Regretting Gabriel

by Brooks, Anna

  “What’s not to understand?”

  I hold my hand out, waving in his direction. “You’re you. And I’m me.” I shrug.

  “What does that mean?”

  “Gabriel, come on. I’m a librarian. You’re a rock star. And you’ve known me a week.”

  “What difference does that make?” The pulse in his neck throbs. “So because I’m a musician, I can’t find a woman I care about and want to get to know her better? Does it matter that I feel this for you so quickly? Isn’t it supposed to be like that? I don’t deserve to be happy?”

  God, if he only knew. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

  “Well, why don’t you explain it then because from where I’m standing, that’s what it feels like to me. And I’ve gotta tell you, babe, all this shit I’m feeling is new to me, so if you’re telling me I’m wrong and you don’t feel any of it back, then I’ll leave. But I’m warning you now, if I get in any deeper, I won’t be able to walk away.”

  “But you are leaving.”

  “Yeah. So?”

  I swallow and give myself a second to try to come up with a rebuttal. “What’s going to happen when you’re gone?”

  “I don’t know, but I know that I want to try to figure out what’s happening between us now more than I give a shit about that. I want to know that when I come back, you’ll be here waiting for me. And you’ve gotta know that you’re the only woman I’ve ever felt that way about.”

  “I don’t even know what we are, Gabriel. You act like we’re together but never actually told me, and again, how can we even be… together after not even a week? I don’t know if I even have the right to question things between us because I don’t know what’s even between us.”

  With a stiff nod, he answers me. “You have every right to question things. And we are together, Cady. If you need to hear me say it, I just did. While we figure this out, it’s just you. And there will be nobody else for you but me, understand?”

  Oh, darn. I’ll have to go find a stick so I can fight off the line of men waiting to be with me. “That won’t be a problem.”

  “Tell me you get it. That you understand whatever is between us is something I want to explore and am committed to trying. I need you to tell me that you believe in me enough to trust me to try.”

  I want to believe him so badly, but usually if something is too good to be true, that’s because it is. And he’s better than good; he’s the best. He’s given me no reason to think he’ll hurt me, so I have to give him a chance. My fifteen-year-old self is begging me to give him a chance. Even if he ends up tearing me apart and leaving me in shreds, it’ll be worth it to have this for even a day. I’ll never regret him. “Yes, Gabriel. I know that. And I’ve wanted the same thing from the moment I saw you, but I was afraid.”

  “Good. Glad that’s settled. I’m glad you feel it too because I’m done talkin’ about it… makin’ me sound like a female with feelings and shit.”

  “I don’t think you could ever be mistaken for a female.” I giggle.

  He raises a brow. “Since that’s done, we can move on. And part of that is, baby, you’ve gotta know I stopped at the library today, and me hearing you play has me intrigued.”

  I look away, but he brings my head back by gently grasping my chin with his thumb and forefinger. “You’re a goddamned natural, Cady. Where’d you learn to play?”

  “My father.”

  He nods. “Did he play?”

  It takes every ounce of strength I possess to keep a straight face. “A little.”

  “Well, you must have gotten it from him because you impressed me, and I’m being serious. It was enthralling to watch you today. Which reminds me, I met Rosie and Sebastian while I was there.”

  I slap my palm against my forehead. “You’re the strong, dashing young man.”

  “Yeah, she introduced herself by asking if I was single.”

  “She said you said you were until recently.”

  His face softens. “I was.”

  I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything.

  “Tell me about this thing you do with the kids.”

  “It’s just something I started when I took over. They like it. The music makes the stories more interesting, and thus helps them want to read more.”

  “It’s more than just something, sugar. You’re amazing.”

  Instead of disagreeing, I nod, hoping to end the conversation.

  “Will you play with me sometime?”

  I haven’t played an instrument with someone since my father passed. I don’t ever want to tarnish that memory with anyone else… except Gabriel. “Yeah.”

  “You got your guitar with you?”

  “I have my good one in my bedroom.”

  “Let’s go get it.” Without missing a beat, he leads me to my room.

