Falling for My Best Friend

by Victorine E. Lieske

  He clenched his jaw, and I worried for a second he would call me out on my lie, but he nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Well, get going. I don’t want you to get a bad grade.”

  I took a step back, afraid to get too close to him. I couldn’t trust myself any longer. I couldn’t trust him either. “Thanks,” I mumbled as I turned and sprinted away from him.

  I blinked back tears as I shoved my way into my physics class. This was all messed up. Parker wasn’t supposed to like me. Not that way. And I wasn’t supposed to have a physical reaction to him like that.

  Parker and I were best friends. That’s it. And that’s how it had to stay.

  Chapter Nine

  Travis pounded on my bedroom door. “Hannah! Let me in.”

  “I’m changing.” That was my go-to lie if I wanted to be alone. I crossed my legs and stretched back on my bed.

  His pounding stopped. “You’ve been changing for a long time,” he whined.

  I held in a snicker. He was only five, but he wasn’t stupid. Fine. I’d open the door. But I wanted a little more me time first. “I’ll be done in a minute.”

  “If you don’t open the door, I’ll tell Dad.”

  I made a face but slid off my bed and unlocked the doorknob. “It’s open.”

  He came bursting into my room. “Hannah. You’ll never guess what I got from Jimmy.”

  I looked at what he held in his hand. “A Pokémon card?”

  His face fell and his shoulders slumped, and I regretted not letting him tell me. I sat down on my bed. “Show me. I’m sure it’s really cool.”

  His smile returned and he held up the card and started telling me all about it. I had no interest whatsoever in Pokémon, but I nodded and pretended to care. He talked for so long about the card, I felt like a bobble-head doll, nodding and smiling at him.

  My phone chimed and I jumped up. “That’s really cool, Travis. Now I have to get my phone, okay?”

  He grinned at me. “Okay. See ya.” He tore out of my room, calling for our dad. I smiled. He was a nuisance sometimes, but I kind of liked the kid.

  I shut my door and plopped down on my bed, picking up my phone. A text from Parker showed on the screen.

  Are you upset with me?

  I chewed my bottom lip. I wasn’t upset with him. I was upset with myself for being all weird. I had blown the morning’s kiss all out of proportion. After thinking about it—constantly—I decided I had freaked out for no reason. Parker wasn’t into me. He’d told me himself he had a crush on a girl. I had simply gotten too far into my own head and had a major crazy moment. That was all.

  But, because I had gone a little berserk and acted like an insane person, I felt a bit weird around him. That was why I had rushed home after school without staying to study with him in the library, as was our usual after-school activity.

  I texted back. No.

  His answer came immediately. Can we talk?

  A rush of flutters rose in me. Dang. I thought I had talked myself out of that. I was not going to let that kiss affect me.

  Sure.

  I’m coming over.

  Okay. I’ll be out back.

  I jumped up, determined not to be all strange when Parker got to my house. I grabbed my pen and my notebook, the one with all of my Lucas-nabbing ideas written in it, and hugged it to my chest as I sprinted down the stairs. Parker would know where to find me.

  I walked out of the back door and down the grassy slope. It was a clear day, and the sun warmed my back. I sat down on the driftwood and opened the notebook to a clean page. Maybe if I wrote out my feelings, I could get myself straightened up. Parker’s question from the other night came to me, and I wrote down, “What do I like about Lucas?”

  I tapped my pen on the paper, mentally crossing off everything physical about him. It would be stupid to write down that he looked good in jeans, or that I loved the way his hair fell on his forehead. So shallow. I stared at the page, trying to think deeper. What was it about Lucas that I liked so much?

  I remembered the night Parker had asked me about it. And how our conversation had turned, how he told me why he was friends with me. His words had affected me. That meant a lot. I doodled on the top of the page, forgetting that I was supposed to be writing down why I liked Lucas as thoughts of Parker played on my mind.

