Sweet Dandelion

by Micalea Smeltzer

  Lachlan: I hope wherever you are in the world you’re happy.

  On April first, I knock on my brother’s door.

  I have a key, but this isn’t my home anymore.

  Chapter Eighty

  Knocking on Sage’s door, I step back to wait for him to answer, holding the carrier from Watchtower with our coffees.

  But when the door swings open it’s not Sage standing there.

  “Sasha!” I blurt, taken by surprise.

  Even more surprise when I find that she’s only wearing a pair of boy shorts, her bra, and an open button-down shirt that I know belongs to my brother.

  “Holy shit!” She slams the door in my face.

  I stand there blinking. “What the fuck?” I mutter to myself.

  The door opens again slowly and she looks like she hopes I’m some sort of mirage. “I thought you were the delivery person.”

  “And you came to the door like that?” I try not to laugh, but honestly, Sasha totally would open the door dressed in next to nothing and not care at all.

  “Babe, who’s at the door?” Comes from somewhere inside the apartment and I cannot stop my smile.

  “You and my brother?” Sasha gives me a sheepish look. “I’m not mad.”

  Amused, but not mad.

  Sage rounds the corner, paling when he sees me. “Dani! You’re home!”

  He looks pleased, but then he realizes Sasha is standing there, and what I’ve easily deduced.

  “’Bout time you got laid, big bro.” I saunter past my friend into the condo, setting the carrier down. “Sasha if I’d known you were here I would’ve brought you something.”

  “I … um … I’m going to change.”

  She runs down the hall to my brother’s room.

  Sage leans against the counter, looking a bit ill.

  “You’re pale. Drink some coffee.” I grab his from the carrier and extend it to him.

  Sasha returns dressed in tight fitting ripped jeans and a turtleneck sweater.

  “I’ll go.” She goes to grab her bag.

  I shake my head. “Stay, I don’t care. Seriously.”

  Maybe a couple of months ago I would’ve been livid to walk into something like this, especially with the irony considering how Sage felt about Lachlan and me. But I also understand my situation with Lachlan was way more complicated than just our ages. My therapist is helping me see that.

  Sasha looks very uncomfortable, but when she exchanges a look with my brother she puts her bag back down and pulls out one of the stools.

  “When did you get home?” Sage asks, running his fingers through his already mussed hair—it’s not hard to guess from what.

  “Oh, a couple of months ago.”

  Sage chokes on the coffee he was about to swallow. “Did you say months?”

  “I had things I needed to do.”

  “Like what? Where have you been staying? Not with that fuck face teacher dude, right?”

  I glower. “You’re one to talk.” I shoot my gaze to Sasha, a tad sorry to drag her into this. “But no, I got my own place.”

  “Where?”

  “Near the university.”

  He scrubs a hand over his jaw. “This is insane.”

  “I got a car too,” I continue, my amusement growing when his eyes threaten to bug out. “It’s a cute little Subaru Crosstrek. It’s a hybrid and everything.” I try to suppress my smile as my brother flounders for a response. “By the way,” I trace my finger along the countertop, “if I do speak to Lachlan, it’s not your right to judge. I’m not downplaying that things shouldn’t have happened the way they did, but I can’t change it.”

  He sighs. “You’re going to be the end of me. You’ve been back all this time?”

  “Since January,” I interject. “I’ve been seeing a therapist. It’s been good for me. I’m committed this time, to getting better, and she’s been a great help.”

  Sage stares at me like he doesn’t know me. I guess he doesn’t, even though it’s only been three months since I came back I know I’ve made great strides.

  “Are you going to talk to him?” Sage asks.

  “Maybe, I’m not really sure what I want. I still love him,” I admit, and I realize it’s the first time I’ve said it aloud in a long time, “but … I guess I’m scared to see him after all this time.”

  Sasha reaches across the counter, squeezing my hand. “Don’t deny yourself something because of fear or whatever else might hold you back.”

