Last Goodbye

by Holly C. Webb

  When she was done, she reached for the digital thermometer on my nightstand, and stuck it into my ear.

  “How long has he been here?” I asked, as I glanced over at Evan, who was still fast asleep.

  “Your fiancé?” Sara asked, surprising me her response. “He got here about three this morning. I didn’t have the heart to send him away after he drove all the way here from L.A.”

  “I see,” I said, trying to not react to what she had said in any way whatsoever.

  “He’s a cutie,” the nurse added, giving me a knowing smile. “You’re a lucky girl.”

  Lucky! I thought to myself miserably. Lucky was the last thing I felt.

  I turned back to Evan once more and smiled to myself. I had no idea why she would have thought we were engaged, but for some reason, I didn’t want to correct her.

  “I will need to draw some more blood,” the nurse continued, as she filled in my chart with my latest set of vitals. “And I think Doctor Altman wants another CT done today.”

  “Okay,” I replied absentmindedly. I knew it didn’t matter what I thought, I would have to jump through whatever hoops the doctors set for me. Until I beat this cancer, my life was no longer my own.

  “I’ll be back in a few minutes,” she said as she picked up my chart and hurried out the door, leaving me alone with Evan once more.

  I turned back to look at him and smiled as I imagine him lying his ass off the night before, just so he would be allowed in to see me.

  I couldn’t believe that he had driven straight here from L.A. I figured my dad must have called Clare at some point the day before, and she called Evan, and now here he was.

  Suddenly Evan opened his eyes, and bolted up in his seat, looking almost confused by his surroundings. But then his eyes met mine, and a nervous smile slowly spread across his face.

  “Hi,” he said as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

  “Hi,” I replied, still feeling a little stunned that he was actually sitting there.

  “I guess I was the last person you expected to see sitting here, huh?” He said, leaning forward in his seat. “I am a little surprised to be here myself. But the truth is, when Mom called and told me what was happening, coming here seemed like the only thing that made sense to me. I mean, how could I not? You’ve been my best friend forever, so coming here seemed like a no brainer.”

  “I’m glad you did,” I whispered as suddenly hot tears burned my eyes. I tried to fight them, to blink them back inside, but there was just something about Evan; even after everything we’ve been through, I still found it impossible to hide my true feelings from him.

  Finally, the tears broke free.

  “Hey!” He exclaimed as he jumped up from his chair and hurried towards my bed. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

  He wrapped his arms around me and held me so tightly as I buried my face in his chest and finally let go of the tears I’d been fighting for the last couple of days. Having him hug me just felt so familiar; like I had finally come back home to where I belong.

  “I’ve got you,” he whispered again as he wrapped his arms even tighter around me, holding me so close I could hear his heartbeat in my ear. “And we’re going to fight this, Cass, okay?”

  “Umhmm,” I sobbed as I allowed the tears I was holding back the day before, to finally run free. I knew that I didn’t need to pretend with Evan. There was no point. He could always see through my fake smile, and he always knew exactly what to say to make everything better.

  Finally, I stopped crying and pulled back from him so I could look up into his face.

  “I still can’t believe you’re here,” I said giving him a tearful smile. “It doesn’t feel real.”

  “Well, I am,” he replied, giving me one of his beautiful smiles. “And I will be here as long as you need me. But you know, if you wanted to talk to me, you could have just called. Pulling this stunt is kind of an extreme way of getting someone’s attention.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at his words.

  “There’s that smile I used to know,” Evan said, as he smiled too. “It’s been too long since I last seen it.”

  “I know,” I said, giving him a sad smile.

  “So, where’s Will?” Evan asked as he reached up and dried the tears from my face. “I was sure I would find him camped out here next to your bed.”

  “He dropped Flick back to our dorm late last night,” I explained. “Then he reluctantly agreed to go find a hotel room until I am allowed to go home.”

  “Flick?” He asked, having no clue who I was talking about.

