The Queen of Diamonds

by Raven Cavalleu

  Alex took a shuddering breath and said, "Yes." She felt Nikki stiffen under her cheek. She pulled away enough that she could look her in the eye. "Just not like that. Not anymore, now I love her more like a sister. We met when I was sixteen and she was twenty. At first it was a bit rough. She absolutely hated me. After about a year we became friends. Then we became best friends, inseparable. We became lovers when I was twenty. She was my first long term girlfriend." She snuggled closer to Nikki and placed her head on her shoulder. "We were together for a couple of years, but it couldn’t last. We were just too different at that point in our lives, and we wanted different things. We broke up and somehow managed to stay friends. She was there for me through the entire second stage of my life and well into the third. I feel like I just cut off my hand."

  Nikki did her best to comfort her as they sat quietly. A short time later she realized Alex had fallen asleep. She gently shook her awake and stood, scooping her up into her arms. As she neared the foot of the stairs, Alex stopped her. "Wait. My crutches are in the closet there. Will you get them for me? I really don’t think it's a good idea for you to try to carry me up the stairs."

  Nikki set her down next to the stair railing before pulling the crutches from the closet. "Can you manage the stairs by yourself?" she asked. As Alex nodded, she smiled. "Okay, I’m going to get you a new ice pack for your ankle. Do you need anything else before bed?"

  Alex shook her head and began the long climb up the stairs. She entered the master suite and began to change. Seconds after she finished pulling her pajamas on, there was a knock on the door. "Come in."

  The door opened a crack and Nikki called out, "Are you decent?"

  Alex smiled to herself and replied, "No, I’ve never been decent a day in my life. Don’t let that stop you." She heard Nikki’s chuckle as the door opened wider and she peered around it.

  "You may not be decent, but at least you’re dressed." She walked into the room and placed the ice pack on the nightstand.

  "Oh, you know you were hoping to catch me naked. Don’t even try to deny it," she teased. She was surprised to see Nikki's eyes darken with desire as they traveled over her body. She felt her nipples harden and heat pool between her legs in response.

  Nikki leaned down and pulled the covers back, making room for Alex to crawl in. When she finally looked over at her, she saw the disappointment in her eyes. "There is no denying I want to see you naked, Alex. In fact I want much more than that, but tonight is not the night." She kneeled at her feet, and took her hands. "I’m in no hurry, and will wait for you to make the first move. That way we are both sure I’m who you want, and that you're ready." Giving her hands a quick squeeze, she released them and stood. "Why don’t you crawl up here and get under the covers? I’ll help you set the ice pack, and let you get some sleep."

  She slowly made her way to the head of the bed and crawled under the covers, laying on her right side. Nikki placed the ice pack over her ankle, and pulled the covers up to her shoulders. As she turned to leave, Alex reached out and caught her hand. "Will you stay with me?"

  Nikki began to shake her head. "I don’t think—"

  "Just hold me for a little while. I just chased my best friend out of my life, and I’m hurting. I really don’t want to be alone." She gently tugged on her hand, pulling her closer to the bed. "Please."

  Nikki nodded as she replied, "Okay. I just need to change my clothes. I’ll be right back." She quickly left the room, and returned minutes later wearing a loose T-shirt and shorts. She climbed into the bed behind Alex, turned off the light, and snuggled close. As she placed her hand on her hip, Alex pulled it around her, pulling her closer. She smiled as she felt the warmth of Nikki’s body behind her. She pushed back gently until her butt made contact. Nikki groaned as Alex rubbed her delectably round bottom against her. "What are you doing?" she asked.

  "Just getting comfortable."

  "Well stop. You are making me quite uncomfortable." Afraid of angering her, Alex quickly pulled away. Nikki groaned at the loss, grabbed her, and pulled her close again. "I didn’t mean you had to leave, just stop wiggling. I like how you feel in my arms, and while I enjoy the wiggling, I can only take so much teasing." It was obvious Alex was upset by the stiff way she held herself, no longer comfortable in her arms. Nikki snuggled closer, wrapping her body around Alex and holding her close. When she didn’t relax into the embrace, she whispered, "Alex, honey, what’s wrong?"