  And then words started flowing from my pen. Not words about Lucas, but what was in my heart. Everything I was thinking about Parker. How I couldn’t stand to lose him. How being his friend meant so much to me. I wrote about his sense of humor, and the way he always knew what I needed.

  The words kept coming, and I filled the page. When I was done, I felt emotionally drained. I had tapped into my deepest feelings. I didn’t realize a person was behind me until I heard someone exhale. I jumped and then swiveled to see Parker practically leaning over my shoulder. I quickly turned the page so he couldn’t see what I had been writing. “Hey,” I said, my voice sounding odd to my own ears.

  Parker shoved his hands in his pockets and gave me a nod. “Hey.”

  “Come, sit down. I was just…” My words faltered. I couldn’t tell him I was writing about him. How awkward would that be? “Brainstorming about Lucas.” I held up my notebook, showing him all the hearts I’d drawn all over it.

  He gave me a smile, but I could tell his heart wasn’t in it. It had no feeling behind it. He joined me on the driftwood, his gaze looking out over the ocean.

  He didn’t speak, but the silence was tense instead of how it usually was between us. It made me nervous. “How was your test in chemistry?”

  “Fine.” He bounced his leg, still looking at the water.

  I waited for him to say more, but when he didn’t, I grew frustrated with him. He was the one who had texted me, asking if he could come over. I was perfectly fine staying away from him and pretending that things were normal. I dug my toes into the cool sand. “Well? What did you want to talk about?”

  He finally looked at me, a pained expression on his face. He opened his mouth, but then shut it again and ran a hand through his hair. He’d kept the style I had given him last Saturday night. I hadn’t noticed.

  Impatience tensed my muscles and I elbowed him. “Is it about that girl you like?” I was ready to talk about anything other than him and me.

  He nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Well, who is she?” As soon as the words were out, I had a crazy notion pop into my head. What if Parker said it was me? I shoved that thought away. Nope. I wasn’t going there again.

  “What did you come up with?”

  It took me a second to realize he hadn’t answered my question. “Excuse me?”

  He pointed to my notebook. “What did you write down? When you were brainstorming.”

  I clenched my notebook tighter and swallowed. “I don’t know. Stupid stuff.”

  “What kind of stupid stuff?” He looked at me, and I could tell he knew I was lying. I could see it in his eyes. Parker had a way of stripping away all of the walls I put up and seeing me for what I really was. And right now, I was a fraud.

  I decided deflection was better than continuing to lie. “What will you be wearing to the cupid’s dance?”

  “Are you asking me to the dance?” A hint of a smile played on his lips.

  “You’d better take me to the dance. You said you would. To make Lucas jealous, remember?”

  He blinked, then broke my gaze. “Yeah. I’ll take you.”

  “Are you going to wear a suit?”

  He squinted at me, wrinkling his nose. “Do I have to? I was hoping a nice shirt would be enough.”

  “It’s a formal dance. You have to wear a suit or a tux.”

  “Then suit it is, because you’re not getting me into a tux.” He picked up a shell and turned it around in his hand. “You’re not going to make me go dress shopping with you, are you?”

  I kicked the side of his leg. “You’re so mean. You know I need you to tell me if my butt looks too big.”

&nb
sp; “They have mirrors.”

  “You’re going with me. This Saturday.” Man, I sounded bossy. I hated that, so I looked at him and gave him a puppy dog smile. “Please?”

  He let out a snort and rolled his eyes. “You can do things by yourself, you know.”

  “I know. But it’s more fun with you.”

  He chuckled and shook his head. “You’re impossible.”

  “That’s why you like me.” I gave him a cheesy grin.

  He smiled back at me. “Yeah. Probably.”

  The tension from earlier eased a bit and I dropped my notebook on the sand by my feet. “Let’s go wading.” One of my favorite things in the world was walking along the beach with Parker, feeling the waves rush over my bare feet.

  Parker’s smile faded. “I’d better not.” He motioned toward the street. “I’ve got to get back home.”

  “Is it your mom? What does she need now?”

  He shook his head. “It’s not her.”

