Her First, His Last

by J. M. Worthington

Myles spent the next three hours jamming with the young band, even teaching them a few tricks on the guitar. He took a special interest in James, showing him different techniques he had learned over the years on the drums.

  When I glanced at James between takes, he was weaving his fingers through a small hole at the bottom of his worn faded T-shirt.

  Usually talkative, James remained silent. I hadn't told Myles how much James hero-worshiped him. Actually, I hadn't mentioned the band to Myles at all. I made a mental note to learn what all Myles did know about my life. Obviously, more than I did of his.

  The band members left one by one, leaving Myles and me alone. Myles took a step in my direction, and his eyes blazed. "What's next?" His husky voice lowered and slowed into a sensual pace. It made me think about things I should never think about at work.

  Don't let him rule your entire life. Let him earn the privilege of forgiveness first. However, he earned a few points toward that forgiveness with the boys.

  "I'm going home to have dinner with Granny."

  "Great, I haven't had her cooking in ages." He picked up my purse and jumped off the stage. "I'll drive. I never get to in my line of work."

  "Why did you come today?"

  He tugged me to him, and my chest pressed against the ripples of his abdominal muscles. I felt the warmth of his breath wash down the curve of my neck as his lips grazed my skin. "I'm weak. I can't do it anymore. I can't live without knowing you are in my life again."

  "I can't leave my car here. Follow me home. Granny will be happy to see you."

  "I'm leaving in your car. I had Mom bring me. I meant it when I said I wasn't living without you again." I closed my eyes and wished his words didn't affect me. "There is no one else for me, Em. No one."

  As my lips touched his, I could taste the faint hint of peppermint on his breath and felt the cold metal of his tongue piercing on the corner of my lips. He brought his hand to cup my flushed face and planted a chaste kiss on my lips. It was gentle and sweet. There was no urgency behind it.

  In the distance, I heard a door squeak open and feet shuffling. "Myles we need to stop," I said, unable to recognize my voice.

  "I'm driving." He grabbed my hand as the janitor came in, pushing a mop bucket.

  "You're?" The janitor asked and pointed to Myles.

  "I'm hers," Myles answered, gripping my hand and leaned his head in my direction.

  "Be nice," I said as I tickled his side.

  He mocked, wincing, then laughed. "I'm always nice. Just making sure they know you're off the market."

  "I had to be on the market first, and they are fully aware I wasn't on it to begin with.”

  I didn't even realize he was still holding my purse until he started rummaging through it to find the keys. "Do you ever clean this thing out?" He asked and shook an old gum wrapper stuck on his finger. "Shit."

  I jerked the handbag from his grip and fished out my keys, then slid into the driver's seat while he was still trying to unstick his fingers.

  The happiness I received by having Myles in my life was so overpowering it masked the ugly truth of addiction.

  "Hey, I thought I was driving?" He walked around to the passenger's side.

  "This car is ten years old. I don't think it can handle your driving skills."

  "My driving isn't that bad. Besides, if I hurt it, I will just buy you a new one." Myles laughed as I pulled out of the parking lot.

  "You aren't buying me anything. I mean it." And I did. I wanted the Myles I had when I was younger. His money meant nothing to me.

  "I don't play nicely with orders." He placed his hand on my thigh. I prayed he never removed it.

  "Don't try to buy me," I said, my eyes glued to the road.

  Myles rolled his eyes but didn't acknowledge my wishes. When he smiled, he looked carefree. He rolled the window down and let the breeze blow through his hair. "Come to our next show. You can bring Sarah and Totally Tubular."

  "They can't afford it."

  "Well, good thing they have a connection with the band. I want to share my life with you again. Please, I'll arrange everything."

  If I weren’t driving, I would have kissed that smug smile off his face. Instead, I replied, "Okay."

  ***

  The private limo was enormous, and the boys had rushed the backseat before Sarah and I had even made it onto the runway. Myles had Jimmy pick us up at the airport. Manuscript had signed on at the last minute to perform at a charity event for troubled youth. It was the first time the band had performed in Los Angeles since our untimely separation. Myles said it held too many bad memories to go back. We both were trying to heal and remove the scars from our past. Luckily, our pain was raising a buttload of money for youth in the inner city.

