Her First, His Last

by J. M. Worthington

  "I'm not going anywhere, but I can't just forget."

  "I wouldn't ask you to. I need you to remember. Hold me accountable. To force me to be a better version of myself."

  "Why didn't you come for me? You never thought I might want to see you?"

  "Because I thought you would shoot me yourself if I showed up. I couldn't even drive to the old neighborhood because I felt like my home was there, and I could never go home."

  "You are such a songwriter; even your sucking up sounds like lyrics to a song."

  "I wasn't sucking up, just telling the truth. I got everything I prayed for as a little boy, the band hitting platinum, the world tours, the press, the fans. It was everything I thought I wanted, but it was a slow hell because you weren't there. I seriously thought I had gone mental. Since the day we met, you have helped me escape. I missed having you love me."

  That revelation rushed over me like a tidal wave.

  "I've never stopped loving you, and believe me, I tried," I informed him.

  His fancy cellphone started ringing, and as he went to answer it, I slipped out of bed to prove I would try trusting him.

  ***

  "You sure, you don't mind coming to eat at mom's for breakfast?" Myles asked and shoved open the backdoor leading from Coraline's back deck.

  "We have to forgive them. It hurts that they tried keeping us apart, but what choice do we have. Plus, except for last night, I haven't seen your mom since she delivered my graduation gift to me."

  "I've wondered too, why you didn't attend graduation?"

  "How do you know I didn't attend it?"

  "I was there. I knew you only had Granny Abbie, so Sawyer and I...even if you didn't care, we wanted you to know, you have more people who love you than just Granny Abbie."

  He did care. I wasn’t alone.

  We still had so much we had to work through, and the thought that love wasn't enough echoed repeatedly deep within the farthest corners in my mind.

  "Mom, we're here," Myles screamed down the back hallway.

  "I'm in the kitchen."

  Sawyer walked in the room, carrying a small version of himself. Her hair was a tad lighter than his, but her blue eyes held the same sparkle. She looked over and smiled at Myles. "Mylie," she squealed. Myles took her from Sawyer and boosted her upon his hip. She draped her right arm around his shoulder and grabbed his ponytail, then absentmindedly ran it through her hand, scalp to the end repeatedly.

  "Sadie, this is Uncle Myles’s." He paused and looked over to me, unsure of what to call me. We were more than friends, but we just started talking after five years, so could I even dream he would consider me his girlfriend. "This is Uncle Myles’s favorite person besides you," he said, then winked.

  My belly leaped into my chest when I heard Myles call me his favorite person. It wasn't girlfriend but maybe better. Or was it? I still couldn't understand the feelings pumping through me.

  "Unicorn," Sawyer finally said and held out his arms for me and pulled me against him. I lunged into his embrace and felt the warmth from his muscular bear hug. Then they burst out of me. Five years of tears broke through the carefully placed dam I had constructed around them. I buried my face in Sawyer's chest. "Babe, we both missed you, too."

  "Dada,” came from the sweetest voice, then it made the fakest cry.

  I raised my head and looked over at Sawyer’s photocopy image in Myles’s arms. Without a word spoken, Myles understood I needed a moment to compose myself and try to make heads or tails of my life.

  "How about we go make some pancakes?" Myles said and tickled Sadie’s tummy. Her infectious laugh filled the room. It was easy to see; she had both Sawyer and Myles wrapped around her dimpled little finger.

  Sadie started humming as Myles toted her down a small hallway.

  "She's adorable," I said as I slid down the wall until my butt hit the floor.

  Sawyer dropped down beside me and leaned into me, head to head. "She is pretty great." He reached over and touched my face, caressing the tears rolling down my cheeks.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you not let me know what he was doing? It made me hate you for a little while.”

  “I know, baby. I couldn’t hurt you. I guess I hurt you more by not telling you.”

  "Will you tell me now? Will you not let me make the biggest mistake of my life?" I was both happier than I had been in years and terrified of the future too. It was the most confusing feeling I'd ever felt in my life.

