Not Until Us (Hope Springs Book 4)

by Valerie M. Bodden

  She picked up her phone and ran her hand over it. Should she call and ask him to meet her later? Was she brave enough to do that?

  A knock on the bathroom door made her jump and almost drop the phone.

  “You ready, Jade?” Violet called.

  “Yep.” Jade stuffed her phone in her purse. She’d get through this shower first, then she’d decide whether or not to talk to Dan.

  She opened the door to find Vi waiting for her in the hallway, her long, dark curls swept into a neat twist, her skin almost glowing under the white sundress she’d chosen.

  “Wow, Vi, you look beautiful.” Without thinking, Jade leaned over to hug her sister. The affection that had seemed so foreign to her when she’d first returned to Hope Springs came more naturally every day.

  “You look pretty spectacular yourself.” Vi gestured to the empire-cut blue dress Jade had chosen mainly because its loose fit hid the ever-so-slight bulge that had started to form in her waistline this week.

  She wouldn’t be able to hide her secret from Violet much longer. But every time she thought about telling her sister, she broke into a cold sweat.

  There wouldn’t be any celebration or cooing over her tummy when she announced it. No jokes about how her baby might one day marry Ethan and Ariana’s baby.

  There would only be shame and regret and disappointment.

  Jade forced her thoughts off the baby. That was another day’s problem. For today, her focus needed to be on making Vi’s shower perfect.

  Fortunately, Violet kept up her usual chatter on the drive to the church, where she’d insisted she wanted to hold her shower. Seeing Vi so happy helped Jade forget about her own mountain of problems at least a little bit. Even if she’d lost her brief chance at a happily ever after, she couldn’t begrudge her sister this second chance.

  Vi pulled into the church parking lot, but instead of getting out of the car, she turned to Jade and grabbed her hand. “Thank you, Jade.” Tears sparkled in her eyes. “You have no idea how much it means to me that you came home and that you’ve done so much to make sure my wedding is special. Honestly, just having you here would be enough―”

  “In that case, maybe I’ll have Peyton take the cake back.” But tears pricked at her eyes too, and she leaned over to pull Violet into another hug. “I love you, big sister.”

  One of Violet’s tears dropped onto her shoulder. “I love you too, little sister.”

  Jade closed her eyes, but it was too late. A tear had sneaked out and trailed down her cheek.

  Thank goodness she hadn’t told Vi about her wild idea to stay in Hope Springs. That had only been a temporary delusion. One that was over already. She’d called Keira yesterday to let her know to expect her back in a month after all.

  She just had to figure out how to survive in Hope Springs until then.

  Chapter 35

  “You did a lovely job planning the shower.” Sophie squeezed Jade’s arm as she walked past.

  “Thanks again for taking care of the decorations. Everything looks amazing.”

  Sophie had transformed the church hall so thoroughly that Jade barely recognized it. Elegant tablecloths were topped by beautiful bouquets of wildflowers, and fairy lights were strung across the ceiling, with ivy trailing down the walls. It looked like they’d been transported to an enchanted forest.

  “Did you get some cake?” Sophie held out a plate to Jade, but Jade gestured it away.

  “I’m fine for now thanks. I’d better check if Leah needs any more help in the kitchen.” But halfway there, she had to stop as a wave of pain tightened her belly. It had been happening for the past couple hours, but so far she’d been able to ignore it.

  Now she couldn’t deny that the pain was getting worse.

  It was probably because she’d been on her feet all day. Once she had a chance to sit down, she’d feel better.

  She shoved away the niggling fear that something was wrong with the baby. If God had been planning to answer her prayer to take the baby, he’d have done it by now.

  As the pain passed, she stepped into the kitchen. Leah was bustling around, refilling bowls and handing them off to Brianna, who was bringing them to the serving line.

  Jade froze.

  She’d been disappointed—but not surprised—that Brianna hadn’t enrolled Penelope in vacation Bible school. Though she missed the little girl terribly, even when she saw them in church she went out of her way to avoid them. The last thing she needed was a run-in with Brianna.

