Last Goodbye

by Holly C. Webb

  “If you say so,” I laughed as I glanced up at Kate, and she quickly gave me a knowing grin.

  “That’s the blood test done,” Kate said as she finished filling a little vile of blood, before she pulled a pen from her pocket, then writing something on the side of the little glass tube. “I just need to drop this down to pathology, then I will be straight back with your medication. It should take about an hour to run through.”

  “Okay,” I nodded, giving her a grateful smile.

  Kate rushed off with the blood sample, leaving Evan and I alone once more.

  “Are you okay?” He asked, giving me a worried look.

  “Yep,” I sighed, then gave him a wide grin. “But I would love a milkshake.”

  “Do you want me to go get you one?” Evan asked as he stood up from his seat.

  “Maybe later,” I replied with a grin. “As a reward for doing this.”

  “Deal,” Evan nodded, then grin too.

  Kate returned with the IV bag containing the chemotherapy medication that was to be pumped into my body over the next hour. I don’t know why but seeing the bag of harmless looking fluid made my stomach knot with a complete and utter fear.

  It was right at that exact moment, the enormity of what I was actually doing here, hit me. I was starting chemo. I had cancer.

  “Cass!” Evan said, picking up on my reaction instantly. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

  “I… I don’t know,” I said, feeling like my heart was going to burst out of my chest, as tears pooled in my eyes. “I just don’t know if I can do this.”

  “Cassie,” Evan said as he hurried towards me, dropping to his knees before me. “I know this is scary, but you are going to kick ass. And you don’t have to do it alone.”

  He reached for my hand and held it tightly.

  “I’m here with you Cass,” he said. “I will be here every step of the way.”

  “What about if I lose my hair?” I whispered as tears trickled down my face. “Or if I can’t beat this?”

  “You have to believe that you can,” he said as he reached up and softly brushed the tears from my face. “But if you can’t, then I will be here with you for that too. You don’t have to do this alone nor do you have to be afraid, because I will be strong enough for the both of us.”

  “Do you promise me?” I asked, realising that I was asking a lot from him.

  “I promise,” he reassured me as he leaned up and kissed my forehead. “Now, are you ready to kick cancers ass?”

  “I guess so,” I nodded reluctantly, forcing a smile on my face. “Let’s do this.”

  Evan stood up and moved aside to allow Kate closer to me, to set up my IV. As she did, she smiled down at me, before she returned her focus to the task at hand.

  “This isn’t going to hurt, Cassie,” Kate assured me as she connected the IV to the cannula in my arm. “I promise.”

  “Okay,” I replied, giving her a genuine smile, as I glanced up at Evan once more. The moment my eyes met his, he gave me the most amazing smile, and I knew right at that moment that with him by my side, I could do anything.

  “I know you don’t feel like it right now,” Kate said, giving me a wink. “But you’re a pretty lucky girl. Most girls would love a boyfriend as sweet and caring as yours is. And handsome too. Don’t let him get away.”

  “Oh, he’s not my boyfriend,” I exclaimed, blushing from what she’d said. “Evan is my best friend.”

  I looked past Kate and smiled at Evan. He smiled back, but his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, but I didn’t know why.

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” Kate said with a nervous smile, as she patted my hand. “Well, you’re lucky to have him either way. Now, just sit back and relax. This is the easy part.”

  As she gathered up her things, I glanced at Evan, and once more there was this strange look on his face. He gave me a smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. It was funny, when we were younger, I used to always know what Evan was thinking, often before he knew it himself. But now, I had no clue what was going on inside his head.

  Kate left us alone, and for a few moments, neither Evan nor I spoke.

  Instead, I stared at the drip that was in my arm. I knew most likely it was just my mind playing games with me, but I was sure I could feel the medicine pumping through my veins, spreading out slowly, fighting the invader that had taken over my body.

