Back for Good

by Heather Mar-Gerrison

  I forced a smile. I wasn’t going to make a fool of myself by letting him see that he bothered me, “Oh, hi!” I said, “I was uh, just leaving. Let you and Wade have some time together without me tagging along.”

  He blinked. He clearly had no idea what I was talking about. “What are you on about?”

  I rolled my eyes, “I think you know.” I said, “You’re obviously very close – and I’m making things awkward.”

  His smile grew, “Are you kidding me?” he asked with a chuckle, “You’re all Wade ever talked about when he was serving with me and the boys.”

  My jaw dropped, “Really?” I squeaked.

  He frowned, “Yes, really.” He said, shaking his head, “Oh, boy. You’ve totally got the wrong end of the stick about this, mate.” He said, “What did you think he’d do? Forget all about you?” He snorted like it was the most ridiculous thing in the world but that was exactly what I’d thought…

  He shook his head, “That guy loves you, you big idiot. He used to talk about you all of the fucking time and I’m sure you’re aware of the amount of time he spent on the internet talking to you and playing his games with you? We used to take the piss out of him for it. We used to say that you were his boyfriend,” he looked at me with a raised eyebrow, “I’m beginning to think we were right.”

  It was my turn to snort, “I’ll bet he hotly denied it.” I mumbled.

  He shrugged, “Sure,” he said, “He didn’t need any more piss-taking for being a fag.”

  I grimaced at the reference. The guy sighed. “For the record, sure I love the guy – but not the way you do. He was my best mate in there. He had my back and I had his. He’s the best man I’ve ever known and I would put my life on the line for him because he’d do the same for me. There aren’t many guys like him in the world.” He ran his hand through his hair and sighed, shaking his head, “Don’t fuck things up with him through petty jealousy. I’m married to the best woman in the world and I have three beautiful children. I know who I’m in love with – and, buddy – it ain’t Wade.”

  “I am.” I said softly, “I’ve been in love with him since I was nineteen.”

  He nodded, “I think he’s been pretty much the same way, too.” He said, “He never really had any sort of connection with any of the girls he slept with – because that was all they ever were to him – one-night-stands. He never had a girlfriend, as such. Well, one or two, maybe. I think it was just to prove he could.”

  I nodded, “Thanks, man,” I said, flashing him a smiled, “for taking the time to sort my head out. I should go and apologise to him now for being a total douchebag.”

  He grinned, “I reckon you should.” He agreed, “I hope it all works out for you both. You seem like a decent sort of a fella.”

  Was I? Fuck. I certainly hoped I was.

  “Are you coming back for another pint?” he was smiling at me in such a welcoming way. I nodded, “Yeah,” I said, “I will.”

  When Wade looked up to find me stood awkwardly at the side of Tom, his eyes widened with surprise before the biggest smile spread across his face, “You didn’t leave.” He said delightedly.

  I shook my head, “Tom convinced me that I wasn’t actually gate-crashing your reunion.”

  His smile got even bigger and he shook his head, “Of course you’re not, you big idiot,” he said, “it’s all the better for you being here.”

  “I’m sorry.” I said as I squeezed back in next to him and slipped my arm around him again, “I got all spooked.”

  He chuckled, “I’m just glad you came back.” He said.

  Amen to that…

  Chapter 11 – My brother’s big fat gay wedding…

  Eduard

  “How do I look?”

  I barely glanced his way before I automatically answered, “You look great.”

  I heard a huff behind me and closed my eyes, counting to ten. I loved my brother. I really did. But he was a little on the demanding side. High maintenance shall we say? I turned, “I’m sorry.” I said, “I forgot who I was talking to. Let me look at you.”

  I allowed myself to actually look at him. Really look at him and the sight that met my eyes melted my heart. “You look beautiful.” I said with a smile, “Radiant.”

  Franz beamed back at me, “Really?” he asked, “You mean it?”

  I nodded, “Of course I mean it.” I said a little indignantly.

  He threw his arms around my neck, “I love you.” He said, “Thank you so much for being here for me.”

