Dare to Love

by A. L. Brooks

  Her phone chimed, and her stomach flipped once more; her taxi was outside.

  Well, I can’t delay any further.

  She walked downstairs, picked up her handbag, and left the house.

  Carmen felt as if she were on a knife-edge: one wrong word, one tiny slip in concentration and she could blow this entire thing. Although it had taken every iota of energy and professionalism she possessed, the evening had progressed well so far. Matthew and Ivan, the producer, seemed to get on famously, and Carmen knew they were almost there.

  As the two men chatted about a play they both admired, her mind drifted to her…date?…with Ash on Monday. Is it a date? I mean, there will be drinks, probably, but friends drink together, don’t they?

  “Wouldn’t you agree, Carmen?” Ivan asked.

  Um, what? Shit, what did he just ask? Praying her face didn’t colour, Carmen cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, I missed that?”

  Ivan tilted his head. “You seem a little distracted. Is everything okay?” A small frown settled in the centre of his forehead.

  Scrabbling for a good response, she picked up her napkin and fanned herself. “I’m actually feeling a little light-headed. It’s rather close in here, don’t you think?”

  Ivan narrowed his eyes.

  She rushed on. “I’m sorry, let me just go throw some water on my face. I’ll be right back.” She stood without waiting for an answer, gave Matthew what she hoped was an encouraging smile, and walked as quickly as she could towards the ladies’ room.

  Once inside she did take the time to splash a little cold water on her face, if only to remove the blush colouring her cheeks.

  Good God, how embarrassing! She never lost concentration like this. Never.

  Am I starting my menopause? Jesus, I am so not ready for that.

  After drying her hands and face, she gave herself another couple of minutes of simply standing, breathing deeply, to calm down. When she returned to the table, Ivan and Matthew were still chatting.

  “Everything okay?” Ivan asked.

  “All good, thankfully. Sorry about that. It’s been a long week.” She threw him her most dazzling smile.

  He nodded. “It’s no problem. But I think we’re all done here, yes? I have another appointment I need to get to, so…”

  Carmen settled the bill, and the three parted company outside the restaurant. Once Ivan had left in one taxi and Matthew in another, she stood on the pavement and inhaled a long breath.

  Okay, somehow I pulled that off .

  Just.

  She rolled her neck a couple of times. God, I’m shattered .

  As she climbed into a taxi a couple of minutes later, her phone chimed. She pulled it from her bag, and a smile split her face.

  I hope your work evening is nearly done and you’re on your way home. Just wanted to check we were still on for Monday evening? I’ve heard about a new wine bar a couple of minutes from the studio that’s supposed to be kind of funky. Want to try?

  God, now even a simple text message from Ash could calm her soul. It was ridiculous but lovely, all at the same time.

  A funky wine bar sounds perfect. See you then!

  The thrill that shivered down her body was completely out of proportion to the situation.

  Wasn’t it?

  Chapter 17

  “So, monkey, what do you want?” Ash looked across the rough-hewn table at her niece. They were in the beer garden of Courtney’s local pub, The Fisherman, and were lucky to have snagged a table on such a warm Sunday.

  Sophie ran a finger down the menu.

  “Yeah, come on, Soph, make a decision.” Courtney rolled her eyes.

  Ash tilted her head, wondering what was going on. There was a tension to Courtney that she couldn’t read.

  “Give me a minute.” Sophie glared at her mum, then returned to her perusal of the menu. She chewed on a strand of hair, and Ash had to laugh as both she and Courtney reached across to pull the hair from her mouth. It was a habit they’d been trying to break Sophie from for years now. Clearly, they’d got nowhere.

  Sophie huffed at them but did as she was told. “All right. The chicken burger.”

  “Finally!” Courtney stood.

  Ash handed her a twenty. “This should be enough, right?”

  Courtney frowned before leaning in close to Ash. “I don’t need your money, you know?”

  Ash sighed. “I just want to treat you both. That’s all. I’m not trying to offend. I know you can afford this. But coming out for lunch was my suggestion so I’d like to pay. Okay?”

  It took a moment, but eventually Courtney nodded, took the money, and headed inside the pub to order their meals.

