Dare to Love

by A. L. Brooks

  Now it was time to catch up with her sister. She was surprised to find she was nervous, but they hadn’t exactly left things in a good place the last time they’d seen each other. God, I hope we’re not at each other’s throats again . She smiled ruefully. If nothing else, clashing heads with Courtney will at least keep Carmen off my mind.

  The train journey was uneventful, and at four thirty she rang their doorbell.

  Sophie answered quickly and threw her arms around Ash for a long hug. “I’m so glad you’re back! I mean, I’m glad you had a good holiday, but I missed you.”

  Ash squeezed her niece. “I know what you mean. It’s good to see you.” She stepped back. “You look really chilled.”

  “I am!” Sophie pulled Ash into the house and shut the door. “Mum’s had some kind of personality transplant this weekend. She’s been amazing!”

  “She has?” Ash followed Sophie through to the kitchen, which was cleaner and tidier than she’d ever seen it, and out to the garden.

  Sophie led her to the small plastic table and chairs that sat under a bright orange umbrella. On the table stood a bottle of supermarket lemonade and some glasses.

  “Wow, this looks nice,” Ash said as she sat.

  Sophie flushed and bit her bottom lip. “Well, I wanted to give you a proper welcome back. And, you know, just do something nice for you.”

  Ash swallowed. “Aw, that’s sweet of you. Thanks.”

  “So, lemonade?”

  “Yes, please!”

  Sophie poured them each a glass and sat next to Ash.

  “So, backtrack. Your mum?”

  “Yes! I honestly don’t know what’s going on with her, but yesterday she told me if I wanted to put up some more posters, I could. Of anyone I liked. Actually, what she said was, ‘If there’s any other women you want to put on your wall, go for it.’”

  Ash tilted her head. “Seriously?”

  “I know, right?”

  “Wow.”

  “Exactly.”

  They sipped their drinks for a few moments. Ash tried to process what she’d just heard. It sounded as if Courtney was well on her way to accepting Sophie’s sexuality, but where had this epiphany of Courtney’s come from? And more importantly, would it last?

  “Oh, and she’s told me she wants some time with just you tonight, so I’m being sent to my room after dinner.” Sophie pouted.

  “Right. Well, I doubt we’ll talk the whole night, so I’m pretty sure you’ll see me again after your mum and me chat, okay? And besides, us two are here now, aren’t we?”

  Sophie immediately perked up. “Yeah, cool. Okay, tell me everything about the trip. And show me your photos!”

  It was a few minutes after six when Courtney came home.

  “Hey.” Courtney stood framed by the kitchen doorway. “All right?” Dark circles shadowed her eyes.

  “Yeah. You look tired.” Ash had never seen her sister look so drained.

  “Yeah.” Courtney’s smile was weak. “Busy day. Got two new members of staff, and they’re useless. No idea why Brian hired them.” She grunted and turned back to the kitchen. “I’m opening some wine. Want one?” she called over her shoulder.

  “Sure.”

  Ash and Sophie exchanged a look.

  Sophie fiddled with her glass of lemonade. “She wasn’t that grumpy when she left this morning.”

  “Yeah, some days work can do that to you.” Ash stood. “You stay here; I’ll go talk to her.”

  Sophie nodded and immediately pulled Ash’s iPad across the table and began flicking through the photos again.

  Ash made some noise as she entered the kitchen, not wanting to startle her sister.

  Courtney turned to face her, an open bottle of white wine in her hand. “White okay?”

  “Totally.” Ash stuck her hands in her pockets and leaned casually against the doorway. “You okay?”

  Her sister let out a loud breath. “Yeah, sorry. Just been one of those days.” She poured out two glasses of wine and handed one to Ash. “I’ll shake it off in a minute. Probably after a bit of this.” She raised her glass and threw Ash a much warmer, more relaxed smile.

  “Cheers.” Ash raised her glass and took a sip. It was cheap stuff, but she knew after a few more mouthfuls, she wouldn’t care.