  I felt a little embarrassed, “Well, where else would I be?” I asked.

  He raised an eyebrow and pursed his lips, “Well, Georg didn’t make it, did he?” He said.

  I shrugged, “He still loves you.” I said, “He’s just who he is, you know?”

  He nodded, “So?” he asked, “Did Wade come with you?”

  I nodded, “He’s still at the hotel. He’s got a taxi booked.”

  He grinned, “It’s just a matter of time, bro’,” he said, “It’s just a matter of time.”

  God. I hoped so…

  The day went really well. Quentin and I did a great job of being his best men and his vows to Buzz, predictably, made me cry.

  Wade was on hand with tissues though. I guess he knew me better than I knew myself, because I’d completely forgotten to put one in my pocket.

  “Thanks.” I said, sniffing as I took it from him.

  His smile was mesmerising, “You’re welcome.”

  The pressure was off as we were all able to watch Quentin and Thai and I can honestly say that I’d never enjoyed a wedding quite as much as I enjoyed that one. It was perfect.

  And even if it wasn’t really my cup of tea, the venue had been tastefully dressed for the occasion.

  Chapter 12 – ‘Find the nerve, he said’…

  Wade

  “I’ve been watching you and my brother all day.”

  I jumped slightly at Franz’s words and turned to face him, “You what?” I asked, frowning at him. What had he seen? Was I so horribly obviously in love with his brother? Could everyone see what he’d seen? If that was what he’d seen?

  He smiled, “I’ve been watching you together. You’re very good friends, aren’t you?”

  I nodded, “Yeah,” I said, “He’s been amazing since I got discharged.”

  He looked up at me, his massive eyes, exactly the same shade and shape as his brother’s, making me feel a little light-headed. I really shouldn’t have had that last shot… “You like him a lot, don’t you?” He asked.

  I shrugged and nodded, “Yeah, I do,” I said, “We’ve gotten really close recently.”

  He nodded, “He really likes you too.” He said. Nudging my arm, he added, “But you already knew that, too, didn’t you?”

  I blinked. What the fuck was he getting at, “What are you trying to say, dude?” I asked, a slight edge to my voice.

  He shook his head, “I know you like him as more than a friend. I remember us getting drunk and you telling me that you fancied him. I can tell that you still do, so don’t piss me off by denying it.”

  My jaw dropped. Fuck, I’d forgotten how much of a feisty little bastard Franz could be when he wanted to be. “I wasn’t about to.” I said, running my hand over my head nervously, “I just don’t know what to do about the way I feel about him. He thinks I’m straight and I told him he had no chance…”

  Franz narrowed his eyes at me and nodded slowly, “Just find the nerve,” He said, “You were in the armed forces for chrissakes – you saved the lives of your entire platoon!”

  I grimaced. Franz seemed to be labouring under the misapprehension that I was some sort of a war hero. It really hadn’t gone down like that – the only reason the rest of the occupants of the car weren’t killed was entirely down to positioning. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Still, now wasn’t the time to point out that we weren’t there for any other reason than humanitarian aid, helping the civilians. We were just driving along
the road and some crazy bastard had left a device there. It could have happened to anyone, anywhere. He was simply making a point about finding the nerve, that was all.

  “That was easy,” I said, “Wrong place. Wrong time. There was no plan to save anyone...” Losing my leg was just an unwanted occurrence.

  Franz smiled at me serenely, “And telling the love of your life what they mean to you is easy, too.” He said, ignoring my explanations. “You just have to allow yourself say it.”

  It was good advice. I nodded, “I will.” I promised.

  He raised his eyebrows and nodded, “Preferably before you both start to draw your pensions.” He added with a beaming grin, “Good luck, sweetheart.” He stood up on his tiptoes and leaned in to kiss me on the cheek.

  I sighed as I watched him bound back across the dancefloor and into the waiting arms of his bear of a husband. They couldn’t have been more perfectly mismatched. Franz was tiny and Buzz was massive – it worked, though. It worked perfectly.