  When we arrived at the event, Jimmy pulled around back, bypassing any lines. The crowd was at least triple what it was when I last attended one of their shows.

  Standing under an awning was a lady who ushered Sarah and Totally Tubular to their seats. She then motioned for me to follow her to the backstage area, saying Myles wanted to see me when I got there.

  I flashed my pass as I entered the restricted-access area. The scent of beer and smoke permeated the air.

  I looked over my shoulder, spotting Sarah bouncing from foot to foot in the front row—center to the stage. She pointed over to the guys who were snapping a few polaroids of the chaos around them. I should have known Myles would have only arranged the best.

  Showoff. I shook my head and smiled.

  The rock music weaved into the silence as I held up my pass, and some woman signaled to her right. A roadie led me down a long hall, and a bolt of nervousness flashed through me. When we made a right turn, we entered a large open area. A smiling Sawyer stood to greet me, as well as Camden and Wade—then I saw him. Myles was relaxed and laughing with a group of stagehands and Jay. His face was enraptured with a charming playfulness in his expression and reminded me of the young boy I fell in love with. He turned his head, letting his dark locks brush across his shoulder. Our eyes met, a flash of familiarity sparked in his eyes, and it rushed through my body like a strike of lightning. He was no longer my boy. He was my man.

  Swallowing back the saliva in my mouth, I stifled my reaction as Jay was telling him something. I wanted to tell Jay where he could shove it. Myles was still unaware that Jay invited me that fateful night that separated us for way too long, and I hadn't planned on telling him. If Myles hadn't given him the ammunition, Jay would have had no way to shoot. Myles couldn't take his eyes off me. He stood up and slowly made his way to my side. For what seemed like the longest time, Myles stood there, his body warmth enveloping me.

  The only part of his body touching mine was his breath as he whispered in my ear, in that notoriously sexy voice of his, "I love you, Em. I have loved you since I was fifteen, and I will love you forever. Can you be part of this life, my life? Because I don't want it anymore if it means I can't have you."

  That was when I realized I was visually shaking. My hand could no longer hold on to my backstage pass. I looked down to watch it float to the concrete flooring. It was the first time I had come face to face with Jay, and I wasn't handling it well.

  Holding my breath until it felt like my lungs were burning through my chest, I leaned against him to steady my wobbly legs. "I want you. The rest doesn't matter," I said, matching the glare Jay directed at me.

  Myles followed my vision over to Jay and then looked back at me, heartbroken. "Do you have a problem with Jay still? He's part of the deal." The words came across as a prayer on his lips.

  "Of course not. It's just strange being here again." I raised up on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "I love you."

  My peripheral vision noticed movement. A lady was coming toward us, holding a birthday cake. It was my birthday, and I had entirely forgotten.

  Sawyer was the first to start singing. Wade and Camden joined in almost immediately before they finished the chorus, the entire crew backstage was singing. Wh
en they finished singing, Myles nudged me to blow out the candles.

  "Are we still going out for steaks since the guest of honor is actually here?" Wade screamed out.

  I turned to glance at Myles, questionably, who had turned the rosiest shade of pink. His eyes were so expressive. They told a story I needed to read. Every wink, squint, stare, widening, side-eye, scrunch, and eyebrow raise meant something. At that moment, they told a story of a man who for once felt like he could relax and breathe.

  Sawyer took a quick step in my direction and kissed me on the cheek. "Myles has never stopped celebrating the day the world got you, and we went along for free food."

  Myles had always made a big deal of, as he called it, the world got-you-day.

  I never dreamed he would even remember it after I was gone—the emotions built in my chest until they erupted into sobs.

  Sawyer wrapped me in a bear hug. "Oh, unicorn, we'll let you come eat steak too." I wiggled from side to side as I tried to pry myself out of his grasp. When I sniffled, he let me go.

