A Safe Place to Land

by Dee Ernst

I was very still. I could hear the traffic on Main Street, and the noise of the ice machine that stood right inside the door. “Oh?”

  He didn’t look at me. Instead, he focused on something directly over my right shoulder. “It’s not ideal, but the money is outstanding and there are good schools in Richmond.”

  “There are good schools here,” I said.

  “Not really.”

  “Amanda is thriving here,” I argued. I fought to keep my voice even. “And you have friends here. You even said, that night on the pier…”

  He looked at me then, his eyes unreadable. “This was always the plan, Jenna.”

  “I know, but…” My voice broke. Damn him, anyway, him and his stupid job and his stupid daughters moving away. I didn’t need this. I didn’t need him. I was going to go to my mothers and bring his girls back and let him deal with this. Then I was going to find Kenny Malcolm and screw his brains out.

  “I’ll get the girls.”

  “Please, not yet.”

  “They’re in Virginia Beach, Craig. That’s where Robert is. What if he sees them? At least here we can stash them at Stella’s. She has a huge house, I mean, she had six kids. Or Terri’s. She’s right down on Main, over the wine shop.”

  His mouth twitched. “That’s convenient.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Right? I keep telling her to install a dumb waiter so she can just call and have something sent up.”

  He smiled, and the normalcy of it felt like balm on an open wound. Were we back? Two people just talking, joking, being friends?

  He paused. “I think they should be okay back here. I mean, he wouldn’t grab them forcibly. Now that we know that he’s here and what he wants, we can be careful.”

  I nodded. He said we. “Whatever you think is best, Craig. But I think we need to wait until tomorrow. My mother is making lasagna for the girls, and Maddie was a little excited.”

  “I bet.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I…I can’t thank you enough.”

  “I don’t want those little girls hurt,” I said. “Or you.”

  Another pause. “I’ll get over there tomorrow. Bring them home.”

  “Why don’t I just camp over there myself and bring them home tomorrow? You’ll have to feed the dogs.”

  “I can do that.” He was staring over my shoulder again.

  “Listen, Craig…you were behind the bar.”

  He frowned. “So?”

  “You’re okay with that?”

  He sighed. “I already called Ted. He’s my sponsor. I talked to him right after I got off the phone with you.”

  I nodded. “Good.”

  “And since I’m on my own tonight, I can find a meeting.” He looked down at me at last. “Thank you. For being concerned.”

  I put my palm, very lightly, on his chest. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  And all the ride over, and through dinner and watching Harry Potter, and sleeping with my sister while Amanda and the twins took the sleeper sofa, all I could think about was…he said ‘we’.

  “Your mom makes really good food. Why didn’t she teach you to cook?”

  “Is your sister older or younger than you?”

  Amanda was still tense and withdrawn on the ride back. It was a crappy day, heavy rain falling and the traffic unbearable. Usually on Friday, I’d be going to my mother’s. My brain was having a hard time breaking a five-year-old habit.

  We slogged through the muddy road up to the house and I saw that the Suburban was there. The girls tumbled out and raced through the rain. Craig was at the door, arms wide, and he managed to get all three of them in one swoop. I followed, lugging the suitcases as they went into the house. They had me pack enough for a week’s stay and managed to go through every item in just one night.

  I closed the door, and he was right behind me.

  “I got this,” he said, taking the cases from my hands. He carried them effortlessly down the hallway, calling for the girls to unpack.

  “But I have to say hello to Finn.”

  “Can we just put everything in the hamper?”

  “My bathing suit was wet when I packed. Will that make a difference?”

  I walked across the living room and gazed out at the water. It was so gray that the sky and the water blended together as a whole. The water was choppy. There had been warnings of the first hurricane of the season coming up the coast. The Eastern Shore was rarely bothered with a direct hit, but the unsettled ocean could make the bay choppy and rough. It had been hot and sticky outside, and the air conditioning caused a rim of condensation around the window.

  “How about a cup of tea?” he said behind me. “It seems like a hot cup of tea day.”

  I turned. “Yes, it does. Thanks.”