  “Are you okay?” Evan asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

  “Yeah,” I replied, smiling at him once more. This time when he returned my smile, it was with a genuine one.

  “Good,” he replied as his smiled widened. “Because look what I found…”

  He reached for his backpack and pulled a box from inside it. The moment I saw it, a big smile spread across my face as I recognised it instantly. It was the chess set we used to play when we were younger. Our games were always epic, some would even last for days.

  “I do believe the score is fifty-one to fifty-three,” Evan said as he pulled a stool closer and set the board down on it. “I still think you were cheating when you stole my crown, so I would like a chance to win back my title.”

  “Oh, really now?” I laughed, sitting up straight in my seat. “Well then, bring it on.”

  “Black or white?” He asked, giving me a knowing grin.

  “Do you even have to ask?” I laughed, giving him a shocked look. “You know I must always be black, just like my black little heart.”

  Evan threw his head back and laughed out loud.

  “Black it is,” he chuckled as he set up the board. When it was all done, he looked up at me. “Are you ready?”

  “Bring it on,” I purred, giving him a wicked grin.

  Evan smiled, but then he stopped for a moment and gave me a strange look.

  “What?” I asked, unsure what he was looking at.

  “Your earrings,” he said, reaching up and softly touching them. “They’re the ones I bought you when…”

  I instinctively reached up and touched them too.

  “My lucky earrings,” I replied, giving him a broad smile. “I always wear them whenever I need a little bit of luck.”

  “They’re your good luck charm?” He asked, giving me another big smile.

  “Well,” I sighed, suddenly unable to look at him anymore. “They were the next best thing to you…you know, when I didn’t have you in my life.”

  “Well you have me now,” he said as he reached out and took hold of my hand. “Me and your lucky earrings.”

  “I know I do,” I replied, giving him a grateful smile.

  “Always,” Evan added.

  “Always,” I repeated.

  Chapter 9

  Evan

  It was almost four o’clock when Will pulled into the drive of his house. I glanced back at Cassie, who was fast asleep in the back seat and sighed. It had been such a long day for her, I hated that we would have to wake her while she looked so peaceful.

  She had done amazingly having her treatment. She remained bright and cheerful the whole time, even though I could see nearer the end, she was getting tired. She amazed me that despite everything she was going through, she always had a smile on her face. She was just so strong.

  “She must be exhausted,” Will sighed as he turned off the engine, then turned to look at her too. “It seems a shame to wake her.”

  “Maybe we don’t have to,” I said, unfastening my seat belt. “If you go open the front door, I can carry her into the house.”

  I didn’t wait for him to reply. Instead, I climbed out of the passenger seat, closing the door behind me before I reached for the handle of Cassie’s door. Opening the door as quietly as I could, I reached across her lap and opened her seatbelt.

  I carefully slipped my arms beneath her, before lifting her gently. As I did, Cassie instinctively curled into me, releasing a soft sigh. I smiled to myself, feeling happy once again to finally have her back in my life.

  Once I had her in my arms, I followed Will
up the front steps to the house, then inside, heading straight for the stairs.

  When I reached Cassie’s room, I set her down gently on the bed, taking great care not to wake her. She instantly snuggled into her pillow, releasing another sigh.

  I smiled once more as I brushed her hair back from her face, before bending down to kiss her softly on the cheek. Next, I slipped her shoes off to make her a little more comfortable. I smiled as I looked at the purple running shoes that were now in my hands. Some things really never do change.

  As I stood back from the bed, I watched her sleep for a few moments and my heart ached with how much I loved her. And it wasn’t simply the love one friend had for another. It was deeper than that. Almost primeval.

  The urge I had inside me to protect her was almost consuming me. There was no denying that I was completely and utterly in love with this girl. If I was honest, I had been for as long as I could remember, I was just too stupid to admit it out loud.

  I turned slowly and began towards the door, leaving her to sleep in peace.

  “You still owe me a milkshake,” Cassie voice said with a croak, stopping me before I reached the door.

