Riding for Redemption

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  One more thing they’d be able to blame on her. Sara Beth could only imagine what they talked about when she wasn’t within earshot – which was all the time. They had to bemoan the fact that they had an invalid living under their roof. And the ever-present nurse who didn’t say much, even when sitting behind Sara Beth for hours on end.

  “Are you even doing the physical therapy? He comes out but I haven’t seen you doing anything, like trying to walk or... anything.” Rosie checked her watch, turning to glance toward the drive. “He’s supposed to be here any minute. Are you going to sit there and do nothing again?”

  But Sara Beth ignored her.

  She just shut down. Three weeks of Rosie’s constant nagging had worn Sara Beth down and she slipped into silence when she was done with her sister.

  Choking on emotion, Rosie coughed. “Can you talk to me? I need to know what you’re thinking.” And like every time when the sisters fought, Rosie started to cry.

  Sara Beth rolled her eyes – the only indication that she even acknowledged Rosie’s presence.

  Michael wrapped his arms around Rosie, but didn’t glower at Sara Beth or even look upon her with anything but pity which was worse than anything else he could have done.

  They disappeared inside. Rosie’s hushed sobs carried them through the door until it closed.

  “You can go, too. I don’t need anything more today.” She murmured to the nurse. Of course the woman wouldn’t go far, but she’d gotten used to Sara Beth’s need to be alone and often disappeared inside to keep herself busy.

  After she padded off quietly, Sara Beth relaxed her shoulders. How could she tell Rosie that she couldn’t talk to her? Rosie wouldn’t understand anything Sara Beth was going through. Nothing. Rosie’s life was sprouting nothing but blooms – like their mother had always said. While Sara Beth’s had become overgrown with weeds.

  Even her plans of searching out her half-sisters had been buried.

  Hell, every dream she’d ever had had vanished along with her need for boots. Ugh, she wanted to kick something so bad. Feel the reverberation of the connection to her toes and up into her shin.

  She tucked a stray curl back into the sloppy bun she’d thrown her mass of hair into. The only thing keeping her even remotely interested in her hygiene was Johnny.

  The achingly familiar sound of horseshoes on beaten down dirt announced his arrival like she’d conjured him with her thoughts. She couldn’t help but look for him. Happiness came easily and she brightened at his grin. “Hey, stranger. I hoped I’d see you before the therapist got here.”

  “Your wish is my command. I’m right here.” He slid off the horse which Sara Beth avoided looking too closely at. Approaching the raised deck, he stepped up and swung himself over the railing, coming to sit astride it like a horse. His cotton plaid shirt clung to his shoulders and pulled across his back. “I don’t see the guy anywhere. Do you need to run inside and primp for him?” His teasing tone coupled with the shove to her shoulder pushed her irritation with her sister aside.

  “No. I don’t have anything to primp for. He’s some guy from Missoula. Why would I... Um... I don’t really want... well...” Embarrassed that attention had been drawn to her lack of makeup or hairstyles, Sara Beth ducked her head. “Sorry, I don’t really like makeup.”

  Johnny softened his tone. “Hey, don’t. You don’t need any of that stuff. Some girls shouldn’t leave the dark of a closet without it, but you? I bet covering up any of your natural beauty would have the opposite effect.” He flashed his best you’re-eating-this-up-and-you-know-it grin.

  “Oh my word.” She scrunched her nose and pushed his knee. “Thanks, that’s nice of you. Whatcha doin’ today?”

  He braced his arms between his legs and leaned forward, the movement enhancing the triceps line along the backs of his arms under the shirt, pulling the shoulder seam tight to the round angles of his muscles. “Roping? I think we’re going to try training some more horses this afternoon, but Michael hasn’t said for sure one way or the other. He disappeared around lunch and I haven’t seen him since.”

  The hat brim pulled to the middle of his brow enhanced the strong curve of his jaw. Sara Beth shook her head. “That Lisa chick was an idiot. She lost quite a guy.”

  He waved her comments away. “Now, you’re embarrassing me.” He glanced toward the barn. “Why don’t you come down and see the new foal today? He’s gorgeous. Michael said he’ll be a gelding and perfect for riding.”