  He broke open a package of Lorna Doones, and poured the hot water into my china teapot.

  “That was my grandmother’s,” I told him. “I always used it for decoration. I don’t think I ever made a pot of tea in it. I always used bags.”

  “Bags? Bah. Never. A scoop of loose tea per cup, let the boil go down so the temperature drops just a bit, pour the water over and let it steep.”

  “I forgot that everything in your life has a routine.”

  He carefully walked the steaming pot over to the table, then glanced up at me. “You make that sound like a bad thing.”

  “It’s not. It’s just not my thing.”

  “Yes. I noticed.”

  I took a cookie and bit, grateful for the quiet, the easy conversation. We were just two folks, having a cup of tea. No drama. No anger. No tension so thick you could slice it with a knife.

  “Why did you do what you did yesterday? When Robert came? Why didn’t you tell him where we were and be done with it?”

  I stared at him. “Well, first of all, he was a pompous jerk, and he didn’t even introduce his wife, so he was also a pompous asshole, and I didn’t like him. That gold chain? Seriously? And he was smug. And he insinuated all sorts of things about you that I didn’t like. Penny, by the way? A real bitch. Then he insulted my town, called it Podunk. When I told him to leave, he threatened me. Did you really think I’d let him get close to Amanda? Or the twins? No friggin’ way.” I ate another cookie in one bite. “I would have driven them back up to Boston to keep them away from him.”

  He started to laugh, first a chuckle, them a full-blown belly laugh. He pressed his palms to his eyes and shook his head. “Oh, Jenna, you are truly one of a kind.” He dropped his hands. “I wish I had been here to see that.”

  I grinned. “Next time, I’ll try to get video.”

  He poured us tea, and I had to admit, it was much better than a bag.

  I dunked a cookie. “Is Ellis handling this for you?”

  He shook his head as he blew on his tea to cool it. “Yes. He got me a name, someone who specializes in this sort of thing if it gets sticky, but he’s taking charge. I’m having everything from my Chicago lawyer sent down.” He took a sip, put the cup down, and took a breath. “Debbie was his only daughter, and he never believed she had any problems. He belittled me when I was drinking. I don’t blame him. I was not a very good husband or father. But when Deb was killed and he found out that she’d been using painkillers, it triggered something. He went after me full bore. We’d been living in a house that he owned, that he’d bought for Deb, and after he lost the court hearing, he gave me three days to get out. I knew what he expected, that I wouldn’t be able to find a new place to live, and he’d have another reason to go after his granddaughters.” He shook his head. “They’re all he has left of her. I get it. And I would have been happy to let him in their lives, but Rob was too selfish. He wanted them all for himself.”

  My tea was cool enough to drink. I took a few sips. “What was Deb like?”

  He shrugged. “Spoiled. Very spoiled. And beautiful, and fun…God, she loved a good time. Smart, but not a whole lot of common sense, you know?”

  “And you loved her like crazy, right?”

  He nodded ru
efully. “Oh, yeah. I would have done anything for her. And then two years ago she found some guy named Phil and she packed up all my stuff and changed the locks. I came home from work and couldn’t get into my house. Her father’s house. We just lived there.” He shrugged. “I moved in with a buddy and then we went to war.”

  I drank more tea and began to break off tiny pieces of cookie, concentrating hard. As much as Sam had hurt me by leaving, he had never been cruel. We had never been at war. I knew what it felt like to have someone you know and love suddenly break your heart, but a betrayal like that was something I could not even imagine. Having gone through something like that once, it was no wonder he was so careful in guarding his heart.

  When I lifted my eyes, he was looking puzzled.

  “Are you planning to leave a trail of cookie crumbs somewhere?”

  “What? Oh, no, I just don’t know what to say.”

  “Well, there’s a first.”

  I smiled. “Thank you for telling me.”

  “Yeah. Well…”

  We sat in silence. Bit jumped on my lap and started sniffing at the crumbs. “You’re really going to Richmond?” I asked quietly.

  He nodded, his eyes down, frowning into his teacup.