  I looked around the room. The nightclub that we were in was absolutely stunning. All done out in chrome and mirrors and white leather. It was awesome and I wondered if the pub that Eduard and I were tentatively exploring could be done out in the same way. I’d have to take some pictures – or maybe Eduard and I could visit again some time…

  Buzz and Franz had gotten married today but so had their friends. Thai, I think his name was and Franz’s best friend from uni, Quentin, who had been a best man too and was a total dead-ringer for Q out of the more recent bond movies, Ben Whishaw, were the other couple.

  They were all dressed in exactly the same morning suits and they couldn’t have looked more beautiful if they’d tried.

  I wasn’t one of these sorts of gay guys. Like Eduard, I was a more or less straight bloke who happened to fancy men – and not even men in my case – just one man. Eduard. I knew I was in denial about being bisexual or gay or whatever label you want to put on it but I really did think there was only one man for me. I’d never fancied another man for as far back as I could remember – not even popstars or sports personalities. I’d just always wanted Eduard.

  I wondered how many men Eduard had fancied. Had he come to this club and danced with men before? Had he slept with lots of different men? I didn’t know how to ask him. Not out of any particular curiosity – more out of wanting to know what I was up against. I’d only ever slept with women so there was no one to compare him to. He on the other hand might have had some really big dicked guys give him a good seeing to. I’d never really compared the size of my manhood with any of my mates. Like I said, they were all straight and they (thankfully) weren’t into playing soggy biscuits or any of the other laddish behaviour that some of the other not-quite-straight lads were into. I was therefore, left wondering how my seven-inch dick would compare to his other past lovers – was size an issue for him? I really didn’t have the foggiest…

  Noticing that Eduard was now stood chatting with Franz and Buzz, I headed across to tell him that I was calling it a night. My leg was aching and I had a lot of thinking to do. “I’m going to bed.” I said, “I’m knackered.”

  Eduard blinked, “Oh,” he said sounding slightly disappointed, “Okay. Shall I uh, shall I walk you over to the hotel?”

  I shook my head, “No, man,” I assured him, “I don’t want to spoil your evening. It’s like five minutes away. I’ll be absolutely fine.”

  He frowned, “Even so…”

  I shrugged, “Fine, whatever.” I huffed petulantly, “I’ve got a prosthetic leg, mate, I’m not a kid that needs looking after.”

  He grinned and shrugged, “Hey, Franz here,” he patted his brother’s shoulder, “will always be my baby brother – and you’re the same age, so suck it up.”

  The word ‘suck’ sent images of his lips around my cock through my brain and I had to bite down on my lip to stop a growl from escaping. I nodded stiffly and allowed him to escort me back to the hotel. It was a new one and had been built across the road from the nightclub. The whole area was being redeveloped and a new shopping complex had been approved along with some more industrial units. It could only be a good thing for the owners of the nightclub – it had stood on its own for the last few years in the middle of nowhere. Not that it had been detrimental to the popularity of the club.

  “Well,” Eduard said as we got to my hotel room, “I guess I’ll go to bed too. Night mate.”

  “Yeah, night.” I said, “See you in the morning for breakfast?”

  He nodded, “I’ll come down for you at what, nine?”

  I nodded, “Yeah, sounds good.”

  I went into my room and shut the door behind me. Leaning against the door, I sighed. I could have totally kissed him goodnight if only I had the guts.

  “‘Find the nerve’, he said,” I muttered to Petey as I got ready for bed, “Yeah, right – piece of fucking cake that, Franz.” I huffed as I propped Petey up against the chest of drawers and massaged my aching leg. It had been a long day and I was heartily glad to have finally been able to take Petey off for the night.

  Petey said nothing. Well of course he didn’t – he was a prosthetic leg... “Some fucking mate you are.” I muttered, scowling at the prosthetic leaning up against the chest of drawers, “Where are your pearls of fucking wisdom when I need them?”