  “Oh, sorry, I was just— Looks like you have everything under control.” Jade stepped backward out the kitchen door.

  “Jade. Wait.” Brianna followed her, and Jade stopped like an obedient schoolgirl.

  She deserved whatever horrible things Brianna wanted to say to her. A mother had a right to decide who took care of her children, and Jade had disregarded her request to stay away from Penelope at camp.

  She ignored the fresh onslaught of pain in her belly as she waited for Brianna to tear into her.

  “I wanted to say―” Brianna fidgeted, eyes on the floor.

  “Brianna, I’m sorry. I should have respected your request that I stay away from Penelope. She’s your daughter, and―”

  Before she could finish her apology, Brianna’s arms were around her, nearly smothering her with the strength of her hug. “Thank you.” Her voice was muted. “Penelope is the only thing in this world that matters to me, and if I had lost her . . .” She shuddered.

  Jade had no idea what to do. She’d been prepared for yelling, even a slap to the face, but a hug was so unexpected that she could only respond by hugging Brianna back.

  After a full minute, Brianna pulled away, straightened her shirt, and strode back to the kitchen, leaving Jade standing there, completely dumbfounded.

  She made her way over to Vi to ask if she was ready to open her gifts or if she preferred to play the goofy games Jade had looked up online first.

  But as she was waiting for Vi to finish up a conversation with an older lady, her insides cramped so tightly that she had to wrap her arms around her middle.

  “Excuse me,” she managed to gasp to no one in particular, before she rushed for the bathroom.

  When she got there, she locked the door and leaned her forehead against it, letting the metal surface cool the sweat beaded there.

  The cramp eased slightly, and Jade made her way to the toilet. Her hands shook as she lifted her dress to pull down her underwear.

  She blinked at the three perfect red circles that had stained the fabric.

  “Oh.” All the breath left her lungs as she sat. Her thoughts spun, trying to get a fix on what this meant.

  She was pregnant. So she shouldn’t be bleeding. But she was.

  She didn’t want the baby. So she should be relieved. But she wasn’t.

  At the sight of more blood on the toilet paper, she closed her eyes.

  Legs shaking, she pulled her underwear up and washed her hands. Then she stood staring at herself in the mirror. Her face was pale, her eyes too big.

  How could she go out there and pretend nothing had happened?

  But she had to, didn’t she? All those people were here for Vi’s special day. And she wasn’t going to ruin it. As far as any of them knew, she wasn’t pregnant and never had been. She might as well keep it that way. If the blood meant anything, pretty soon she wouldn’t be pregnant anymore, anyway.

  A knock on the door made her jump. “Coming.” She splashed a little cold water on her face to put some color back in her cheeks.

  “Everything all right in there, Jade?” Vi’s voice was muffled through the door.

  Jade dried her face and opened the door, fully intending to tell her sister that everything was fine. But one look at the concern on Vi’s face, and Jade crumpled. She could feel the tears working their way up, but she was helpless to stop them.

  “What is it, Jade?” Vi’s expression morphed to confusion, and she stepped into the bathroom, closing and locking t
he door behind her. “Is this about Dan?”

  But that only made Jade cry harder.

  She could barely get the words out past the panic that had lodged in her throat. “I’m bleeding.”

  “Where?” Vi looked her up and down, as if expecting to find a giant, gushing wound.

  Jade raised her hands helplessly, then gestured to her midsection. “I’m bleeding, Vi.”

  Vi’s forehead wrinkled. “Like you have your period? I think I have some meds in my purse if you have cramps. I forgot that you used to get them so bad.”

  “No, Vi.” Jade reached a hand to stop her sister, who had turned to the door, apparently ready to fetch her purse and make everything all better. “I’m bleeding. And I’m―” She swallowed so hard it hurt. Could she really say the word? “I’m pregnant.”