  Alex was confused by Nikki's reaction, and afraid her anger would surface at any minute. "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to tease you. I’ll hold still, I promise," she said shakily.

  Nikki released her and rolled over to turn the light on. She turned back and saw Alex still had her back to her, unmoving. "Alex, please look at me." She slowly rolled on to her back and turned her head towards her, but was unable to meet her eyes. "Will you please look me in the eye?" She waited patiently as Alex gradually lifted her eyes until they met hers. "I’m not upset with you, honey, and more importantly, I will never raise a hand against you. I am not Jo." Alex looked away and began to worry her lip. "Do you believe me?"

  "I’m trying. Part of me really wants to believe, and the other part is so afraid that I’m making the same mistake again." She looked up at Nikki where she lay propped on her elbow beside her, and shrugged. "I’m sorry."

  "Stop apologizing. You have nothing to apologize for. I can handle a little teasing." She smiled down at her. "Just be gentle with me, I’m not made of stone." She saw the confusion in her eyes before she looked away. "You don’t have any idea what I’m talking about do you?" She reached out and gently cupped her cheek. Alex slowly turned towards her as she shook her head. "I’m in a constant state of arousal when I’m near you. I want you, Alex. Words could never express how much." Alex desperately wanted to believe as she searched her eyes for the truth. Seeing her uncertainty, Nikki grasped her hand and tenderly kissed her knuckles. "Let me show you."

  Alex watched as Nikki’s lips caressed her knuckles and felt her warm breath across her skin. Oh how she ached to feel both in other places on her body. She swallowed and licked her suddenly parched lips. She was startled when she realized Nikki was placing her hand down her shorts.

  "Feel how much I want you, Alex."

  She timidly reached out and ran her fingers through the short curls under her hand. She gasped as they encountered wetness.

  "That’s all you, sweetheart," she said as Alex looked up into her eyes. "You turn me on just by being you."

  Alex smiled as she quickly reached out and ran a finger through the slick folds under her palm. She watched Nikki’s eyes widen slightly before slamming shut, and her breath catch as she reacted to her touch.

  Nikki groaned and reached down to remove her hand. "Do you understand now?"

  Alex searched her face for proof as she asked, "You really want me like that?"

  "More than you can imagine." She stopped her wandering hand as it slid under her shirt.

  "Then why won’t you let me touch you?"

  Nikki rolled on to her back and pulled Alex to her side. "Because you’re not ready to trust me yet, and you're not ready to be completely honest with me either."

  "That doesn’t mean I can’t –"

  "Yes, it does."

  Alex sighed and snuggled in close. "I understand."

  Nikki began to gently caress the bare skin of the arm Alex had thrown across her chest. "I'm not going anywhere. You'll get another chance. Think of it as something to look forward to." She could feel Alex begin to relax against her and knew that sleep wouldn't be far behind.

  Alex opened her swollen, tired eyes and looked around her room. As the events of the previous evening came back to her, she felt an ache at the thought of losing Emily and Sarah. She rolled over to look at the clock and saw the impression in the other pillow. She smiled as she realized falling asleep in Nikki's arms hadn't been a dream. She reached over and felt the cold sheets, and knew that she'd left a while ago. She sat up on the ed
ge of the bed and gingerly tested her ankle. It was still tender, so she grabbed the crutches and headed for the bathroom. She knew she was going to have to call the rehab facility today to see about an x-ray or two.

  After a quick shower, she dressed, and headed for the stairs. She was thinking about checking her email, and didn't notice the sounds coming from the kitchen until the smells reached her nose. Pausing at the foot of the stairs, she inhaled deeply. The smell of bacon and coffee caused her stomach to grumble. She turned and headed through the door, stopping when she saw Nikki at the stove. She stood quietly and watched for a moment as she thought about how quickly she'd become comfortable with having her in her life. The attraction she'd felt initially hadn't faded away like she thought it would, instead it had grown. It was time to begin testing the waters and see how Nikki would react. It was time to start sharing, and trusting her not to take advantage.