  Ash understood where Courtney’s reluctance came from. Her sister had worked hard to turn her life around, especially since Sophie’s father, a guy Courtney met on a trip to Corfu, had buggered off when Sophie was three. Ash knew her sister would be offended by the thought of any charity, regardless of who it came from.

  “So, how’s things?” she asked Sophie.

  Sophie shrugged. “Okay.”

  “Just okay?”

  The teenager shrugged again. She picked up her phone and started tapping on the screen.

  “Sophie?”

  Sighing, Sophie put down the phone. “Auntie Ash, it’s fine.” She looked away. “I’ve kind of got bigger things on my mind than Mum and her problems, you know?”

  “Oh? Anything you want to talk about?”

  Sophie looked back at Ash. “No. I… No.” She nibbled a fingernail.

  “You’re not having any trouble from anyone at school, are you? Comments or—”

  “No!” Sophie stared at Ash. “No one knows anything so no one can say anything. It’s just…” She looked around, then lowered her voice. “I…I like someone, okay? And I know I should be able to talk to you about it, but I can’t. It’s… I can’t.”

  Ash’s heart lurched. “Okay.” She held her hands up. “I’ll say no more. But you know where I am, okay? Any time.”

  Sophie pushed out her bottom lip but nodded a moment later.

  “All right, food’ll be about twenty minutes.” Courtney appeared beside them and sat heavily in her seat next to Sophie. She reached for her beer and took a long drink. “Mm, that’s better.” She smacked her lips.

  Sophie rolled her eyes.

  Ash smiled and took a sip from her Coke. “So, how’s work?” she asked Courtney.

  Her sister glanced over Ash’s shoulder, her gaze wandering. “It’s fine. Nothing changes, but that suits me.”

  “Think you’ll get a crack at being manager one day?”

  Courtney focused back on Ash. “Not at that store. Brian’s been there ten years already, and he’s quite happy to stay until he gets his pension. Nah, if I get a chance it will be at another store. Then I’ll have to see how far away it is and whether it’s worth the extra travel.” Her gaze drifted once more, beyond Ash, and her face lit up. She stood and waved at someone. “Hey, Hels! Over here!”

  Ash swivelled in her seat.

  Approaching their table was a woman about Courtney’s age, maybe a little older, with dyed red hair and wearing a tight, white skirt and even tighter, pink top. She had a large glass of white wine in one hand, and loping along behind her was a teenage boy. He looked to be about sixteen and was tall, dark-haired, and dressed in skinny black jeans and a grey T-shirt.

  Courtney and the woman hugged exuberantly.

  The boy scuffed at the ground while casting furtive glances in Sophie’s direction.

  Ash turned in her seat. Her niece was engrossed in her phone and completely oblivious to his presence. Ash wanted to laugh but held it back.

  “This is my friend Helen, from bingo. This is my sister, Ash.” Courtney pointed. “And this is my Sophie.”

  Sophie looked up, her eyes wide. “H-hello.”

  “Hey, nice to meet you Helen.” Ash nodded at the new arrival.

  “And you! But call me Hels, everyone does.”
Helen tugged on the boy’s arm and pulled him nearer. “And this is my Ryan.”

  “Sophie, say hello to Ryan.” Courtney’s voice was overly sweet.

  Ash took in her sister’s excited demeanour. Then she looked at Sophie—who now wore a frown—before transferring her attention to Helen and Ryan.

  And then it clicked.

  Oh for fuck’s sake, Courtney. Surely not . Ash only just held back a groan.

  “All right?” Sophie offered the ubiquitous teenager greeting.

  “All right.” Ryan’s response was mumbled, his head down, looking at his own feet.

  “Why don’t you sit here, Ryan?” Courtney pointed to her vacated seat next to Sophie. “And us adults will sit over here.” She walked round the table to sit next to Ash, with Helen sitting on Ash’s other side.

  Ash stared at her sister. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m not doing anything.” Courtney smiled and reached for her beer.

  Before Ash could respond, Sophie narrowed her eyes and said, “Mum, can I talk to you for a sec?”