  “I… I can’t play in front of you. Not like this, not yet.”

  He drops his forehead to mine, and I stop breathing. “I’m gonna play for you, Cady.”

  Oh my God. That’s huge for a musician.

  “Oh, my God.”

  “But first, I’m gonna kiss you.” And before I can decipher what’s happening, his mouth descends until he’s only a hair’s breadth away. His lips dance with mine, and I stiffen, totally afraid that I’m messing it up because I don’t know what I’m doing. God, I don’t want to mess this up. “Open for me, sugar. Let me taste you.” His whispered words make me whimper, and his lips brush against mine. “Been dying for it. Dreaming of it. Need it on my tongue. Open up, Cady.”

  I wish I was better at this, but I’m not. And because I don’t know what I’m doing, I listen to what he says. I part my lips, and it only takes but a millisecond before his tongue is tangled with mine.

  Oh wow. I like that.

  My body rises as I push up on my toes to get closer. I slide one hand between us and around his neck, the other I wrap around his waist and hold on tight. I never want to let go, I never want him to let me go.

  It could have been hours, maybe minutes—I’m not sure—but it’s long enough that I can feel his hard length against my belly. I like that, too, knowing I do that to him. He pulls his mouth away, and the pads of his fingertips flex against my skin.

  My entire body gets all light and tingly just touching him, but that… him kissing me like that? Tingles don’t begin to describe it. Achy, almost. Everywhere aches for him from the inside out, and I’m so scared—of him, of getting my heart broken, of him finding out the truth, of him leaving, and of never seeing him again. But mostly, I’m scared because I don’t want to mess this up.

  His hungry eyes burn with desire, and the air between us, only enough to slide a piece of paper between, becomes so hot that I can feel perspiration on the back of my neck. “Yeah,” he whispers, and I swallow.

  My eyes bore into his, and I become mesmerized as the gray swirls even though my world has suddenly burst into color.

  “You got a favorite song?” The wetness that burns behind my eyes is impossible to conceal, and he reaches up and winds his fingers around my neck, his thumb settling on the pulse above my collarbone. Yeah, I have a favorite song, and the last time I heard it was when I was holding my father’s lifeless body in my hands. He lowers his head until his forehead rests against mine. “Let me sing to you, Cady. You’re not ready to make love to me, so the next best thing I can do to show you how I feel is to sing for you.”

  How does he know? God, he’s perfect. And I’ve been an idiot for trying to pretend around him.

  But hearing him singing my favorite song isn’t an option because it’ll destroy me. “Surprise me,” I whisper, and he smiles.

  I sit on the bed and he gets my guitar from the stand in the corner, and then joins me. As soon as his fingers glide over his strings, I know what song he’s going to sing. And the words that are about to come out of his mouth hold more meaning than he knows. Him singing them to me means the world to me. It means so much that I can’t help the tears that fall out
of my eyes.

  He watches the wetness slide down my cheeks as he sings Saint Astonia’s “Waste My Time,” and as badly as I want to look away, I can’t force myself to. It’s more than the song, more than the way he’s looking at me like he loves me, it’s the intimacy of it.

  He doesn’t know that music is how I’ve always communicated. When you grow up in the industry, music becomes more than the lyrics and chords. It’s everything; it’s life. And he makes me want to live mine again.

  One song is literally all it takes.

  And I don’t know what snaps in me, but something does because I push up and crawl the short distance to him. I take my guitar out of his hands and set it down, but he’s still singing and it takes my breath away at the same time breathing life back into me.

  “Stop.” I can’t take it anymore. It’s too much; he’s too much. He’s everything. I sink my fingers into his hair and slant my mouth over his.

  He grabs my legs and swings them around his waist, his hand spanning my butt and massaging. I press against him instinctually, and he growls into my mouth. “Cady.”

  I don’t know if he’s asking or warning, so I just keep kissing him. I pepper kisses all over his face, his jaw, his throat. God. I could have had this for a week, but I wasted it being scared. I slide my tongue in his mouth and moan when he starts to move me up and down, my crotch rubbing against his. It’s so good. I’ve never had this, but there’s no way it could ever be like this with anyone else. “God.”