  She quietly walked into the kitchen and smiled at Nikki as she turned around. "Good morning. I wasn't expecting to see you this morning."

  Nikki returned her smile. "It's my day off."

  "Lucky me." Alex walked up and pinned Nikki against the counter. She looked into her eyes as she slowly began to lean in, and watched as she dropped her gaze to her lips. Her eyes slowly closed as she pressed her lips against Nikki's. As she leisurely began to lick and nibble, she felt her arms slide around her shoulders. She groaned as Nikki opened her mouth, welcoming her inside. Minutes later they broke apart, gasping for air.

  Nikki gently separated their entwined bodies and said, "Wow. What was that for?"

  Alex tore her gaze away from Nikki's full lips, and looked deeply into her eyes. "Does there have to be a reason?" She smiled as she slowly pulled away from her and turned towards the refrigerator. "Maybe I wanted to thank you for cooking breakfast."

  Nikki walked over and stirred the potatoes. "I don’t think so. Somehow I don’t see you thanking Maria that way."

  Alex chuckled as she pulled out the orange juice. "You got me there. Maybe I was just being selfish and taking what I wanted." She filled a glass before placing the container back in the fridge. "Or maybe I wanted to give you something to look forward to." She took a drink of her juice as she watched Nikki cooking. "Would you like some help?"

  Nikki looked over her shoulder. "No thanks, I've got it. Why don't you sit down and relax? It will be another fifteen minutes or so."

  She pushed off the counter. "Do you mind if I go check my email?"

  "Not at all."

  "Thanks." She turned and headed for her office. Pulling up her email, she smiled when she saw two of her beta readers had sent her messages. She quickly read them and was delighted to find they had both returned her book with high praise and limited corrections. She immediately opened her file and began to search out the defects they had found, correcting as she went. Her fingers were flying furiously over the keyboard when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Startled she looked up at a slightly aggravated Nikki.

  "Your breakfast is getting cold. Are you going to come eat?"

  She stiffened and quickly looked at the floor as she tried not to cower in the chair. "I'm sorry. I was so focused I didn't hear you call me. I'm sorry, it won't happen again."

  Nikki squatted down in front of her chair, and into her line of sight. "Alex, look at me please." She waited for her to raise her eyes. "Who am I?"

  Alex's shoulders drooped. "I'm sorry, Nikki. I know you won't hurt me. It's just a very hard habit to break. She taught me to fear her anger, even her annoyance. It didn't take much to set her off and get punished for it." She sighed. "I thought I'd made progress over the last couple of years, but having you here has really brought it all back."

  "I'm not a violent person and don't wish it on anyone, but I really hope she gets hers." Nikki stood and turned her back. "Come and eat when you're ready," she said as she walked out.

  Alex hung her head for a second before turning and saving her file. She stood and made her way to the kitchen. The table was set for two and filled with bacon, potatoes, eggs, and toast. She sat down and said, "It looks good, Nikki, thank you. I'm sorry I'm late."

  "It's okay. I hope you like it." They filled their plates and began to eat as they discussed plans for the day.

  "Do you mind if I work for a while today?" Alex asked.

  Nikki thought about it for a moment then replied, "If you promise me two things. One, you call the doctor and see about getting an x-ray today. Two, you set a time limit on how long you work." Alex chewed on her lower lip as she thought about it. "I know your work is important, but I'd like to spend some time with you."

  "Well in that case, how can I refuse?"

  "Good. Now go call the doctor while I clean up."

  Alex climbed back into the car and bumped the hard boot against the center console as she tried to get comfortable. "This is ridiculous."

  Nikki smiled at her frustration. "Look at the bright side, you didn't reinjure the knee or the leg. A sprained ankle isn't all that bad. At least with the boot you'll be able to get around without the crutches, and you only need it for a couple of days."