  “What’s up, love?” Courtney shifted in her seat.

  Sophie’s frown deepened. “In private.”

  In awe of her niece’s composure, Ash watched as Courtney made a big show of getting up and walking away from their table to where Sophie now stood about three yards away.

  At first their conversation was muted, even though Sophie gesticulated expansively. That lasted all of a minute before their voices rose, and everyone around them became privy to their argument.

  “How dare you? I can’t believe you did this!” Sophie threw her hands wide. “God, it’s bad enough you read my bloody diary, and now this? Even if I wanted a boyfriend, I can find one myself, you know? I don’t need you interfering in any of this. Any of it, you get me?”

  The last few words were shouted, and all heads in the vicinity turned to watch the show.

  “Keep your voice down!” Courtney spat.

  “No, I won’t! I want everyone to hear this. I want them all to know what a bitch you are!” Sophie was crying now, and Ash suspected it was from a combination of frustration and hurt.

  Her heart broke for her niece.

  “You had no right to read my diary.” Sophie wiped at her eyes. “No right at all. And now you have, you think this is the way to deal with what you read in there? What bloody century are we living in? What, you want an arranged marriage for me now or something?”

  “Sophie.” Courtney’s voice was tight with warning. “This isn’t the place to—”

  “I don’t want to hear it!” Sophie held up a hand in her mum’s face. “I’m sick of you. I’m going home.” She stomped to the table, swept up her phone and rammed it in her jeans pocket, then strode off towards the gate that led out of the pub garden.

  “What the fuck are you lot looking at?” Courtney shouted at the pub’s customers.

  Ash didn’t hear any of the responses; she was out of her seat and racing after Sophie.

  Ash slowly closed the door to Sophie’s bedroom, thankful that at last her niece was asleep. Her tears had fallen long and hard, but at least she had accepted Ash’s comfort. She’d held Sophie until she was spent, then encouraged her to lie down. She knew Sophie probably wouldn’t sleep for long—if nothing else, hunger at her missed lunch would wake her in less than an hour—but she needed a few minutes of calm.

  Jesus, Courtney , Ash thought. Could you have fucked this up any worse? And where the fuck are you?

  The sound of a key turning in the front door had Ash striding across the small landing and running down the stairs.

  Courtney walked into the house and held up a hand when Ash made to speak. “Don’t. I don’t need a fucking lecture on how to raise my own kid.”

  “Actually, I think that’s exactly what you need.” Ash’s body flashed hot, then cold; she clenched her hands at her sides to stop herself from grabbing her sister and giving her a bloody good shaking.

  Courtney pushed past her and marched off towards the kitchen.

  Ash followed and shut the kitchen door behind them.

  “I don’t want to hear it.” Courtney’s back was to Ash. “It’s bad enough I probably can’t go back to The Fisherman for about a year after all that.”

  “Are you kidding me? That’s your biggest worry?” Ash folded her arms across her chest. “What about Sophie? Her feelings? Why is this all about you?”

  Courtney turned to Ash, a snarl on her face. “You don’t have any idea about raising a kid, so you don’t get to tell me what it is I’m doing wrong!”

  “Well, given you can’t figure it out yourself, I think someone ought to spell it out for you.” Ash stepped closer to her sister and stood in front of her, hands on her hips. “How on earth did you think setting her up with one of your mates’ sons was going to ‘fix’ her, huh? When are you going to realise that she doesn’t need ‘fixing’? She just needs some time and support to work this all out for herself.” Courtney made to move away, but Ash caught her arm. “You keep going like this, and you’re going to lose her. She won’t want anything to do with you. Is that really what you want? All because you can’t handle the thought that she might, and I repeat, might , turn out to be gay?”

  Courtney’s expression was haunted. She swallowed a couple of times before speaking. “I was trying to help. You don’t understand. You never will.” She wrenched herself out from Ash’s grip. “Now get out of my house.”

  “Courtney—”

  “I said get out! I’ve had enough of you sticking your nose in my business. Go on, fuck off!”

