Zip, Zero, Zilch

by Tammy Falkner

  “It’s been so long since I’ve seen her,” I say when the hiccupping sobs finally subside.

  “I know.” He rubs my back.

  “She still looks the same. But it’s wrong. So wrong.”

  “I know.”

  “She didn’t even come to see me. She just came for money.”

  “Yes, she did.”

  “She doesn’t care. She never did.” My voice breaks again, and I want to kick myself for letting her get to me like this.

  “I know.”

  “What should I do?”

  “What do you want to do?”

  “I want her to go away! I want her to have never existed. Ever. I want a do-over.”

  He hums, but doesn’t say anything.

  “But if I had a do-over, I wouldn’t have Emilio and Marta, or any of my sisters. And without them, I wouldn’t have you.” I look up. “I do have you, right?”

  “You got me, cupcake.”

  “I’m squishing you.” I move to get up, but he holds me tightly.

  “I’m made of stronger stuff than you might think.”

  “You told her you love me,” I say quietly.

  He goes still under me. His hand stops sweeping down my hair.

  “Do you?”

  He turns my head with a finger under my chin so he can look into my eyes. “You doubt it?”

  “Well,” I hedge, “I told you yesterday and you didn’t tell me back, so I didn’t know.”

  “Oh, fuck,” he breathes. “I thought it was a given.”

  “A given?”

  “God, I can’t breathe when I’m around you, Peck. I can’t think. I love you, and I don’t want to be apart from you. Ever.”

  “You love me.” It’s not a question this time.

  The birds in my head start to sing, and my heart does this happy glug-glug thing in my chest.

  “Yes, I fucking love you.”

  I press my lips to his. He kisses me, softly and tenderly, until I press harder, and our teeth clack together. Then he’s right there with me. His tongue slides into my mouth, and its velvety rasp tickles alongside mine. He pushes me back a little and looks into my face, then brushes my hair back with gentle fingers. “Tell me what you want.”

  “You,” I say. “Just you.”

  “You got me,” he whispers against my lips.

  I feel like there was dry tinder in my heart, just waiting for a flame. And suddenly, I’ve been ignited.

  “It’s late,” he says. “Do you want to go to bed?”

  I nod. “Yes, please.”

  I can feel his smile against my cheek. “Okay.”

  He lifts me off of him and I get to my feet. My legs are a little wobbly and I suddenly am so tired.

  We walk into the bedroom and I get in the shower really quickly. Then I get out, wrap myself in a towel, and go into the bedroom so I can put on something to sleep in. Then I move toward the bathroom sink so I can brush my teeth. Sam follows me. He stops behind me and looks at my face in the mirror. “You’re so beautiful,” he says, as he sets his hands on my hips and his chin on my shoulder.

  My mouth is full of toothpaste, so I can’t answer.

  “I want to fuck you so bad,” he says.

  I choke on toothpaste.

  Sam

  She’s so fucking beautiful that I can’t breathe. My dick is hard and I want to bend her over the counter and slide inside her wet heat. But I know I can’t.

  I kiss the side of her neck and she tilts her head to give me more. Her eyes close and her head falls back onto my shoulder.

  My fingers are shaking a little as I slide them around her waist and dip into the waistband of her panties. Her eyes fly open and she lays her hand over mine to stop me.

  “You’re still on your period, right?” I ask quietly.

  She nods, her cheeks suddenly flaming. “You want to do it in the shower?” she asks. She laughs, but it’s not a joyful sound.

  Her voice is hesitant, but she meets my eyes in the mirror. I chuckle. “When I finally get to fuck you, it’s going to take a while. It certainly won’t be a quickie in the shower.”

  “But—”

  “I can wait.”

  “I can’t,” she complains.

  I laugh. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.”

  Her breath hitches. But she doesn’t tell me no, not even when I slide my fingers across the hip of her panties, tracing the line all the way around to her back.

  I grasp her thick thighs and slide my hands up, rubbing all that delicious flesh that I have been dying to see plump around my fingers.