  “So,” I change the subject, “how long have you two been together? Are you dating or is this just sex? How did this even happen?”

  Both of them turn bright red. I’d be lying if I didn’t say it fills me with some joy to watch them squirm.

  Sasha speaks up first. “I came to drop something of yours off a few days after you left, I honestly don’t even remember what, and things kind of went from there. I’m sorry we didn’t tell you.” She bites her lip, her eyes sad.

  “I don’t blame you for not telling me. It’s not like I was honest with anyone about Lachlan.” I flick a piece of hair out of my eyes. “You guys are serious then? A real couple?”

  Sage nods, smiling at my friend. “It doesn’t make sense…”

  “But it does,” she finishes for him.

  “I’m not sure I can handle all this lovey-dovey-ness,” I joke, finishing my coffee. “But I’m happy for you guys. Truly.”

  That doesn’t mean it’s not weird that my brother is dating my eighteen-year-old friend when he’s twenty-seven, but if anyone knows that age doesn’t matter it’s me. In fact, it’s good to see Sage happy. His posture isn’t nearly as stiff, he’s smiling non-stop, and he can’t take his eyes off her.

  My chest aches a bit, thinking of Lachlan. I miss him, and his texts don’t help. I texted him for months as almost a journal of sorts, now it’s his turn to do the same. I know in my heart he’s it for me, but I’m scared to see him again. I’ve changed since I last saw him so it’s likely he has too. What if the feelings aren’t the same? I don’t even know where he is, if he’s still in Utah or not. He might not even want to see me, despite his texts, after all, I insinuated I was moving on with Ansel. I’ve never bothered to correct him on it either. When his texts started rolling in it felt like it was my time to stay quiet and let him speak.

  “You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” Sasha rests her elbow on the counter, head in her hand as she watches me.

  “Yeah.”

  Sage grinds his jaw but says nothing.

  “You shouldn’t feel guilty for what you feel for him.”

  “What are you? A mind reader now?” I joke.

  “No, but I’ve been in your situation.” She glances at Sage. “My parents weren’t the most approving of us,” she adds softly. “I get it. And if your brother gets his head out of his ass, he does too.”

  He exhales a heavy breath. “I want you to be happy, D. If he does that for you at the end of the day that’s all that matters.”

  “We’ll see what happens,” I whisper softly.

  But deep inside me I feel that familiar tug, the one pulling me toward Lachlan and reminding me that no matter what I do or say, he’s forever a part of me.

  Chapter Eighty-One

  I drop my keys on the side table, shrugging out of my jacket.

  “Hey, Tally,” I greet the Maine Coon kitten who pokes her head out from under the couch when she hears me. I set down the bag of things I took from my room at Sage’s. I have a few more things to pick up, but I got the necessities. Like the wind chime that clangs when the bag touches the floor.

  Tally startles and dives back under the couch.

  Getting a pet was part of my therapy. To have to take care of something. I wanted to get a dog, that’d been my intention anyway, but when I went to the shelter Tally had just been brought in, abandoned on the side of the road by a supposed breeder because she was missing half her tail. I knew she was mine right away. Broken things tend to cling to broken
things.

  “Come on, Tally.” I lay on the floor, peering under the couch to try and spot her gray colored fur. Big eyes blink owlishly back at me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, baby girl.”

  She sniffs my fingers, lets out a meow, and slowly crawls toward me until I can scoop her up.

  I stand up with her cradled in my arms as I pad across to the small kitchen to grab a grape Fanta—damn you Ansel.

  The studio apartment I’m renting is as tiny as they come, but it’s clean, in a good area, and cheap enough that I can use what I earn to pay for it and not dig any more into my inheritance. I’m saving what’s left for school loans and to buy that house on a farm some day. I know it’s a big dream, but I’m going to make it happen.

  Tally meows when I pop the tab on the can, glaring at me for the loud noise. “Sorry, girly.” I let her onto the floor and she scampers over to the couch, waiting for me to lift her up. For some reason, maybe due to something that might’ve been done to her, she refuses to jump on anything like a normal cat.

