Smile Like You Mean It (Charlotte Reynolds Book 1)

by Willow Hadley

  A loud thumping noise startles us, and we practically leap away from each other. Charlotte’s cheeks turn bright red and she stares down at her lap, but I look up. Grayson’s standing in my doorway, staring at us with a horrified expression. He obviously saw what was about to happen, and I’m torn between feeling guilty and angry that he interrupted us.

  He shakes his head and smiles nervously, bending down to pick up the book he’d dropped. I can’t tell if he dropped it on accident, or if he did it purposely to get our attention. It doesn’t even matter. The moment is over.

  “Sorry,” Grayson says. “My moms are texting me, saying I need to bring the car back. Are you guys ready to leave yet?”

  Charlotte clears her throat and nods her head frantically. “Yeah, I just need to go to the bathroom really quick.”

  She rushes past Grayson, not making eye contact with either of us. Grayson waits until she’s out of view before he turns to look at me. I pretend like nothing happened as I get up and straighten my bed covers, and I casually pick up the bag I’d packed to sleep over at Sebastian and Charlotte’s house.

  “Dude,” Grayson whispers. I force myself to meet his eyes. He holds his hands out and continues whispering, “I get it. Seriously, I do. But please, just wait a little longer. Okay?”

  I’m completely thrown by his request, and I’m sure the confusion is plain on my face. Wait a little longer? Why, so he or the other guys have a chance to make a move on Charlotte too? I don’t think so.

  My grandma walks into my room, putting an end to the conversation. “Are you all leaving now?”

  I nod and smile at her, hoping she doesn’t pick up on anything. “Yeah, thanks for letting me go. And thank you for not embarrassing me too much. That was a nice surprise.”

  She and Grayson laugh, and my grandma smiles wickedly. “Don’t worry, there’s always next time.”

  A few minutes later, Charlotte, Grayson and I climb into Evelyn’s car. Charlotte seems jittery, and she keeps smiling nervously at me and Grayson. But nobody mentions what almost happened. Still, I’m more confident than ever now. Charlotte obviously does have feelings for me! I’ll just have to find a moment alone with her later so that we can talk, and so I can finally, hopefully kiss her.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  I am officially the worst person in the universe.

  I almost kissed Grayson and Remy. Both of them. On the same day! I can’t believe I’ve gotten myself into this mess, and I have no idea what to do. The entire drive home, I’m totally freaking out. Remy and Grayson are talking, but I don’t hear anything they’re saying. Their words go completely over my head while I stare out the window, internally panicking and avoiding their gazes.

  Neither of them is acting like anything is wrong, but I can feel their eyes on me. I’m afraid to look at Grayson, since he nearly walked in on me and Remy kissing. I know it had to have been obvious, and I can only imagine how upset he is since I’d shared a similar moment with him just hours earlier.

  When Grayson parks in his driveway, I clench my fists tightly and force myself to stay calm. I need a few minutes alone so I can clear my head, but I don’t want to make things weirder than they already are with the guys.

  Grayson lightly grabs my wrist before I can move to open the car door. I make sure my face is blank and slowly turn to meet his gaze, my heart thudding loudly and painfully the entire time. He’s frowning, unsurprisingly, but his springtime eyes are focused on a spot near my collarbone.

  “What’s that?” He points to the spot, brushing his fingertip against my skin.

  I’m so caught off guard, having expected him to say something about Remy. Or worse, confront me about my feelings. So, I furrow my eyebrows and look down, trying to figure out what he’s talking about.

  He quickly brings his finger up and flicks my nose, and I jerk back to stare at him in shock. With an adorable smirk on his face, he says, “Gotcha, Princess.”

  I stare at him a second longer, and then I burst into giggles. Remy snickers from the back seat, and I turn my head to smile at him. He adjusts his glasses and smiles back, his dimples on full display. I can only look at him for so long before I start thinking about all of the drawings he’d made of me.

  Grayson tugs on a strand of my hair, capturing my attention once more. “Stop thinking so hard, alright? We’re gonna have fun tonight!”

  I don’t understand how he’s not upset or jealous, or how he can smile at me like nothing happened when he probably thinks I’m just a huge slut who’s leading him on.