  It could be fair to say I’d had one too many shots – well, clearly, since I was talking to my leg… Punching my pillow into a more comfortable shape, I tried my best to drift off to sleep…

  Chapter 13 – Man up…?

  Eduard

  “You told him to do what?” I hissed at Franz who was beaming up at me, his whole face the picture of mischief.

  He nodded, “Yeah.” He said, “He’s totally into you. He just needs to man up.”

  I looked at him as if he’d grown another head, “You told Wade to man up?” I asked incredulously. Wade was three times the size of him for fuck’s sake…

  He shook his head, “Not in so many words.” He said primly. “I just told him to find the nerve to tell you.” He smiled, “He’s working on it.”

  I shook my head. My brother was a wonder, he really was…

  I looked across the dancefloor to where Wade was stood. He looked uncomfortable and tired. It had been a long day and we’d been stood around for most of it. I couldn’t even begin to wonder how uncomfortable his leg must be.

  At that moment he started to walk towards me.

  “I’m going to bed.” He said, “I’m knackered.”

  Not on his own, he wasn’t. I was tired too and it was as good a reason as any to call it a night.

  He took a bit of convincing for me to walk back with him but in the end, we went together.

  I walked him right his door. Should I go in for a kiss goodnight? Would he freak out? I wasn’t sure. Better not to push my luck. He’d come with me as my date to a gayer-than-gay wedding. I figured that was probably enough for one day.

  It had been an amazing day. Franz and Buzz had an amazing relationship and I was really happy for them to be getting married. I couldn’t actually think of a better person for Franz to have ended up with. Buzz looked for all the world like a hell’s angel – but he had a heart of gold and was as gentle as a lamb with Franz.

  Their friends, Thai and Quentin had gotten married on the same day – in fact Quentin was Franz’s other best man in place of our brother, Georg.

  He was a really nice guy, too – and his new husband looked like a supermodel…

  I felt a bit out of place with all the beautiful people. I would never fit into the gay lifestyle this lot had going on. It just wasn’t my scene and never would be.

  If I ever got married to someone, and the only person I would ever consider marrying was Wade, there was no way I’d have my reception in a place like this.

  I’d like my reception somewhere low-key and classy. Perhaps a meal at a restaurant with my nearest and dearest. This nightclub with its flashing lights, mirrors and chrome was exact
ly what Franz loved – but it wasn’t really me…

  I got back to my room and went in. I sat down on my bed and sighed. I should have gone in with Wade and made sure he’d gotten his leg off properly. I stood back up. Should I go back and make sure he was okay?

  No... I sat down again, my stomach was in knots with anxiety. I really didn’t know what to do next. I picked up my phone and sent off a text instead, “Did you get Petey off okay?”

  I waited. Eventually, a reply came through, “Yeah, everything is cool. Just going to bed now, see you in the morning.” He sent a smiley face too.

  I smiled at the message. He was fine – and I’d see him in the morning over breakfast.

  I lay down and closed my eyes. It was no use. I wasn’t in the slightest bit sleepy.

  All I could think of was Wade in that room alone. In his bed. Possibly naked.

  “Fuck,” I whispered into the darkness. I sat up and reached for my hoody. I had to see him.

  Chapter 14 – Finding the nerve…

  Wade

  It was as if the universe was working against me. Suddenly I was as wide awake as it was possible to be. I’d been ready to lie under a table and go to sleep at the wedding. Now, once I was in a lovely, comfortable bed, I couldn’t even keep my eyes closed.

  “Just find the nerve…” Franz’s words echoed through my mind. Hell. I’d managed to find the nerve to ask him to be my business partner and we were in the process of buying the pub in the city – but asking him to be my life partner was a tricky business. What if we couldn’t stand each other after we’d had sex? What then? What if I couldn’t do the whole sex thing with him? I didn’t think it would be an issue, once I’d gotten to grips with getting to grips with him – if you catch my drift…

  “Find the nerve.” I muttered in the darkness. I wasn’t ever going to get any sleep tonight if I didn’t act on Franz’s words. I was going to have to get Petey back on and go and find him…