  We sat for a few more minutes. “Thanks for the tea,” I said softly. I gathered Bit and rose, went to the living room and pulled a book from the shelf. I didn’t even notice what it was.

  It didn’t matter.

  Chapter Eleven

  I went back to the Town Pharmacy for breakfast after being away for what seemed to be a lifetime. Everyone looked up, frozen, and then began to talk at once.

  “We thought you had died,” Marie said, “and your body was lying, undiscovered, under a pile of goat poop.”

  I sat and reached for a coffee mug. Wendy, at least, knew I’d be back, and had set the table as she always had, for the five of us.

  “Now, there’s an original obituary for you,” I said.

  “Did you lose your phone?” Marie asked, “or did you just use caller ID to never answer it?”

  “I’ve been…involved,” I mumbled.

  “You didn’t even answer my texts,” Karen chided gently.

  “Yes, I did. I said I was going through some crap and needed some alone time.”

  “There’s alone time, and then there’s self-imposed exile,” Stella snapped.

  “Able was I, ere I saw Elba,” I intoned.

  Terri frowned. “What?”

  “Elba was where Napoleon spent his last days,” Marie explained. “In exile.”

  “Ah,” Terri said. She looked sideways at me. “Well?”

  I cleared my throat. “There was drama. With Craig. And now it’s over. He and I are nice and civil to each other once again. His ex-father-in-law showed up, and there was a bit of panic there about him stealing the girls, but now it’s all good. And Craig got a job in Richmond and he’ll be moving at the end of the month.”

  Stella made a clucking noise. “He should not be disrupting his children again. They have found their place here. Why is he moving?”

  “Because he can’t commute to Richmond. This was always the plan, Stella. He was never going to stay here.” I stirred my coffee a bit to aggressively, and some of it spilled. “Never.”

  “What about Sam’s on Main?” Karen asked. “Is he going to sell it? He can’t sell it.”

  “Is it just me?” I asked the air, “or is this deja vu all over again?”

  Marie kicked my ankle under the table. “Well?”

  I shook my head. “I am out of this, guys. I can’t control what happens to Sam’s. It’s up to Craig and he’s not sharing.”

  Wendy came up, tapping her pencil against her pad. “’Bout time you’re back. The usual?”

  “Good to see you too, Wendy. I think I’ll break with tradition and have an omelet, American cheese. Crispy bacon, crispy potatoes, and multigrain raisin.”

  She scribbled, looking at me suspiciously. “You okay?”

  “Fine, Wendy. Just fine.” I spilled more coffee, and pulled a bunch of napkins to sop it up.

  “Sure,” Wendy said under her breath. “Anyone else breaking with tradition this morning?”

  They all shook their heads, and Wendy left, still muttering.

  Terri cleared her throat. “The house should be ready next week. We’re getting final inspections on Tuesday.”

  “Oh, that’s great,” I told her. “Really.”

  Congratulations ran around the table. Karen even applauded.

  Stella’s fingers were drumming against the table, her bright red nails practically glowing against her dark skin. “I saw the two of you that night at the pier, Jenna. Do not sit there and tell me you two did not go home and do a little something-something.”

  “Actually, we did. But that was then. This is now, and now he’s moving to Richmond.”

  “And you?”

  I sighed. I had not pursued my plan to grab Kenny Malcolm and renew our brief former relationship. I was so grateful that Craig and I were talking like normal people again I didn’t want to start messing up my psyche. “I’m thinking about Boston.”

  Karen set down her mug so hard we all jumped. “As in moving to Boston?”

  I shrugged. “Why not? I need a change.”

  “Then get a haircut,” Marie muttered.

  “There’s snow in Boston,” Karen said. “Not like here. Real snow. You hate snow.”

  “And there’s no beach there.” Terri pointed out. “Well, there is, but you can’t go in the water, it’s too cold most of the time.”

  “And we’re not there,” Stella said.

  I closed my eyes and put both of my hands, palms down, on the table. “I can’t live in that house anymore,” I said quietly. “It was bad enough after Sam left. But now…” I had been trying to imagine those empty rooms, the Disney movies gone from the TV stand, my refrigerator once again empty of food.