  Her panties are blue, and the hip is nothing more than a tiny string of fabric. “God, these are sexy.” I bend down and kiss her hip, lifting her shirt a little.

  I inch my way up her back with my lips, taking time to taste her. By the time I get to the center of her back, she’s squirming in my arms.

  I know she’s self-conscious, so I don’t take all her clothes off. I lift her shirt, though, and push it up so that I can see her tits.

  “Oh, my God,” I breathe close to her ear. She shivers in my hold and raises one arm so that her hand can clasp the back of my neck.

  Her tits fill my hands and then some. They’re big and round, with dark, ruddy nipples. I lift them gently, because I don’t know yet how she likes for them to be touched. She covers one of my hands with hers and squeezes.

  “Harder?” I ask.

  She nods. I can barely feel it, but I see the acceptance in her eyes.

  I grasp her nipples between my thumbs and forefingers, each hand full of her, and give them a gentle squeeze. I watch her face in the mirror, and I see that she’s watching me just as closely. I wonder if she can see that I’m about to come in my pants. I wonder if she has any idea at all of how she can undo me.

  She whimpers and I let her breast drop with my left hand, and I slide it down the tender skin of her belly. Her stomach is a soft, padded lump, and I spread my hand across it. I can almost imagine my child growing there.

  “Sam…”

  “What?” I whisper back.

  I suck her earlobe into my mouth and nip it, while I tug on her nipple, elongating it with gentle pulls. The skin of her neck is a dusky pink, and her mouth hangs open.

  “Sam,” she says again.

  “I like seeing you naked,” I tell her. I almost expect her to kick me, but she doesn’t. She closes her eyes for a second, and then takes a breath and opens them back up. She looks into my face as I slide my fingers into the waistband of her panties and dip down into her heat. “I know you’re on your period. I promise not to touch anything you don’t want me to.”

  She nods. I wonder if she’s past the point of caring. Then her hand covers mine and applies pressure, and I know she is. She’s past the point where she cares what I see or what I touch.

  I dip into her heat and accidentally brush the string of her tampon. I move my fingers by it and circle her clit.

  I fucking love that she’s letting me be this intimate with her. I fucking love that she’s letting me see her. All of her.

  She cries out when I swirl my finger around her clit, and I brush up closer to her. My dick presses hard against her bottom. “Take your dick out,” she says.

  I freeze with my hand in her panties. “I’m a little busy here.” No way in hell I’m going to take my hand out of her panties. Not unless she seriously wants me to.

  She reaches behind her and grabs the waist of my gym shorts, and then shoves them down until my dick is free. The little fucker heads right for the crack of her ass. Her panties are covering her, though, so I rock against her. My balls are trying to crawl up my throat, and I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this. It’s too good. And I haven’t even been inside her.

  God, I want to be inside her.

  She reaches behind her and pulls the rear of her panties down. Her ass cheeks are exposed, and they’re so round and so perfect that I can’t take my eyes off them. She has these beautiful
little dimples that only come with a perfect, wide ass. With a gentle hand at the center of her back, I push her forward. I keep my hand on her clit, rubbing in small circles, and she pushes her bottom back against me. But with my free hand, I plump her ass with my palm. I have to close my eyes to keep from coming.

  “I’m so close!” she cries. “Sam, please don’t make me come alone.”

  “Oh, fuck yeah,” I groan. I spit into my palm and rub it along my dick, getting it wet to ease the friction I’m about to create. Because no way I’m not going to touch her. “I need you,” I grit out.

  “I can take the tampon out,” she says. But she’s looking a little flustered. I can see her clearly in the mirror with her shirt rucked up around her throat. Her panties are down around her thighs.

  I replace my fingers with hers. “Rub your pussy for me.”

  I sink my dick in the crack of her ass and slide forward. It’s not tight enough, so I palm her cheeks and push them around my dick. She’s slick and wet from my spit, and I know this isn’t optimal, but I can’t seem to stop myself. I don’t want to fuck her ass. I just want to press her cheeks closed around my dick. I want to hold all that perfect, plump flesh.

