could tell Seth and Vi were quietly dying for some alone time. When they met up halfway, it wasn’t like they could rent a room.
So I said, “I’m sure you guys are tired. It’s not my birthday anymore, so it’s fine if you want to get some sleep.”
Vi beamed at me. “Awesome. We’ll hang out more tomorrow.”
“Definitely.”
I glanced at Ryu, who was still playing Xbox. “Don’t mind me. I’m fine on the couch. I want to finish this level, then I’ll crash.”
Kian got him a sheet, blanket, and pillow. Holy shit, he’s letting Ryu sleep on his couch? Maybe I was wrong, but that just seemed … too nice. I mean, he had to consider the guy competition or at least a nominal threat. Kian was the first person I kissed, but Ryu was the second, and we were together for six weeks. Don’t you mind at all, Kian? But he showed no sign of being bothered as we went to the bedroom. Thanks to no curfew, I planned to stay the night.
As soon as the door shut behind us, I whispered, “What the hell are you doing?”
“Making sure you’re all right. You’ll need someone, after.”
I swallowed hard. “Dammit, Kian, this is not okay. You might as well make up a will and leave me to him like an antique clock.”
“I’m sorry that’s how you see it.”
“What other way is there? I can feel you letting go of me, and it’s not fair. I promised to be with you until the end, no matter how hard it is, but you’re not doing the same.”
He turned away from me then, hands clenched into fists. “It’s the only way I can cope. I’m sorry for hurting you, Edie. It’s the last thing I want to do. But this is just so hard.”
“Did you think I’d be impressed that you’re so selfless? It drives me nuts actually.”
“I’m not,” he bit out. “I hate knowing that he’s touched you, kissed you. I hate the fact that he still wants you, even while pretending he’s fine.”
“Huh?” That honestly floored me. “That’s not … no. You’re wrong. He was never crazy in love with me, Kian.”
The laugh he produced had no humor in it. “For a smart girl, you’re so stupid sometimes. You think I can’t recognize someone doing what I do?”
“What are you talking about?”
“He might be dating someone in Japan, but he’s still in love with you. You convinced yourself he wasn’t because it made it easier to move on. For you, it was summer fun. For him, it was something else. His eyes are hungry when he watches you. And I know that feeling.”
“So you thought you’d give me a guy for my birthday, is that it?” It was so hard to keep my voice down. I heard the Xbox, so Ryu was definitely still awake.
Kian sighed. “I don’t want to fight. It’s not like you have to get together with him. He’s your friend, I thought you’d be glad to see him. It’s why I cooperated when Vi wanted to do the reunion. I offered my apartment because—”
“Wait, so this was Vi’s idea first?”
“What did you think?”
Now I felt horrible. I’d made all kinds of assumptions based on his overly altruistic personality. But before I could apologize, because he was smart, he connected the dots based on the crazy shit I already said. His expression deepened into a scowl.
“Did you seriously think I was stepping aside? ‘Here, have my girlfriend. Since I can’t keep her, you go on and get started with her.’”
“It sounds like something you’d do,” I mumbled.
“Like hell,” he growled.
Okay, so that made me incredibly happy. But he was too pissed to care.
“I might not have much time, but for now, you are mine. Tonight sucked, not least because I want you all to myself, but I’m trying my hardest not to be a selfish asshole. I could happily steal you and not let you to talk to anyone else until after I’m gone.”
“Sorry.”
“You have to make this up to me. Somehow.”
“I have a few ideas.”
It was almost three in the morning when I stopped making it up to him. We were both sweaty and exhausted. From the sounds coming from next door, Vi and Seth had more energy. Deprivation was making them enthusiastic. I laughed softly. Kian’s mouth was slightly swollen and his hair was gorgeously mussed. The five o’clock shadow grown in on his jaw begged me to scrape my palm over it. His green eyes closed, a dark tangle of lashes on his cheeks.
“Have you seen your mother lately?” That might seem like a weird question but I knew how fragile she was.
He nodded. “I’m visiting every chance I get. She’ll be released from the program soon.”
“Where will she go from there?”
“I found her a halfway house that keeps you on track for sobriety and surrounds you with people who understand the struggle. They’ll also help her find work.” He didn’t sound hopeful, but maybe not quite as despairing as he always had. The idea of leaving her completely alone must be chewing him up inside.
But I didn’t say any of that. My sympathy wouldn’t make his situation easier to bear. “Are you still in school?”
Kian shook his head. “What’s the point? I won’t graduate.”
I really wish you hadn’t done this for me.