  “Not yet. I’m not quite ready.” Crunching gravel under large tires saved Sara Beth from answering further. A newer Ford F250 pulled up the drive. A tall, well-muscled, of-guaranteed-Nordic-descent, man climbed from the cab. He reached into the bed of the truck and withdrew a large exercise ball as well as some brightly colored bands.

  Sara Beth muffled her groan but not enough to keep it from Johnny.

  “What’s wrong? Aren’t the sessions helping?” He studied her glare. “Seriously, Sara Beth. Talk to me. Are they helping?”

  She looked down her nose but avoided his gaze. “I don’t know. I make him stay right here while I go take a nap.”

  Johnny’s lips parted but before he could reply, the new arrival hailed them from the drive. “Sara Beth! I brought you a surprise.” The therapist’s booming voice irritated her. Everything about him was designed to get attention.

  Dismounting the railing and jumping down to the ground, Johnny tipped his hat as the physical therapist crossed the grass to join them. “Mr. Jensen.”

  Clapping Johnny’s shoulder, he laughed. “Please, Johnny, I want you to call me Lou.” He flashed his teeth and then dismissed Johnny as he turned to Sara Beth.

  Clapping his hands together for one great big thunderous effect, Lou pressed his lips tight. Lifting a finger into the air, he almost shouted. “I think I know the problem. You haven’t been anywhere but that chair. You need to get out of it.” Long strides around the side to the steps up and then clomping across the deck, Lou reached Sara Beth’s side in record time.

  He stooped, sweeping her into his arms. Shaking his shoulder length blond hair out behind his shoulders, he flexed his muscles like he considered himself a younger Fabio.

  Unprepared for his cavalier attitude toward her situation or even her personal space, Sara Beth squeaked, immediately tightening what muscles she had control over.

  “It’s okay. Let’s just move around a little bit. See what we see.” He stomped around the deck, not breaking a sweat or even breathing different as he carried Sara Beth’s full body weight. “I think, Sara Beth, you’ve lost weight. You’re eating, right?”

  “Yes.” Sara Beth tried to relax her neck muscles, but nothing would cooperate.

  Lou reached the full circle of the porch. Instead of returning her back to her seat, he climbed down the steps, as if she were nothing but a couple bags of groceries. “Let’s go look at some horses. They seem to be getting ready to train them. I saw a baby one not too long ago. We could go see if it’s still there.”

  Desperation shot through Sara Beth. Until that point she’d been able to pretend boredom at any given moment, but with each step he took toward the barn, her ennui stripped away to leave the bare bones of her despair.

  “No! No! Put me down. No!” She wiggled her upper body but her attempts were useless with her lower body unresponsive.

  He laughed. “You’re not strong enough to make me drop you, Sara.” Another step. Another.

  No, she couldn’t face it in there. Not the horses, or the memories she was missing out on. No. If she went inside, she’d be forced to face what she’d become and... No!

  Gravel moved under his feet. He’d reached the line where the hard dirt changed to cement. He’d be in front of the building in seconds carrying an extremely terrified Sara Beth.

  She reached up, wrapping her fingers in his locks. “My name is Sara Beth.” And she pulled, and pulled, and pulled.

  The man dropped her onto the ground. The impact jarred her, snapping he
r head back. Her teeth clashed together. Legs akimbo, Sara Beth tried to bring herself to a half-sitting position, but renewed pain in her lower back shut down her attempts to do much of anything.

  Over her shoulder a flash of movement and a grunt caught her attention.

  Johnny had moved fast, tackling Lou to the ground. Straddling him at the waist, Johnny pulled his fists back and swung bam, bam, bam into the therapist’s upper chest and face. “You sonuvabitch. How dare you?”

  Sara Beth pressed her fingers to her mouth. She didn’t cry. Didn’t give into the fear that the tingling in her legs would be gone for good. Where had all the pain come from? Oh, man, the burning in her back...

  Suddenly, Michael was there, pulling Johnny from a bleeding and moaning Lou.

