Last Goodbye

by Holly C. Webb

  “Hi,” he said, giving me a nervous smile.

  “Hi,” I replied, stunned to see him standing there. If I was honest, I was pretty sure I had seen the last of him.

  “I hope you don’t mind me stopping by,” he said as he took a nervous step into the room. “It’s just, I was talking to Flick last night. She’s been keeping me posted on how you were doing, and she mentioned that you were leaving today. I thought I would come by to see you before you headed home.”

  “I don’t mind at all,” I replied, touched that he would have even wanted to do that. “It’s good to see you.”

  “These are for you,” he said as he walked tentatively across the room and held out the flowers.

  “Thanks,” I said with a bright smile as I took them from him and sat down on the edge of the bed. “They’re beautiful. Please, have a seat.”

  He smiled as he sat down in the chair next to the bed.

  “So,” he said, looking like he had no clue what to say next. “You look better than you did the last time I saw you.”

  “Thanks,” I replied, smiling once more. I knew I looked like crap, but I was grateful for him trying to make me feel better somehow.

  “Are you doing okay?” He asked, giving me a look that I had become all too familiar with now.

  “I guess so,” I shrugged, then laughed and added. “I start my chemo tomorrow, so that should be interesting.”

  “I’m sorry,” he replied, looking almost embarrassed.

  “Don’t be,” I assured him, giving him another smile. “If I’m going to kick cancer’s ass, I need to do whatever it takes. Chemo will suck, but if in the end it makes me better, then it’s what I need to do.”

  He smiled, but he didn’t respond. We both sat for a moment in an uncomfortable silence. Finally, Danny spoke.

  “Cass, you don’t know how much I wished things had been different for us,” he said, giving me a strange look. “I had wanted to ask you out for the longest time, and I was a coward. I just wish we could have had more time…”

  “I wish things were different too,” I sighed, wishing more than anything that they really were. “I would have loved to spend more time getting to know you too. But right now, I have to do this thing, and you don’t need to feel bad that you didn’t ask me out sooner. Life just wasn’t meant to turn out that way.”

  “But what if I wanted to get to know you more?” He asked, surprising me with his question.

  “Danny, I’m going back to Santa Barbara,” I replied, confused by his question.

  “I know,” he replied, leaning forward in his chair. “But what if I came to Santa Barbara too. I have family that live up there. I could stay with them for a few weeks. I could be there with you, help you through the treatment. You wouldn’t have to go through this alone.”

  “I’m not alone,” I smiled as I reached over and took his hand. “You are the sweetest boy I have ever met. And if things were different, I would be so lucky to have you in my life. But right now, I need to do this myself. Besides, you don’t want to be stuck with some sick girl.”

  A cough from the doorway made me look up, where I found Evan standing there, looking a little thrown.

  “Evan!” I exclaimed, feeling like I’d been caught with my hand in the cookie jar. “Hey. This is my friend, Danny. He goes to USLA too. Danny, this is my best friend, Evan Miller.”

  “Nice to meet you, Evan,” Danny said as he stood up and offered Evan his hand. Evan took it, but the expression on his face was almost unreadable.

  “Danny,” was all he replied as he looked Danny up and down from head to toe, before he turned his attention to me. “Your dad’s just at the nurse’s station. They needed him to fill in a couple of forms, then we’re good to go.”

  “Awesome,” I said trying to sound a lot more comfortable than I was, right at that moment.

  Evan stared at me for a moment, and for the briefest moment, I thought he was jealous, but then I realised how ridiculous that seemed. I was his best friend, Evan never seen me as anything more than that. So, why the hell would he be jealous.

  “I guess I should be going,” Danny said, as he shifted nervously from one foot to another. I knew whatever was going on with Evan, Danny was sensing it too. He walked toward me and kissed me softly on the cheek. “Take care of yourself, Cassie.”

  “I will,” I assured him, giving him a warm smile. Part of me wished I could have given him the answer he wanted, because I did like him. I just didn’t feel about him, the way he felt about me. “I promise.”

