A Different Kind of Happy

by Rachaele Hambleton

  Jamie then took Will, Rex, Art and Ruby out of the room and I sat with Lou’s boys, Molly, Belle and Jacob. I was really honest. I explained that David had done some bad things to Lou and he was now in custody. I explained that Lou was still in hospital, but that she would be fine. George looked so frightened and began to cry, and my heart ached, watching his pain, so visible.

  Harry told me that their dad always did this – lost his temper and hurt their mum. I asked if he had ever done anything to the boys and he said he hadn’t – but they were often shut in their rooms when ‘things were really bad’. They also admitted that David had told them that if they ever told anyone they would be put into care and wouldn’t see their mum again.

  ‘That’s just not true, Harry, and I don’t want you to ever worry about that,’ I told him. I didn’t know how Lou wanted to handle things with the boys, what she was and wasn’t going to tell them, but I thought I was on safe ground sticking to the facts and doing my best to reassure them.

  I realised at that point just how affected children were by domestic violence – even if they never actually see the violence take place. This family had so much wealth, they were beautiful to look at, and seemed to have it all – but now everything had been ripped apart because their father had destroyed all their hopes and dreams.

  Molly didn’t say a word. If anything, she looked totally withdrawn and just kept staring out of the front room window. When I asked if she was OK, she just kept saying, ‘I’m so, so sorry.’

  I told her she had nothing to be sorry for and that we would get her some help and support too. I know that something else isn’t right here. The interactions between her and David last night, her mum turning up so suddenly, ‘the incident’, and her behaviour now, apologising for what happened. It didn’t make sense. I can also see she’s not in a good way right now; she’s fragile and things are too raw, so I will just keep my eye on things, speak to her mum, then make a plan.

  Later, I called Jen and asked if she was free for a few hours as I needed to speak to her. I left the kids with Jamie, drove and picked Jen up from hers and started making my way to Lou’s house. I tried to tell her what had happened, but the emotion got the better of me and I had to pull the car over. As I explained everything, from when I had gone to Lou’s house and seen her injuries up until everything that had happened at our house last night, Jen looked on in horror. ‘Oh my god’ were the only three words she repeated throughout. She had never suspected a thing.

  Jen asked why I hadn’t told her before and I said I was so annoyed at myself that I hadn’t, but that I’d promised Lou and I was worried about somehow worsening the situation. But I know now that the situation was already as bad as it could be. I honestly thought by me keeping quiet I was protecting her more, but really I was only protecting David.

  We arrived at the house and tapped in the code that opened the electric gates, which Lou had given to me. Everything looked so perfect. A perfect home where a perfect family resided. Wealthy and happy and healthy.

  I felt so sick.

  We got to the front door and when we opened it, we silenced the beeping alarm with the other code Lou had given.

  Inside it was immaculate.

  A bunch of fresh lilies stood as a centrepiece on the wooden table in the middle of the Spanish-looking entrance hall.

  ‘Look at this place,’ exclaimed Jen, open-mouthed.

  I ripped the list in half. Jen took the bottom and I took the top.

  Lou had told me there were bags, ready. Packed. Hidden. To go.

  She had this planned ‘just in case’.

  She had known this day was coming.

  Jen went off to fetch the boys’ bags, which were hidden on the top shelves at the back of their wardrobes behind quilts, and I went to fetch Lou’s. It made me realise just how desperate and unhappy she was, to want to leave all of this wealth behind and continue her life with just one holdall full of clothes and one crammed full of paperwork and photos of the boys as babies.

  I went into the safe as instructed and used the code to open it. I took out two brown padded envelopes stuffed with cash labelled ‘CAFÉ’. There were also tens of thousands of pounds in the safe, rolled up in wads of notes with elastic bands around them. I had been told not to touch them, they were his – I didn’t believe her, I think they’re the takings from the café as it’s exactly how we cash up. I questioned where a solicitor would get that much cash from. If it was his I imagine it wasn’t legal, so I decided to partly respect her wishes and partly take care of her – I took half.

  She hadn’t made reference to the jewellery in the safe – and there was so much jewellery. Emeralds and diamonds, necklaces and rings.

  Bollocks. There was no other female living in this house of horrors and I couldn’t picture David strutting about dripping in diamonds, so I scooped them all up and put them in the zip part of the holdall. Next, I took hers and the boys’ passports, a big file labelled ‘Café’ and two photo albums as instructed.

  I went into the utility room next to the kitchen and took two sets of the boys’ uniforms, hanging, pristine, where she said they would be.

  And that was it.

  We left a home worth well over a million pounds full of almost twenty years’ worth of memories with nothing other than four bags, three envelopes and a few sets of school uniform.

  I dropped Jen at the hospital and drove home. Belle said the boys wanted to see their mum, and although I wasn’t sure it was a good idea, Jamie said I should take them so that they didn’t worry more than they already were – and it wasn’t like they hadn’t seen her injuries before now.

  I agreed to take the boys, but before I did, I knew I had to call Lou’s mum and fill her in on what had happened. The phone gave a foreign dial tone and when a man answered, I realised I didn’t even know her mum’s name. ‘Hi. I’m looking to speak to Louise Metcalfe’s mum,’ I said.