  Her fingers slide, circling her clit. I can feel the glancing blow of them every few sweeps as she falters and bumps my balls. “Holy Christ,” I swear.

  I have her ass in my hands, and I am afraid I’m not going to be able to wait for one more minute. Then she cries out.

  Oh, holy hell, she’s coming. She’s coming hard. Her body quakes and shivers and all I can do is hold onto her ass and thrust through the crease of it. It’s not as good as getting to be inside her, but it’s close. She’s still riding the wave when my balls finally win. I spill myself in the center of her back, shoving through the wet crease of her ass over and over until I’m spent.

  She goes still beneath me, putting all of her weight onto the bathroom counter. She smiles softly. She looks so fucking hot like this, with her naked ass in the air, and those soft lips turned up in a satisfied smile.

  “That was intense,” I say. “Be still and I’ll clean you up.”

  “Shower with me,” she says.

  I turn on the water and wait a moment, while I help her get up. Her legs are like noodles and she’s having trouble even standing. She yawns.

  I yank her shirt over her head, pull her into the shower with me, wash her quickly, and then I wash myself.

  When we’re clean, I wrap her in a clean towel and leave her in the bathroom just in case she needs to take care of girly things. She comes out a minute later and pulls the towel off. She puts on a pair of panties and nothing else. She’s not even bashful about it. She slides between my covers almost naked and I fucking love it. I turn off the light and she curls up on my chest. Her fingertips draw a figure eight from one nipple to the other.

  “Why did you do that?” she suddenly asks.

  “Do what?”

  “Most men wouldn’t settle for just that.”

  I scoff. “I’ll settle for anything you’ll give me. If you just want to hold my hand, I’ll settle for that too.” I chuckle. “Give me whatever, cupcake. I’ll take it.”

  “That was intense.”

  I cup my hands in the air, even though I know she can’t see me. “Your ass, oh my God…”

  She sits up a little. “What about it?”

  I laugh. “I fucking love it.”

  She settles back against me. “You don’t think there’s too much of it?”

  I chuckle. “That’s like too much Santa Claus. Or too much World Series. Too much Super Bowl. Never happen.” I kiss her forehead. “You got a perfect ass, you know?”

  She laughs. “I think you’re fuck-drunk.”

  More like love-drunk. “What do you want to do about your mother?”

  She goes still in my arms, and I’m suddenly terrified.

  “I guess that since she knows I’m here, I should leave.”

  My heart is suddenly in my throat, and I have to swallow past it. “I can protect you if you stay here.”

  “Why did you come downstairs when you did?”

  I’m guessing she means tonight. “Henry called me. He keeps an eye on you.”

  “I like Henry.” She snuggles into my shoulder.

  “He’s the best.” I run my fingers up and down her naked back. “Why didn’t you have a driver? Or security?”

  She shrugs. “It was late. I was hanging with Logan and Emily and we got to talking. I didn’t realize how late it was.” She lifts her face so that her chin sticks in my chest. Her mouth is close to mine. “Watching them together made me miss you. Lots.”

  “Who? Logan and Em?”

  Her voice goes quiet. “And their baby.”

  Does she want a baby? Does she want a family? With me? My heart fills with hope.

  “She’s such a good mother.”

  “She would disagree with you on that. She’s still learning.”

  “All it takes is a mom who actually cares. I wouldn’t know what that’s like.”

  “Do you want kids?”

  I remember the last time we had this talk. She wasn’t sure, because she didn’t want her speech disability to impair a child.

  “Yeah. I want at least one. And I want to adopt. I want to find a kid like me, one with no hope and no prospects. Maybe even one with a disability. I want to change a kid’s life.” She wiggles in my arms. “What about you?”

  “I want whatever you want.”

  She freezes. “But what do you want?”

  “I want you. The rest is negotiable. I’d like to start with one kid. Ours. Adopted. I don’t care. I want to have a family that’s as close as I am with my brothers.”

  “You’d be okay with adopting?”