  "He's been a tormented mess. I wish I could tell you he hasn't majorly screwed up the last five years because I would be lying. He has been trying to hide from the pain of losing you. There is a major piece of him missing when he isn't with you. We all love and miss you, good looking."

  My pulse went haywire. "Can I trust him?"

  "I'm the wrong guy to discuss trust with. I have screwed up every relationship I have ever had except with that sweet little lady in the kitchen. I honestly believe that the thought of losing you again will be the incentive Myles needs to stay clean and honest."

  Something knotted and pulled inside me. "I hope you are right, but I could never compete with drugs."

  "There isn't a substance Myles hasn't abused." Sawyer hooked his arm around my neck. "But you are the most powerful addiction he has. He won't risk losing you again."

  "Is that enough?"

  "An addict is always an addict. Some are just clean, but that desire is always there, nudging him to use just one more time."

  "Grammie, eat," Sadie screamed as she came running down the hall in a pair of footie pajamas, motioning for us to follow her.

  "Grammie?" I asked.

  "Coraline wouldn't let us call her Granny or Memaw because she said she is too young looking for those names." Sawyer lifted his right shoulder. "I told her to keep fooling herself."

  “Still a jackass, I see,” I said, then hit my knee against his.

  "Most females tell me I have a cute ass." As always, Sawyer had me laughing.

  "There you are," Myles said, running after Sadie. When he looked up, his eyes caught mine. His nostrils flared, but I failed to read any expression as he intently watched me. "Mom made breakfast."

  Myles looked hard in our direction, unsmiling as his stare held mine in a grip so intense, my mind ignited into a whirlwind of doubt. "Glad to see one of us can still make you laugh."

  I couldn't reply through the lump of emotions in my throat.

  Sawyer hopped up and swooped Sadie up in his arms. "Well, only one of us is even funny."

  I was crazy about Myles. I always had been. Not even time would change that. But sometimes, two people could love each other to a depth that even confound human nature and still not be right for one another. Myles turned to substances when life got too hard. I had to wonder if there would always be a part of him that craved the utter numbness that drugs brought him?

  Myles held out his hand and helped me stand up. "You okay?" he whispered. His beautiful gray eyes appeared distraught. It caused my chest to ache. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths in an attempt to calm my nerves, then nodded before walking hand in hand with Myles to the kitchen.

  Chapter 18

  A fter we finished helping Coraline clean the kitchen, I splayed my hand against Myles’s abdomen and leaned in to kiss him on the base of his neck.

  "Will you go on a date with me tonight? Like on a real date?" Myles asked as he glanced out the window to catch a glimpse of Sawyer pushing Sadie on a makeshift tire swing. "Do you have someone you want to wish karma on? Invite her too. Sawyer will tag along. We might as well give him some entertainment."

  "I know just the girl. She deserves good karma. She is the only person who has been able to put up with my shitty personality the last year or two."

  ***

  The constant vibrations of the overhead speakers pumped in the sound of Manuscript. After finally hearing them again, I understood the hype. Myles had managed to secure the backroom at a local bar for the night. He said it w
as to give us some privacy and keep me safe. I felt it was to hide me away from the swarm of groupies he tended to collect. The bar had a small dance floor, and I couldn't keep still. I loved dancing, and after my self-imposed music hiatus, I found I was pulling at Sarah. She quickly downed a shot, then followed me.

  "I can't believe you really know them," Sarah screamed over the bass pulsating from a nearby speaker.

  "Knew them; I haven't seen them in years."

  “I knew you had been hiding from a ghost in your past. But I never dreamed this.” Sarah grabbed my waist, and our hips rocked to the beat. I lifted my hair off my neck and smiled up at the ceiling.

  We were in the middle of hearing one of my newest favorites from Manuscript when I knew Myles had arrived. Like a magnet, there was a force exerted whenever we were near each other. His flame was attracted to my flame, and like spontaneous combustion, exploded.

  Myles walked in, followed by Sawyer. The rest of the band wanted to spend the night with family. Something I learned was priceless in their orbit.