  “We’ve gotta stop.”

  “No. Please.” I whimper, desperate for this with him. Needy with desire to have this night before everything falls to shit, because it will. Everything in my life always does.

  He pushes up with his hips so forcefully that I have to clamp my thighs around him so I don’t fall. “Cady.”

  “Gabriel, please. Please.”

  “Fuck.” He stands, and I flex my fingers in his hair with the sudden jolt of movement. He hisses.

  “Sorry.”

  “You can’t hurt me, sugar. Pull as hard as you want. Bite me, dig your nails into me, do whatever the fuck you want, and I guarantee I’m gonna like it.”

  And then I’m flying through the air. He tosses me on my bed and reaches behind him to take off his shirt, and when his muscular, half-tattooed chest is exposed, a rush of warmth floods my panties. Even with how damn vulnerable he was when he played minutes ago, he manages to be cocky. I watch in rapt fascination as he reaches for his belt. The sound of it whipping through the loops makes me squirm. His fingers at his fly make me sigh.

  And when he pushes his pants down to expose his very large and very hard penis, my jaw falls. “Oh my God.”

  I start to sit up because I want a closer look, but he shakes his head as he crawls over me. “You touch it, and I’m gonna blow, sugar.”

  “Isn’t that the point?”

  He grabs my ankles and yanks me so I fall onto my back and then crawls over me. “Sassy.”

  I press up, needing to be closer to him, and say his name. Begging.

  The palms of his hands grip my head gently. “I’m gonna take care of you, Cady.”

  “Okay.”

  I try to pull him toward me, but he holds himself away. “Slow.”

  When I drop back down, he lowers his head and runs his nose along my jaw, stopping with his lips by my ear. “You ever need me to stop, no matter when, just tell me, and I’ll stop. Don’t ever hold inside what you’re feeling while we’re in bed together, thinking I’ll be disappointed or upset if you say no to something or tell me to stop while we’re in the middle of it. Okay?”

  I nod.

  “Okay.”

  He sits up and grabs the hem of my shirt, then pulls it off. I sit up so he can reach behind me; he flicks his fingers, and my bra is undone. “Perfect.” He glides his hands up my sides and stops with his thumbs just below my nipples. He moves them back and forth, slowly and methodically. I squirm beneath him, and he cups my breasts so fast it forces air out of my lungs. “Yeah. Perfect.”

  I push up onto my elbows so I can watch, and boy, am I glad I did because he feeds my breast into his mouth and sucks, and the sight of that is so erotic, I feel the wetness that’s gathered between my legs starting to slide down the inside of my thigh.

  He goes back and forth between the two, pinching my nipples, sucking, kneading. So much and so long that it’s almost too much. “Gabe.”

  He rests his head just below my collarbone, and I see his back arch when he takes a deep breath. Then he slides himself down my body, his tongue included. Once he reaches the waistband of my shorts, he wastes no time ripping them off.

  I don’t even have a second to process what he’s doing because in one movement, he pushes my thighs open and licks me. “Oh, God.” I fall back, and he growls, his mouth against my sensitive flesh sending the vibration shooting up my spine then spiraling back down.

  “Knew you’d be sweet.” He turns his head and uses his thumbs to spread me open and flicks my clit with the tip of his tongue.

  I arch my back at the foreign but amazing sensation, and he yanks me down the bed and then drops to his knees. He tosses my legs over his shoulders and grabs my butt, then latches onto my pussy with his mouth, and he makes me come in a matter of seconds.

  My fingers find his hair, and I grab on, pushing and pulling as my legs quiver, my back arches, and I cry out his name. He lifts his head and kisses the inside of my thigh. “Goddamn gorgeous.”

  He drops my legs and crawls up my body. I feel the tip of him where I’m still throbbing, and before he can go any further, I tell him to stop.

  Gabriel

  “Stop.”

  My dick twitches against her heat, and I grind my teeth together hard enough to crumble them to dust. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’ve never done this before,” she confesses her secret in a whisper.