  “She’s my roommate,” I replied, then without thinking, I added. “And my best friend too.”

  “I see,” he replied, looking a little sad at my words. “Can’t wait to meet her.”

  “Evan, I didn’t mean…” I said, knowing that I had chosen the wrong words.

  “It’s okay, Cass,” he said reaching for my hand. “You don’t have to explain...”

  “No,” I replied, cutting him off, then giving him a smile. “I need to say this. Flick has been… she’s been amazing these last two years. I don’t know if I would have survived college without her. But no one could ever replace you, Evan. You’ve been my best friend all my life…”

  “Until I acted like a giant asshole,” he sighed, giving me a sad smile. “Cassie, I’m so sorry for what happened that night…”

  “You don’t have to be sorry,” I said as I pressed my finger to his lips, stopping him talking. “You’re here now. That’s all that matters to me right now.”

  Before he could reply, Sara came back into the room, and smiled when she saw Evan and I holding hands.

  “Good morning,” she said, giving Evan a bright smile as she came in and set a blood test kit down on my bed.

  “Good morning,” he replied, giving her a worried look. “And thank you again for letting me come in to see Cassie.”

  “Well I couldn’t stand in the way of true love, now could I,” she replied, and Evan’s face burned bright red with embarrassment. “How long have you guys been engaged?”

  “Actually…” Evan began to say as a look of panic spread across his face.

  “Three months,” I quickly replied, giving him a smile. I realised then why he had said it. There was no way they would have let him in the night before if he wasn’t next of kin.

  “Wow,” she replied as she prepared her equipment to do yet another blood draw. “Well, congratulations.”

  “Thank you,” he replied as he gave me a grateful smile. But then his smile faded when he saw the needle the nurse was about to use on me, and I knew the reason we were here came crashing back into his mind. Instinctively, he held my hand tighter, and I knew he was just as scared as I was.

  The nurse had just finished taking blood and left, when the door to my room opened once more, and this time my dad walked through. He looked tired and I was pretty sure he’d been crying. But when he walked in and saw Evan sitting there, holding my hand, the biggest smile filled his face, as tears danced in his eyes.

  “Hey, Dad,” I said, unable to stop myself from smiling too.

  “Hey, Sweetheart,” he replied as he came to the bed and gave me a kiss on my forehead. “Hey, Evan,”

  “Hey, Will,” Evan replied with a smile, as they exchanged a look that I didn’t understand, but it was one I knew meant something good.

  “How are you feeling, Sweetheart?” Dad asked returning his attention to me. Once more the lines of worry filled his face, and I knew that my dad was beyond terrified.

  “I’m good,” I replied, giving him a reassuring smile, as I reached out and took his hand too. “Now smile.”

  He gave me a smile, but I could see inside his heart was breaking.

  “So, you two have finally made up,” Dad said once the nurse was gone and we were alone once more.

  “I guess we have,” I replied, looking up at Evan, giving him a warm smile.

  “Well, it’s about damn time,” Dad lau
ghed as he looked around the room. “Now, we just need to find out when we can bust you out of this place. I was talking to Evan’s folks last night, and they said you need to hurry home; they are dying to see you again.”

  “Sounds good to me,” I replied, wishing that I could just get up and leave right at that moment, leaving the cancer and the doctors, and all the tests behind me.

  It was a little after two when I was wheeled back into my room once more. I’d just been for my CT, and now I felt like I wanted to be sick.

  Dad and Evan stood by the door and watched me closely as the nurse helped settle me back into the bed.

  “You know I can do this,” I said, giving the nurse a smile, trying to seem a lot more cheerful than I was feeling.

  “I know,” the nurse, whose name was Alex, said with a knowing grin. He’d replaced Sara earlier that morning, and he was full of life. Exactly what was needed on a floor full of cancer patients. “But then I couldn’t get to play the hero, so don’t rain on my parade, Cassie.”