But maybe, if he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have survived long enough to acquire the tools to destroy Dwyer. I would never have saved my dad. It seemed all kinds of awful that my father’s salvation would result in his mother’s pain.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“About what?” But he knew. He was just pretending.
So I took the hint and didn’t pursue it. “Let’s get some sleep.”
In the morning, we went sightseeing with Seth, Vi, and Ryu. It was weird playing host in Boston but between Kian and me, we found places the other three would enjoy. Ove
rhead, a large black bird kept an eye on our tour, but I didn’t acknowledge it. Nobody else seemed to notice it wheeling above us, perching on electrical wires outside when we dodged into a café to warm up with pastries and hot chocolate.
“We should see a movie tonight,” Vi said. “I’m tired from all the walking.”
Seth poked her. “You should work out more.”
“Sure, I’ll add it to the to-do list, along with hanging on to my spot as valedictorian and finishing my robotics project.”
Their bickering made me smile. Turning my head, I caught Ryu watching me. For an instant—just as Kian had said—his expression was open and naked, a raw sort of longing that I didn’t even know Ryu could feel. He’d always radiated a cool and casual vibe, but what he chose to show the world and what was true? Two different things. This is why we hadn’t talked much, not because he was so busy and popular—though he was probably those things also—but because he didn’t want me to know.
Kian’s right. He’s hurting.
Apparently not realizing he’d shown me something else, Ryu gave me an easy smile. “Are you gonna eat the rest of that?”
Wordless, I slid him half of my cinnamon roll. Kian wrapped his hand around mine and I glanced at him. His brows went up, as if to say, See? I gave a little nod.
Yeah, I got it.
Yet there was no change I could make, nothing I’d do differently. Before the SSP, I was already half in love with Kian, even if he was unattainable. Back then I thought I understood how impossible we were together but really I had no clue. From day one, our happiness was an eggshell china cup, loosely clutched in a drunkard’s hand.
No matter how hard I wished otherwise, we were destined to be broken.
AN OFFER SHE CAN’T REFUSE
I went home at six the next morning, sneaking out before Kian woke up. Though my dad had said he wouldn’t wait up and I’d texted him that I was okay, it seemed wrong to roll in on day two after he left for work. By the time his alarm went off, I had breakfast on the table. He came out of his room with his hair standing in wispy tufts.
Dad adjusted his glasses as he sat down. “Did you have a good birthday?”
“Yeah, they had a surprise party for me. My friends from the SSP flew in and we all hung out the next day.”
He nodded. “Still on track with your homework?”
“Yep.” Without time spent sitting in class, I now had plenty of time for assignments. That approach wouldn’t work for everyone but I’d always learned more from reading anyway. I used to daydream more than listen during lectures.
Once he went to work, I cleaned up the kitchen and got ready to meet everyone else. Ryu, Seth, Vi, and Kian were waiting outside his building when I ran up. Davina and Jen had school again since Blackbriar had a different holiday schedule.
“Are you guys ready for more excitement?” I asked, breathless.
“Sure. I was hoping…” Then Vi listed four places she wanted to go before they took off later tonight.
“Sounds doable,” Kian said.
Ryu didn’t seem enamored with the first stop, an art museum. He spent most of his time on benches while Vi and Seth wandered around. I’d been in here before, but not for a long time, probably on a middle-school trip. Kian held my hand as we wandered around, admiring famous paintings. I stopped in front of one that depicted the Oracle, thinking about the creature forever caught in Wedderburn’s snare.
“It’s not a good likeness,” Kian said softly.
I shook my head. “And it’s so weird to say that.”
“Definitely,” Ryu agreed.
Oh shit.
Slowly I shifted so I could see him; he’d approached quietly and I had no idea what to say. Kian’s fingers tightened on mine but he didn’t give me any sign how I should respond. There was no way I could fill him in, but I didn’t want to lie either.
“Just kidding,” I tried.
“Don’t,” Ryu said. “I can tell from the matching marks that there’s something weird going on between the two of you. I’m not trying to learn your secrets or anything, but just know that I’m worried about you. I have the feeling you’re into some bad shit.”
“Sorry. I really can’t talk to you about it.”
“Or you’ll have to kill me?” He attempted a joke, but I couldn’t muster a laugh.
No, something else will.
To my surprise, he turned to Kian. “Take care of her, okay?”
“It’s my prime directive,” Kian answered, flying nerd colors.
Ryu smiled a bit. “That makes me feel a little better.”
The rest of the day, I was conscious of his speculative observation. It seemed like he thought Kian had pulled me into some dangerous stuff, which wasn’t entirely wrong. But Ryu had it wrong if he thought Kian wouldn’t protect me; I was still fighting to reverse the last deal he made to do exactly that.