  Courtney took a couple of large swallows, then set her glass back down. “Let me go change, freshen up, and then we can make dinner, yeah?”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  Ash didn’t want to push her sister, but she couldn’t wait to find out what was going on. Courtney looked as if she had a lot to say; there was something in the way she’d looked at Ash over the top of her wine glass. And somehow Ash got the sense that it wasn’t going to be some big rant at Ash again.

  Sophie was right; something had definitely changed.

  Oh well, I guess I’ll find out after dinner.

  The three of them prepared the meal together, and it was more fun than Ash would have anticipated. By the time they started, Courtney seemed to have shaken off her day, and the three of them laughed and teased their way through putting together burgers and a large salad. Ash couldn’t remember the last time she and her sister had been so at ease.

  They took the food out to the garden, and Sophie topped up her lemonade while Ash poured more wine for herself and Courtney.

  “Cheers.” Sophie raised her glass.

  Ash and Courtney clinked theirs against hers, and they all took a quick sip before tucking into the food.

  Later, once the plates were cleared away, Courtney looked across the table at Sophie and gave her a quick nod.

  Sophie pushed back her chair and left the garden without a word.

  “So.” Courtney poured the last of the wine into their glasses. “I wanted to talk to you about some things.”

  “Yeah?” Ash kept her voice even, despite the nerves that jangled in her stomach.

  Her sister looked away even as she drummed a rhythm on the table. “Yeah. About Sophie and about what’s been going on.”

  “Okay.”

  Courtney turned back to face her. “I’m sorry for all that crap I threw at you. And I’m sorry for not being more supportive of Sophie the last few weeks.”

  “You don’t really need to say sorry to me.” Ash paused, wondering if her next question would be well received or not. “Does she know you’re sorry?”

  Courtney sighed. “No, that’s next on my list. I wanted to talk to you first, though. I need to get it out so that when I talk to her, I can do it more calmly.” Her fingertips tapped gently against the tabletop. “I just got scared, you know? She’s growing up so fast, and this just seemed like one thing too many for her to deal with.” She twisted in her chair. “I know I said some horrible things last time we spoke, and I know I’ve done some crap things to her. I’ll try to make it up to her. And you. I promise.”

  Ash leaned forward. “You seem different. Has something happened?”

  “Yeah, kind of.” Courtney finished the last of her wine. “I finally got off my arse and spoke to Rachelle from bingo. Remember? The one I said had a gay son?”

  Ash nodded.

  “Yeah, well, should have done that weeks ago. Saw her Saturday night, and fuck, did she give me some lessons.”

  “Really?” Ash’s hopes soared.

  “Yeah. I mean, she said all the things you said, but somehow hearing it from her, from someone I didn’t know that well, made it sink in. She was like me when her boy told her he was gay. Wouldn’t have it, tried to talk him out of it. Tried to change him. Then…” Her voice caught. “One day, he tried to kill himself. Left her a note saying he couldn’t bear it if she couldn’t love him anymore. Luckily, she’d felt sick that day and left work early. Came home and found him in time.” She sniffed.

  Ash’s stomach roiled. Poor kid. And poor mother.

  Courtney’s tears spilled over.

  Ash quickly grabbed a tissue from her back pocket and handed it over.

  “T
hanks. And she told me, she’d never realised what her words were doing. How much damage they were causing to this boy who was her pride and joy.” She sobbed, the tears now pouring down her face. “And…and I can’t…do that…to Sophie. She’s my everything. I…can’t…lose her.”

  Ash left her chair and wrapped her sister in her arms, smoothing her hair with one hand as she rubbed gentle circles on her back with the other. “You won’t lose her, you hear? Not now.”

  Sophie appeared in Ash’s line of sight, standing in the kitchen doorway, her eyes wide, her mouth open. “I…I just came back for my lemonade. I wasn’t listening, honest.”

  Courtney swivelled in Ash’s arms. “Oh, love, it’s okay. Come here.” She pulled back from Ash’s arms slightly so that she could hold out a hand.

  Sophie rushed over and fell to her knees next to her mum’s chair. Her eyes were wet and filled with fear. “Are you okay? Is everything all right?”