  “My bad,” I laughed as I settled into the bed. “I will remember next time.”

  “Good,” he laughed too as he straightened my bedding. “Now, can I get anything for you? Some tea and toast, or maybe you need something to settle your stomach first?”

  “How did you know I felt sick?” I asked, surprised he knew exactly what was happening with me.

  “A lot of people do after a CT scan,” he replied, giving me a knowing grin. “So, I took a shot. You know it’s okay to admit you have pain, or you feel sick or tired.”

  “Okay,” I smiled, knowing he could see straight through me.

  “I’ll go get you something for your head, then maybe something to eat,” he said, before he turned and headed out of the room.

  Once he was gone, Dad and Evan moved closer to the bed, Dad sat on a chair, as Evan sat on the edge of my bed.

  “Are you okay?” Evan asked, giving me a worried look. “Do you need me to get you anything?”

  “I’m okay,” I replied, giving him a smile. Even though it had been a few hours now, I still couldn’t actually believe he was here, sitting on my bed, just like he had done when we were kids. I didn’t realise just how much I’d missed him, until right at that moment. “Just tired.”

  “Cass,” my dad said as he moved closer to my bed. “I’ve been thinking. Maybe we should give your mom a call.”

  “Why would I want to do that?” I asked, surprised he would even suggest that to me.

  “I don’t know,” he shrugged, looking unsure if he was doing the right thing or not. “I just thought…”

  “You thought, just in case I die,” I replied, sounding a little more abrupt than I had meant to.

  “What? No!” Dad exclaimed, looking almost hurt I would even think that. “I just thought that maybe you wanted everyone that should be in your life, here with you while you’re fighting this thing.”

  “I do,” I said, trying my hardest to sound less upset than I was actually feeling. “And they are. I have you and Flick, and now I have Evan too. I don’t need her in my life. Even if I don’t beat this, I still have nothing to say to her. I will not ease her conscience before I die.”

  “Don’t think like that, Cassidy,” Dad sighed, and I knew he couldn’t even bare to think that I might not survive this. “You’re going to beat this, even if I have to hire the very best doctors in the world. We are going to beat this.”

  “I know, Daddy,” I replied, giving him a reassuring smile but inside I just wanted to cry once again, before I glanced at Evan and he smiled too. I loved that they were both here, but I wished for just a few moments, I could have time alone to clear my thoughts

  “I think I will go get some coffee,” Evan said standing up, as if he was reading my mind. “Care to join me, Will. Maybe then Cassie could try to get some sleep.”

  “Sure,” Dad said pushing up from his seat, but I knew he didn’t really want to go. He walked to the bed and kissed my forehead. “We won’t be long, Sweetie, try get some rest.”

  “Okay, Dad,” I said, grateful that I was finally getting a little space to myself. As they walked to the door, my eyes met Evan’s and I mouthed the words, “Thank you.” I was rewarded with yet another one of his beautiful smiles.

  When they were gone, I rested my head back on my pillow and released a long sigh.

  I felt so tired and my head hurt, but I couldn’t seem to clear my thoughts.

  I didn’t know why my dad would have even suggested something so crazy as contacting my mother. She was the last person I wanted to see right now.

  In fact, if I was living on borrowed time, she was the last person I was going to waste time on.

  I closed my eyes, and finally gave into exhaustion.

  Chapter 6

  Cassie

  “Daddy, can we go already?” I asked, giving my dad an impatient look. I had just spent two weeks in the hospital and today I was finally allowed to go home, so I was ready to get out of there.

  All the tests indicated that the leukaemia was already advanced. Doctor Altman talked about getting me onto a clinical trial, but we decided that first they would try some aggressive chemotherapy. He had arranged for me to have my treatment in a local hospital back in Santa Barbara. He thought the ninety-minute drive to and from UCLA every other day would be too much for my body, especially after the treatment took hold. So, it was decided that I was going home, and the following day, I would begin my first chemo session.