  “I guess I do, don’t I,” I replied with a smile, as I turned back to face her. “I thought you were sleeping.”

  “I was,” she yawned, then gave me a sleepy smile. “I was dreaming about strawberry milkshakes.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh as I walked back towards the bed.

  “Are you feeling okay?” I asked as she finally opened her eyes and looked up at me.

  “I’m okay,” she assured me, then added with a smile. “But I would be even better if I had my yummy milkshake.”

  “Okay, okay,” I laughed, giving her a cheeky smile. “And is there anything else Princess Cassie would like?”

  “Now that you mention it,” she grinned as she rolled onto her back. “I wouldn’t say no to some chicken nuggets.”

  “Chicken nuggets and a strawberry milkshake,” I repeated, giving her a smile. There was nothing I wouldn’t do to make her happy. I just wished I had the guts to tell her how I was truly feeling inside. “I’m on it.”

  “Thank you,” she yawned once more, then gave me a smile before she closed her eyes and turned back over in her bed.

  I turned and hurried out of the bedroom, knowing that the faster I went and got her shake and nuggets, the faster I would get back to her, and would be able to take care of her.

  I had just reached the bottom of the stairs when I remembered that I forgot to ask her which kind of sauce she wanted with her nuggets. Laughing to myself at how much she already had me wrapped around her little finger, I turned and hurried back up the stairs.

  “Hey, Cass,” I said as I walked back into her room, but I was surprised to find her bed was empty and there was no sign of Cassie anywhere. “Cassie!”

  That’s when I spotted the door to her en-suite open slightly. I walked towards it, about to knock on the outside when I heard the unmistakable sound of someone being violently sick.

  “Cassie,” I said as I pushed the door open a little more and found Cassie on her knees, holding on to the white, porcelain toilet like her life depended on it, as she emptied the contents of her stomach over and over into bowl. “Jesus, Cass!”

  I hurried across the bathroom, before I dropped to my knees next to her, scooping her hair up into my hand, then I wrapped my other arm around her.

  “It’s okay,” I whispered as she threw up once more. “I’ve got you.”

  Finally, she slumped back against my chest, and I could feel her whole body sagging against me, completely drained of any drop of energy she had left inside her.

  “I’m so sorry,” she whimpered as she buried her face into my chest.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for,” I assured her, as I brushed her damp hair back from her face. “Everything is going to be okay.”

  Scooping her up into my arms, I pulled her onto my lap, holding her as close to me as I could. She began to shiver like she was cold, but her skin felt like it was on fire.

  Keeping her in my arms, I climbed up from the floor and sat on the edge of the bath, still holding her close to me just as Will walked into the bathroom.

  “Jesus!” He exclaimed as a look of panic washed over his face. “Is she okay? Should I call for an ambulance?”

  “No,” I assured him, not taking my focus off Cassie. I kept my voice nice and calm too, knowing panicking would just upset Cassie more. “The nurse at the hospital said this could happen. It’s very normal. I just need you to wet the washcloth beside the sink, then wring it out and give it to me.”

  Will did exactly as I asked, and when he handed me the cloth, I pressed it against Cassie’s head.

  “It’s okay,” I whispered to her once more. “Everything is going to be just fine.”

  “Is she okay?” Will asked, giving me a look that said he never felt more helpless.

  “She will be,” I assure him. “Unfortunately, this is one of the side effects from chemo, but it will pass. This was the one thing she was afraid of. But the cold cloth on her head will help, and we need to get her back to bed, to keep her warm too.”

  I glanced down at Cassie, who was now asleep in my arms.

  “I think it’s safe to get her back to bed now,” I suggested, looking up at Will. “If you have a basin, it might be better for her while she is lying in the bed.”

  “I’ll go get one from the laundry room,” Will said hurrying back out the door as I stood up slowly and carried Cassie back into her bedroom, heading straight for the bed.