  Okay, no. I mentally slap myself. Grayson is my kindred spirit! He would never think something like that about me. None of the boys would, I’m sure. It’s not their fault I like all of them so much, and I need to remind myself that this is my problem. No matter how cute or sweet or romantic any of the boys are, nothing can ever happen.

  Grayson is definitely right about one thing. I need to stop thinking if I’m going to be able to get through tonight with my sanity intact. The three of us get out of the car, and Grayson tells us he’ll be right over as he heads into his house.

  I’m nervous that Remy might bring up our almost-kiss the moment we’re alone. But he walks beside me silently until we reach the front door of my house. He adjusts his glasses and peers down at me with his ever-intense artist eyes, and my heart flips.

  It seems like he wants to say something, but I clear my throat awkwardly and beat him to it. “I’m sorry.”

  His eyebrows raise and asks, “What for?”

  “I don’t know.” I shrug. “For making things so awkward, I guess.”

  He chuckles, and one side of his mouth turns up in a smile. “I was going to apologize for the same thing, actually.”

  I laugh lightly and smile too. I still feel embarrassed and guilty about the situation, but the usual easiness between us is already returning. I step forward and wrap my arms around Remy, and he doesn’t hesitate to hug me back.

  I rest my cheek against his strong chest and sigh softly. He’s completely towering over me, but it feels really nice being held by him like this. My stomach is full of butterflies, and I can’t help glancing at my front door. I can hear a ton of commotion inside, which means the other boys are probably playing a video game together. I sigh again, even more quietly this time. I missed them so much today.

  When I pull away, Remy gives me a bashful smile. Once again I think he’s going to say something else, but instead he reaches around me to open the front door. My heart swells with happiness the moment I step foot inside, and I grin like a maniac at the sight before me.

  Sebastian, Liam, Elliot, and Arthur are huddled around the TV, screaming at each other with game controllers in their hands. I’ve seen Arthur play with Sebastian before, but never when the other guys are over at the house. It’s really cute, and they’re so caught up in their game that they don’t notice us walk in.

  I slip my shoes off and slowly tiptoe further into the living room while Remy closes the door behind us. Liam’s always the easiest to scare, so I silently walk up behind the couch where he’s sitting. Remy’s still standing in the entryway, and he meets my eyes with a mischievous grin. I bend down so my mouth is close to Liam’s ear and I tap my fingers against the back of his neck as I whisper, “Boo!”

  Liam jumps and lets out an awful, high-pitched scream.

  Arthur, Sebastian, and Elliot whip their heads around to stare at Liam, and they finally notice me and Remy. Arthur stands up and smiles at me. “Hey, kid! When did you get here?”

  I’m too busy laughing my ass off to answer him because Liam literally screamed like a little girl! The other boys are snickering at his expense, and Sebastian snorts with a shake of his head. “I can’t believe you screamed like that, dude. That’s just fucking embarrassing!”

  Liam flips Sebastian off, and he turns to glare at me. I’m still shaking from giggling so hard, but I manage to choke out, “You just make it way too easy, Liam!”

  I screech in surprise when
Liam pulls me over the back of the couch and into his lap, tickling my sides mercilessly.

  “You are such a little brat!” he shouts dramatically. I know he’s not mad because he starts laughing a second later.

  I’m squealing and giggling like crazy, smacking his hands away and attempting to make sure my dress doesn’t ride up. Someone starts ruffling my hair while Liam tickles me, and I can only assume that someone is Elliot.

  “Okay, okay.” Arthur clears his throat. He’s frowning at Liam, which makes me realize it probably looks like we’re flirting.

  I scramble out of Liam’s lap, but I end up sitting squished between him and Elliot on the couch. I catch Sebastian’s eye from where he’s sitting on the floor in front of the TV, only to find him glowering at us.

  “Where’s Grayson?” Sebastian asks.

  I’m feeling way too guilty and nervous, and I’ve lost all of my words. I’m extremely grateful when Remy answers, “He’s taking the car keys back to his moms and grabbing his stuff to sleep over.”