  Ash’s blood boiled, but she knew it was pointless to carry on the argument. Courtney was in self-righteous mode, and experience told Ash she needed time to get past that. Admittedly, this time it worried Ash more than before; she’d never seen her sister so wound up.

  Should I go? Or should I stay for Sophie?

  Ash met Courtney’s gaze and held it. “What are you going to do?”

  Courtney’s eyebrows rose. “For fuck’s sake, I’m not going to harm my own kid. Jesus, what do you think I am?”

  She looked genuinely horrified, and Ash’s fears abated. “Fine. Then I’ll go. She’s upstairs asleep, by the way. Thanks for asking.”

  To her credit, Courtney blushed. “Okay.”

  “Figure this out, Courtney. Before it’s too late.”

  Courtney stared at her for a moment, then turned away.

  Chapter 18

  Carmen was a bag of nerves as she turned into the street where Ash’s studio was located. She’d decided to walk from the office in the vain hope the evening air would calm her. Her plan had failed. The nearer she got to the studio and to seeing Ash again, the more her anxiety rose.

  She was half an hour early, and she hoped Ash wouldn’t mind. In order to take her mind off the evening ahead, Carmen had ploughed through her work like a woman possessed and unfortunately finished by six thirty. It was now just before seven, and the studio was only a minute or so away.

  When she reached the door, she breathed deeply a couple of times, then pushed it open.

  A girl, possibly no more than fifteen years old, with long, blonde hair, sat at the front desk. “Hello,” she said. “Can I help you?”

  “Hi, um, my name’s Carmen. I’m here to meet Ash.” Carmen looked towards the back of the room.

  Ash had her back to her as she worked on someone lying on their front in the levelled-out chair. The buzz of the tattoo gun filled the air.

  The girl ran a fingertip down the length of the appointment book. “Sorry, I don’t see you in here.”

  “Oh! No, sorry. Not an appointment. I’m a…friend.”

  The girl frowned. “Okay, just a sec.”

  Before Carmen could tell her not to interrupt Ash while she was working, the teenager quickly made her way to the back.

  As the girl stepped into Ash’s line of sight and spoke to her, Ash lifted the gun away from the client’s skin, whipped round, and smiled warml
y at Carmen. Then she turned back to her client and said something. She received a nod and laid the gun down on the work table. Moments later she strode across the studio towards Carmen, and any nonchalance Carmen may have hoped to muster deserted her.

  Ash looked so good. Her jeans hung low on her hips, and the blue, sleeveless T-shirt wasn’t quite long enough to cover the short strip of flat, tanned abdomen that peeked out from above the waistband of the jeans. The T-shirt fitted like a second skin to Ash’s body, emphasising her toned biceps and full breasts.

  Carmen blinked as her gaze locked on Ash’s chest. Okay, she has breasts. So do you. Stop staring!

  “Hey! You’re nice and early.” Ash’s hair was swept back again, a look that Carmen was coming to realise was her favourite.

  “I…I’m sorry. I got finished early and—”

  Ash held up a hand. “Hey, it’s no problem. Not at all. I’ve got about another twenty minutes with my client, and then I’m done. You okay to sit here and wait?”

  “Absolutely.” Carmen willed her heart to slow and her eyes not to stare quite so hard at the vision before her.

  “Cool. Let me introduce you to Sophie.” Ash beckoned the girl over. “Sophie, this is my friend Carmen. Carmen, this is my niece, Sophie.”

  “Hello.” Carmen was thankful for the diversion, if only to pull her gaze away from Ash’s body. What the hell is wrong with you?

  “Hi.” Sophie seemed a little shy, but she smiled.

  “Sophie’s on school holidays, so I’ve hired her to help me out for a couple of weeks.”

  “Good move.” Carmen grinned.

  “I think so.” Ash gave her niece a one-armed hug before stepping back. “Okay, I’ll be with you soon.”

  “Can I get you a drink?” Sophie asked once Ash had walked away.

  “That would be great. But just some water, please.” And I’ll take a large fan if you have one.

  Sophie gave her another shy smile and walked over to the water cooler.

  Carmen followed her and sat on one of the leather sofas. When Sophie returned with the water, Carmen thanked her and took a sip.