  Courtney pulled Sophie close, wrapping the three of them into a tight embrace. “Yeah, I’m okay. And you, my lovely girl, are more than okay. You’re bloody brilliant, you hear?” She kissed the top of Sophie’s head. “Just exactly the way you are.”

  Ash gave up trying to hold back her own tears and let them fall freely as the three of them pressed their heads together and clung to each other.

  Chapter 30

  Carmen paced the ticket hall of Mornington Crescent station. It was a little before one on Sunday afternoon, and she’d been here for fifteen minutes already. She hadn’t planned on being that early, but somehow her nerves had got the better of her, and she’d left the house just to have something to do.

  What if she’s changed her mind?

  After making the arrangement to meet, they hadn’t messaged again. Carmen knew why she hadn’t—a mix of fear along with a determination not to overplay this. Despite initiating the kiss the previous Sunday, Ash had acted like a spooked horse afterwards. So it hadn’t surprised Carmen not to hear much from her the rest of the week. Except now she couldn’t help wondering if Ash would even turn up.

  She exhaled a long breath and turned to face the front of the ticket hall. Her next breath caught in her throat. A pulse pounded solidly in her neck, and her skin flashed hot and cold.

  Ash stood in the entranceway to the station, perhaps eight feet away, and she looked unbelievable. Again.

  How was she supposed to act all casual when Ash looked like this? The blue shorts showed off toned legs with a hint of tan. The tight T-shirt, white with three dark brown feathers across the chest, emphasised the swell of Ash’s breasts and the play of muscles in her arms.

  Breathe. Breathe .

  “Hi.” Carmen found her voice and took a couple of steps closer. Do I hug her? Do I—?

  When Ash stepped forward, Carmen’s internal monologue ended abruptly. Ash slipped one arm around her back while the other hand landed on Carmen’s waist.

  “Hey,” Ash whispered near her ear.

  Carmen shivered and ached to press closer to Ash’s firm body. Before she could move, however, Ash pulled back.

  Her gaze flitted from side to side, and she shuffled her feet, her hands now tucked deep into her pockets.

  Spooked herself again, I’m guessing. Something is definitely holding her back. Carmen was almost elated by the thought. She wants me. She just isn’t sure she should act on it.

  “How are you?” Ash asked, now looking a little more relaxed.

  “I’m good. And you?”

  “Yeah, really good.” Ash stumbled as someone bumped her from behind.

  “Sorry!” the young man said and hurried on.

  Ash looked around. “It’s a bit busy in here. Shall we move?”

  “Sure.”

  Ash led Carmen out of the station and turned right before crossing the road. “Had a good week?”

  “Very good! Finally sent out the termination letters to the first clients I’m dropping, after approval from the lawyer.”

  “Were you scared?”

  It was so like Ash to see right to the big issue around the announcement. She’s so good at reading what’s important to me.

  “Terrified.” Carmen threw her a glance. The warm yet concerned expression on Ash’s face made her feel hot and cold all over once more. “But by last night we’d only had one awful reply. So I suppose that’s not too bad.”

  “One out of twenty? I’d take those odds.” Ash grinned.

  “Yes, you’re right. I suppose I would have preferred not to upset anybody.”

  “I understand.” Ash’s tone was gentle. “But you also have to look out for you and your business. Don’t worry; you’ve done the right thing in my opinion.”

  “Thanks. That means a lot.” And it did. It was wonderful how, despite the strange limbo status they seemed to be in regarding any romantic involvement between them, Ash was still so supportive of Carmen and what was going on in her life.

  They zigzagged through the streets towards and around Regent’s Park and reached the brasserie a few minutes later. It was tucked into a secluded corner next to one of the bridges spanning the canal. Part of a warehouse that had been converted into various small shops and workshops, it had a Bohemian feel, with mismatched chairs and tables.

  The waiter greeted them and led them to a small terrace on the first floor.

  “What a great place!” Carmen gazed around as she took her seat. “I love the vibe.”

  “Yeah, and the food’s good too. It’s not all window dressing.”

  They ordered drinks, something non-alcoholic for each of them. Carmen couldn’t speak for Ash, but she was already buzzing enough from being with her once more. By the time the waiter had returned with their drinks, they’d chosen their food.