  Setting her down gentle, I went to slip my arm from beneath her, but as I went to step back, Cassie reached out as grabbed my hand.

  “Please don’t leave me,” she whispered as she opened her eyes and looked up at me. “Please.”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” I assured her, as I kicked off my shoes before I climbed onto the bed, and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her closer to me. Cass rested her head against my chest.

  “I’ve got you,” I whispered, as she snuggled into me. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  She just held me tightly but neither of us said a word. I’d figured that she must have fallen asleep.

  A few moments later, Will came back, carrying the basin.

  “Sorry I took so long, I couldn’t find the damn thing,” he explained, sounding completely broken and looking like he had no clue what he should do next. “How is she now?”

  “She’s sleeping,” I whispered, worried I might wake her again. “Is it okay if I sit with her for a while.”

  “Sure,” Will said as his eyes dropped to Cassie and a look of sadness settled on his face. He walked slowly to the bed and sat down on the bottom, still holding the basin in his hands. “This is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I hate that she is going through this, and there is nothing I can do to help her. Truth is, I would give anything if I could swap places with her.”

  “I know you would,” I sighed, wishing I could do the same time. “And Cassie knows it too. But you know her; she wouldn’t let you even if you could. She’s always looked after you as much as you’ve looked after her. She loves you very much.”

  “I know she does,” he sighed, his voice cracking with unshed tears. “Probably too much sometimes. I just wish that I had been a better father after her mom left. I should have taken better care of her, instead of her looking after me. Maybe if I had…”

  “She would have still got sick, Will,” I said, stopping him mid-sentence, knowing where he was going with this. “This is not your fault.”

  “Then why does it feel like I’m letting her down?” Will sighed as he pushed up from the bed. He looked like he was ready to fall apart. “I feel like everything is so out of control. I have never felt more useless in my entire life.”

  “Maybe you need to get out for a while,” I suggested, knowing that was exactly what he needed. “I will stay here with Cass. You can take a break. Do somet
hing normal.”

  “I can’t leave her” he said, his eyes falling to her once more. “Not while she’s so sick.”

  “She’s sleeping now,” I reasoned. “So, she’s fine. I think getting out and clearing your head before she wakes up, is exactly what you need. Besides, I have your number. If anything changes, I can call you straight away.”

  “I guess I could go to the shop,” he sighed, still watching her closely. “There is some paperwork I need to pick up. Maybe I could pick up some dinner too?”

  “I think that sounds like a great idea,” I said, giving him a reassuring smile.

  “Are you sure you’ll be okay here with her?” He asked once more, giving me a worried look.

  “I’m sure,” I assured him, knowing that getting out of the house was exactly what he needed. “And I can stay as long as you need me to, so there is no need to rush back.”

  “Thanks, Evan,” Will said, giving me a grateful smile. “You’re a good friend. She’s lucky to have you.”

  I smiled but I didn’t reply. Will nodded then glanced down at Cassie once more, before he turned and walked out of the room, leaving me alone with Cassie once more.

  I sat holding her until her breathing was shallow, and her body had stopped shivering. Once I thought she was in a deep enough sleep, I carefully climbed up from the bed. I was reluctant to leave her, but I knew the bathroom had to be taken care of too.

  I hurried back to the bathroom, flushing the toilet immediately before I picked up the bleach and began cleaning around the toilet bowl. The nurse had reminded Cassie that she needed to flush twice when she used the bathroom because of the chemo medication, so I assumed the same needed to be done when she vomited.

  Once I was finished cleaning, I washed my hands, then hurried back to Cassie.

  Climbing back up onto the bed, she instinctively curled back into me, and released a soft sigh.

  I sat there holding her tightly, thinking of all the times she had fallen asleep next to me while we watched movies, when we were younger. I used to lie there for the longest time, watching her sleeping. She had always seemed almost magical to me; like one day I was going to blink, and she would disappear.