  "I didn't know you still didn't like to be celebrated," Myles whispered in my ear.

  I pondered what he said. It wasn't the fact, they were celebrating me at that moment, but that Myles had never stopped. I turned to face Myles. "You never forgot me."

  "I could forget myself easier than I could forget you."

  "That would make one hell of a song, but we need to get ready to go on stage," Jay said, breaking any spell the incident had put me in.

  That was my cue to leave.

  My heart pumped adrenaline like crazy as I was led back to my seat in the stadium.

  "Thanks again for letting me tag along," Sarah said, squealing and hugging me when I took my position beside her.

  James jumped in the air, bracing himself with the help of my shoulders. “This is sick.”

  Greg smacked his back. “Are we going to get to meet the entire band?”

  “We are going out for steaks after the concert. You can meet them then.”

  "I still can't believe you've known them all this time and didn't care to tell me." It took Sarah about a full minute of hyperventilating to finally say as a tent covering the entire stage flew up in the air and disappeared in front of our eyes.

  “Wow,” Frank mouthed.

  "From what I hear, you know the lead singer in ways I never will," I screamed back to Sarah.

  Or I wanted to know.

  I only had eyes for one, the jaw-droppingly gorgeous man on drums. His eyes closed as he caressed the crash cymbal of his drums. It was the shield he hid behind when life was more than he could handle. When words failed, he talked through his drums.

  He was entirely in character as he kept time for the band. When he spotted me in the crowd, his eyes came alive, as alive as I felt when he said the words, I love you. He held my gaze, and I swore he stared at me in a way that made me feel like I was the only woman in the entire building. A strange little thrill rocketed up somewhere inside me.

  "Maybe, but I have never shared a connection with someone like you do with the drummer," Sarah screamed back.

  Chapter 20

  S ome people would have classified my life as an old b-rated movie. The two years following our joyful reunion would make a memorable romantic highlight played out to Manuscript’s’ latest LP.

  I became a fixture on the tour bus. Myles went out of his way to show me he was different, and our relationship was about wanting a future. After knowing how it felt to have been separated, I hated being apart from him. I found myself slipping back into the depression I suffered the years we were apart. That was why I usually went with him.

  We were able to visit places I had only read about, and I had met people who graced the cover of all the trendy magazines. He escorted me to award ceremonies. We sat at tables with the likes of Stevie Wonder, Elton John, Michael Jackson, Madonna, and Prince.

  I danced with Brett Michaels, and I spent an hour talking about music with him and his current girlfriend. I got to go to movie premieres and parties at star’s homes such as Tom Cruise and most of the brat pack.

  Myles had given me a life I had believed was impossible. The weird, rock star world I had grown to feel at home in.

  "Earth to Em," Myles whispered, then pinched my exposed nipple between his pointer finger and thumb.

  I startled at the feel of his calluses on my skin and jerked backward. "Stop it," I blushed. "I was thinking about the amazing life you have given me."

  "Em, it is you who have given me any life. You make my life worth living." His eyes had a devilish glint to them and a playful smile on his face. "It's time."

  Time?

  After two years, eight months, three weeks, and sixteen hours of his, I'm not going to try to sleep with you until I prove I'm not that man pledge. We did everything but the actual physical act of intercourse. Instead, we became the Elvis and Priscilla of eighties hair bands. I itched my fingers through his five days growth of whiskers while he smiled down at me. We were lying in bed in some hotel on the coast of Kauai, Hawaii, totally naked. We were comfortable enough that we had no issues with parading around with no clothes on in front of each other.

  "Granny lied to us when we first started dating," I stated.

  Leaning back, he had one arm hooked on the back of the bedpost and one arm resting on his bare leg. An amused smile plastered on his face. "How did she lie to us?"

  "She said when you start having sex, you can't stop. So, she either lied, or you are getting some on the side."

  "You caught me." He laughed, then I felt the cold, rigid metal ring on his lip on the tip of my nose. "Baby, I screwed up, and I can't take losing you again. We are going to do this right."