  “Have you seen Matt’s family at all? His oldest three kids were adopted, and they are family. They’re loved just as much as his biological kids.”

  “That sounds nice.” She rolls in my arms so that she’s facing away from me. I brush her hair down between us, and kiss her naked shoulder. “I love you, Sam,” she whispers.

  I can barely hear her, but I do. The words roll around in my mind and in my heart, swelling and growing from a tiny seed into something bigger. “I love you too.”

  My gut clenches, because I’m afraid she’s going to hate me. Something has to be done about her mother. And I’m the man who is going to do it.

  ***

  Paul slams his palm down onto the table. “Abso-fucking-lutely not!” he bellows. He jumps to his feet. “Have you lost your motherfucking mind?”

  I called this meeting with my brothers because I need a plan. Logan’s the only one who’s not here, and I have no idea where he is.

  “I don’t have a choice,” I tell Paul quietly. “I have to go and see him. Peck’s mom might not have been around for a while, but she’s Peck’s birth mother. I need to take care of this for her.”

  Pete watches me closely. He spent two years behind bars because of Bone. I know he’s going to have a problem with this. But he doesn’t say anything. Not yet.

  “No,” Paul bites out.

  “You don’t get a say in this, Paul. I’m asking for your help. Not for permission.”

  He stops his pacing and stares at me. “What does Peck say about this?”

  “She doesn’t know.”

  Paul points a finger at me. “Tell her and then get back to us. Once she dumps your stupid ass. And it’ll be all your fault.”

  Pete glares at me from his seat on the other side of the table. “You know what Bone did to me.”

  “I know that you and I got caught doing stupid shit and that he was in the middle of it, but we chose to do it.”

  I’ll never forgive myself for the fact that Pete spent two years in jail while I was in college enjoying myself, learning, growing, and being a young man with prospects. Pete’s a felon and I’m not, but I should be. Regardless, we chose to commit the crime. Bone paid us for it, but we chose it.

  �
��I’m not going to go and work for him. I’m just going to go and give him the money for Peck’s mom. That’s all.”

  “Why can’t you just give the money to her mom? Then she can pass it on and everyone can be done with it.” Leave it to Pete to be Mr. Sunshine.

  “Because I want to be sure it’s all the way over. Done. Complete. Bone isn’t going to do anything to me. He has no beef with me whatsoever.”

  Suddenly, a voice from the back of the shop calls out, “I’ll go with you.”

  I look up and see Josh rolling toward us.

  “I know Bone,” he says. He uncovers his shoulder and shows us a tattoo on the side of his neck.

  “Fuck,” Paul says. “I fucking knew it.” He drops his head into his hands and scrubs his face. He lifts his head, looks at Pete and says, “Show him the door.”

  “Hear him out,” Pete says.

  “I know where he works. I know where he lives. I can take you there and be sure you come out safe.”

  Paul swears. “You can’t guarantee he’ll be safe.”

  “I can’t guarantee it, no, but I can help. Without me, you’ll never get through the front door.”

  That teardrop tattoo on his cheek freaks me the fuck out.

  “When can you go?” I ask.

  He shrugs. “I need a couple of days to make a plan.”

  “A plan for what?” Paul barks.

  “I need to find out where he is and what he’s doing. I need to be sure he’ll be receptive to visitors. The nature of his business is rolling. I’ll ask some questions and find out.”

  I nod. “Okay.”

  Paul jumps up so fast that his chair flips over. He storms toward the back of the shop.

  Matt reaches over and taps the table in front of me. “Let me know when you’re going to meet him.”

  No way in hell I’m taking any of my brothers with me. They have families. Kids. Wives.

  I have Peck. And I’m doing this for her, I remind myself.

  “I need to see him anyway,” Josh says. “I need to give him something.”

  “Bone?” I ask.

  He nods. Then he rolls toward the back of the shop and picks up a plunger. He wheels himself into the bathroom and the door closes behind him.

  “Do you need any money?” Matt asks.

  “I’m good.” I have more money than I could dream of. And nothing to spend it on.