Begin Again: Allie and Kaden's Story

by Mona Kasten

  I didn’t want to turn my gaze from the scene, but my guide was already on his way down. I followed him along a narrow path, which led past moss-covered stones to the waterfall.

  Somehow we arrived at the shore of the lake. I had to hunch my shoulders and block the mist with my hand in order to see the waterfall from here.

  A movement to my right made me stop short.

  One second later I was staring at Kaden’s naked back.

  “W-w-what are you doing?” I stammered, as he flung off his boots and started fumbling at his belt. I couldn’t tear my eyes off the finely drawn feather on the left side of his waist.

  “What does it look like I’m doing, Bubbles?” he answered, his eyes fixed on the water. He turned around and winked at me before taking a running leap into the water.

  I held my breath until he resurfaced, shaking his wet hair from his forehead and letting out a whoop.

  “You’re crazy! Isn’t it freezing?” I called, using my hands as a megaphone.

  “Try for yourself,” he called back.

  I could barely understand him. The rushing waterfall was loud as thunder.

  You had to hand it to Kaden: He didn’t care what anyone thought about him. What society expected didn’t matter. If he wanted to jump half-naked into a lake on a fall day, then he did so without hesitation. In that sense I admired him. He emanated vitality and freedom. Kaden unchained himself from everything. He was true to himself. I wanted to be like that.

  So I threw caution to the wind, pulling his sweatshirt over my head and tugging off my pants.

  I glanced down at myself and was relieved to see that I’d worn presentable underwear. Matching, even. A bikini would have revealed just as much, I told myself.

  I dipped my toes in the water—and squeaked. It was damn cold.

  Of course Kaden had to turn around just at that moment. I stepped back a bit and hopped a few times in place, getting up the nerve.

  “Don’t be a wuss,” he called out, encouraging. I decided to rethink my admiration for him.

  I squeezed my eyes shut and jumped.

  With a loud whoop I plunged into the water. Cold enveloped me, and the rushing sound disappeared. I made a few powerful strokes under the water, and as I broke the surface I turned up near the place where the waterfall hit. Here the spray was thicker, and the tumbling water shimmered over me in rainbow colors.

  “Got you.”

  Out of nowhere Kaden popped up behind me and encircled my waist with his strong arms. I gasped for air as a shiver—this time not from the cold—spread throughout my body.

  Then Kaden lifted me up and tossed me a good three yards from him.

  I hit the surface and sank below for a second. All the air escaped my lungs, mostly from shock. Furious, I struggled to stay afloat.

  “You asshole!” I cried, panting.

  “What?” Kaden was treading water, acting as if nothing had happened.

  I pounced on him and pushed him under with both my arms. I could tell he hadn’t counted on that kind of counterattack. It was only after he was under water that he realized what had happened and shook me off. He grabbed me by the hips, lifted me up and threw me over his shoulder.

  “Let me go right now!” I shrieked and struggled like a madwoman.

  Kaden snorted. “Dream on.”

  I pounded my fists on his back but that didn’t bother him. Instead, he began to swim, his one arm wrapped around me. We reached the waterfall.

  It was only thanks to Kaden’s firm grip that I’d made it to the other side of the waterfall. He softened his hold on me, and as he let me slide over his shoulder and set me on my feet, I felt the entire length of his body against mine. I hardly noticed that my feet were on solid ground again. Despite the frigid air, I felt heat coursing through my veins.

  Kaden gazed down at me with his dark eyes, their caramel color looking more like a rich bronze. Drops of water clung to his lips, to his skin. I don’t know how, but my hands had made their way to his chest, just as his had found my hips.

  My nipples hardened, a tingling sensation spread from my stomach to between my legs.

  This tension between us. I couldn’t blame it just on the fact that we were nearly naked. It came from another place, somewhere much deeper inside. And that scared me.

  I couldn’t bear the closeness a second longer. I was afraid I would do something I’d regret.

  I swallowed hard, and let my hands drop. “Rule three,” I said hoarsely, and drew back.