  “Then, what?”

  Parker examined the shell in his hand. “If you succeed in getting Lucas, you know we won’t be able to hang out much anymore.”

  His words alarmed me. “Why not?”

  “You’ll be with Lucas.”

  What was Parker saying? That a person couldn’t have a guy friend, and a boyfriend at the same time? “That’s silly. I could still hang out with you. We’re best friends. We won’t stop being best friends even if we each find a significant other.”

  “Right.” He turned toward me, his gaze penetrating. “But you’ll probably want to spend most of your free time with him.”

  My brain slowly processed what he was saying, and if I were being honest with myself, Parker was right. If I had Lucas as my boyfriend, I’d want to spend after school with him. And weekends. When would Parker and I hang out? The thought made my throat constrict.

  Parker tossed the seashell and my gaze followed it as it sailed in the air, then fell to the sand. “Just think about it,” he said as he stood. “I have to go.”

  It wasn’t until after Parker had left that I realized I had no idea what he had come over to talk to me about.

  Chapter Ten

  I tripped over a mound of clothes by my bed as I tried to get to my phone. Why hadn’t the laundry been done yet? I grabbed my cell. Parker’s face smiled at me, his cute dimple showing. I slid my finger across the screen to answer. “Hey.”

  “Can you give me a ride to school?”

  That was odd. Parker liked to drive to school. He never asked for a ride. I glanced at the clock. I had time. “Sure.”

  “Okay. I’ll be watching for you.”

  “I’ll leave in a minute.”

  “Thanks, Hannah.”

  I hung up, wondering what was up. His voice sounded weird. Tired. It wasn’t like him.

  Dad’s voice called from downstairs. “Hannah, can I talk to you?”

  Oh, no. He sounded mad. I rushed to grab my backpack. “Coming.”

  I sprinted down the stairs and into the kitchen. He was at the kitchen table with his laptop, his glasses on. He always did that when he was paying the bills. He glanced at me, his lips turned down into a frown. “What is this charge on my credit card? Three hundred dollars?”

  Crud. He didn’t look happy. “I bought something at the mall,” I hedged, not wanting to pull Parker into it.

  “For three hundred dollars? What in the world did you buy?”

  I twisted my fingers together. I didn’t want to lie to him. “A leather jacket.”

  He took off his glasses and exhaled, pinching his nose. “Hannah, you know I want the best things for you. But you couldn’t have picked a worse time to do this. I got demoted at work.”

  My heart rate picked up and my stomach dropped. “You what?”

  He looked at me, a sad expression on his face. “The company is suffering. It was either take a demotion or get laid off. I chose the demotion.”

  My vision swirled and I plopped down on a kitchen stool. “What does that mean?”

  “It means we’ll have to watch what we’re spending, for one thing. And I had to fire Flora. I’ll need you to help out more around the house.”

  My tongue felt like sandpaper in my mouth. “We’re not going to lose our house, are we?”

  Dad shook his head. “No, honey. We’ll be fine. We just need to budget more carefully, that’s all.” He pointed to the screen. “No more leather jackets.”

  I exhaled in relief. We weren’t going to have to move. I still hated that I had to do laundry now, and I couldn’t spend whatever I wanted, but the thought of keeping my home helped calm me down. “I swear. I won’t use the card again.”

  “Good. I knew you’d understand.”

  Except, I had to buy a formal dress for the dance next week. But now probably wasn’t the time to bring that up. I stood and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m glad you didn’t get laid off.”

  “Me too, honey.”

  I grabbed two yogurts from the fridge, a strawberry for me and a mixed berry for Parker. I tossed them in my bag with two plastic spoons, then headed toward the garage, my heart still thumping loudly from the news my father had given me. When I pulled in front of Parker’s house, he came out of the door and jaunted to my car.

  He got in the passenger side and motioned for me to go. As I passed by his grandma car, I sucked in a breath. His front fender was completely bashed in, the metal pressed against his tire. No wonder he couldn’t drive himself to school.