  Time stopped as Violet just looked at her. It was several seconds before she even blinked.

  Jade wanted to beg her to say something, but she had to give her time to process.

  She bent double as a fierce cramp ripped through her belly, setting it on fire.

  “Let’s get you to the hospital.” Violet placed one hand on Jade’s back and the other on her elbow, steering her to the door.

  “No, Vi.” Jade planted her feet, but she didn’t have the strength to fight Violet and breathe through the cramp at the same time. “You are not going to leave your shower. And neither am I. I’ll be fine.”

  But Vi had already steered her down the hallway to a side door. “Stay here a second while I go tell Sophie. She’ll take care of everything.”

  Jade wanted to protest. But she was in too much pain to do more than lean up against the wall and wait.

  Within two minutes, Violet was back at her side, steering her out the door. “It’s going to be okay.”

  “What did you tell them?” Not that it mattered. It wasn’t like her secret was going to be a secret much longer.

  “I told them to pray.”

  Jade closed her eyes as she settled into the passenger seat.

  Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to pray herself. But now that God was in the middle of answering her last prayer, of giving her what she’d thought she wanted, all she could think was, I take it back, Lord.

  Chapter 36

  Everything was perfect. Dan had spent the past hour carrying the bistro table and chairs from his patio down to the beach and laying out the meal of seared salmon and scallops. It wasn’t super fancy, but he’d prepared it himself, and that had to count for something. He double-checked that he had a lighter for the candles and rearranged the flowers in the center of the table for the fifth time. Maybe he should take them off the table altogether. He wanted to be able to see her while they ate. He gave everything one last glance to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything.

  The blanket! He’d planned to lay it out so they could sit on the beach after they ate. But he must have set it down when he was gathering the dishes. He could picture it balanced on the back of the dining room chair closest to the patio door.

  He glanced at the time on his phone. The shower should be getting done any moment. He didn’t want Jade to walk down here and find him missing. But he wanted everything to be perfect. If he sprinted, he’d only be gone a few seconds.

  Mind made up, he dashed down the beach, up the stairs alongside the church, and toward his house. He grabbed the blanket and was back out the door in less than two minutes.

  As he sprinted back toward the steps, he peered at the church to check if any shower guests were on their way out yet.

  But the parking lot was empty.

  Odd.

  He glanced at the time again. Maybe the shower had ended early. But if it was done, where was Jade?

  His heart dropped. Had she refused to take Violet up on her request to walk on the beach? Had he lost his chance?

  He pulled out his phone to call Violet, but before he could dial, it rang.

  He had it to his ear before the first tone had finished. “Hey, Violet. She caught on, didn’t she? What if I just come over and sweep her away?”

  Muffled voices sounded from the other end of the phone, but Violet didn’t say anything.

  “Violet?”

  “I’m sorry, Dan. I should have called sooner, but in all the commotion, it didn’t occur to me.”

  “Commotion?” Dan drew up short, watching the dark church. “What commotion?”

  “I had to take Jade to the hospital during the shower.”

  The words nailed Dan right in the chest, and he was already backtracking to his house. He needed his keys. “What happened? Is she all right?” His chest constricted. Of course she wasn’t all right, or she wouldn’t be at the hospital.

  “She’s okay. But Dan―” Something in the way Violet hesitated as she said his name made the hairs on his neck stand on end.

  “What’s wrong then? Tell me.” He needed to know right now.

  Violet’s sigh was heavy. “She’s pregnant. She had some pain and bleeding. The baby has a heartbeat, but it’s too soon to say if she’s miscarrying.”

  Dan grabbed blindly for a chair. Jade was pregnant? As in carrying a child? Another man’s child?

  He tried to swallow, but his throat had gone completely dry. “What? I don’t―” He closed his mouth. He didn’t know what he wanted to say.

  “I’m sorry, Dan. They’re sending her home pretty soon, if you want to see her. Otherwise . . .”

  Dan stared at the car keys in his hand. Otherwise, what?