  “You guys have fun?” Elliot asks, brushing a stray lock of hair away from my face. “Your hair looks pretty.”

  I meet his soft gray-blue eyes and curse the stupid butterflies in my stomach. To hide the fact that I still feel so nervous, I jokingly scoff, “It looked pretty before you messed it up, anyways!”

  Elliot barks out a laugh, which makes me smile. Remy and Sebastian snicker quietly, and Liam snorts and reaches over me to smack Elliot’s head. Arthur asks us what we want to do for dinner, and we agree to order some pizza. A couple of minutes later, I manage to slip away so I can go upstairs to change into some more comfortable clothes, and also to clear my head.

  After changing into a pair of pajama shorts and an oversized tee shirt, I settle in front of my mirror to stare at my reflection. I’ve gained a little weight and muscle since moving here, and my eyes don’t look nearly as empty or haunted as they did a couple of months ago. Moving in with Arthur and Sebastian is hands down the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I wake up feeling so lucky, every single day.

  Arthur has been incredible since day one. He’s been kind and supportive, and while he never pushes me to talk, he always makes it clear that he is more than willing to listen or help me with anything. I still miss my dad, and I miss the way my mom was before he died, but having Arthur in my life has made the grief and heartbreak so much easier to deal with.

  And then there are the boys.

  Sebastian. Liam. Remy. Elliot. Grayson.

  Each one of them has stolen a piece of my heart, and I can’t help smiling despite my stress. They’re so accepting, so wonderful, and I have fun with them every single day no matter what we’re doing. I can’t even describe how it feels to know that there are five people in the universe that understand me perfectly, that I can always rely on and be myself around a hundred percent of the time.

  I love them—all five of them.

  The realization hits me like a freight train. I lean forward until my forehead is pressed against the mirror and watch my breath fog up the glass as I groan. “What is wrong with me?”

  I’ve only kissed two boys before in my life, and I’ve never even had a real boyfriend. But I think about kissing my boys constantly, and I crave their attention. I know they think I’m pretty, and I’m almost certain they all have feelings for me too. But if they knew I felt the same way about all of them...

  I take a deep breath and hold it, sitting up straight while I glare at my stupid reflection. I’ve said it to myself a million times already, but I’m going to have to keep repeating the same mantra over and over again: nothing is worth risking the friendship I share with them.

  I have to be strong and keep my resolve. No kissing them, no flirting with them—even if they flirt with me—and absolutely no confessing my true feelings, ever.

  When I head back downstairs, I hear Arthur ordering pizza over the phone. He’s standing in the kitchen while the boys mess around by the TV. I hop onto one of the stools beside the island and silently mouth ‘buffalo chicken’ to Arthur. He nods and gives me thumbs up, and I grin in response.

  Once he’s off the phone, I rest my elbows on the counter and say, “Thanks, Arthur.”

  “Of course.” He smiles. He glances towards the living room and sighs. “I can’t believe you’re all going into eleventh grade. Pretty soon, you and Sebastian will be leaving for college, and the house will be empty again.”

  I don’t think he meant for his words to sound as sad as they did, but I smile softly and raise my eyebrows at him. “You know, Evelyn thinks you need a girlfriend.”

  Arthur scoffs and mumbles something unintelligible, his face quickly reddening. My grin only widens when he rolls his eyes and asks, “And what do you think?”

  “I think she’s kind of right.” I shrug, and giggle at the look on my uncle’s face. Deciding I’ve teased him enough, I ask, “Are you going to hang out with us and watch movies?”

  His eyes crinkle and he laughs, looking so much like my father for a moment. “Sure, kid.”

  “Char-lotte!” Elliot calls my name in a sing-song voice. I spin around on my stool to face him, tilting my head in confusion when I see Liam and Remy pushing the couches further away from the TV. Elliot grins when he sees the expression on my face and points to the floor. “You’re sleeping next to me, right?”

  Sebastian looks up from the TV and settles an icy glare on Elliot. I don’t even know what the hell Elliot’s talking about, but it figures he would say something stupid and flirty after I just gave myself a pep-talk about not flirting with the boys.