  Terri grabbed my hand and gave it a shake. “Oh, Jenna.”

  Stella snorted. “Did you tell that man that you loved him?”

  I nodded. “Yes, Stella, I did, as a matter of fact. He didn’t believe me. He thought I was using him as a substitute Sam.”

  She waved her hand, disgusted. “And is that true?”

  “No,” I said. “Of course not.”

  “So,” she continued, “did you tell him that?”

  “Yes!”

  Stella shook her head in disgust. “Then I completely fail to see the problem. Unless he is just a pig-headed man.”

  I sighed. “That’s the problem.”

  Wendy arrived and plates passed around. I gazed down. “That omelet looks just perfect. I mean, look at those edges? Not too brown…and that bacon could be on the cover of International Bacon Magazine.”

  Karen sighed. “Yes. It’s a beautiful plate, Jenna. Are you really going to let him leave without trying again?”

  I smacked the table with my fist. “Try again how? Tell me. What exactly do I say to a man who has been told that I love him, but he would rather not, thankyouverymuch?”

  She was silent. I glared around the table. No suggestions.

  “Okay then,” I said. “And there it is.”

  We ate in silence until Karen waved a fork. “I saw Olivia with Kenny Malcolm.”

  “Now, there’s a match made in heaven,” Terri said with a grin. “Is he even divorced yet?”

  “Did that ever stop her before?” Karen snorted.

  I stuffed more omelet into my mouth and munched on a piece of bacon. Well, there went Kenny. Damn.

  After breakfast I watched as my friends went their various ways. Karen asked if I would be going back to her yoga class, and I told her probably in the next few weeks. I sat in front of the pharmacy in the sun and watched traffic for a while, then walked down to the beach.

  The beach at Cape Edwards isn’t like the beach on Seaside, which was what we Eastern Shore people called the Atlantic coast of the peninsula. At low tide, you can walk
out for a hundred yards or so, past tidal pools, until you reach actual water. It was crowded, but I took off my shoes and walked out until I hit water, then further until the waves lapped at the bottoms of my shorts. Could I really live in Boston? I’d been to Cape Cod before, and the dunes were beautiful, but I didn’t know if I could survive without the sound of the waves and the smell of salt air right outside my bedroom window. But how could I live here now? I’d been young when Sam had broken my heart, and I healed. I’d been a silly girl, swept off my feet. There had been scars, for sure, but I knew that this time, the scars would stay raw and painful for much longer. I loved Craig Ferris in a way I never had Sam. Sam had been my first love.

  But Craig, I knew, would be my last love.

  Summer may have been winding down, but the weather hadn’t given an inch. In the week that followed, the humidity moved in. My clothes stuck to my body just walking from the car to the house. When I made the comment to Craig, he lifted one eyebrow.

  “You could always clear out a spot and park in the garage.”

  “Which means I might have to get rid of things, Craig. Have you even thought about that?”

  “I’ve mostly been thinking about why you have so much stuff. Seriously, this is a little beyond just collecting things.”

  I looked down at my feet. “Things don’t…leave.” I glanced up. “Every time I open this garage, I know that all this stuff, even if I don’t need it anymore, or want it anymore, will still be there. It’s…reassuring.”

  His eyes suddenly filled with something I didn’t recognize. Sadness and, what? Pity? I didn’t want pity from him.

  His mouth twitched. “My mistake. Forget I ever mentioned it.”

  He heard from Ellis. Robert’s new lawyer had talked him out of even trying to get custody. Papers had been filled out, motions had been filed, and then, quite suddenly, everything came to a halt. Robert had driven over from Virginia Beach, rented a boat from the marina and had spent the day with Craig and the girls out in the bay, fishing. Now, he was coming by to say goodbye. He pulled the long Caddy up in front of the house and got out slowly. Penny never left the car.

  Robert hugged the girls and shook Craig’s hand. “That condo we bought, it would be nice in the winter.”