  “Did you get into an accident?”

  “My mom did.”

  “Is she okay?”

  He nodded. “She’s fine.”

  “What happened?”

  “Can we not talk about this?”

  His words hurt, but I didn’t want to admit that. I sped my car up. “Okay. Fine.”

  Parker leaned back on the headrest and closed his eyes until I came to a stop in the school parking lot. I looked at him—really looked at him—and suddenly felt guilty for being mad at him. Dark circles shadowed under his eyes, and his hair was disheveled. He looked terrible. “Are you okay?”

  He opened the car door, and I had to rush to keep up with him as he walked toward the school. “Parker.” I pulled on his shoulder. “Stop.”

  He turned around, his shoes crunching on the gravel of the parking lot. “I’m fine.”

  “No, you’re not. Something’s wrong. Tell me what’s going on.”

  “You wouldn’t understand.”

  For the second time that morning, his words wounded me. I glared at him. “What do you mean? Why won’t you tell me?”

  He looked like he wanted to say something but held back. He shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

  “Parker James Evans. You tell me this instant.” I realized my voice was rising when a few students turned to look at us. I spoke quieter. “We have been best friends since third grade. You think I won’t understand? Then try me.”

  He gripped his backpack strap, his knuckles white. “How could you understand? You live in a perfect world, in your house on the beach. Your daddy gives you whatever you want. Your biggest problem is not getting the school’s rich kid to notice you.”

  My throat closed as tears sprang to my eyes. “How dare you. My dad was almost laid off this week,” I choked out. “You think I don’t have problems? My dad got demoted and we had to let Flora go.”

  It sounded weak to my own ears, now that I said it out loud. Parker must have thought so too, because he tossed a look at me. “I’m sorry you now have to do your own laundry.” He rolled his eyes and turned, heading toward the school.

  Tears squeezed out of my eyes as I watched him walk away. “I haven’t seen my mother in four years,” I shouted at his back.

  He stopped and his head lowered. He ran a hand through his hair as he turned toward me. “Hannah.”

  I was too angry to care about the apology in his eyes. “You think you’re the only one with problems?” I said as I walked toward him. “My mother wou
ld rather pretend I don’t exist than spend any time with me. Do you think that feels good? That she’s one state away, playing mom to a new family? One that she cares more about?”

  He took a step toward me, but I backed away. I didn’t want him to touch me. I was too angry. “Hannah,” he said again, softly.

  “Shut up. You don’t owe me anything. You don’t have to tell me what’s going on with your life because I don’t care anymore.” I brushed past him, purposefully knocking into his arm as I stalked toward the school.

  He called after me, but I didn’t stop. I was crying in earnest now, and I had no desire to talk to Parker anymore. He’d cut me deeply, and I wanted to hurt him back.

  I rushed inside and found the nearest bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and sat on the stool, holding my sides as I cried. Parker thought my life was perfect? Ha. What a joke. How could he have said those things about me? He knew the pain I had over my mother leaving.

  I cried for another five minutes, until I decided I had spent all the tears my mother deserved. She didn’t care about me any longer. Why should I spend time crying over her, or for Parker, for that matter? He didn’t deserve my tears either.

  What was going on with Parker? He was never cruel. I had no idea why he had said those things. He was always considerate and kind. He loved to make me laugh. I never heard him speak a mean thing in his life. Why would he be saying such mean things now?

  Something must have happened, but I had no idea what. He was acting weird, and that’s all I knew. Well, if he wasn’t going to talk to me about it, I sure as heck wasn’t going to go begging him. He could just spend the weekend alone.

  I pulled out some toilet paper and blew my nose, then I flushed it down the toilet. I waited until no one else was in the bathroom before I walked out of my stall and washed my hands and face. After patting my skin dry with a paper towel, I looked halfway decent.

  I walked out of the bathroom only to run smack into Parker. His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me to his chest. “I’m sorry,” he said into my hair. “I’m so sorry.”