  Sara Beth tried focusing, but suddenly she was biting on her palm to assuage some of the pain in her back. The burst of copper-flavoring over her tongue had her closing her eyes for just a moment. She opened them again, searching for Johnny.

  Was he alright?

  Johnny and Michael stood, jostling back and forth as if connected with cord.

  Rolling to his side, Lou spit blood onto the gray rocks. “I’m going to sue you.” He muttered like fear held him back from giving it his all.

  Michael pushed at Johnny’s shoulder and shook his head toward the fallen therapist. “No, you’re not. Get your stuff and get off my property. If I have to explain to a judge what you just did to a trauma patient? You’re going to end up owing me money.”

  Johnny abandoned the two men and knelt beside Sara Beth. He inspected her briefly before pulling her into the same hold she’d previously been in with Lou, only this time she didn’t feel uncertain.

  For the first time, Sara Beth couldn’t help but notice how her fingers ached to brush back the hair on his forehead, and to blot away the moisture above his upper lip.

  “Come on. Let’s check to make sure you’re okay.” He hoisted her higher into his arms, leaning her against his solid chest. “Michael, can you drive? We need to get her in to see Dr. MacAllister. He dropped her right on her back.” He pushed his lips to her temple. “You’re going to be okay, right?”

  She nodded, trying to enjoy the care with which he handled her.

  But Sara Beth suddenly doubted just how okay she was.

  Johnny

  Chapter 10

  Johnny’s stomach had never ached so bad as it had when Sara Beth had tumbled into the rocks and dirt. Red filled his vision and he didn’t remember anything until Michael pulled him off Lou.

  Chest heaving, he hid his gratitude that Michael had stopped him from killing the man. How could that idiot try to force Sara Beth to a place that obviously scared her enough to claw her way from safety? What kind of therapy was that anyway?

  Pulling her into his arms had been second nature. He needed to feel that she was okay, not just see it or even hear her say it. Johnny needed the solid weight of her in his arms. And he didn’t give a damn, if she wanted him to or not. Okay, he did, but that wasn’t the point.

  The doctor’s office had been hell, waiting for scans and tests and then to have Sara Beth discharged for home. Apparently, there was nothing the hospital could do in Missoula that wasn’t already being done at Rourke Ranch. She had a nurse and constant care.

  Back at the ranch, Johnny waited until Michael disappeared into the barn before climbing the steps and carefully treading on the wood to carry Sara Beth to her chair.

  Her pallor faded as a rosy blush crept becomingly up her cheeks. She didn’t meet his gaze, choosing to look where they were going instead.

  “Are you sure you’re okay? That was quite a fall. Just because the doctor said you’ll be fine...” Johnny couldn’t help the clipped edge to his softly spoken words. Adrenaline gave an added shake to his limbs. He’d most likely never get that image out of his head of her falling, the dry dirt poofing around her as she landed.

  She nodded, quickly, as if she didn’t want him to know how scared she’d really been.

  Johnny understood pride. Sometimes he wasn’t sure he hadn’t been the one to create it.

  At the chair, Johnny moved past it and settled himself on the railing, Sara Beth safely resting on his lap. She pushed off his chest, searching for a way to get to her chair. Johnny pulled her closer, relieved when she didn’t fight his touch. “I’m sorry. Just for a moment, I need to hold you, okay?” He hadn’t been able to just hold her... and since she’d fallen, he realized he needed it more than he’d ever thought possible.

  Sara Beth buried her face in his t-shirt. “Do you think it damaged my back more?” Heat from her mouth and moisture from hidden tears burned through the thin cotton material. “My legs were starting to tingle, you know? Like, I could feel them when I put a cold ice cube on the skin. I could feel it.” She sighed, shaking her head, curls brushing his cheek. “What if it ruined all that? What if I can’t get better? I’m going to be like this forever...”

  Surprisingly, her nearness distracted him from logic or reasoning. Time was up for the cuddling. He placed her gently in the chair and knelt down to be on level with her. “Stop talking like it’s the end of the world. So you can’t feel or use your legs? So what?” He dropped the kid glove treatment. Worry combined with irritation did not make a happy Johnny.

  Shock at his reply seemed to swing a curtain across her features, shutting off all emotion.