  I plunk her onto the couch and she darts over to her favorite blanket where she likes to hide the tiny blue mouse toy I got her.

  Picking up the remote, I turn the TV on, flipping through the channels until I settle on a home improvement one.

  I’ve been trying to learn some things so I’m better able to answer questions at the hardware store. I know the older man who owns it, Freddie, appreciates it. He didn’t have an employee before me, he’s been manning the store on his own all these years, but the day he decided to finally look for help was the day I walked in asking for a job. He must’ve saw something in me, because despite my lack of any kind of hardware knowledge, he took a chance.

  Tally finds her mouse and brings it over to me, expecting praise for her ‘kill’.

  “You’re such a good girl.” I scratch behind her ear and she starts to purr. I love the way the fur around her ears sticks up in every direction. It makes her look crazed, like you never quite know what to expect from her.

  My phone buzzes from one of the bags and I get up retrieving it.

  Lachlan: I know you’re it for me, but I understand if I’m not the one for you. You deserve to move on. I want you to be happy. That’s all that matters. But I’ll still be there. 4.22.21 47.6205 122.3493

  I’ve puzzled out the first part, our birthday. I’ll be twenty. Lachlan will be thirty-one. But the rest hasn’t made sense to me. Until now.

  “Oh my God,” I mutter, copy and pasting the set of numbers into my phone. “Coordinates. Of course.”

  I’m an idiot.

  When the browser shows me where the coordinates lead, my jaw drops.

  He knew.

  I book a plane ticket.

  Chapter Eighty-Two

  I get off the plane with only a backpack strapped to my back, filled with enough things for an overnight stay.

  Lachlan didn’t mention in his letter or his text what time he’d be there, but I think if our paths are meant to cross again the matter of time is irrelevant.

  Exiting the airport, I find the Uber I booked waiting for me. Slipping in the car, I give him the address of where I want to go and then he cranks up the music, thankfully eliminating any need for conversation with him.

  I watch out the window, at the city passing by. It’s an oddly sunny day, with the barest hint of golden rays peeking out from between the gray clouds.

  My heart is buzzing inside my chest with barely contained excitement and fear. I might be seeing Lachlan. I don’t know what I’m going to do or say. I didn’t want to rehearse anything ahead of time. That’s inauthentic. Instead, I’m going to let the moment play out.

  If you even see him, my mind reminds me.

  I don’t know why Lachlan didn’t give a time, maybe he didn’t think, or maybe he’s leaving it up to fate, I don’t know. I didn’t want to ask. Something made me refrain from texting him.

  The Uber driver lets me out, muttering about hoping I enjoy the city, but his tone is far from sincere.

  Hopping out, I hold onto my backpack straps. I feel like I might throw up, but I know that’s only the nerves and not any actual sickness. Wiping my damp palms on the front of my ripped jeans, I walk across the street to a café. My stomach is grumbling, and even though food is the last thing on my brain I figure I should grab a muffin and coffee.

  My shoes splash in a puddle, some of the water sprinkling onto my jeans, as I cross the street.

  Opening the door into the café a bell chimes, signaling my arrival.

  “Good morning!” A cheery woman behind the counter calls out despite the long line.

  I shoot her a smile and get in line behind a tall man in a business suit, cell phone pressed to his ear as he rattles off about some board meeting.

  Me: I landed.

  Sage: You sure about this?

  I bite my lip, hesitating before I text back.

  Me: Yeah, I am.

  Even if I don’t see Lachlan, I have to try. If I didn’t get on the plane today I know I would’ve regretted it.

  Putting my phone in my pocket, I dig my wallet out from my backpack, grabbing a twenty. It’s finally my turn and I order a cinnamon coffee and chocolate chip muffin. Chocolate makes everything better.

  When my order is called out, I grab the coffee and paper bag. There are no empty tables in the café, so I head back across the street and manage to find a bench. Pulling the muffin out of the bag, I break a piece off and stick it in my mouth. It’s still warm, the chocolate melting on my tongue.