  “Okay,” he said dully. But nothing was okay about this. Nothing at all. Tonight was supposed to be the night he won Jade over forever. And now he was learning that he’d never had a chance. That she was pregnant with another man’s child.

  “Dan?” Violet’s voice was tentative. “Could you pray? For her and the baby?”

  Dan scrubbed a hand over his mouth and chin. “Yeah.” The word came out all scratchy, but it was the best he could do. “I’ll pray.”

  He hung up and glared at the phone in his hand. Dropping it on the kitchen table, he made his way to the beach and packed up the meal and the candles. He grabbed the flowers out of their vase and chucked them onto the dune.

  Why, Lord? he cried out in his heart. Why did you let me think she was the one when you’ve known this would happen all along?

  The constant rhythm of the waves was his only answer. He moved closer to the water and plopped into the sand, dropping his head between his knees. He had never felt so defeated in his life.

  He didn’t know how long he sat like that, resisting the urge to pray, but finally his instincts took over, and he found himself pouring out his heart to his Heavenly Father. I don’t know why this is happening, Lord, but you do. You have promised that you work all things for the good of those who love you. Help me to trust that even in this you can work good—even if I can’t see how right now. Please be with Jade and keep her safe. Help her to know that your love surrounds her no matter what happens. He bowed his head deeper. He didn’t know how he could say this next part, but he had promised Violet he would pray for Jade—and her baby. Please protect the little one inside of Jade. Keep him or her safe until they reach full term, and help Jade to deliver a healthy baby when it is time. Help her to raise that baby to know you.

  He lifted his head and tilted it toward the sky. And help me to surrender to your will. This is not what I want, Lord. Not what I planned. But I leave it all in your hands.

  Chapter 37

  The baby’s heartbeat was good. Jade clung to that. When she’d heard it, her own heart had filled her chest until she’d been sure she’d burst. Seeing the tiny form on the ultrasound had undone something inside Jade. This was her child. Flesh of her flesh. There was something awe-inspiring and almost miraculous in that.

  And now that she’d seen it, she wanted this baby to live more than she’d ever wanted anything in her life.

  But even after hearing the heartbeat, the doctor hadn’t been able to guarantee that the baby would surv
ive. Jade had wanted to argue with him, to talk him into giving her some kind of promise, but she’d known he didn’t have that kind of power. So she’d meekly followed Vi to the car. There was nothing more they could do for her at the hospital.

  All she could do was wait.

  You can pray too, a little voice at the back of her head whispered as Violet drove her home.

  But every time she tried to pray, she drew a blank. How was she supposed to ask God to save this baby when she’d despised the last one he’d given her? When she’d been so concerned with how a baby would affect her life that she’d decided to end its life?

  Tears gathered behind her lids, and she closed her eyes. Her sorrow over that one decision would never leave her.

  And now if she lost this baby too—how would she ever recover from that?

  “We’re here.” Violet’s voice was gentle—too gentle. She’d done nothing but take care of Jade’s every need since the moment Jade had told her she was pregnant. She hadn’t scolded Jade once or reminded her of what an awful person she was.

  Jade almost wished she would.

  The second Violet shut off the engine, she jumped out of the car and rushed around to Jade’s door. She helped Jade out of the car and up the stairs to the apartment, as if she were an invalid.

  Jade should tell her not to, but she didn’t have the energy.

  Nate stood at the top of the stairs waiting for them, his face lined with worry. He moved to open the door for them and squeezed her shoulder as she passed.

  Jade closed her eyes. Why were they being so nice to her? She didn’t deserve it. Here they were, doing everything possible to honor God with their relationship, and now Vi was stuck with a knocked-up sister.

  Violet shepherded her to the bedroom. “Let’s get you settled in so you can rest.”

  Jade should argue that she didn’t need to rest. The doctor had said there was nothing she could do to affect things one way or the other. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to try. If she had to lay in bed for the next seven months straight to keep this little one safe, that’s what she would do.