  “Goodbye,” he whispered, looking into my eyes, a look of sadness on his face.

  “Bye, Danny,” I replied, suddenly feel a sadness deep down in my soul.

  I held my breath and watched as he turned and walked out of the room, leaving me alone with Evan once more. Once we were alone, I blew out a long, tired breath.

  “Are you ready to go?” Evan asked, and there was an edge to his voice. One I’d never heard before.

  “Yeah,” I replied, giving him a strange look. Something was wrong, I just didn’t know what. “Are you okay, Evan?”

  “Yep,” he replied without looking at me. “I will put these last bits in my jeep. I will follow behind you and Will, back to Santa Barbara.”

  “Okay,” I replied, still watching him closely as he picked up the bag and headed towards the door. When he reached the door, he hesitated for a moment, but then continued on out the door without saying another word.

  I didn’t know why, but I had an overwhelming desire to cry. I sat down on the edge of the bed once more and closed my eyes.

  Don’t cry! Don’t cry! I chanted in my head over and over again.

  The last thing I needed right at that moment was to cry and upset my dad. It took everything I had inside to push the tears back down inside me.

  “Cass,” Dad’s voice sounded suddenly, pulling me from my thoughts. “Are you okay?”

  I opened my eyes and found Dad standing at the door with Doctor Altman. I forced a smile on my face I really didn’t feel.

  “Has something happened?” Dad continued, giving me a worried look.

  “No,” I said with a nervous laugh, as I blinked back the tears that were now stinging my eyes. “I’m just being stupid. I guess I can’t believe I’m actually going home.”

  “Well believe it,” Doctor Altman said, taking a step further into the room. “You’ve been doing pretty good these last few days, and once you start the chemo tomorrow, we can finally start kicking this diseases ass.”

  “That’s the plan,” I said, giving him a genuine smile this time. “But are you sure me going home is the right thing to do right now?”

  “Cassie,” he said, giving me a broad smile. “I promise you I wouldn’t let you go if I didn’t think you were well enough. But if you continue to eat healthily and rest as much as possible, then you should be okay.”

  “I know, but…” I shrugged.

  “Look, it’s going to be tough,” he continued, giving me a knowing smile. “But something tells me that you’re tougher. So please, try not to worry.”

  “I’ll try,” I replied.

  “I have contacted a doctor in Santa Barbara,” Doctor Altman explained. “Her name is Alice Bridges. She is an oncologist at the Premier Surgery Centre. She will be taking care of you while you’re having your treatment there. So, if you need anything, you let her know. Or you have my number and you can call me anytime.”

  “Thank you, Doc,” I replied, grateful for what he’d said.

  “We’re going to beat this, Cass,” he assured me one last time before he said his goodbyes and left the room.

  “Are you ready to go?” Dad asked, giving me a nervous smile.

  “I guess so,” I nodded, giving him a smile.

  “Then let’s do this,” he said as he walked to the door, and looked outside. Moments later, Alex appeared with a wheelchair, giving me the biggest smile.

  “So, you’re busting out!” He exclaimed as he wa
lked towards the bed and held out his hand to me.

  “I am,” I replied, giving him a grin. “And I don’t need that thing.”

  “I’m sorry,” he sighed. “Hospital rules. You can’t leave this mad house without a wheeled escort.”

  “But I can walk,” I insisted.

  “I know,” he said, giving me a pleading look. “Come on, Cass, don’t bust my balls. Rules are rules.”

  “Fine,” I sighed and stuck out my tongue.

  We made our way down to the front entrance where Evan was standing waiting on us. Both the cars were parked in the pickup area.

  “So, I guess this is you,” Alex said as he reached down and pulled the brake on the wheelchair.

  “I guess it is,” I said as I stood up. I glanced at Evan, but he didn’t make eye contact with me. I didn’t know what had upset him, but something had.

  “Which car are you going in?” Alex asked, giving me a questioning look.

  “My dad’s,” I replied without even thinking. I didn’t know what was wrong with Evan but driving back with him while he’s in a mood didn’t seem very appealing.