  Somehow, I manage to eat the entire thing—the power of chocolate—then I get up with my coffee clasped in my hand, walking around.

  Seattle is beautiful. This is the first time I’ve been since I was seven, so I don’t really remember it. The wind coming off the water whips my hair around my shoulders and I inhale the salty air.

  Walking beneath the Space Needle, it looms above me like a behemoth.

  Taking a sip of my coffee, I smile, thinking of all the places I’ve been in the last year.

  It’s ironic that I end up here, where technically it all began for Lachlan and me. We didn’t know it at the time, but our paths crossed long before I stepped into his office. I was a seven-year-old little girl, tagging along with my mom and brother on his school’s travel field trip, and there was Lachlan visiting at the same time with his family.

  Suddenly, my heart rate doubles in speed and my steps halt. My grip loosens around the coffee cup and I nearly drop it, but thankfully manage to keep a hold on it before hot coffee gets all over my shoes.

  It’s like every cell in my body is waking up and they’re all screaming, he’s here.

  I look around wildly, spinning in a circle.

  Then, I see him.

  My stomach flips. My breath falters. My heart … I think it stops completely.

  He stands a distance away, beneath the shadow of the Space Needle. A red baseball cap sits on his head, shielding his eyes, and his hands are tucked into his jeans, pulling his long-sleeve Henley tighter across his broad chest. Even though I can’t see his eyes, and only half his face, I know it’s him.

  Lachlan.

  Lachlan.

  LACHLAN.

  This time the coffee cup does fall from my hands, landing on the ground with my faded lipstick stain on the rim. I thought I’d be more dignified when I saw him. Walk up and have a conversation. It’s been nearly a year since we’ve seen each other and I wanted to show him how much I’ve grown. I’m twenty today, I’m an adult, a woman. One who’s traveled the world, who has her own place, a cat, and finally decided to get the help she really needed.

  But I can’t keep my wits about me. Not when the man I know I still love whole-heartedly, is finally in my line of sight.

  He’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

  All I’ll ever need.

  My feet carry me across the space separating us. I run hard and fast, butterflies taking off in my stomach when I see the huge smile overcome
his face.

  His arms open and I barrel into him. I accidentally knock his hat off and it falls to the ground somewhere behind him. Tears dampen my cheeks and I bury my face into his neck, inhaling his heavenly scent that’s uniquely him.

  In that moment all my fears disappear about where we stand.

  This is too perfect, too right, to ever be questioned.

  We might have had to go our separate ways, but we are inevitable.

  “Dani,” he murmurs, his hands rubbing my back. “You’re here.”

  “Don’t ever let me go.” I grip the back of his shirt tightly in my fist, scared if I release him this will all end up being a dream.

  “Never again.”

  We cling to each other like our lives depend on it. I didn’t realize it, but every day since I got on that plane and left the States has been leading to this. Every city, every adventure, every step forward, was to bring me back to him.

  “I love you.” I kiss his neck. “I love you.” I kiss his cheek. “I love you.”

  “I need to see you. Please, let me look at you.”

  I let him set me on my feet. I hadn’t even realized I wrapped my legs around his waist. Somehow he managed to keep us from toppling over when I mauled him.

  Looking him over I realize that in the last year he’s gotten even more muscular. His shoulders are bigger, his arms more muscular. His waist is tapered and from what I felt when he held me his abs are even more defined. His hair has grown a tad longer, more unkempt, but his scruff is the same, darkening his cheeks. The blue of his eyes is more vivid than I remember and it breaks my heart that my memories didn’t do them justice. It killed me when I realized we had no pictures together, but when your relationship is a secret there can’t be proof of your lies.

  Even with the subtle changes he’s still my Lachlan.

  “You’re so beautiful, Dani.”

  His hands settle on the small of my waist and I rest my hands on his chest, staring up at him.

  “Are you really here?”