  I raise my head and look into her heated, nervous eyes. Fuck, she’s beautiful when she comes. “I know, Cady.” Her eyes avert mine, but I bring her face forward again. “I haven’t even been inside you yet, and you’re already the best I’ve ever had.”

  Her teeth sink into her lip, and her eyes get wet. But through that, she manages to communicate without words that she wants this.

  “Are you on birth control, sugar?”

  She nods, and that’s all the confirmation I need. Even if she wasn’t and she got pregnant, I wouldn’t give a shit, and I know I’m clean. Precum leaks out of my cock, knowing I’m about to get all of her. I’ve never fucked without a condom, and I can’t imagine using one with her. “I want you… every inch mine with nothing between us.”

  “Okay.” I love that she trusts me; that she just knows I’m going to take care of her.

  “You ready?”

  “Yes.”

  I don’t delay, my heavy balls already tight from anticipation stirring things in me I never knew I could feel. Without giving her a warning or time to think about how much it’s going to hurt, I thrust once and break through the barrier of her virginity. She cries out, and I drop my head to her chest, trying to catch my breath as I hold still so she can get used to me. “Fuck, you’re so goddamned tight, Cady. You okay?” Goddamn, she’s like a fucking vise. “Breathe, baby.”

  When I lift my head, I find hers tilted up, chin in the air, jaw tight, eyes squeezed shut. “Yeah.”

  “I need you to look at me. I want your eyes on mine the whole time I’m inside you, okay?”

  Her chin drops back down, and I suck in a breath at the wetness brimming her eyes. “It hurts.”

  “Do you want to stop?” It’d kill me, but if that was what she needed, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

  “No.”

  “I can lay here like this all night, just connected to you, close as two people can be.” I grind my pelvis against hers, and she whimpers. Fuck. “I’ll do whatever you need, Cady. But you’ve gotta communicate with me. Especially now. Tell me what you’re feeling.”

  Tears
flow freely from her eyes, and I drop my forehead to hers. “I feel you, Gabriel.”

  “Yeah. I feel you too.” I test her pain when I circle my hips, rubbing my pelvis against her clit.

  Her breath hitches. “Oh.”

  “Like that?” I do it again, and she clutches the sheets.

  “Y-Yeah. Wow.”

  “Yeah.” My lips upturn against hers. “Wow.” I grind into her again, and she presses her chest into mine, hard nipples poking at my skin.

  “Please, Gabriel. Please.”

  Even without her begging and chanting my name, I’d want to give her this. I want to give her whatever she wants. Even if she deserves better than me, if I’m what she wants, then she can have me. And I’ll cherish every damn second with her because I know what’s in my arms right now.

  And the fact that she’s trusting me to be her first—no, her only—fills my chest with so much pride I could pound on it. Beat it and howl at the moon.

  She cries out, and I fall forward, bracing my forearms on either side of her head.

  Her fingers dig into my biceps, and I have to clench my jaw to hold off my goddamned orgasm already.

  “You’re so big.”

  “I am, but you’re also tiny.”

  She laughs and winces.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  I smooth her hair off her face and hold her head in my hand. Goddamn. This is all I’ve gotten from her, yet I know I’ll never be the same. “Ready for me to move?” Please say yes, please say yes. Good Christ, I’ve never felt anything better in my life. I need to fuck her.

  She nods. “Yeah.”

  I rest my forehead against hers and tilt down so I can see our connection, and when I slide out and see the tinge of pink staining my dick from me popping her cherry, I growl ferally at the erotic and possessive sight. “That’s mine now.” I cradle her in my arms, the back of her head resting on my forearms, and keep my lips to hers, and I push back in. I pull out and push in again, slowly. The most intense sensation I’ve ever felt sets my nerves on fire and spreads from my cock to my goddamned toes being inside her bare. “Fuckin’ hell, Cady.” I pull back out. “I wanna feel that again.” So I do it again. I glide in and out, just a little at a time, ecstasy making me manic with pleasure.