  “Are you sure you have everything you need?” Dad asked for what seemed like the thousandth time already that morning. I didn’t know why he seemed so nervous, but he was.

  “I’m sure,” I smiled as I glanced at Evan. “We are good to go.”

  It had been two weeks also since Evan came back into my life, and it was surprising just how quickly we settled back into our old routines. In some ways Evan had changed a lot. He’d grown up and his interests weren’t exclusive to playing on his Xbox and superhero movies. But in some ways, he was exactly how I remembered him.

  He had barely left my side since he arrived at the hospital, and if I was honest, having him around made everything seem so much easier. Every time I felt down, he would know exactly how to make me laugh. He’d even managed to convince my dad to go home for a couple of days, giving me a little bit of space that I needed.

  Dad was amazing, but sometimes I felt like he was smothering me a little. I knew in my heart that he was beyond terrified he was going to lose me, and he just wanted to be sure that I was getting the best care there was. But every sound I made, every sigh, every movement, he would be up on his feet, checking that I was okay and if I needed anything.

  Evan understood without me even having to say a word that I needed a break from Dad’s constant worry. So, he convinced him that he should head back to Santa Barbara, where he could check in on the store and get some proper rest. Also, he could get things ready for when I finally got to go back home.

  While dad was gone, Evan never left my side. He spent every night asleep in the chair next to my bed, and only left me alone when the doctor’s refused to let him come with me whenever I had to be taken for some random test or another.

  Mike had arrived at the hospital the day after Evan had turned up. He’d packed some things he thought Evan might need, He also said he needed to come and check I was doing what the doctors were telling me to do, and not being my usual stubborn ass.

  Before he left, he hugged me so tightly, I could hardly breathe, and I knew he was trying so hard to keep it together.

  “When you get home,” he whispered as he held me close. “I will come home and visit for a while. But in the meantime, if there is anything you need, you just have to call, okay, Kiddo.”

  “Okay,” I replied as I blinked back the tears that had gathered in my eyes.

  “Love you, Cass,” Mike whispered once more.

  “Love you too,” I replied, swallowing the lump that was in my throat. I refused to cry.

>   That was something that had grown easier over the two weeks that I had been in the hospital. Every time someone mentioned cancer or leukaemia, I didn’t feel like bursting into tears any longer. I had become the master of my emotions.

  I didn’t even cry when Flick came by the hospital to say goodbye before she returned home to Georgia. She’d delayed her trip back home for over a week, but she had a summer job lined up that was not going to wait forever, so in the end, she had to go.

  She cried like a baby when she said her goodbyes and promised that she would call me every single day. I assured her that we would be back in our dorms together to complete our final year, before she knew it. But even as I said the words, I knew that it was a lie. Still, I figured a lie now, would make it easier for her to say goodbye.

  “I think I will bring your things down to the car first, then I can come back for you,” Dad said as he picked up a couple of my bags.

  I looked around the room and smiled to myself. It was surprising just how much stuff I had accumulated over the two weeks I’d been here.

  “Maybe I should help you,” Evan suggested, giving me a grin as he grabbed one of the other bags and the huge, stuffed bunny he thought was a good idea to buy me. “We won’t be long.”

  I smiled as he followed my father out of the room, finally leaving me alone for two minutes. Pushing up from the bed, I walked to the window and looked down at the street below.

  While I was looking forward to leaving the hospital finally, part of me was worried about going back to Santa Barbara. Here I was just one of the many patients that was sick. Everyone had their own story, some were sad, while some were full of hope. But when I got back to Santa Barbara, I would be the only one that was sick. I would be the girl with cancer; the one everyone looked at with pity.

  I closed my eyes and made a silent wish that I would wake up, and this nightmare would be over soon.

  A gentle tap on the door pulled me from my thoughts. I opened my eyes and turned around, surprised to see Danny standing in the doorway, holding another bunch of flowers.