  "Thank God." She smiled as she listened to Nikki's laugh. "Hey, Nik? What do you say to some company for lunch? I haven't seen Dani or Madison for almost a week."

  "Are you trying to avoid a little alone time with me?"

  "No, why would you think that?" Nikki shrugged. "Please tell me."

  "It's just that you've asked me if you could spend time alone with your computer today, and now you want to have other people come over. That doesn't leave much time for us, does it?"

  Alex took a deep breath and tried to tamp her feelings of anxiety down. She knew that she was hearing more in Nikki's tone than was intended. "I see your point. I'll tell you what, how about I wait to work on the book? If they are available, we can have your family over for an early dinner, say five? That should give us plenty of time together this afternoon."

  "You'd do that? You'd give up your work for me and my family?"

  Alex smiled and nodded. "Today, yes. That won't always be the answer, but today I can say yes."

  When they reached the house, Alex made a call to Rachel and scheduled an early dinner. "I really need to talk to you, Ray. I need help understanding some behaviors, and how to change them. I'm really sorry to bother you on your day off."

  "It's okay, Alex. For you I don't mind. We'll be there."

  "Thank you." Alex hung up the phone and went to let Nikki know they were on for an early dinner.

  They spent the next several hours together talking about everything under the sun as they learned more about each other. Nikki told Alex about when she determined she was gay, and the difficulties she and Dani faced with their parents when they both came out. "What about you?" she asked.

  Alex sat quietly for a moment as she thought about that time in her life. "I knew I was different early on, I just didn't have a name for it. I guess I finally understood it and what it meant when I was twelve."

  "Was coming out to your family difficult?"

  "I was closeted for a very long time. I didn't come out until I was in my late twenties. It was very difficult for me for entirely different reasons than it was for you. I never had to worry about my family's condemnation, because I didn't have one." She watched as Nikki fought not to ask questions. When she swallowed the unasked questions, and simply nodded her head in understanding, Alex felt her emotions rise. She was overwhelmed by guilt and disgust with herself that her friends were afraid to ask her things, and a growing affection for the woman that understood and honored her wishes. She reached out and clasped Nikki's hand. "Thank you for understanding and not asking the questions I can tell are eating away at you."

  She brought Alex's hand to her lips, and tenderly kissed the soft skin. "I trust you to tell me when you're ready."

  Alex took a deep breath and began to trust Nikki with parts of her past. "I told you I have no family other than the one I've chosen." Nikki nodded and squeezed her hand
in support. "I lost my immediate family when I was very young. I know I have blood relatives out there somewhere, but I've never met them. I'm not sure I want to. They abandoned my mother when she married my father, and when she died they left me to be raised in foster care. They had plenty of time to find me and never even tried. Instead I went through more than forty different homes in fourteen years."

  Nikki's eyes widened. "I can't imagine what you've been through."

  "They say there is a reason for everything. I never found the reason for the loss of my family. As I grew up, I was able to better myself and even became semi-famous. I made a decent amount of money and had a good life." She looked at Nikki with a deep sadness in her eyes. "While it was wonderful, I never asked for it and would give it all back for more time with them." She walked over to the window and looked out upon the lake. "Don't waste whatever time you have left with your family, Nikki. You never know when they'll be gone and the chance will be lost forever."

  Nikki walked over and placed her arms around Alex, holding her close. "Thank you for sharing this with me. I never looked at our disagreement with my parents like that. I will find a way to bridge the chasm that has grown between us somehow." She pressed her cheek into the softness of her hair and inhaled the sweet scent of coconut. Alex took the comfort offered and relaxed into her embrace.

  Alex met Dani and Rachel at the door when they arrived, and pointed Dani and Madison to the kitchen where Nikki was beginning to prepare dinner. With a quick thank you, she ushered Rachel down the stairs and into the basement. There they began to discuss her issues with the abuse inflicted upon her by Jo, and how it was still affecting her relationships and decisions.

  Dani took Madison's hand and led her to the kitchen. Nikki stood at the island preparing chicken to be marinated. "Hey, sis, need some help?"