  “You can go with Evan if you want!” Dad said, giving me a knowing grin. I glanced at Evan, but still he didn’t look at me.

  “No,” I said, giving my dad a big smile. “I think I should keep an eye on my old dad.”

  “Hey, less of the old,” Dad laughed as he pulled opened the door for me.

  I laughed as I climbed into the passenger seat. As I did, Alex walked towards the car.

  “Look after yourself, Cassie,” Alex said, giving me a broad smile. “And when you come back for a check-up, don’t forget to stop by and say hi.”

  “I won’t, I promise,” I assured him and smiled as he closed the door. When he did, I glanced through the window at Evan. He glanced at me briefly, then quickly turned away before he walked towards his jeep and climbed in.

  “Are you ready to go home, Sweetheart?” Dad asked as he started the engine and glanced over at me.

  “You bet,” I replied, forcing a smile on my face.

  “Then let’s go,” he said as he slowly pulled the car away from the curb. I settled back into the car and pressed my head against the glass. I had no idea what had upset Evan, but something told me I would find out sooner rather than later.

  Chapter 7

  Evan

  The drive back to Santa Barbara seemed to take forever. The fact that I had acted like a grade A asshole before we left the hospital only seemed to make the journey even longer.

  If I was completely honest, I don’t know what the hell came over me, but when I walked into Cassie’s room, and saw her sitting there with some random guy, a stab of jealousy jolted through my entire body catching me completely by surprise.

  It was ridiculous that I should even be jealous. Cassie and I were best friends, nothing more. Still, the fact remained that seeing her sitting there while talking to that guy, I was jealous, pure and simple.

  As I drove the car, my mind wandered back to the night of Cassie’s fifteenth birthday party; which was also the only other time I’d felt jealous in my entire life, and again it was because of Cass.

  I remember I’d been so excited about her birthday party, probably more than she was. It had been all we’d talked about for two weeks, and I wanted to make sure that Cassie had the best night ever.

  The truth was, I hadn’t intended asking Charlotte Palmer to come with me to the party. Sure, I liked her, but the party was all about Cassie, and I didn’t want anything to spoil that. But the day before the party, I bumped into Charlotte while I was waiting for Cass after school, and it just happened.

  Straight away I knew I’d made a mistake, so much so, I didn’t even tell Cassie I was bringing her. I knew that was mistake number two the moment I arrived at the party with Charlotte and I saw the look on Cassie’s face. Sometimes I knew Cassie better than she knew herself, and the moment she saw me with Charlotte, I knew I had messed up and hurt her.

  I should have gone after her when she said she was going up to Will to show him her present, I knew she was upset; but being a dumb, horny teenager, I decided to stay with Charlotte. That was mistake number three.

  When Charlotte made the comment about Cassie not liking her, in my heart I knew I should have just said that Cassie was my best friend and she was just looking out for me, but I didn’t. Instead I tried to explain why Cass was the way she was. But I knew it sounded lame when I said it, so I added the bit about not needing her permission. I have no idea why I did because that’s not how I felt inside. Most likely I was simply trying to impress this girl who didn’t really mean that much to me and ended up hurting the girl I loved more than anything else in this world.

  I don’t remember what made me go look for her that night. I suddenly got this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasn’t right that I couldn’t really explain it, and I knew I had to check on her. When I asked one of the girls from Cassie’s year if she’d seen her, the girl said she’d seen her head into the laundry room with Matt Stevens of all people, I freaked out.

  Matt Steven’s was the biggest asshole in my year. He treated girls like crap, so I knew straight away that Cassie was in over her head. This was all my fault.

  When I pulled open the door and saw Matt with his tongue halfway down Cassie’s throat, jealousy thundered through my entire body. I had never felt anything like it before, and if I was honest, I never felt it again, at least not until today.

  But then I realised that Cassie was not happy, and Matt was not taking no for an answer. Without even thinking, I pulled Matt off her and punched him square in the face.