  Nervous energy raced through me and sent the hairs on my body up in alert. "You don't mind licking it but won't screw it?"

  "It tastes good. What do I say?"

  "So, I'm an afternoon snack?" I fell back on the bed and covered my flushed face with a pillow.

  Myles yanked the pillow off me. "Yeah, and I am famished." He crooked his pinky finger, motioning for me to come closer.

  “Well, that tongue can turn me inside out.” Heat gathered below my belly, and steam moved up my neck. "I'm hungry for a few things too."

  His breathing got heavy as I grazed his chest with my outstretched hand, wanting to feel his soft skin under my fingertips. He indeed was beautiful, and I marveled he wanted to be with me. He walked his fingers up my leg until his entire hand was lightly touching my skin, gliding over it in increasing increments.

  "You are?" His eyes widened as my heart took flight from my chest.

  "Hell, yes!" I wasn't even sure I was breathing. I didn't even know if I could.

  "Is my baby hungry?" Myles whispered in my ear before taking a playful nip. The point of contact blazed through me. I bowed my head to keep him from noticing that I was blushing. Myles hooked two fingers under my chin and lifted my face until I had no choice but to look at him. "Are you ready because I will never take anything for granted? I had you once before, then lost you. I can’t live through that again. I won’t. You control it all."

  My blood ran hot inside me, and my adrenals pumped me full of progesterone. I nodded. "I've been ready," I said and started to climb onto his lap. Myles gripped my hip, causing me to stop cold.

  "I have to be at the arena in an hour. I'm not doing this as a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am. Plus, I couldn't stop, and the guys might get mad if I don't show. I'm off for the next two weeks. If we do this, there is no turning back. You'll not only have to accept my love for you but my demons too."

  A rush swept through me. Inwardly, there was a roaring fire. I didn't understand how he held it all together and seemed unaffected by all our extracurricular activities. "I love all of you, but I will never share you."

  "Then I need to rethink all this," he said, smiling like a dope.

  I slapped his left shoulder. "Go put on a show, and remember, this is my last offer for you to get in my pants."


  "Since you put it that way, how can I refuse, my sweet Emma." I hated that my name on his lips hit all the right notes. After all, my life had changed, and I knew soon enough, Myles O’Conner would own every inch of me.

  "Name a time and place, and I will be there with bells on," I said, my thighs tightened together, and muscles tensed.

  Finally, I have wanted him so bad the idea of truly having him terrified me.

  "Bells? It doesn't matter what you're wearing. You won't have it on for long."

  Chapter 21

  F our days later, the night had arrived that I would give the last piece of myself to Myles. A shiver flowed down my back as I unwrapped the note containing the address to the hotel he was staying at.

  A car picked me up and drove me over two hours to the hotel. My legs wobbled as I stepped out of the vehicle. Myles had arranged for security to greet me at the 4th Avenue side entrance and escort me through the opulent lobby. My safety had always been one of his biggest concerns, but with the two brick walls in suits at my sides, I got noticed. So much for low key and keeping things private.

  The security guard swiped a card at a set of private elevator doors. They motioned for me to enter. The elevator dial signaled it had gone past thirty floors before opening onto a small hallway, leading to a large double door.

  Before I even knocked, the door opened and revealed a man who had consumed me. He wore a pair of ripped jeans and an unbuttoned dress shirt. The sweat had started beading on his chest. His hands shook as he combed them through his long hair.

  “I brought condoms,” I said and waved the box in my hand as I stopped in the doorway, leaning a shoulder against the doorjamb.

  “I have condoms. I have had them for years.” His tongue darted from his lips and licked over my earlobe before grabbing it between his teeth. My heart was beating at an accelerated rate. I had some genuine concern that it may have exploded.

  “Don’t remind me.” I concentrated on forcing the air in and out of my lungs.

  Why was I nervous? I knew his body as well as my own.

  He tugged on a few loose strands of my hair before tucking them behind my ear. I leaned into his hand, and he moved until his lips touched mine. It was gentle and chaste. He wasn't making it about sex alone, but more about the love we shared.