“This was so fun,” Vi said later, over burgers.
We just had time to swing by Kian’s place and take them to the airport. We’d all fit if we squished into the Mustang. Thankfully Seth and Vi didn’t notice how quiet Ryu had gotten, and they talked enough to cover the awkwardness. I made sure to keep my wrists covered. I’d gotten careless lately, no wonder Ryu noticed.
As we left the diner, I spotted Buzzkill across the street. Ignoring traffic, he cut across so like five cars honked at him. Thankfully he looked like a bodyguard; I didn’t want to traumatize my friends. I waited for him at the curb.
“Boss wants to see you.” His gaze went to the gold armlet.
“I have people visiting. This isn’t a good time.”
“You think he gives a shit about that?”
Ryu and Kian stepped up on either side of me, making Buzzkill grin. I hurriedly shook my head. “No, it’s fine. I have to take care of something. I know it’s rude, but I’ll say bye here. Kian, do you mind driving them to the airport?”
“Not at all.” His tone was quiet and unconcerned, probably so the other three didn’t clue in as to how bad this was.
Wedderburn must’ve decided I can’t be allowed to keep Aegis. And I’m not letting him take it. He’s the asshole who had my mother killed.
So I hugged Vi, Seth, and finally, Ryu, who held on a little longer than the rest. “Would you tell me if you were in serious trouble?”
No, I thought.
“Absolutely. He’s just a friend of my father’s. My dad must be upset about how much time I’ve spent slacking off. My birthday was two days ago.”
Ryu stared at me hard but eventually he seemed to accept it. Or maybe he just pretended to—apparently I wasn’t that good at reading people. I’d never guessed he saw me as anything but a summer fling. I pushed back gently, prompting him to let go. Kian was watching in silence, but I saw that it bothered him to see me in someone else’s arms, probably not least because we didn’t have that much longer.
And I still haven’t found that loophole.
“Thanks so much for coming, guys. I’ll message later.”
I got more hugs and they waved for like half a block before Kian turned the corner toward the station, so they all vanished from sight. Exhaling slowly, I turned to Buzzkill. He looked completely unconcerned by how much he’d interrupted my life.
“Did you tell him?” I asked.
“You think I’d be standing here if he knew I let you keep you-know-who’s heart? Just so you know, I pled ignorance. It was all I could do for you.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s so funny to see these assholes running scared. First time in centuries, they got something to fear. And it’s some stupid kid. You can’t buy entertainment like that.”
“Thanks, I think. Should I be ready for a fight?”
“Guess that depends on you. If you go in hostile, pretty much everything in his tower will try to kill you. And while you’ve got that shiny on your wrist, you’re not that good at wielding it. Of course you’ve got spirit power fully charged up, so maybe you feel like taking
a chance.”
“I’m not stupid. I know my odds of beating him on his home ground are slim to none.”
“Then you should go prepared to surrender your weapon and accept his thanks for dispatching his nemesis.”
“Yeah, I don’t want to do that, either.”
“Give me an answer, kid. Are you coming with me peacefully or do we throw down? Mind you, I don’t have Dwyer’s power, so it’ll happen right here in front of all these nice, easily traumatized pedestrians. And I’m good with that. Are you?”
Dammit.
“Fine, let’s go.” I’d think about how to handle Wedderburn on the way.
“Your conscience is weighing you down,” Buzzkill said.
“It’s also what makes me human.”
“Yeah, I don’t want none of that action. You made me, remember?”
“Not personally,” I muttered.
“You think I don’t know you’re stalling? Let’s go.”
But before I could follow him, a man on a motorcycle swooped past and swept me onto the back of the bike. I couldn’t see who it was under the helmet, but anyone who wanted to keep me away from Wedderburn had to be an ally, right? I barely managed to hang on as he accelerated with Buzzkill shouting something incomprehensible. We raced away from the diner with me knowing this wouldn’t solve the problem, only postpone the reckoning.
Maybe that’s the best I can hope for.
“Put your hand here.” I recognized Raoul’s voice and I relaxed a little.
He flattened my palm over the medallion that kept him hidden. If we were both touching it, would it work the same or would the effectiveness be halved? As we roared through Boston, the science geek in me tried to figure that out. The bike didn’t stop for miles and miles. While Buzzkill had a preternatural predatory sense, he couldn’t overcome this artifact or Wedderburn would’ve already found Raoul. That made me feel a little better, but I couldn’t spend the rest of my life hanging on to Raoul’s chest. This was a stopgap measure at best.