  Kaden blinked several times before his eyes cleared again.

  Now I felt self-conscious standing there in my underwear. It was way too intimate. I submerged under the water, so that only my head bobbed above the surface.

  “It’s beautiful,” I said, trying to sound relaxed. I fished for a theme that would undo the tension between us. “Do you come here often?”

  We were floating in a small cove just behind the waterfall. The rushing sound was softer, and I could even hear the light echo of my own voice.

  “Yes, almost every day in the summer. I discovered the caves last year.”

  My breathing was still jagged. I had to calm down.

  “How did you find out about it in the first place?” I swam into the cove a bit. The more distance between Kaden and me, the better I felt. “I mean, how do you find caves behind waterfalls?” As usual, I was blabbing away.

  I was pretty sure I’d heard a resigned sigh coming from Kaden’s direction and expected him to ignore my questions. But he started to tell me how he and Spencer and Ethan had come here often together. At first they stuck to a route on the map tacked to the wooden hut, but then they met too many tourists on the trails. At some point they started to make their own paths.

  I didn’t look at him, but concentrated on his voice as I listened.

  And that’s how the next hours passed—I asked him about Woodshill and his family, and he answered. The longer we talked, the less tension in my body.

  I found out that Kaden’s mother lived in Portland, about an hour’s drive away. His parents were divorced, and he had an older brother who was more like their father, and with whom he didn’t get along.

  I was surprised how much he revealed. I hung on his every word, and didn’t even notice that my teeth were chattering.

  We decided to return to the shore.

  Kaden pulled off his boxer shorts without hesitation. Startled, I averted my eyes and dug around for my cell phone in the sweater pocket. My need for nudity had been met for today.

  Lost in thought, I unlocked my screen and stared.

  My mother’s name stared back at me.

  She’d tried to reach me twice. WTF?

  In a panic, I erased the message and shoved the phone back into the sweater pocket. I didn’t want to know why she was calling me. It had probably taken her the entire month since I’d left Lincoln to figure out that I wasn’t coming home.

  Kaden observed me without saying a word. Silently we made our way back.

  The whole time I furrowed my brow and stamped harder on the path than needed, pushing branches aside. Seeing my mother’s name had triggered an unspeakable rage. I wanted to rid myself of it at any price.

  “I never thought I’d hear myself say this,” Kaden said at some point when his Jeep was visible in the distance, “but I don’t like it when you’re so quiet. Somehow it’s not right. It’s like pizza without cheese. Or anchovies in your case.”

  My hands were shaking in the pockets of his sweater. One call from my mother, and I was that weak, defenseless, little girl again. Dammit. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”

  He stopped walking. “What’s wrong?”

  I kept on going. I just wanted to crawl into bed and distract myself with Jessica Jones or Daredevil. “Nothing.”

  “If you don’t tell me right no
w what’s up, Allison, then you can walk home.”

  I whirled around and gaped at him in disbelief.

  “Don’t look at me like that. I will leave your ass right here, and then you can figure out how to get back.” His eyes flashed. “It’s because we went skinny dipping, right? Come on, you know I wouldn’t have started anything, even if—”

  “Get off it!” I yelled, and my cheeks grow hot. “My God, you’re so full of yourself, it makes me sick! First of all we weren’t skinny dipping; in case you didn’t notice, I was wearing underwear.”

  “Oh, I noticed. Believe me.” The corner of Kaden’s mouth twitched.

  I rolled my eyes and turned away from him.

  “What about the ‘second of all’?” he egged me on, and caught up with me in two strides.

  “There is no ‘second of all.’” Who would’ve thought that this beautiful day would end on such a downer.

  “Good.” Kaden stomped past me and charged over to his car. He got in and started the motor.

  Was this some kind of joke? He wouldn’t just leave me behind! I was cold and wet. What if there were wild animals here, looking for prey? I didn’t want it all to end with me as a decaying corpse in the wilderness.