  “WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, DUDE?” Matt shouted at me as he held his nose, which I was pretty sure was now broken.

  “SHE IS FIFTEEN, ASSHOLE,” I shouted back. “SHE’S A KID.”

  Thankfully, the jerk didn’t hang around or try to fight me back. Instead, he pushed past me, and headed straight for the door, leaving me alone with Cassie; though I was pretty sure the entire party was now standing outside the door listening to our conversation.

  “What the hell were you thinking, Cassidy?” I asked her, feeling beyond confused with what I was feeling inside. I was angry at her for getting herself into that situation, but more than that, I was confused by the jealousy I felt that was almost consuming me. Matt had been her first kiss. I didn’t know why, but this thought crushed me deep down inside.

  “Why is it any of your business, Evan?” She shot back angrily, looking at me almost like I was a stranger. “It’s not like I need your permission.”

  I knew right at that moment she’d heard my conversation with Charlotte, and I had completely screwed up.

  “Cass,” I said stepping towards, desperate to make this right, but the look on her face told me it was too late.

  “Don’t Cass me,” she snapped back as she walked towards me, giving me a look, I’d never seen from her before. “You and I are done.”

  I knew right at that moment I had ruined the most important relationship I would ever have. I also realised as I watched her disappearing through the crowd that I no longer viewed Cassie North as just my best friend. She was the girl I was completely and utterly in love with.

  A car beeped from behind me, and I realised that the traffic lights I was stopped at had turned green. I looked up and saw Will’s car pulling away into the distance

  Releasing a long sigh, I raised my hand to apologise to the driver behind as I set off after Will and Cassie once more.

  I knew I needed to talk to Cassie once we got to the house. I needed to explain why I had been a grade A asshole back at the hospital. I had been given a second chance with her, and this time I was doing nothing to screw it up.

  When we reached the house, I wasn’t surprised to find my mom and dad standing on Will’s front porch. The moment my mom saw Cassie climb out of Will’s car, she burst into tears and hurried down the steps to greet her.

  Her and dad had dr
iven up to UCLA a couple of times over the past two weeks, each time mom would cry and hold Cassie so tight, it would break my heart.

  I knew Mom loved my brothers and me more than anything else in the world, but I also knew she had a soft spot for Cassie. She had become, in some ways, the daughter my mother never had, and mom had become the mother figure Cassie needed in her life.

  “Welcome home, Sweetie,” Mom said holding Cassie at arms-length. “How are you feeling?”

  “Tired,” Cassie replied, giving her a genuine smile. “But I guess that’s nothing new.”

  “Well, you’re home now,” Mom said, kissing her on the forehead. “So, you have your dad, me, Tim and of course, Evan here to look after you. Anything you need, you just have to holler.”

  “Thanks, Clare,” Cassie said, hugging my mom once more, before she turned and greeted my dad. “Hey, Tim.”

  “Hey, Princess Cassie,” my dad said with a big grin, calling her the name he’d called her when she was a little kid. Every time she came by the house, dad would bow and call her Princess Cassie and it always made Cass giggle. This time was no different. Cassie laughed as she hugged him tightly too. “Good to have you home, Sweetheart.”

  I knew my mom and dad loved Cassie almost as much as I had when we were kids, but it wasn’t until right at that moment that I realised just how big a part of my family she was.

  “Why don’t we get you into the house,” Clare said, slipping her arm around Cassie’s. “The guys can get your stuff in from the car.”

  “Okay,” Cassie replied, giving Mom a smile, before she allowed her gaze to meet mine for the first time since she climbed out of her father’s car. Her eyes lingered on mine for barely a moment before she turned away and allowed Mom to lead her up the steps into the house.

  “Let’s get this stuff out of the car?” Dad said as he set off down the driveway, heading for Will’s car.

  “Hey!” Will called out just as I was about to follow my dad. “Are you okay, Son?”

  “Yeah,” I shrugged, but I knew that Will could tell I wasn’t okay at all. “It’s just been a long couple of weeks, and a long drive too.”