  “I told the boys that you could sleep in the living room together tonight.” Arthur narrows his eyes and raises his voice, glancing in the boys’ direction. “Granted you all behave yourselves.”

  I’ve never heard Arthur be so serious, not even when he gave me and Sebastian rules about being in each other’s rooms! I make sure my expression is blank when I look at him, but the boys aren’t as good at hiding their shock. They nod solemnly at him, and Elliot jumps up to help Liam and Remy move the furniture.

  After a few awkward, silent moments pass, Sebastian catches my eye and smiles as he gestures at the TV. “You said you wanted to watch Pitch Perfect, right? I rented it on Amazon Prime.”

  “Yes, thank you!” I beam at him. I wasn’t sure they’d actually appease me with this, even after all of my teasing earlier.

  Remy rolls his eyes playfully, and I stick my tongue out at him. Once the couches and coffee table are out of the way, Sebastian asks me to help him and the guys grab sleeping bags and blankets from the extra guest bedroom upstairs. They seem to have everything organized and planned out, and I wonder how often they’ve had sleepovers like this before. I mean, the guys have slept over here a couple of times this summer, but never all together like this.

  It’s hard to hide my excitement, and my stomach is fluttering like crazy every time I think about falling asleep next to them. Obviously, nothing is going to happen. I am resolved, dammit! But it’s probably good that Arthur gave the guys such a stern warning.

  Our arms are full when we make it back downstairs, and Grayson finally just as we start setting everything up.

  ***

  The sound of laughter startles me and I squint, realizing I must have fallen asleep. After sitting through Pitch Perfect, the boys voted to watch Step Brothers. They were pretty rowdy during that movie, quoting almost every line perfectly, which was so dumb, but really adorable. When it was over, we made sure to clean up our mess from the pizza we’d devoured, and Arthur went to bed.

  The boys picked another silly comedy to watch, and I was so happy and cozy. I probably only lasted, like, fifteen minutes before falling asleep once the movie started and everybody settled down.

  “Be quiet! You’re going to wake her up,” Sebastian hisses from somewhere off to my left.

  I’m about to open my eyes to let them know I am already awake, but Grayson chuckles quietly from right beside me. “S
he’s so cute. She always looks so fucking adorable when she falls asleep like this.”

  Aww, that’s actually really sweet. A little embarrassing too.

  And then Elliot has to open his big mouth. “Did you guys see her ass earlier in those little shorts she’s wearing? So fucking hot.”

  Oh my god. I can’t believe he just said that! There’s absolutely no way I can let them know I’m awake now, and I’m praying it’s dark enough they won’t be able to tell that I’m blushing.

  There’s a bit of shuffling and the unmistakable sound of someone being punched before Elliot hisses in pain. “What the fuck, Seb!”

  “That was a stupid thing to say,” Liam whispers. There’s a short pause, and then he adds, “Charlotte’s ass looks fucking amazing no matter what she’s wearing.”

  Elliot, Grayson, and Remy snicker, and Sebastian growls angrily. “I’m going to fucking kill you guys, I swear to god.”

  Holy crap. My face is completely on fire, but it’s extremely difficult not to giggle or grin like a lunatic. I’m honestly shocked that they’re talking about me like this at all to each other, but especially while I’m in the same room, asleep or not!

  “So, who gets to sleep next to her?” Remy asks in a hushed voice once everyone calms down.

  There’s silence for a few more seconds, and I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest. I’ve never felt so giddy and mortified at the same time before!

  Eventually, Liam clears his throat and whispers, “Should we arm wrestle for it?”

  I lose it, snorting loudly before dissolving into giggles. “You guys are the biggest idiots in the universe!”

  I finally peek my eyes open, blinking a few times to adjust to the darkness. I’m still totally blind until Grayson hands me my glasses.

  “Here,” he whispers, and I can tell from his tone that he’s embarrassed. “I set them on the coffee table earlier when you fell asleep, in case you rolled over and accidentally broke them.”

  I make sure to smile at him thankfully once I have my glasses on. After all, Grayson called me cute without being gross about it like Elliot and Liam. He gives me a tight smile in return, and it looks like he might be pressing his tongue against his lip ring.