  “Lamb chops for me.” Carmen’s stomach growled at the prospect.

  “Chicken for me.” Ash sat back in her chair and sipped her drink. While her body seemed relaxed, her gaze darted left and right, and her hand trembled when she replaced her drink on the table.

  Was she nervous or scared? Or both? And what can I do about that? She decided to start things slow. “So, how has your week been?” Carmen reached for her own drink.

  “Great. I had dinner with Courtney and Sophie on Tuesday.” Ash leaned in, her expression serious. “She’s had a complete turnaround as far as Sophie is concerned, and everything between them now is really good. I’m so relieved.”

  “Oh, that is good news. Thank God.”

  Ash blew out a breath. “Yeah. I saw Sophie on Friday when I reopened the studio. She was pretty much bouncing off the walls with happiness at how different her mum is now. I’m so proud of my sister for pulling it together.”

  Their meals were delivered, and they began to eat, commenting on the dishes and letting each other sample from their plates. As they ate, they chatted about what each of them had planned for the week ahead. Ash seemed to relax within minutes, and by the time they’d diverted into a lively discussion about the latest scandal to hit the government and swapped recommendations for films they’d recently loved, Carmen was as light as a feather and daring to hope their future was a little more assured.

  After the waiter had cleared their plates and they’d ordered coffee, Carmen inhaled a deep breath. Okay, let’s get this out there—I’m tired of dancing around it . “So how are you ? And I don’t mean your business or your family. I mean you in reference to the elephant in the room from last Sunday.”

  Ash startled. She gave Carmen a wry smile that slowly widened into something warmer and almost conspiratorial, sending a roll of excitement through Carmen’s body. “Ah, yes. Last Sunday. You mean, when I pounced on you, right?”

  Carmen chuckled even as her skin heated. “Yes, the pouncing. That’s exactly what I mean.”

  Ash shifted in her seat. “I didn’t plan that.”

  “I guessed as much.”

  “I just… You looked and felt so good, I couldn’t seem to stop myself.”

  “I didn’t want you to stop.�
� Carmen’s voice was low and husky, and she shocked herself with the desire it portrayed.

  Ash visibly swallowed before steepling her fingers and propping her chin on them. “I’m not looking for anything serious. I have some concerns about getting involved with someone who’s only just exploring what being attracted to a woman could mean. But…”

  Carmen’s heart pounded. “But?”

  Ash met her gaze and held it, and the heat there made Carmen feel as if her very bones were melting. “But we seem to have something between us, so maybe we could have some fun exploring that.”

  Ash waited, holding her breath. She hadn’t intended to offer anything to Carmen, never mind something that sounded like a friends-with-benefits arrangement. But Jesus, Carmen looked amazing today, wearing a sleeveless dress that showed off every delicious inch of her collarbone and shoulders, and it was playing havoc with Ash’s libido—and her common sense.

  “Oh.” Carmen’s previously warm gaze turned a little colder. She swirled her drink as she maintained eye contact. “Those concerns you mention are to do with that brief story you shared with me once? The woman who was engaged to a man and married him anyway?”

  Ash licked her lips. “Yes. As I said, it was a mess. I don’t have any desire to repeat it.” At Carmen’s frown, she hurried on. “I know, that sounds like I’m already passing a judgement on you based entirely on the behaviour of someone you don’t know. But she hurt me badly, and I’m cautious as a result.”

  Carmen didn’t immediately respond. She nibbled at her bottom lip in a way that was far too distracting. “I think I can respect that. And yes, you’re right; I am only starting to explore what this means. Plus, of course, I have my business to focus on. So maybe you’re right. Something fun and casual could be just what we both need.” Her words were light, but there was an edge to them that left them lacking in conviction.

  Ash’s stomach tightened. Is she sure this is what she wants? Am I? “Really?”

  Carmen’s smile was dazzling. “Yes. Why not?” This time she sounded completely convinced.

  So why not indeed? They knew what the ground rules were. They were consenting adults. So why were Ash’s palms damp? And why did she feel so empty?