  Myles smiled and raised a pierced brow at some salivating girl—me. I was the salivating girl. "Blue Eyes, ready to introduce me to your friend?" Myles’s eyes had a sparkle I hadn't seen in years and had forgotten how much I loved.

  "Are you ready? Sarah can be a little on the crazy side." I smiled up at him and wrapped my arms around his waist. Myles started playing with the metal barbell in his tongue. My stomach contracted at the suggestiveness of the move. "I can get you something to drink first."

  "I had some water coming over here."

  "I meant something harder."

  "The only thing I drink harder is soda." He rubbed his index finger backward and forward over his bottom lip.

  Goosebumps spread at a rapid pace across my skin. "Really?"

  He ran his tongue across his lips before hooking his lip ring between his teeth. "I've been clean for five years, three months, two weeks, and four days. I'm not throwing it away now that I have you back in my life. Now, can I meet your friend?"

  I gestured over for Sarah, who appeared stunned, motionless in the middle of the dance floor.

  "Now," I mouthed, knocking her out of her trance.

  She came over and stood beside me, and I linked arms with her. "Myles, this is Sarah. The reason I was even at your music festival in the first place. I guess you can say she is our guardian angel."

  "I guess I owe you my firstborn or something like that," Myles said and pulled his lip ring between his teeth again. A move I would later learned was his nervous twitch.

  "You're really, I mean."

  Myles simply smiled and said, "Yeah, I'm really him." But something had caught Sarah's attention. "I guess it doesn't matter," Myles said and saw Sawyer staring with his mouth gaped open.

  Myles used two fingers to push Sawyer's bottom jaw closed and playfully gave him a peck on the cheek. "Usually, he is more talkative than this."

  "Shut the hell up. At least I'm not crying over this one every day," Sawyer said, then kissed me on the cheek. "I've only cried every other week." Sarah's eyes roamed over Sawyer, and Sawyer swallowed before he said, "Are you religious? Because I think you're the answer to all my prayers."

  My eyes rolled so hard I imagined I caught a glance of my cerebellum.

  Myles wrapped his arm around my shoulders and said into my ear, "Let's leave the lovebirds to get to know each other. You owe me a dance anyway."

  "I do?"

  "You most definitely do."

  I didn't have a chance to argue before Myles seized my waist and twirled me around, oblivious to the way he made my heart speed up and flutter around in my chest. I grinned as he spun me around like we were dancing a drunken version of the waltz. "You're happy, Mr. O’Conner."

  "Happy, you didn't change your mind." He grazed my jawline with his teeth, and then his tongue came out to lick me.

  "Change my mind about what?" My head tilted to the side as I eyed him.

  "Us. I still can't believe I'm getting to hold you again," Myles said and ran his tongue along his bottom lip before pulling his lip ring between his teeth.

  "So, there is an us?"

  "There has always been an us." He held me flush up against him by splaying his hand across my back. I lifted my arm and curled it around his neck, lost in the way he was looking at me. His mouth slammed into mine, his tongue pushed inside, hungrily.

  "Get a room," Sawyer hollered out over the music.

  He was one to talk. He and Sarah were practically dry humping on the dance floor.

  "My beautiful Blue Eyes, if we stand any chance of making this work, then we both need to let the past go and focus on the now."

  "I know, baby, but it's hard to forget or even wonder what your life has been like the last few years."

  "My life has been hell. Without you, everything felt like hell." He kissed me softly, slowly, and unrushed. "I don't want to lose you ever again," he whispered against my lips.

  After a couple of hours and countless turns on the dance floor, Myles asked, "Can we get out of here? I want you to myself." He smiled, and for a moment, he looked like the fifteen-year-old boy I had given my heart to.

  "Yeah, what about those two?" I motioned my head in the direction of Sawyer and Sarah, who had found themselves in the corner with their tongues rammed down each other’s throats.

  "Well, by the looks of it, they are headed to the same place as us. We can just let them hitch a ride."