  Kaden swerved over and stopped next to me. The window rolled down part way. “Either you tell me why you look like you just found out your favorite band broke up, or I’m going. Your decision.”

  I felt like kicking his damned car. “What does it matter to you?” I hissed. “Wasn’t it you who said I should keep my female troubles to myself? I’m just sticking to your stupid rules!”

  “Whatever,” Kaden said, as he stepped on the gas pedal, revving the motor.

  He was really driving off without me.

  I clenched my hands so tightly that some of my knuckles cracked. “My mom called!” I cried.

  The Jeep came to a grinding halt, kicking up a cloud of dust. He reversed and drove back.

  “See? That wasn’t so hard to do.” I had expected Kaden to dig and demand an explanation. But he didn’t. Instead, he just gave me a wink and bent toward the passenger door, opening it. “Get in.”

  It took me a moment to calm down. The rest of the ride, I stared out the window and let him pick the music. He played something I didn’t know yet, but it fit my mood.

  The music took hold of my anger, and the loud drumming drove the rage right out of my body. At some point I finally relaxed and let my shoulders drop.

  I would not let that woman rob me of my freedom.

  In my mind’s eye, I replayed our trip. The whole day had been so beautiful, and Kaden was to thank for that. I turned to look at him. And without thinking, I had to smile.

  Chapter 9

  Over the days that followed, I tried to suppress the knowledge that my mom had called. I dove into my essays and studies. Especially since next week we’d have our first exams in literature.

  Smoke was practically coming out of my ears. And given the countless books and notes strewn on the coffee table and floor, it was no wonder my inner alarm was going off.

  Dawn heaved a deep sigh. She stretched out her legs under the table and leaned back on her arms. “I don’t think I can cram anything more into this head of mine. It’s full. No room on the hard drive,” she said and closed her eyes for a moment.

  “Me, too.” I raised my knees, leaned my head against the seat of the couch and stared at up the living room ceiling.

  “Maybe we should call it a day?”

  As if to back me up, the apartment doorbell rang. I struggled to my feet, walked to the hallway and looked through the peephole. I startled: Monica and Ethan were cramming their grinning faces in front of the tiny window.

  “Hey, you two,” I said, opening the door.

  “Allie!” Monica threw her arms around me. Before letting go, she took a deep whiff of my hair. “I’m telling you, Kaden is exaggerating! She doesn’t smell bad at all.”

  I drew back with a gasp. “He says I stink?”

  Ethan nodded with mock seriousness. Then he bent over me and took his own deep breath. “But it’s not true, in case that’s comforting.”

  Resigned, I shook my head.

  “Spencer and Kaden will be here shortly. We wanted to spend a nice evening as couch potatoes.” Monica stood on tiptoes and looked past my shoulder to Dawn, who waved from the floor in front of the sofa. “You are both cordially invited.”

  “Oh,” I hesitated. I was pretty sure that Kaden would have withdrawn this invitation on the spot if he had been in the apartment.

  “Hey, I see my hiking boots!” She pointed to the shoes, planted alongside Kaden’s in front of the wardrobe. “Are they doing the trick?”

  “Yes, thanks again,” I said with a smile.

  Monica squeezed my arm and walked into the living room to introduce herself to Dawn.

  I began collecting my stuff.

  Since our hike Kaden and I had kept out of each other’s way, and I preferred to retreat before he got back. But just as Dawn was bringing the last loose-leaf binder into my room, Spencer and Kaden arrived in the hall, carrying large, flat boxes.

  “Hey, Allie,” Spencer said, when he spied me in the living room.

  “Hey, Spencer. How’s it going?”

  “Can’t complain. I’ve passed all my exams so far, and there are two left to go. Keep your fingers crossed!” He and Kaden greeted Monica and Ethan, then dropped off the boxes on the kitchen counter.

  “Good luck!” I said and hustled off to my room.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” Kaden called after me.

  I stopped and looked back over my shoulder at him. He was just about to grab plates and napkins from the closet.