  The man asked who I was several times as if he was hard of hearing and I heard a lady in the background with a thick northern accent say, ‘Just pass me the bloody phone, Tony.’ It made me giggle despite the news I was about to deliver.

  She came on the phone and immediately sounded concerned, asking if Lou was OK. I told her Lou was in hospital and explained that David had beaten her up, several times, over many years, and that things weren’t good. I told her the boys were staying with us, but I thought they may be better with her and her husband, as we weren’t very familiar to them. She told me they’d both get the first flight over and sort things out. She thanked me for my help. Her voice sounded shaky, but I had a feeling she would take some control here – I also felt she knew what she was dealing with in David. He hadn’t quite fooled everyone completely, it seemed.

  Lou was sleeping when we arrived at the hospital and George ran over and buried his head into her chest. Harry was more reserved and pulled up a chair next to the bed. As she came round, she said hello to them and she had a big smile on her face, but Harry replied with a simple, ‘Hey Mum.’ I couldn’t work out if he was angry with her, or sad, but he showed her no affection, he just sat awkwardly – staring at the floor and nervously chewing the skin around his fingers. For a minute I thought there was a chance he could be siding with his father, but after she had ruffled George’s hair and reassured him, she was OK, Harry asked, ‘That’s it now, isn’t it? We can go this time. We are leaving?’

  Lou didn’t answer; in fact she totally ignored the questions as if Harry wasn’t there and continued fussing over George, telling him his hair smelt beautiful and asking if he was behaving for me.

  Harry repeated the question – only louder each time until it turned into a high-pitched wobble where he was about to crack. Lou told him they’d talk about it later and made eyes towards him as if to warn him this ‘chat’ wasn’t appropriate in front of his brother, but it was clear Harry didn’t care.

  He was now overcome with emotion and as much as he had tears running down his face, when he spoke, I could
see he was absolutely, resolutely, done with this situation.

  ‘NO, Mum. Enough!’ He was tired and frustrated and hurt and angry. He began ranting and threw all sorts of accusations at his mum – the false promises she’d made to leave over the years, holdalls packed and hidden so they were ‘ready to escape’. I realised that Harry had been living with this for a long time, long enough to hate his father and want to be as far away from him as humanly possible.

  I think Lou knew the game was up. The choice wasn’t hers any more. Her eldest son wanted out and if she said no, I knew that chances were social services and authorities would now intervene.

  She silently nodded at her son. Tears ran down her cheeks, and she said, ‘We’re done, boys. That’s it. No more going back.’

  Harry stood up and leant into his mum. The three of them clung to one another and sobbed together. I felt utterly devastated – none of this was their fault. They’d wanted to be the perfect family. They’d tried so hard to fit that mould, and to the outside it looked like they had it all, but one man – their husband and father, the person who should have been their protector – had totally destroyed that, yet it was now them left to pick up the pieces and try to somehow heal and move on. It made me question how this world managed to shaft so many decent people while the bad ones constantly seemed to land on their feet.

  I got home late. Molly said her mum had agreed she could stay again as she was working away most of this week and she couldn’t cancel appointments. I sent her a text because of the time. I apologised I hadn’t been in touch but had spent most of the day at hospital and I thanked her for last night. She replied immediately apologising for it all and asked if I could maybe pop into hers for a cup of tea when I was free. I said I would love to. I feel more positive that we can sort things out. Our girls are like sisters now and it’s clear things have been massively misunderstood between us in the past.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Grounded

  Tuesday

  Jamie and I sat at the kitchen table last night and spoke about everything that had happened over the weekend. We agreed that I should have told him what I knew, but perversely, him not knowing and inviting them over ultimately resulted in everything being let out into the open at last. She and her boys are finally free of the bullying monster they live with. He pointed out that I’ve lost weight and I know I have; my clothes now hang off me but I’ve been so stressed with everything it’s hardly surprising, especially finding out about Lou and with what’s happened since Dad, so the thought of eating just isn’t there. I promised him I would start taking better care of myself and getting back to being ‘me’ and we would make the most of this fresh start once and for all, without any more drama getting in the way.

  I went to see Lou and told her that her mum is on her way and that she’s OK with everything. She just looked up to the ceiling – as if it’s all finally getting better – somehow. The police went to see her this morning to tell her that, as we expected, David has now been released on bail with conditions not to approach her or the boys. He has a court date next month.

  We chatted some more and Lou told me that one of the reasons she hadn’t left David sooner was that he had told her constantly that he would kill himself if she did and she genuinely believed that. When I looked into domestic abuse last month, I read that a victim can feel so much guilt that this is one of the biggest reasons they don’t leave or tell anyone. She also told me that because he has the best family law firm in Cornwall, she was scared to death that he would apply to get the boys taken off her in court.

  I don’t think David will commit suicide and I don’t think he will get the boys. I don’t even think he wants the boys. The more I speak to them the clearer it’s become that he pays no attention to them. If anything, he seems jealous of them and the love Lou showers them with. I also know from looking into the situation that, if he ever did decide to take her to court, they are both of an age where their ‘voices will be heard’ and once a court hears how they’ve watched their father beat their mother half to death repeatedly for their entire childhood, I’m pretty sure no one is going to force them to see him … well, I can only hope.