  The idea most every other person had a small panic attack around Myles and Sawyer was almost laughable to me until we went out in public. Someone had tipped off the news media that the boys had shown up at a local small-town pub, and all hell broke loose. I didn't notice them at first. I was too busy watching Sarah drool over Sawyer.

  "Have you warned her that he is a man whore? Because I think you like her, and the ass has a way of pissing them off," Myles said as he slid his hand into mine.

  "Oh, let her have fun for one night. I think she might be the one to teach old Sawyer a thing or two," I replied as a stepped out the front door of the joint and was shoved from the gripped Myles had on me.

  Then I was briefly blinded by the cameras flashing in my face. Reporters started screaming questions, "What is your relationship with the band? Are you dating Myles? Your name?"

  I stared ahead, totally disoriented by the noise and the flashing lights. My body pumped with liquid fear, making my Jell-O-like legs tremble. Myles pulled his jacket up over his hair and angled his head in my direction, shadowing his face from the cameras.

  Myles then tucked me under his arm and pulled me through the gathering crowd, "Em, keep your head down. The car is waiting for us in the alley." Myles rushed us towards the waiting limo. Jimmy, Myles’s driver, opened the door as soon as we rounded the corner of the building. Myles aided Sarah and me onto the passenger seat, then went back to rescue Sawyer. He had stopped to answer a few reporters and was mobbed by a bunch of screaming girls.

  My heart lurched in my chest when I heard a loud crack as a camera lens smashed against the car's window.

  Myles and Sawyer pushed through the reporters and fans and hopped into the backseat with us. Before they had the door closed, Jimmy squealed out of the alley and sped down the street that led out of town.

  "Are you okay? Shit! I thought we were safe there."

  I finally allowed myself to breathe. "I'm fine." My exasperated whisper was a contradiction to the force in which unease clenched me. "Are they always like this?'

  "They're getting worse. I should have known better than to take you out like that." He threaded his fingers with mine, then kissed the back of my hand.

  “Don’t let dipstick fool you. He hates the media. He almost took some reporter's head off once when they mentioned you,” Sawyer said as he came up for air then went back to attacking Sarah’s mouth.

  Myles looked completely unapologetic, but he clenched his jaw until the muscle flinched to avoid responding.

  Chapter 19
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  M yles had wanted me to fly off with him the next day, but I still had responsibilities I wouldn't run from. Namely, Totally Tubular.

  "Hey, Ms. Em," James, the band's drummer, said when I lay my purse on top of the stage. "Is it true? Do you really know the guys of Manuscript? Do you know how fucking cool that is?"

  "Language," I said, then had a newspaper shoved in my face.

  Greg, the lead singer, was holding out the news clip, showing us leaving the bar.

  "Damn." I grasped the paper from Greg and slumped in a seat in the front row. I read the highlights, and they had written our time together as no more than a one night stand. I little thank you for them singing at our benefit. I would need to talk with the board and let them know this was a false news story. But Myles had already flown out to the next city, and I had no proof that it wasn't any more than a one-time fling.

  "We were neighbors when we were younger. I went to high school with Sawyer. Myles and his mother lived in the trailer park I still live at."

  "Cool, are you going to introduce us, or did you forget about your homeboys?” Greg slid into the seat beside me.

  "She told me all about you guys." I glanced up to see Myles walking toward the stage, smiling. He looked so damn sexy. He distracted me from what the boys in the band were saying. He winked then grabbed the guitar from Frank—the bassist —who was strumming a few bars of the song they were working on. "Emma wanted me to come by and check you guys out. She went on and on." I could almost hear his eye roll. "I thought she would never shut up."

  Damn, if my heart didn't do a little jolt. I hopped up and went over to whisper in his ear, "I thought you left out this morning?"

  "I'm not leaving until you agree to join me. At least for a few days anyway," Myles whispered before kissing my cheek, then turned back to the boys. "Come on, I have to prove Emma wrong. She said you were better than my band at your age. It did a number on my ego."

  In an identical move, each boy covered their mouths and laughed. "Did you really say that?" Greg asked.

  I shrugged. "Truth hurts."