  He rushed to fix what he’d said. “Look, Sara Beth, I’m sorry. It’s just...” He sighed and pulled his hat off his head, running fingers through his hair.

  “Don’t you think you’re being awfully hard on her? She did just get thrown to the ground and she can’t walk.” Michael’s heavy footfalls punctuated his query as he neared, crossing his arms over his chest.

  Johnny stood, turning his attention to Michael while still staying close to Sara Beth. “Yeah, I know she can’t walk, but that doesn’t make her dead. She’s still her. She just has to figure out how to do some things differently.”

  Michael eyed Johnny as he moved to a position that would give him full view of Johnny and Sara Beth. He watched them for a moment, and then pulled his fingers toward him, like a beckoning gesture. “Okay, spill it. What happened? Exactly.” They hadn’t talked on the way to the doctor’s, everyone more concerned with the pain Sara Beth endured with every bump and turn.

  Fortunately, medicine dulled things and when Sara Beth glanced at Johnny, the sharp anguish he’d seen before the trip to town had been blunted.

  He placed a hand on the top handle of her seat back. “Mr. Jensen carried Sara Beth around the deck which wasn’t a big deal until he started down the steps. Heading toward the barn where he knew she didn’t want to go, he ignored Sara Beth when she said no over and over. She even yelled it. Then she pulled his hair to get him to stop.” Johnny clenched his teeth. “And the idiot dropped her. Right in the dirt.”

  “Sounds like that’s what she wanted, though.” Michael crossed his arms. “Did you want him to drop you, Sara Beth?”

  “Yes and no. I wanted him to drop me more than I wanted to go to the barn. If that makes sense?” She lifted her chin, enhancing the high angles of her cheekbones.

  Tapping his finger on his upper arm, Michael met her gaze. “Why don’t you go to the barn, anymore? You used to love it there. You haven’t seen any of the horses unless Johnny rides them by or leaves them out. It’s like you’ve cut out a huge part of yourself.”

  But Sara Beth didn’t answer. She pressed her lips together into a fine line and glared balefully at her to-be-brother-in-law.

  He sighed, throwing his hands in the air to land at his sides. “I’m not the enemy, Sara Beth. I want to help.” He ran a hand down over his face. “I’ll get another physical therapist out here later this week.” Ignoring Johnny, Michael left the deck, dropping his questions behind him.

  Johnny’s curiosity picked them up. Taking the railing again for his seat, Johnny bent his head until he caught Sara Beth’s eye and she turned her head e
nough she could watch him comfortably.

  They pondered each other for a long moment in silence.

  But the silence had more in it than friendship.

  Johnny’s over-caring had spilled onto the ground around them like discarded bells. No matter where they moved, one of them was going to make a noise. But who did it and where would it lead them?

  Tears sparkled on the lower edges of her eyelids. Her gaze flickered past him and didn’t return.

  Maybe platonic wasn’t a word Johnny wanted to use with Sara Beth. And maybe she didn’t either.

  “COME ON, SUGAR. LET’S try this again.” Johnny reached for the reins of the spirited horse. She’d danced past him more times than she hadn’t.

  Her next pass he would get the flicking leather straps. And he did, just barely, and wrapped them around his fist as he dug in his heels.

  And then with one jerk of her powerful neck, she threw him on the ground – face first.

  Spitting dirt from his mouth, Johnny pushed up from the lumpy training ring floor. He rolled to his butt, pulling his knees up toward his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs. Appraising the horse and the last three miserable days didn’t make him feel better or get him off the ground.

  Determination to not lose to a horse did.

  Standing, he dusted off his pants.

  Laughter from the direction of the barn caught his attention. Alarmed, he glanced toward the building, his stomach tightening at the sight of the familiar brunette bobbing his way.

  “Well, well, well. Since when do you slum it, Johnny Mayfair?” Lisa Trinkett tossed her dark hair over her shoulder and puckered her deep red lips just enough to bring attention to their plump shape.

  Johnny had fallen for her wiles before. But now, he could see past her maneuvers and spot the vulnerability lying just beneath. He lifted his hat her direction. “Lisa. What can I do for you?”