  I look at George and Harry and I wonder if anyone ever picked up on what they were going home to. Their mum constantly had injuries on her – I’ve seen that, but I cannot imagine what they’ve endured and witnessed at home. From the outside they appeared to have the perfect life, with all the trappings, but peel a layer away and you’d have seen that they were actually living in hell.

  Lou’s mum and dad came to collect the boys this evening. Jamie answered the door and invited both of them in. Her dad wore beige chinos with a white linen shirt and a straw hat; he looked really cool. Her mum was the spit of Lou, same wild red hair and freckled nose, but slightly shorter and rounder than Lou. She looked glamorous, wearing a blue polka dot dress, a funky orange wooden necklace and matching orange leather, expensive-looking, ballet pumps. They introduced themselves with a hug – Tony and Jane. Jane gave me a huge, tight hug and I was enveloped in a cloud of Chanel No. 5. I knew it instantly because it was my mum’s perfume, and breathing it in hit me like a truck and I had to fight to hold back tears.

  It was clear they knew what David was; maybe not to the extent of it all but they were aware of some of his behaviours and the control he held over their only daughter and grandsons. They were good people, kind and genuine, and when we shouted the boys down, they gave their grandma and grandad the biggest hugs. It was clear how much they all loved each other and it made me happy that the boys would be well looked after in their care.

  They have a house here that they rent out via a firm in the summer, and luckily the changeover day is Monday so they called them when I originally rang to cancel all future bookings. She said they’ve had to pay a fee due to the short notice but they are fine with that. Their house, they tell me, is big enough for them all to stay in and they will be safe there.

  When they left Jamie told me he had already gone to see Megan and John to explain what had happened on Saturday and to apologise as Jacob had been here. They were really good about it all and Jamie said they were totally shocked. Like the rest of the town, they thought David and Lou were the perfect couple and that he was a decent guy. Another lesson of how we really have no clue as to what goes on behind closed doors …

  I didn’t eat again this evening, despite today’s promise to Jamie. My anxiety is just causing me to feel so sick and I can’t stomach anything. Once Lou is out of hospital and settled, I know I will feel better in myself and get back to normal – if ‘normal’ even exists any more; I think I’ve forgotten what that looks like. Living on adrenaline and nerves is no good for anyone.

  Wednesday

  Lou hasn’t heard from David, which is good, but I’m wondering if she misses him. He’s all she’s known for half her life and I imagine getting her head round everything while being stuck in hospital away from the boys is really shit.

  I’ve attempted to blitz the house tonight for Pat’s imminent arrival but it’s difficult. I haven’t had time to catch up with anything since the weekend and – to borrow a phrase from the woman herself – I feel like I’m just shovelling snow while it’s still snowing.

  Jamie has been so good. I’ve noticed that with him being around more to walk Stanley, our four-legged friend behaves so much better when I take him out and is now enjoyable to walk with. Nine times out of ten he comes back when called and he’s walking to heel most of the time. I take him to the beach almost every day and I find it clears my head as if I’ve done an hour of meditation.

  Laura has moved back in with her parents. She has visits from the crisis team through the week and has been diagnosed with personality disorder. She is on meds and attends therapy. Pete speaks to Jamie regularly. They take the kids out for dinner and a round of crazy golf every Wednesday. They have said Laura doesn’t look good at the minute, and still ‘isn’t well’. They don’t elaborate any more than that �
� but they’re sure the children seeing her right now wouldn’t be a good thing. I think it’s reassuring for Will and Ruby to see their grandparents weekly though, and that there is no animosity between any of us when they come to collect them. They leave the car in our drive and walk down into town. I know from Pete that the kids ask lots of questions about their mum which they answer as best they can, always assuring them how loved they are by her, but she’s unwell right now and is trying to get better. I believe Will and Ruby know they are good people, and their mum is in the best care – so for now, it’s all we can do.

  Jamie is working so hard and when he gets in from work, no matter how chaotic it is or how loud the kids are, he’s just loving and attentive to us all. He cracks jokes at the dinner table, and he’s gone out of his way to make everyone feel OK. I’ve always found him to be the most grounding presence in my life, and now relative calm has been restored to our lives.

  I catch myself looking at him and wondering what I did to deserve him, and when I say this to him, he just brushes it off and says he is equally as lucky to have me. I think that, despite us living in the eye of a storm right now, we’re all still doing OK …

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  Fresh Paint, Fresh Start

  Thursday

  I am so bloody grateful my mother-in-law rocked up with a tray of brownies this evening to make things better.

  I called Jaclyn this morning to arrange going over. Molly had stayed at our house so I thought I could pop in when I dropped her home. She didn’t answer. Molly assured me it would be fine to turn up, she was certain she would be there alone and expecting us.

  We arrived and the electric gates were closed. Molly knew the passcode for the side gate, so we parked the car on the road and walked up the drive. I’m sure the gates were the same as Lou and David’s. Maybe all rich people had the same electric gates.