  “Dawn is here to study with me,” I explained. “We didn’t want to disturb you.”

  He frowned and opened the first box. “That’s too bad. We bought pizza for you.”

  I opened my mouth and closed it again. Was this a peace offering from him? My mouth started to water, as the scent of pizza began to fill the apartment. “Really?”

  Kaden shoved the first pizza on a plate and handed it over the counter to Spencer, who set it down on the table in front of Monica and Ethan.

  More relaxed, I went into the kitchen just as Kaden opened the next box. “Ah, here we go. Pepperoni and anchovies. By far the most disgusting pizza they had on the menu. I thought it was just the right thing for you and your warped sense of taste.”

  I couldn’t believe my eyes. Suddenly I felt a strange emptiness in my belly. Kaden scooped out a piece of the pizza and slid it onto a plate, which he held out to me expectantly.

  And then the most embarrassing thing happened.

  I started to sob.

  “Not again,” groaned Kaden setting down the plate with a clang on the countertop. “I was joking about the anchovies. Rule one, dammit!”

  For a moment I stared at him, frozen. Then I turned on my heel and fled to my room, shutting the door so I could let the tears flow.

  “Allie,” Dawn called out and leapt off the bed. “What happened?”

  I remained standing with my head against the door, trying to catch my breath.

  “Kaden brought pizza,” I said in a trembling voice.

  Dawn blinked at me, perplexed. “That asshole. What was he thinking?”

  I laughed and wiped the corners of my eyes. Then I sank into my sofa bed with a sigh. “That’s not what I mean.”

  “So what is it? I want to hate him but at the moment it’s not easy,” Dawn said, leaning against the wall. “‘Cause I can smell the pizza, and it’s making me hungry.”

  I looked up, as the burning in my eyes began to fade. “We never ordered pizza at home.”

  Dawn’s eyes grew round. “What?”

  “We never ate fast food. My mother was so obsessed with deto
x and dieting, that she counted calories constantly. She didn’t want me to gain weight and made up a nutrition plan for me every week, including a strict exercise program.” I shrugged. “The only pizza I ever ate was in Rome during a family vacation.”

  Actually, that was only part of why I was upset. I was still unsettled over my mother’s attempt to phone me. When Kaden had held out the pizza to me just now, I heard her voice in my ear again, warning me about calories and accusing me of letting myself go. I hated that she was still so present in my life.

  Dawn’s eyes told me she was trying to grasp this.

  “Allie, you can’t be serious!” she erupted in anger.

  I took a deep breath. “You don’t know Sharon Harper, Dawn. She is a dictator. Even now she’d like to be controlling my entire life. My college courses, my friends, my eating habits.”

  Dawn shook her head in disbelief and walked over to me. “Allie Harper,” she began, dead serious. “We’re going out there right now and you’re going to scarf down this pizza. If you have to moan before you enjoy, that’s fine. If you have to cry, super!” She bent down toward me and looked me in the eyes. “You are free, Allie. You’re in charge. Got it?”

  Tears rose in my eyes again. I blinked them away and swallowed down the lump in my throat. “Okay.”

  “Great! Now let’s go,” Dawn said, opening the door and leaving the room without checking to see if I followed.

  “This is Allie’s first take-out pizza!” announced Dawn.

  I rolled my eyes. Good, now everyone knew.

  I ventured into the living room, and was relieved to find that the others didn’t seem to notice me. Either they didn’t know I’d fled the room, or they were tactful enough not to speak.

  “Go for it, people,” Spencer said, his mouth already full.

  I sat next to Dawn on the floor and took the napkin that she held out. Grateful, I smiled up at her. Music was playing in the background. I took the slice of pizza that Kaden had selected for me and fought for a moment with the dangling threads of cheese. I felt Dawn’s eyes on me as I took the first bite.

  I chewed carefully. It was delicious. The combination of sauce, cheese, pepperoni, and anchovies. Yes, anchovies. I took another bite and moaned with pleasure.